It took a long time before Hunter finally managed to find Gray. The kid did a really good job hiding. Ayaw talagang magpahanap pero hindi rin naman sumuko si Hunter at nahanap na rin sa wakas ang kapatid.

We didn't have any idea what happened to Gray. After the game ended, nawalan na kami ng balita sa kanya matapos magpaalam na magbabakasyon pero hindi naman nagparamdam. We were all worried about him and we hoped that he was doing okay wherever he was.

But as we listened to Reyziel, Gray's girlfriend, telling us about his condition, I realized that even after the game ended, we were still not free from it. We couldn't avoid the aftermath of the game.

I balled my fist, trying to suppress my anger. How long will we all need to suffer before we can live normally? Before we can all live freely? How long will it take before all of us can finally enjoy... living our lives?

I took a deep breath and exhaled harshly. I looked at Hunter. The poor guy looked devastated. I know he did his best for his family and yet it seemed like it wasn't enough.

Bumaling ang tingin ko sa katabi n'ya. I wasn't surprised when I saw Ishtar looking at me. There was hope in her eyes when our gaze met.

Ramdam ko namang kanina n'ya pa ako tinitingnan, kahit habang nakikipag-usap s'ya. But I refused to meet her gaze. I couldn't even look at her anymore.

So, I looked down as I balled my fists again. Humigpit ang pagkakayukom ko sa mga kamao. I wanted to feel the pain as my nails dug onto my skin. But it wasn't enough. It took me a lot of restraint as I stopped myself from punching the table in front of me.

Fuck... I suddenly felt suffocated. Hindi ako makahinga. I wanted to get out of this place to escape. My chest tightened and I found it so hard to breathe.

Still, I remained on my seat. Pinilit ko ang sarili ko kahit ang gustong-gusto kong gawin ay lumabas na sa kwartong 'yon.

Seeing Ishtar always reminded me of these horrible feelings. Of Angela's death. Of how innocent Angela was and yet... And yet she died helplessly. And I wasn't able to do anything for her.

"Are you alright?" Loki asked me when we finally left the room. Pero hindi pa rin nawawala ang paninikip ng dibdib ko.

I looked behind him and saw that the door was closed. Mukhang naiwan sina Eresh at Reyziel sa loob.

"Yeah..." I said. Tumingin ako kay Loki. "Yeah. I'm okay."

He just stared at me. I know he could see the lies in my eyes. This guy's so damn good at reading people. That's why it was easy for him to manipulate them as well.

I smirked. Nakikita ko sa mga mata n'yang hindi s'ya naniniwala sa sinagot ko. I chuckled as I shook my head.

"Do me a favor and spare me of that look, will you?"

He sighed.

"I'm just truly worried about you, Lucius."

Mapait akong napangisi.

I know. I'm fucking aware of it. I fucking know that all of them were worried about me. They constantly checked on me as if thinking I might do something stupid out of grief.

And I will admit, I already thought a lot of times about ending my grief. Pero wala akong karapatang gawin 'yon. Wala akong karapatang maging masaya. Wala akong karapatang humiling na maging masaya sana ako.

I should suffer. I should bear the consequences of what happened to Angela. To the innocent life that ended because of me. Dahil kung hindi ko s'ya nakilala, kung hindi ko s'ya minahal, baka masaya pa rin sana s'yang nabubuhay ngayon.

Fuck... I shouldn't have hoped to have a normal life with her back then. Hindi na sana ako nangarap na mahalin din n'ya noon.

Mas gugustuhin kong hindi n'ya na lang ako nakilala. Baka sakaling buhay pa rin s'ya hanggang ngayon.

Angela... My sweet Angela...

"Lucius."

I stopped in my tracks when someone called my name. But when I realized who it was, I continued walking to where my big bike was. Ramdam ko ang pagsunod ni Ishtar sa 'kin.

"Lucius, please..." There was a plea in her voice.

Marahas akong napabuntong-hininga. Alam kong hindi n'ya ako titigilan kaya hinarap ko s'ya.

"Ano na naman ba'ng kailangan mo?" I didn't even try to hide my irritation.

Fucking damn it. Kaya ayokong nagkikita pa kami ng babaeng 'to.

"I just want to talk to you," she said.

"There's nothing for us to talk about."

Tinalikuran ko na s'ya. I took my helmet and got ready to wear it when she spoke again.

"I have a lot I want to say. Please, Lucius. Kahit sandali lang."

I gritted my teeth. I was trying my hardest to keep my anger in. Hindi ko gustong pagsisihan kung ano'ng pwede kong gawin nang dahil sa galit. Ayoko ring masaktan si Ishtar bilang respeto sa mga pinagsamahan namin noon.

But what about her though? Did she even respect what we had before? Did she respect Angela? Kahit bilang tao man lang?

No. She never did. All she cared about was herself.

It was so fucking unfair, right? How you're trying to understand and be considerate for someone pero hindi naman ganoon ang ginagawa nila. It was unfair how you're the one who should always understand them when they have always been so insensitive.

I looked at Ishtar again. This time, I know she could see so much anger in my eyes.

"Kailan mo ba maiintindihan, Ishtar, na ayaw na kitang makausap pa? I don't want to talk to you ever again. Ni hindi ko na nga magawang tingnan ka."

She flinched with my words. I saw her eyes teared up pero hindi man lang ako nakaramdam ng awa.

"You're never been this cruel back them, Lucius. No matter what I did before, you were always so forgiving. What happened to you?"

I frowned.

"Tinatanong mo talaga 'yan, Ishtar?" Hindi makapaniwala kong tanong.

"Ganyan ba ang naging epekto sa 'yo ni Angela? I knew she wasn't good for you!"

Humulagpos ang pinipigilan kong galit. I was blinded by rage that I could already see red. I grabbed Ishtar by the arm. She winced and cried in pain but I didn't care. I glared at her. Nakita ko sa wakas ang takot sa mga mata n'ya.

"With what I am feeling right now, I could fucking kill you, Ishtar," I said through gritted teeth. Nanginginig ang mga kalamnan ko sa galit at alam kong mas bumabaon pa ang mga daliri ko sa braso n'ya pero wala akong pakialam. I am so fucking done being considerate with her.

"You're hurting me, Lucius!" Nangilid ang luha sa mga mata n'ya pero hindi man lang ako naapektuhan. I was so fucking mad I was having a hard time to control it.

"Don't ever fucking say her name again with your filthy mouth, Ishtar!" gigil nang sabi ko. "Hindi ka ba nangingilabot sa ginawa mo sa kanya?"

She sobbed. She tried to take her arm from my grip but I held it tighter. Muli s'yang napahiyaw sa sakit.

"You killed her, Ishtar! You killed Angela! And I will never be able to fucking forgive you for that!"

"Woah! Lucius!" rinig kong sabi ni Creed nang makita kami. Mabilis s'yang lumapit sa 'min at sinubukang tanggalin ang pagkakahawak ko kay Ishtar pero mas hinigpitan ko lang ang kapit ko.

"Let go of her, Lucius," Hunter said. Nakalapit na rin s'ya  sa 'min at nakaalalay na kay Ishtar.

"C'mon, fucker..." Creed tried to take my hand off her. "Hindi mo gugustuhing pagsisihan 'to. Kumalma ka na."

I glared at Ishtar who was already crying. Mas lalo akong nagalit nang makita ko ang pag-iyak n'ya. Humigpit pa ang pagkakakapit ko sa braso n'ya at nataranta sina Hunter at Creed nang mapadaing si Ishtar sa sakit.

My chest was burning in rage when I saw her tears fall. She had no right to cry. She had no right to act as if she was hurting when she was the reason for all of this.

Ni wala s'yang karapatang umiyak sa harap ko. Wala s'yang karapatang kausapin ako. Wala s'yang karapatang banggitin ang pangalan ni Angela. She had no fucking right for everything.

Sobra-sobra ang galit na nararamdaman ko at alam kong sa galit ko, makakagawa ako ng bagay na hindi maganda. Hunter knew that. Creed knew that that's why they were trying to stop and calm me right now.

Kaya bago pa ako makagawa ng bagay na pagsisisihan ko, marahas kong binitiwan ang braso ni Ishtar. I took my helmet and put it on as I got on my big bike. I saw how Creed's eyes widened when I started the engine.

"Lucius! Kumalma ka muna! Baka maaksidente—"

Hindi ko s'ya pinansin. Creed's voice drowned by the loud sound of the engine as I drove away. Mabilis kong pinatakbo ang motor palayo sa lugar na 'yon.