Chapter 25

I was starting to believe that I never really had any friends.

I did receive texts...

But they were all just asking about Finley. Not once did they ask about me—or if okay lang ba ako... kung may balak pa ba akong pumasok sa school...

Or at least kung totoo ba iyong mga naka-lagay sa blog na 'yon.

What?

Was it just accepted as the truth?

So, on the third day, I forced myself to get out of bed and to stop moping around. I dragged myself to take a bath. Then made sure that I look pretty... because I knew that once I step foot inside that school, it's tantamount to being put under the microscope. Alam ko na titinignan nila bawat galaw ko. And I shouldn't give them any ammunition against me.

"Hey," Finley said when he answered the call.

"Where are you?" I asked.

"House. But on my way to school," he replied. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I replied and even nodded kahit wala naman siya sa harap ko. Maybe I just needed some more convincing na okay ako. Maybe I could convince myself, too. "Wanna go to school together?"

There was a lull for a few seconds.

"On my way," he, then, said.

The past few days, hindi kami nag-uusap ni Finley masyado. I'd reply kapag may text siya, but my replies were short. Wala kasi talaga ako sa mood. Every time I'd see his name, I was reminded doon sa mga gossip about us... And I knew that it's unfair kasi wala namang ginawa si Finley.

Still, since when were feelings ever rational?

You just feel what you feel.

Finley probably missed me—or he probably was just worried. He didn't end the call all while he's driving para sunduin ako. Nung sinabi niya na malapit na siya, I told him to just pull over in front of the building.

"You sure?" he asked.

"Yeah," I replied. I mean, what's the sense? Alam naman na sa buong school iyong tungkol sa amin. Might as well just give them something more to talk about.

Was it karma? Kasi pagbukas nung elevator, agad na nakita ko si Mandie. I drew a deep breath before I stepped in. She was looking at me through the reflection on the elevator door. I stared back. I was seriously tired of feeling bad for myself.

Finley's my boyfriend.

Yes, he gave me gifts.

Why was that anyone's business?!

"Got something to say?" I asked with my brow arched.

Mandie just looked at me and gave me a very fake smile. Suffice to say, the rest of the way down was very awkward.

Pagbukas ng elevator, naglakad na ako palabas. I didn't look back to check kung pinapanood ni Mandie kung saan ako papunta. For sure, kakalat naman agad sa grapevines kapag nakita na sabay kaming pumasok sa school ni Finley.

"Good morning," I said when I got inside Finley's car. "What?" I asked when I saw Finley just looking at me. His forehead's slightly creased.

"You don't have to pretend in front of me," he said.

"I'm not pretending," I replied as I wore the seatbelt.

Hindi siya nagsalita.

The ride was awfully quiet—so quiet that I turned on the radio because the lull was driving me crazy. Ayoko pala ng tahimik. Bigla kong naisip kung ano iyong mangyayari pagdating namin sa school. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I should've skipped school for the whole week instead. Maybe I should—

"Maia."

Agad na napa-tingin ako kay Finley.

"Oh... We're here already," I managed to say upon realizing na nasa school na kami. I was in my head too much na hindi ko napansin na nandito na kami.

God, I'd been overthinking a lot the past few days. I was so tired. I just wanted to have a break. Pero kahit yata saan ako pumunta, hahabulin pa rin ako ng mga bagay na iniisip ko.

"Are you sure you're good?" Finley asked.

"Yup," I replied with a smile on my face.

Baka ito iyong sinasabi nila na sometimes, you just have to fake it until you make it.

Finley didn't say a word, but the look on his face told me that there was no way he believed my lie. Instead, I unbuckled the seatbelt. I checked my appearance on the mirror once again. After I made sure that I looked good, tumingin ako kay Finley.

"I'm fine," I assured him.

I mean, I really wasn't, but I will be fine.

It wasn't like I have a choice.

When we got out of the car, may mga naka-tingin sa amin. Of course. I already expected it. Napa-tingin ako kay Finley. Naka-tingin na pala siya sa akin.

"I'll walk you to class," he said.

"Okay," I replied.

We were walking side by side. I could hear the beating of my own heart. I walked this path a thousand of times before, but now? It was like this was my first time treading this path and I felt like I'd trip at any given moment.

I also ignored Finley's glances. I knew he's just worried about me, but it wasn't like he could stay with me for the whole day. Hindi naman kami same ng strand. Nasa ibang building pa nga siya.

"What?" I asked when he held my arm nung malapit na kami sa building ko. I turned and looked at Finley.

"Text me," he said. "If anything happens."

"Sure," I replied. "But I'll be fine. I'm going to class, not to war."

But my attempt at humor didn't fly. He was just staring at me with that small crease on his forehead. I looked at him and smiled—this time, my smile was real... I hoped it was convincing. I just didn't want him to worry too much about me.

"I promise I'll text you if something happens," I told him.

"Let's just skip class."

"Three days na akong wala sa school," I said. "Besides, I doubt if they'll do anything to me. I'm your girlfriend, duh. They know how vindictive you are," I continued, kidding.

"You're right," he said.

"That you're vindictive?"

"Yes," he replied. "But also, that you're my girlfriend," he continued and tucked a portion of my hair behind my ear. I could see eyes watching us. I didn't know if Finley was intentionally doing this so everyone can see us.

It was probably weird for them.

We all knew Finley—we all practically grew up together. We all knew Finley as this... arrogant person who doesn't really care about anyone or anything except basketball. I knew it was weird for them to see him act like this towards me.

That's why they probably believed that I 'seduced' him.

"Just ignore them," he said. "They're just jealous because you got me." I frowned at him. He chuckled. "But seriously, just ignore those losers. They probably have very boring lives, so they're very interested in ours."

"Right."

I gave him a tightlipped smile. Finley looked at me like he wanted to give me some more peptalk, but decided against it. We just quietly resumed walking. I gave him a small wave bago ako pumasok sa classroom. I quietly walked towards my seat. I was very much aware na naka-tingin sa akin iyong mga tao sa classroom. I was so tempted to ask them 'what are you looking at' but I didn't want to aggravate the situation even more.

Ilang buwan pa iyong natitira sa schoolyear. Ayoko namang magdrop. I just needed to tough it out. I'd go to my classes and then I'd go home. Just do those things hanggang maka-graduate. Siguro naman kapag college na ako, wala ng ganitong issue.

I pretended not to notice the stares and focused on writing down notes sa kung anuman ang sinasabi ng teacher namin. Once it was announced na breaktime na, mabilis akong lumabas sa classroom.

I felt so suffocated.

I wanted to cry.

I had no tears anymore.

So, I was just left with this hollow feeling inside my chest.

* * *

I survived Thursday.

But then Friday came.

Finley told me na sabay kaming magla-lunch. Hindi kasi kami sabay kahapon. I spent the lunchbreak on the rooftop. Finley was horrified nung nalaman niya. I quickly told him that I was just there to get some air. He didn't believe me.

We were supposed to play volleyball. I was assigned to a team. Habang nagme-meeting sila, nandon lang ako. I told myself I'll just get out of their way. I didn't want any trouble. I just wanted to get through this day. Weekend naman na bukas.

"Oh, my god. Sorry, sir!" she said kahit na ako iyong natamaan nung bola nung nagspike siya. Why was she apologizing to our teacher?

"Are you okay?" tanong sa akin.

"Yup," I replied as I held my right arm. I felt the sting. But I didn't want to make an even bigger deal out of this.

It happened two more times before our teacher understood what was really happening. I was excused from the game and was sent to the clinic. I didn't even say anything and just quietly walked away.

But as I was walking, I felt the tears running down my face.

Nang mapa-tingin ako sa harapan ko, I saw some students watching me. When they saw me looking, they just stared back at me but didn't say anything.

Why couldn't they just say what they want to my face? I'd rather have that than to be treated like an outcast. Or for them to pretend that I wasn't even here.

It hasn't even been a week...

How do I survive this?

**

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