My phone rang and I just ignored it. The sound echoed throughout the entire mausoleum, disturbing the silence that had been enveloping me since earlier. The silence was comfortable yet painful. The silence I wished would only be disturbed by one thing I longed to hear.

Her voice.

Pero hindi ang boses ng babaeng pinakamamahal ko ang umistorbo sa katahimikang iyon. It was the annoying ringtone of my phone. Hinayaan ko lang iyong mag-ring, annoyed that my peace got disturbed when I clearly told anyone not to bother me on this day.

I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. Ganoon naman ako palagi. Especially on the day of her death anniversary.

The ringing stopped but it wasn't long before my phone rang again. I exhaled harshly. Naiinis na kinuha ko iyon sa bulsa ng pantalong ko. I checked who the caller was and frowned when I saw it was Loki.

Pinag-isipan ko pa saglit kung sasagutin ang tawag o hindi. Of all people, Loki was the one who knew exactly what I would be doing for today. Because that's what I have been doing for years. And it was only this time that he disturbed me on this day.

In the end, I chose to answer his call. It might be something important.

"Hey."

"Lucius."

On the background, I heard someone yelled, "Sabi sa 'yo sasagutin n'yan 'pag ikaw tumawag!"

Bumalik ang pagkakakunot ng noo ko. I immediately regretted answering the call.

"Creed's with you?" I asked, slightly annoyed which Loki quickly noticed.

"I know, I know..." Loki said with a sigh. "But I'm afraid he isn't the only one here with me."

"EL Ordre?"

There was a pause. I was about to check if the call was still connected when Loki spoke again.

"And your... fuckers squad."

Natigilan ako. I put away the phone and stared at it instead. I got confused. I became unsure if it was Loki whom I was talking to or not. Marami pang tanong ang pumasok sa isip ko.

Why would they be together? EL Ordre and fuckers squad? Ibig sabihin, kasama rin nila sina Helios at Luther ngayon?

Helios? As in Helios Gallagher with the EL Ordre?

I couldn't even imagine.

"Bakit kayo magkakasama?" tanong kong litong-lito. I still have more questions to ask but I had to ask this one first as this was what confused me the most.

"Nasabi mo na?" rinig kong tanong ulit ni Creed sa kabilang linya. "Hindi pa? Ang tagal naman!"

"Why don't you talk to him instead?" Kalmado ang boses ni Loki pero alam kong naiinis na 'tong isang 'to. And it seemed like Creed noticed it too as he laughed.

"Hindi, sige, ikaw na. Baka hindi pa pumunta si Lucius 'pag nainis sa 'kin."

"Buti alam mo pa lang naiinis ang mga tao sa 'yo," Hunter's voice was faint in the background.

I looked at Angela's tombstone as I listened to the men bickering in the background. Despite the hollow feeling in my chest, a small smile crept on my lips. Especially when I heard Loki sigh as if he didn't want to be there but didn't really have a choice.

"So? Why are you guys together?" I asked.

"We're just thinking that if you'd like to do something different today, we could all hang out. We're all ready to hang out with you," he said. "But no pressure, man... If you prefer to be alone, then we'll respect that. It's just that... we want you to know that we're just here."

I didn't know what to say. Nanatili lang akong nakatitig sa pangalan ni Angela. Na kahit ilang taon na ang lumipas ay hindi ko pa rin mapaniwalaan na sa ganitong paraan ko na lang s'ya matitingnan.

"We want to be here for you on a day like this, Lucius," Loki continued. "As your friend... And as your family."

I had to swallow the lump that suddenly formed in my throat. I know. I always knew that they're always there for me. Dahil ganoon din naman ako sa kanila kung kailanganin man nila ako.

But this was the first time that they reached out to me on this day. They knew I always spend my whole day here in the mausoleum. At hindi nila ako iniistorbo sa ganitong pagkakataon. Ngayon lang.

I always got annoyed and irritated whenever someone tried to disturb me on Angela's death anniversary. Pero hindi ganoon ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.

"We're just here in your unit," sabi ni Loki na nagpawala agad sa gaan na naramdaman ko kanina lang.

I frowned.

"What? How—"

Natigilan agad ako sa itatanong ko pa lang sana.

Right. They're EL Ordre. Bakit pa ba ako magtataka kung paano sila nakapasok sa unit ko? At kahit hindi ko pa naririnig na nagsalita si L sa ingay ng mga boses sa background ni Loki, sigurado akong kasama rin s'ya roon.

I sighed. I stared at Angela's tombstone again.

Should I go?

I took a deep breath. I raked my fingers on my hair and thought deeply.

I don't know what to do. Actually, whenever this day came, I didn't really know what to do. Palagi kong binabalikan ang araw na 'yon, ang araw na nawala sa 'kin ang babaeng pinakamamahal ko at humihiling na sana ay isa lang 'yong masamang panaginip.

Pero kahit ano'ng gawin ko, hindi talaga ako magising.

I sighed. Sige... Kahit ngayon lang, susubukan ko muna 'to. Baka sakaling magising na ako sa masamang panaginip na 'to.

"I'll be there in a while," I said to Loki.

I heard him sigh in relief.

"Alright. We'll wait here."

Ibinaba ko ang tawag. I looked at Angela's tombstone again.

"I'll go now, love... Babalik ulit ako."

Nagbili muna ako sa caretaker na ayusin ang pagbabantay para wala na ulit makapasok sa mauseleom maliban sa 'kin. Bahagyang kumalma ang galit na naramdaman ko kanina dahil sa tawag ni Loki. But if any of that happens again, if that woman tried to do that again, I might do something worse on her.

I drove my way to the unit. Nang buksan ko ang pinto, nanibago pa ako sa ingay na sumalubong sa 'kin. Usually, silence will welcome me every time I open the door. Kaya bago sa 'kin ang ingay na nadatnan ko.

"Lucius, nandito ka na pala," si Creed ang unang nakapansin sa 'kin. Tumayo s'ya mula sa pagkakaupo sa sahig at nilapitan ako. "Sige, pasok lang. 'Wag kang mahihiya."

"Maraming salamat sa pagpapasok sa 'kin sa sarili kong unit," I said without any emotion but Creed laughed at that.

I stared at my friends. Pabilog silang nakaupo sa coffee table na nasa gitna. Beers and food were on the table. Loki was sitting on the one-seater sofa as well as L, who miraculously didn't have a laptop with him, he was sitting on the other one-seater sofa. Magkakatabi namang naukaupo sina Hunter, Luther, at Helios sa couch. Lumabas si Death mula sa kusina at naglapag ng panibagong pagkain sa lamesa. Tinabihan n'ya si Creed sa pagkakaupo sa carpeted floor.

I stared in disbelief. I know Loki already told me that they were all together but I still couldn't believe that they would all be together kahit nasa harap ko na silang lahat ngayon.

"Sa sahig ka na lang din maupo, Lucius," sabi ni Luther. Napailing na lang ako pero umupo na rin sa tabi ni Death. Hindi na ako nakapagreklamo.

"Hindi na ako magtatanong kung pa'no kayo nakapasok," I said as I reached for a beer in can. Binuksan ko iyon at agad na uminom.

"Sayang lang hindi tayo kumpleto," Creed said. "Wala si Kylo. Nasa honeymoon. Si Gon bumalik na sa Italy. Si Gray naman hindi pa rin mahanap ni Hunter. And Vander had that promise with Helios."

Tumango ako.

"Why do you all suddenly decide to disturb me today?" I asked. Mabilis kong inubos ang beer in can na hawak ko at kumuha pa ng isa.

Nagkatinginan sila. I looked at them through the rim of the canned beer as I drank it.

"We just want to be with you on this day, man," Helios said. Nakasandal s'ya sa couch. His legs spread slightly apart and he was holding a bottled beer.

"We should've done this a long time ago," Death said. "Pero masyado tayong naging abala sa game noon kaya hindi kami makakuha ng pagkakataon."

Ibinaba ko ang canned beer na hawak ko. The side of my lips rose.

"It's okay... Busy rin kayo sa mga pamilya n'yo," I said and diverted the topic. "Nasa'n nga pala ang mga asawa n'yo?"

By the mention of their wives, I saw how each of their eyes lit up. I groaned as I shook my head and drank my beer again.

Fucking pussy whipped.

"Magkakasama rin sila. Kasama rin 'yung mga bata," Creed said before he looked at Death beside him. "Bakit walang lumpiang shainghai na kasama sa pulutan?"

Death frowned at him.

"Sa tingin mo may oras pa 'kong magbalot ng lumpia?"

"May lumpiang shanghai sa convenience store sa baba," Luther said but Creed shook his head.

"Ayoko. Processed food 'yon. Hindi healthy."

"Ikaw na nga 'yung nag-demand, ikaw pa 'yung mapili," Hunter said in annoyance.

Creed chuckled.

"Sa lumpiang shanghai lang naman!"

Napailing ako. I drank my beer again and glanced at L who was just silently drinking his beer. Mukhang napansin din ni Creed kaya hindi na ako nagtaka nang si L naman ang kulitin n'ya.

"L, sino ang mas nami-miss mo ngayon?" he asked. "'Yung laptop mo o 'yung asawa't anak mo?"

L just rolled his eyes at him. Hindi pinansin at uminom na lang sa beer na hawak n'ya.

Napangisi ako. Tarantado talaga 'tong si Creed. Hindi na ako magtataka kung isang araw mabigwasan na lang s'ya ng isa sa mga kaibigan namin.

"Buti wala si Kylo ngayon," Hunter said. "Magpapaulan na naman 'yon ng mura sa 'yo."

Malakas ang naging tawa ni Creed doon. Then he smirked afterward. As if he was thinking of doing something horrible.

"Sa tingin ko malapit na 'kong makabawi kay Kylo," he said. May ngisi sa mga labing nakakairitang makita. Parang may alam s'yang hindi namin alam.

"What are you talking about?" Loki asked. It looked as if he didn't want to be clueless when Creed definitely knew something.

But Creed just shrugged his shoulders. Kumuha s'ya ng isa sa pulutang nakahanda. Loki stared at him as if he was trying to observe Creed. Natawa na lang ako.

"Lucius, can I ask you a favor?" sabi ni Helios kaya napatingin ako sa kanya. "If you;re not busy, can you train Zephyrus?"

Napakunot ang noo ko. Kumuha na rin ako ng isa sa pulutang nasa lamesa at kumain.

"Why?" I asked.

"So, he can protect the family just in case mawala ako."

We all frowned at that. Lalo na si Hunter na katabi n'ya.

"Wait, whoa... Helios, my man... Ano'ng sinasabi mong mawala?" Hunter asked.

"You know how many enemies I have in business," Helios said as he shrugged his shoulders. "I just want to secure my family's protection. Especially Summer since she will inherit the entire Gallagher Empire."

Natahimik kami roon. We all knew that feeling. We all experienced that feeling. Alam kong kahit tapos na ang laro, lahat sila ay nag-aalala pa rin sa kaligtasan ng pamilya nila.

"'Yan kasi... Devil in a business suit pa," Creed said and he earned a glare from the devil in a business suit himself.

"Shut up, fucker." Helios looked at me. "Will you do it?"

Tinitigan ko lang si Helios habang pinag-iisipan ang sinabi n'ya. I knew he really wanted to make sure of his family's safety pero alam ko ring sa akin n'ya mismo inalok iyon para may oagkaabalahan ako bukod sa negosyo. And to take my mind off my grief.

I took a deep breath. Uminom muna ulit ako ng beer bago s'ya tinanguan.

"I'll do it. Pero hanggang sa mag-pitong taon lang si Zrain."

"Why?" Helios asked with a frown.

"I don't want to ruin his childhood."

Helios considered that. He nodded.

"Alright. I'll owe this to you, fucker."

Natawa ako. I raised my beer in a can at him and he raised his bottled beer. We sealed that deal with a cheer.

Tahimik na lang akong uminom ng beer pagkatapos. Ang iba ay nagkaroon ng sariling usapan. I could even hear Death complaining dahil mas mabilis pa raw maubos ang pulutan kaysa sa beer kahit kaluluto n'ya pa lang ng bago.

While I just stared at my beer. Muli kong naalala kung ano'ng araw ngayon at kung bakit nandito ang mga kaibigan ko. They managed to take my mind off it for a while pro muling sumasagi sa isip ko ang katotohanan kapag natatahimik ako.

I knew they were doing their best to cheer me up, to be with me here today. Alam ko ring iniiwasan nilang magbanggit ng tungkol doon but... I hated how it became a sensitive topic for us.

I heard Loki take a deep breath. He even exhaled harshly which made me look at him. Nakatingin na pala s'ya sa 'kin.

"Can you tell us about her?" he asked. "Angela."

Biglang natahimik ang buong unit. They all looked at Loki first before their gaze turned to me. Walang nagsalita sa kanila. And I realized that all of them wanted to ask that too. Naghihintay lang ng pagkakataon.

It wasn't a sensitive topic as I've thought of. They were just waiting for the right moment to ask.

"I want to hear more about her," Loki said. "I wanted to meet her actually."

"Me too," Hunter said. "You fell deeply in love with her. She must've been such a wonderful person."

"Yeah... Hindi ka pa naman mabilis ma-in love," Creed seconded. "Si Angela ang unang babaeng minahal mo."

"And the last woman I'll ever love," I said.

I looked at them. Lahat sila ay nakatingin sa 'kin, nag-aabang ng sasabihin ko. I rarely talked about her with them. Ang hirap kasing magkwento. Ang hirap maramdaman ulit ang sakit. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi ko kakayanin ang magkwento sa kanila nang maayos.

"We're not forcing you to talk if you don't want to, Lucius," si L na sa wakas ay nagsalita na rin. Despite the sadness in my chest, bahagya tuloy akong napangiti.

"Kung gusto mo lang namang magkwento," Death said. "And if you're ready."

Napatitig ulit ako sa beer na hawak ko. Maya-maya ay uminom pero wala na pa lang laman. I took another beer in can and drank it straight till its last drop.

It's okay... These men are my family.

"She is. I mean, she was," I corrected and looked at them. "She was the most amazing and wonderful woman I'd ever met."

Napalunok ako. Iyon pa lang ang nasasabi ko pero hindi ko na makaya ang sakit sa dibdib ko.

"I fell in love with her so fast because she was such a good person that I couldn't even believe na may taong gano'ng kabait na gaya n'ya. She was like an angel. The most beautiful woman I'd seen. Bagay na bagay sa kanya ang pangalan n'ya."

I had to stop because I choked on my words. Kumuha ulit ako ng alak at uminom doon. Walang nagsalita sa kanila habang umiinom ako.

It hurts so fucking much to talk about her in past tense. Mas nakukumpirma lang no'n na wala na nga s'ya sa mundong 'to. And she was only existing in my memories now. Alaala na lang s'ya. Such bittersweet memories.

"Ang akala n'ya mahirap ako. Walang trabaho," I continued with a smile. "And even though she didn't have much, she was still willing to help me. Ganoon s'ya kabait. Namatay s'ya nang hindi n'ya nalalaman kung sino talaga 'ko."

Hindi ko namalayan ang pagtulo ng luha ko pero mabilis ko rin iyong pinunasan. I laughed at the memories, those funny moments I had with her. Pero kahit ang pagtawa ko ay punong-puno ng pait at sakit.

"Sana nakilala ko s'ya," sabi ni Creed matapos ng ilang sandaling katahimikan.

"'Wag na," Hunter said. "Mabait nga raw 'yung tao. Baka maubos lang ang pasensya sa 'yo."

Creed looked at him, clearly offended.

"Bakit? Mabait din naman ako, ah?"

"Creed, kahit pa ang mga santo, mauubos talaga ng pasensya sa 'yo."

Nagsimulang magtalo ang dalawa. Napangisi na lang ako at napailing bago muling tiningnan silang lahat.

They were here for me. They were doing their best to be here for me. To let me know that I'm not alone. Na nakahanda silang damayan ako.

I was thankful for them, for doing this. Kahit na alam kong sobrang busy na rin nila sa kanya-knya nilang mga pamilya.

They are wonderful people as well and I'm lucky to have them. How I wished that Angela could've met these wonderful chaotic people too.

Pero wala. Hindi na mangyayari 'yon

Napayuko ako. Nag-init ang mga mata ko at hindi ko na napigilan ang mapaluha. My tears fell straight down on the carpeted floor. Kasabay noon ay ang pag-alog ng mga balikat ko.

I cried silently but my friends noticed it. Naramdaman ko ang marahang pagtapik ni Death sa mga balikat ko.

"We're just here, man..." I heard Hunter say. "Nandito lang kami."

And it was enough. Those words were more than enough for me instead of any awkward advice.

And that day, on Angela's death anniversary, I cried in front of my friends.