"She seems to be doing better these last few days." Lucas spoke to Max, the both of them watching the girl hand out flyers for the toy drive the school was hosting, her job as student body president to get everyone interested in coming.

"She is." Max nodded, knowing what Lucas was talking about. "I think she just gets in her head too much."

"Maybe." Lucas agreed with her. "But most people that get into their head don't stay in their room for an entire week, barley eat anything, and don't even get out of bed to shower."

It was happening more and more with Clove, but no one truly knew what was bothering her so much, especially not a group of freshmen. They'd all known Clove had always been extremely insecure in herself, her sexuality, her relationships, her life in general, but that wasn't something to drive her to whatever it was she went through ever now and then. Truth was, she's be happy and okay most days, most weeks actually, sometimes even months, and then out of no where, nothing to even trigger or hurt her, she's fall into some sort of black hole. She hadn't moved from bed, wouldn't talk, barley ate, didn't take care of herself. It was terrifying, and the worst part was how it just randomly hit her, and no one knew what to do about it. And then it would stop.

"She's doing good this week." Max smiled as she watched her girlfriend smile and laugh at the students, handing the flyers out and chatting them up as much as she could. "She's amazing."

Lucas nodded his head, watching his life long friend. "What do her parents think?"

"They won't say anything. It's like they're scared to talk about it." Max said honestly, shaking her head. "She doesn't have enough confidence, I think she just gets scared and shuts off sometimes. Explains why she's so flaky all the time, you know?"

"Well, yeah. The worlds not really accepting at all." Lucas had to point out, because he felt like he was the only one that truly would say anything out loud. "She's been bullied her entire life, not to mention her isn't exactly like everyone else in the relationships department. Obviously, she's insecure."

"So what are you trying to say? You think something is wrong and she's not talking to us?" Max looked over, because he kept hinting at something that she wasn't completely sure of.

"I'm just saying that m-" Lucas began, being cut off.

"This winter is so much colder then last winter." Clove spoke as she walked toward the two. Her now bleached hair, getting it done right before going back to school, bounced around her shoulders as she walked down the side walk. Her red lips, a new look she started doing, stood out against the red sweater she wore. "What if we're secretly trapped in a snow globe?"

"A snow globe?" Max rose her eyebrows, hiding her smile.

"Is it really unlikely at this point?" Clove asked, taking her bag from Lucas. "Thank you, sir. Can I count on you to come to the toy drive?"

"Would you hate me if I didn't?" Lucas winced.

"Well, no." Clove pointed out with a look off. "I'd probably just give you the cold shoulder, not invite you to my birthday tonight, and most likely disown you from the party."

"I'll be there." Lucas said, making the blonde grin. Max held her skateboard, standing next to her as their hands brushed a second. Clove has shot up a bit since summer, standing an inch taller then Max now, which she relentlessly pointed out considering Max use to be taller then her. "Are you sure your dad is cool with you having a party?"

"He encouraged it." Clove snorted slightly, pulling her backpack onto her shoulders. "He's living his dream through me. You know he lost the vote for student council back in the day."

"We all knew you'd win." Max pointed out with a grin her way. "I mean, you've done so much for the school already."

Clove flushed. "Don't flatter me, you know I get emotional on holidays. I might burst out into tears any second now?"

"I know." Max linked their arms. Lucas watched Clove in minor worry. "Your parties gonna be amazing."

"I just wish El and Will would be here for it." Clove said honestly, the two not coming for another week and Clove not liking the ideas of celebrating her birthday later then it already was.

"They wish they were here too." Max nodded, kicking her skateboard on the ground.

Clove climbed in first, holding her hand out for Max. "Climb aboard, fair maiden, for I shall forever be in your destination route."

"You're such a nerd." Lucas shook his head as he began to walk off. "I'll see you tonight."

"Maybe shower before you do!" Max called to him, climbing onto her board as she guided, Clove in the front because it was easier to control.

Clove sat in her room, her messy room. Stella had offered to help her clean it but the blonde didn't want to. She would just shut it off for the night, locking it. The more she thought about her birthday, the more she wished it wasn't happening. Just this morning she was so happy, so many people from school saying they were coming, and now all she wanted to do was cancel it.

She looked in the mirror, the black dress on her body just not feeling right. Too much skin. Too tight. Too plain. Too much. People would talk. People would have something to say. She stripped it clean, pulling a green sweater on with a black skirt. She didn't give herself the chance to analyze anything, keeping her eyes away from the mirror. She heard her family in the living room, her grandparents, her aunt and uncle. Her parents.

Max. Clove thought about Max. She'd meet her extended family for the first time tonight. What wound she address her as? Her friend? No, she wasn't just a friend. Her girlfriend? Yes, her girlfriend, but could she say it? She wasn't ashamed of Max, no, Max was the person she was most proud of and she loved her to death. She wasn't scared her family weren't accepting, they were, Uncle Murray was gay and they all knew and accepted him. What was it? Why was she so terrified to say she liked girl to anyone outside her friends and parents? Why was it so hard? Why did she feel this way? Why was it such a big deal to her? Why was she so insecure in her sexuality and who she was?

Clove paced around her room, holding her head as so many thoughts ran through her brain. She hadn't even heard the door open until Max's voice rung. "Hey."

Clove turned to her, Max saw the stress on her face. "What's wrong?"

"I don't wanna do this." Clove shook her head as Max stepped over all the clothes on the floor. The blonde sighed. "I don't wanna do this."

"Hey, what's going on?" Max asked in worry, holding her waist. Was it starting to happen again? Was she about to shut down and not move for a week straight? Two weeks?

"I don't wanna do the party. I don't." Clove shook her head quickly, her voice broke as she looked to the door. "I can't deal with everyone right now. I don't want them all-"

She didn't finish what she was shaking, shaking her head as she turned around. Max frowned, wrapping her arms around Cloves waist and digging her chin into her shoulder. "You were so excited."

"I know." the Reyes girl mumbled. "I know. I know. I'm being ridiculous. Let's just go out there."

Max latched onto her wrist before she could go. "Hey. It's okay, just take a breath for a second."

Clove paused, grabbing Max's hand around her wrist. She let go, holding her face and pulling her into a tender, hard kiss. Max kissed her back, obviously. Clove pulled back with an exhale. "Sorry."

"For kissing me?" the redhead cracked a grin at her. "No apology needed."

Clove smiled, shaking her head. "I know i've been, for the past year, kinda difficult on your half."

"You're not difficult." Max shook her head. She was, truly, so difficult. But it was okay. She was difficult but it didn't matter because she was still her, she was Clove, and anyone would be insane to not want her.

"I just panic and over think everything." Clove admitted, which is why Max never understood why Lucas tried to make it into something else. She trusted Cloves word, she would listen to her. And if she said she just over thinks things, then that's all it is. "I get worried about...everything and what they're thinking around me."

"You're perfect." Max reassured her, a small nod. "Are you okay?"

The blonde blinked. Was she okay? "I'm great."

Then she smiled, and it put Max in a daze of her beauty.

"Mike always gets me super amazing gifts, come on." the taller girl smiled, latching onto Max's hand and pulling her from the room. Clove made sure to lock it from the outside before they made it through the large house. Stella was talking with her mother, Max saw how similar Clove looked to her family now that she had blonde rather then her brunette hair. The same nose shape, the droopy eyes, the dark, chocolate eyes that intimidated the hell out of you.

"Michael!" Clove through her arms around Mike tightly as they rocked. "This is the first year we didn't match sweaters."

"I kinda wish we did." he admitted, wrapping his arm around her. "Come on, I gotta show you something."

Max gave her a cheeky grin, nodded for her to go. As the pair left, Cloves grandmother, who was petting Buttercup, smiled. "She's gotten so tall."

"She's gonna pass me up." Stella laughed.

"Her hairs gonna get brassy." the older woman went on. "I don't think she should have dyed her hair like that."

"She likes it. And we've been taking care of it well." Stella reassured her. Max messed with the punch bowl, listening in on the conversation.

"She's gained a little bit of weight." she went on.

"Mom." Stella scolded her. "Nothings wrong with that. She's growing up, she's filling out."

"I'm just worried she isn't taking care of herself." the old woman went on to her daughter. "And that skirt is so short on her. You and Leven really allow het to wear that? She's just gotten into high school."

Before Stella could go on, words were flying out of Max's mouth before she could even stop herself. She turned on her heels to look at the old woman."You know, do you realize how much damage you're doing by saying all this bullshit?"

Mike and Clove crept in from the back door, pausing. Max couldn't see them, but they wouldn't move to give it away.

"It doesn't matter what you say or feel about her hair, she loves it, and she looks cute with blonde hair. And weather or not she's gained weight shouldn't even matter because she looked amazing, she always looks amazing and the fact that you're saying something about every single thing is ridiculous." Max stared at her in disbelief, the house going quiet as they all watched the teen yell at the old woman. "Her skirts aren't too short either, and who cared if they were? She likes them. Isn't that all that should matter? You're just pushing insecurities onto her that she doesn't need. Clove is perfect just the way she is. Sorry you're too old school to see it."

It seemed at though she was done now, her face red while everyone stared. Clove walked forward, grabbing Max's arm to pull her with her slightly. The redhead began to feel bad when they went outside, the snow falling down on them. Max shook her head. "I'm sorry, C. I didn't-"

She was cut off by Clove grabbed her by the face, pulling her into a kiss. Max was taken back by the action, the last thing she expected. When they pulled apart, Max stared at her. Clove gave a tiny smile. "No one's even stood up for me like that before."

A smirk went across the Mayfield girls lips. "Get use to it, blondie. I'm not gonna let anyone talk about you like that."

Clove flushed, putting her arms around her neck as they kissed again.

•

kylie speaks

omg hey babes. screaming.
crying. throwing up. MERRY
CHRISTMAS IF YOU CELEBRATE IT, THIS IS YOUR
GIFT FOR THE HOLIDAYS UNTIL SEASON FOUR DROPS!
i'm really excited to dive in to
cloves character more because
in season two and three i've
hinted heavily at how bad
cloves insecures truly are and
a lot of the people in the comments totally misjudged
that and took it as she was a
bad person/gf, but she isn't,
it's so much deeper then that!
also her mental health is one
that i've also hinted at, but ofc
no one caught on, too busy
calling her a cry baby. coming
from someone who has battled
with depression my entire life,
writing cloves character in season two and three was
how it started for me before it
got worse when i hit my core
teen years, which is the entire
process i'm getting at with
clove. i'm all good now and on
medicine, but i really wanted to
express and show the true story
with mental illness in a character and clove has always
been the ones i've planned to do
it with, but it took some time
leading up to it. so for everyone
who was a dick in the comments
about how she was at certain
times, take a second to realize
that she was written that way to
express the real and true insecurities that teenage girls,
and people that are trying to
accept themselves, face daily
and that a lot of it was leading
up to mental illness for season
four. this is real, the reality some face daily and i just want
to be able to educate people on
not only the signs, but also how
serious it truly is so they can
stop viewing people as "cry babies" and "bad girlfriends"
all around, clove means so much to me because she came from real life experience and i'm
very excited to have her back
for season four. i miss you guys
so much and hope to see you
soon, enjoy your christmas and
i hope you've liked the gift i've
given today!! x