Chapter 14

I felt like I was in some sort of... simulation.

Because how on earth was I in the middle of New York city, walking at night while holding Finley's hand?! He literally hasn't let go of my hand yet! I felt like I was gonna die earlier nung nasa hotel pa kami and he was holding my hand habang nagla-lakad kami sa may lobby. Mabuti na lang at wala pa iyong schoolmates namin. Like imagine what would've happened if nakita nila kami na holding hands?!

"What do you want? Kanina pa tayo nagla-lakad," he said.

"I'm not hungry," I replied. Kapag talaga marami akong iniisip, hindi ako nakakaramdam ng gutom. Come to think of it, I lost a lot of weight recently because of my family situation.

"Pano mo iniinom 'yung gamot mo?" he asked, looking at me with his forehead a bit creased. "Di mo iniinom?"

"I'm fine—"

Before pa ako matapos sa answer ko, I felt his hand on my forehead again. I tried to slap his hand away, but he was much stronger than I was. Naka-tayo lang siya roon for a few seconds like he was trying to figure out if may sakit pa rin ako.

"You don't want to eat anything?" he asked.

"No."

"Fine. I'll decide."

For a minute, we were just standing in the middle of the street. I thought it was a bit rude of him na guma-gamit siya ng phone habang naka-tayo lang ako at naka-tingin sa kanya.

I hated that my heart did a little flip when he reached for my hand and grabbed it. He was getting too comfortable with it and it hasn't even been a day nung naging kami?!

It's so crazy?

Boyfriend ko na ba talaga siya?

If prank talaga 'to, I swear... Kakalbuhin ko si Finley even if that's the last thing I'll do in my life!

"Let's go," he said as we stopped in front of a car.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Queens," he said.

"Wait, what?" I asked, confused, kung bakit pupunta pa kami sa Queens. Baka atakihin sa puso iyong teacher ko dahil wala ako sa hotel!

"Was looking for porridge. Lots of Filipino resto there," he said as he gently nudged me papasok sa may car. He put his hand on the top of my head as I was going in. Ugh. Bakit kinikilig ako sa ganon?

Also, why was Finley already so good at this? Didn't he say na first girlfriend niya ako? Bakit ang galing-galing niya na agad?

And bakit parang naiinis ako?

"What is your problem again?" he asked.

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. "What?"

"Your forehead," he said as he pointed at said forehead. "Are you pissed or is it just your default expression?" he asked. Ugh. As if hindi perpetually bored ang default expression niya.

I crossed my arms and huffed. "I'm not pissed," I told him although I was perfectly aware na for some reason, naiinis ako... but paano ko naman sasabihin sa kanya 'yon? Na naiinis ako kasi bakit parang alam niya na how to act like a boyfriend? Kahit according to him, first girlfriend ako? Like ano? Nagpractice ba siya elsewhere?! I thought basketball practice ang pinu-puntahan niya!

Bakit ba naiinis ako?!

I felt Finley watching me like a hawk. I tried my best to not look his way kasi no way na sasabihin ko sa kanya iyong reason behind the crease on my forehead. Nakaka-hiya.

"Bahala ka mamatay sa sama ng loob," he said. Sumandal na rin siya tapos naka-tingin pa rin siya sa akin but this time, hindi na directly. Naka-tingin siya sa akin through the rearview mirror.

"Talaga."

"Ano nga kasi problema mo?" he asked.

"Wala nga."

"Preview ba 'to ng mga susunod na buwan?"

"Buwan? So what? You'll dump me after a few months?!"

Naka-tingin siya sa akin na naka-kunot na rin ang noo. "What is happening? I just want to get you porridge."

I paused. Mukhang kailangan ko na rin ng meditation apps kagaya ni Finley. I always thought na masungit siya, but based on our interactions the past few months, weirdly enough... mahaba ang pasensya niya? Like sure may sungit moments siya here and there, but generally speaking, mahaba ang pasensya niya.

Anong app ba 'yan?

"Nothing, I'm fine," I told him. Mamayang gabi ko na iisipin 'to habang naka-tingin ako sa ceiling.

"Just tell me," he insisted.

"No."

"Tell me."

"No."

"Fine," he said. He got his phone. I took a peek and saw that he was trying to change the destination of the Uber ride.

"What are you doing?"

"Going back to the hotel," he replied. Napa-awang iyong labi ko. He turned and looked at me. "I don't like silent treatment and the guessing game," he continued. Ang serious ng face niya. "If you have a problem, tell me. We'll talk. You're 17, not a toddler. Use words."

See?! And he'll tell me na first girlfriend niya ako, but why did it feel that he already figured things out?!

I looked at him, pretty sure that my nostrils were flaring because I was pissed. I didn't want to be pissed, but I sure was! I raised my hands and acted like I wanted to pull his hair and strangle him. Finley was just watching me like I have lost my freaking mind already.

"Use words," he said, annoyingly.

"Fine," I said, huffing. "I'm your first girlfriend? Really?"

"Yes."

"Don't lie."

"I'm not. Why would I lie about that?"

"Billie?"

"No," he said, rolling his eyes.

"Really?"

"Really," he replied. "You're my first girlfriend. Unless I dated while I'm asleep, I'm certain that you're my first relationship—and might I add, I didn't know it's gonna be this stressful."

"Sinasabi mo ba na nakaka-stress ako?"

"Right now? Yes."

"Kasalanan mo."

"Why? Do tell."

I looked at him. I kept on biting my tongue because I didn't want to reveal the reason why I was being like this kasi feel ko ay tutuksuhin ako ni Finley for all eternity dahil dito. But he's right—mababaliw ako sa kaka-isip tungkol dito. Buti na lang din na hindi nakaka-intindi ng Tagalog iyong driver, so he wouldn't be able to understand my insanity in all its glory.

"Because," I said, drawing a deep breath. "You said..." I paused. Deep breathing, Maia. Paano ko ba 'to sasabihin na hindi ako parang baliw? "You said I'm your first girlfriend but why are you acting like you're experienced already? Like alam mo na 'yung gagawin? So, are you lying? May girlfriend ka na before? Or may finlirt ka na before and you did all these things before with her na?"

I didn't even think that I breathed for the whole duration of my rant. I just wanted to get it all out. I didn't want to think na. And I figured na walang magandang way to say these things, so might as well just say them all out loud.

"Stop smiling!" I said when I saw a small smile appearing on his face.

"Can't," he replied, grinning this time.

"Ugh! I didn't want to tell you! Bakit mo kasi ako pinilit na sabihin?!"

Instead of being his usual annoying self, Finley reached for my hand. I tried to yank it away, but he just held on tighter. He even intertwined our fingers. This experienced jerk—

"I'm not lying," he said. His thumb was caressing the top of my hand. "You're the first girl I was ever interested in—"

"First? So magkakaron ng second?"

Natawa na naman siya. I frowned at him.

"Fine," he said. "You're the only girl I was ever interested in," he said. I rolled my eyes at him again. "I didn't practice with anyone else. I guess... I just grew up around people with healthy relationship. I honestly just treat you the way I see my dad treat my mom, my kuya treat ate Nari, kuya Saint treat my sister and so on and so forth. You get the gist."

Is he honestly just a year older than me? Why was he so... eloquent?

I guess he's not all height and basketball skills.

I pressed my lips together. I had no retort. His answer made sense.

"What else?" he asked.

Hindi ako nagsalita.

"See? Now we can enjoy lugaw in peace," sabi niya tapos ay nasa destination na pala kami. Ni hindi ko man lang namalayan dahil naka-simangot lang ata ako buong ride.

* * *

We got in the restaurant. Finley asked me kung may gusto ba ako. I told him to go order for me. He got the lugaw that he kept on telling me about tapos he also ordered sinigang para may soup daw. We seriously went to Queens para sa lugar na 'to.

After eating, we got back na sa Uber. I thought babalik na kami sa hotel, but we stopped sa park kung saan kita sa view iyong Brooklyn bridge and New York skyline. It's so pretty here. This is my favorite spot in New York.

Naka-tayo kami roon sa may parang railings. I took a video of the skyline.

"Wag kang magsalita," I said because he was talking and maririnig siya sa video.

"Bawal?" he asked.

I glared at him. "Fine. I'll mute the video."

"Are you embarrassed of me?" he asked like he was shocked.

I rolled my eyes at him. "No."

"Then why are you asking me to shut up?"

"Gosh, I just wanted to take a video?!"

Nakaka-stress naman 'yung araw na 'to? Ilang beses na kaming nag-argue and nagbati?!

"Tss. Fine," he said tapos ay nilabas niya rin iyong phone niya tapos ay kumuha ng pictures. Nung mapunta sa face ko iyong phone niya, I covered my face with both hands. Then I peeked in between my fingers. I saw him looking at me, his face serious this time.

Why did I feel guilty?

"I'm not embarrassed, okay?" I said before pa kung ano ang isipin niya. Finley didn't say a word, nor moved. Gosh, he's scary talaga kapag naka-serious mode siya. He could honestly just throw me in the Hudson river and call it a day. "Just that... you're pretty popular. A lot of eyes on you." I drew an even deeper breath because I knew I wasn't making my point. "If they find out that we're... you know... kind of together."

"Kind of? We're together."

I wrinkled my nose. "Fine. That we're together," I said. Ang serious pa rin ng face niya. "They're gonna be so curious, okay? And I'm sure they'll find out about my family and honestly, I don't need that right now."

After ko masabi lahat 'yon, tumingin ulit ako sa may New York skyline. I just wanted a few seconds of peace. Ramdam ko na naka-tingin sa akin si Finley. I just let him.

"Fine," he said. Naka-tingin din siya sa may skyline. We were standing side by side. "I'll be your secret boyfriend."

I rolled my eyes. "It's not like I'm hiding you. I just don't want to post your face."

"Ouch."

Ugh.

He's so cute sometimes?!

"But I understand," he said.

Napa-tingin ako sa kanya. "You do?" I asked because I thought that it was kind of a huge ask... being na first relationship namin 'to both. I honestly felt a little bad... Of course I wanted to be so annoyingly loud about us din... But my parents didn't ask to be put in this situation. I just have to make do of what's here.

"You don't have to post my face. But if you'll post something that's... related to me," he said. He put his hands inside his pockets. Was this one of his tells? Na if he's shy, he's gonna put his hands inside his pockets for some semblance of comfort?

"Just put a blue heart somewhere in the photo. They won't know, but I will," he continued. "I'll know that it's for me."

**

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