For the next few days, Lily and I go on a strict diet for our skin routine. We eat two salads a day, drink only water and tea, and get our beauty sleep. Meaning I can't sext late at night.

Our beauty care includes Clinique blackhead solution, which works for pores and doubles as a cleanse and a mask. Aloe Vera, glycolic acid, almond oil, and expensive ass sunscreen. Lancôme AquaGel, a primer, moisturizer, and SPF 50 all in one. The total is over $250 at Macy's checkout. "Are you sure we can't just go to Walmart?" I ask.

"The pricy shit works...a lot of those Walmart products still have scrubbing beads, which is horrible. We'll see a huge difference using these." She digs into her black crossbody bag. "Also, I'm using credit." A Tinder notification bings from my phone, but I don't rush to answer it. Lil swipes her card and side-eyes me. "Are you still icing him out?"

"Umm...no, I'm just doing damage control."

"Sounds like you are. It's not Brad's fault you jumped his bones. Maddy, you can't freeze him out."

"I know..."

"He definitely wants sex now."

"No, he doesn't. Brad hasn't said that."

"He's being nice, that's why."

"I got it under control. He's just another one of my sext guys since I messed up a normal date."

On the way out of the overpriced store, we descend the mall escalators and stroll past shops. Consumers run in and out with loaded hands and swinging bags. We pass a corner store full of sweets, boba tea, chips, and candy. I damn near slobber at the deliciousness. "Look away; we're doing good." Lil takes me by the chin and shifts my head forward.

"How about just one cookie?" I grumble.

"Nope, leave that toxic shit alone. Did you know that sugar shuts down cells in your brain? I'll send you a video to scare you straight."

Instead of spending a night alone, I go to Jessica's place. She has the table set with Chicken Alfredo, veggie platters, and organic cranberry juice, without the heaps of sugar. "I made a little cheat meal to celebrate y'all skincare achievement." Jess points to the Alfredo.

"Oh no, it's not healthy?" Lil groans.

"I used reduced cheese; the pasta is full of carbs, though."

My eyes lock on the steaming pasta. The fact that it's not entirely healthy makes me want it more. "We can eat it, Lil. It's not like it's chocolate and ice cream." My tastebuds inflame at the mention of these sweets.

"I guess..." When we take our seats, a buzz jiggles my back pocket. "Answer that boy; he'll never stop if you don't."

I stubbornly tighten my lips. "Not yet. I want to reset what happened."

"Babe, please tell her she can't undo grinding on someone?"

Jessica nods while adding food to a plate. "You can't. Once you feel someone, there's nothing you can do about it."

"I think waiting a few more days will do the trick."

"Or just fuck him, and move on," Jess says casually as she hands her bae a plate of food, then starts on the next.

"Nah, she can't do that. She's saving herself, remember?"

"Oh." Jessica's eyes widen. "Sorry, I forgot you're a virgin...you sure weren't acting like one." She gives me a plate of food, then passes out cranberry drinks.

"Our Maddy felt a dick for the first time and went crazy."

"I didn't go crazy."

"You did...it's alright, though. Just don't do it again if you want to keep yourself saved for the hunk at work."

"Lil told me. Why haven't you talked to him?"

"Because, as she knows," I grit my teeth at my bestie, "that guy is out of my league."

"I don't know about that. You're not ugly."

"I'm not saying that. I'm just on a lower level compared to him."

"How do you know that for sure?" Jessica contends.

"Oh, let me see, it's been a year of me watching him and him never looking my way. That's a strong enough hint." I express my words with sheer irritation.

"Let's eat!" Lil says loudly to end the argument. I'm glad that she squashed the conversation. I'm sick of being paired with someone who isn't into me. At least Brad is showing interest. I'm sure the rich guy is a snob and turns down girls left and right. How is it he never looked my way?? Am I that plain? Is my level not high enough?

I never actually asked a guy to rate me. I should. As if reading my mind, Brad messages. I poke at the pasta with a fork, debating if I should respond. I want to go a few more days until Brad has come down from that night. Then I can add him to my sext collection.

But our physical connection addicted me. I masturbate more than usual these past days, visualizing a dick replacing my hands. I stopped myself from popping my cherry because I wanted deeper penetration. Topical stimulation is losing its value. I can't give in to the desire...I have to stick to my plan to marry first. I need a reset so I can go back to sending dirty messages, and only that.

Once I'm at home, I change into my PJs and lie in bed. I read my Tinder chats. I have 35 new messages. I view a few of them:

What else would you like to suckle?

Can you send me pics? Here's my snap.

Okay, when are you free to meet up?

I'll have you scorching like a mini volcano down there, baby 🔥💦

Can we FaceTime now?

Brad: I hope that wasn't a one-night stand.

What do I do? Should I keep ignoring his texts? He was nice. A lot nicer than I thought a guy could be after being used. I can't have him thinking I'm the type to meet up, then erase. I have to reply. Me: It wasn't

Brad: Why does it feel like it was?

Me: I don't do that. It's a lot to explain.

Brad: I don't mind. I want to know.

Me: I went overboard that night...I never had a physical connection before.

Brad: Huh?

Me: I'm a virgin.

Brad: No way 😮 , ur pranking me

Me: I'm not 😂

Brad: You weren't acting like one...

Me: Please enlighten me on how a virgin should act?

Brad: You know...innocent and reserved.

Me: So you think all of us should behave that way?

Brad: No...it's just how I assume one behaves.

Me: Let me guess, because of movies?

Brad: Maybe🤔

Me: That's an overdramatized view. Yes, I'm innocent, but to a certain extent.

Brad: That's what I like about you. Like I said, you have a good, bad thing going on. I just don't believe you're a V. You had to do something before.

Me: I made out with a crush in high school. It was strictly kissing. Other than that, no.

Brad: So you're telling me you're completely unpenetrated???

Me: I wouldn't say completely...I felt you slip in my crack 😳.

That's where I leave the conversation....it's all about luring guys in and toying with their anticipation. I lock my phone, sit it on a nightstand and click off the light. Buzzes from my phone make me grin. About three replies bounce it back and forth on the wood surface. I close my eyes with a naughty smile and prepare for sleep.

#Romance
#Love