"You're a coward" Timi assessed as I was laying tired on her bare body.

"Why so?"

"Because after so long you still don't have the courage to confess your love to her."

"Oh, my apologies, Ms. I-let-the-other-to-use-me-as-a-rebound, I forgot you stand on a moral high ground" I said pushing my thigh to her pussy.

"The huge difference is" she said as she pushed my leg away "I know exactly what it is we have. Sorry, if it's new to you, I really adore this crazy, narcissistic package that you are" she made circles with her hand in front of my face "but I wouldn't want you for keeps."

After three months of our something-like-a-relationship with Timi, I knew her well enough not ask questions I wouldn't like the answer for, so I let this one go.

"With her it's different" I defended myself. "What good would it do if I told her what I feel? She wouldn't reciprocate it, but at least it would destroy our friendship too. It totally sounds like a great idea."

"So basically you're saying you can decide it for her if she deserves to know the truth."

"Yes. If I keep a secret that isn't hurtful to her, but the truth would be, I think it's my right not to tell it. It's not a betrayal or something I'm keeping from her."

"Oh, sweetie," Timi said fondling my face. "You'll learn one day it's not necessarily the truth. I'm not entirely convinced Adri wouldn't take it as betrayal, that she shares her secret with someone who doesn't consider her a friend" I opened my mouth to object, but she raised her hand in front of it, and corrected herself "only a friend. You tell different things to your love, and to your friend. You have secrets from both, and you know the ones from Adri she would keep from her loved one."

"Have I told you how much I hate when someone is more mature than me?"

"You sure? Then you have me fooled when a few minutes ago you kissed a woman's breasts who is old enough to be your mother."

I rose and looked at her mad, but she just smiled at me.

"Aaanyway," I said as I rested my head back on her breasts "my longing for her will go away as soon as I find someone."

"Yeah, sure," I felt Timi nodding. "Because that went so great the last time too with the crazy chick, right?"

"I curse the day I told you about it."

"Hey, I'm not judging. There is a Zsuzsi in all of our lives. You just attract the type, so you had two."

"How many you had?"

"Including you?"

"Hey, I'm not the one who at the age of 46 has only a sexfriend."

"No, you are the one who could have more, just too coward to make the move."

"I thought you are against lesbian-straight relationships."

"I am. But in your case, I believe it would be better for both of you if you got over it quickly. Believe me, she'll get to a point where she thinks about how it would be to get together with you."

"Adri would never."

"Adri would never," she repeated mockingly. "She will if she hasn't already at some point. I see how great you two are together if there has ever been a lesbian-straight friendship that could work as a relationship, that's yours."

"So I wouldn't be good enough girlfriend for you, a lesbian, but for her, I would?"

"Exactly," she swept my hair out of my face. "And you won't be good enough girlfriend for anybody, as long as she occupies your heart. Instead of looking for substitutes, you should make that trust fall. It isn't so scary you think it is."

"Substitutes as yourself?"

"Oh, sweetie!" she kissed my forehead. "Don't flatter yourself. You are that too. With the work and the two kids, I have neither the time nor the need for a full-time girlfriend. If there was a breathing living vibrator, I wouldn't need you either."

"Did you just compare me to a sextoy?"

"Don't play the coy, we both know exactly how much you like that."

"You know me too well," I straddled myself up around her hips.

She slapped on my ass and winked.

"Then what are you waiting for? Work!"

That's how my last few months went. During the day, in the public hours we were inseparable with Adri, then after we said goodbye to each other in the late evenings, I ran into Timi's arms. I would call this a friends with benefits relationship, but the emphasis was all on the benefits part. We liked one another, but not enough to actually care about the other's feelings, so we weren't exactly friends. Didn't even have much common topic other than our love life. It was hardly surprising, as her older kid, her daughter was only four years younger than me. I even met her once, when we overslept in the morning and I couldn't leave in time. She seemed like a nice girl, despite the caustic comment she made about the age difference between her mother and me. As I was exactly half as old as Timi, it would've been hard to argue against it.

It's not like I should complain about these times. In fact, I had never been as happy as in these months. I spent all the possible time with Adri, whom I once again was helplessly in love with, I didn't have to be in necessity of sex either, and the top of it all, I didn't have to lie about it to anyone. More or less I could get away even from that shithole accommodation I had as with very few exceptions I either slept at Adri's or Timi's, visited my parents, or looked after Ádi so my brother and his wife could go out.

Of course, nothing lasts forever, or just the universe thought I deserve a little more punishment for playing with Zsuzsi's feelings, so the happy days ended after a few months. Despite the gossip about me slowly subsided at work, the fact that Adri and I lived in each other's pockets, started to excite new ones. Why wouldn't it? The womanizer lesbian chick who ruined an innocent girl at another unit is now fishing for a new one here. Have I not known myself, I would've believed it too.

It wouldn't have bothered me, if it was only about me, as I've become immune to such things the last few years, but I knew it well how humiliating it would be for Adri to be called a lesbian. As much as she accepted me, her stance on homosexuality didn't change drastically. I did everything I could to stop the rumors, I even spoke much more honestly about my relationship with Zsuzsi than I wanted, and I explicitly said I would never be with another colleague again. Whenever I was asked about Adri, I told them, we are just friends, and nothing more, and we wouldn't be even if I wanted as she was the straightest girl I had ever known. Needless to say, it didn't work. When it comes to rumors, there is nothing people take as a more sure evidence than the denial.

Despite all these, I got to give it to Adri, she didn't avoid the fight with others. She defended me from the rumors of my relationship with Zsuzsi, and she was able to react to the accusations of being my lover without hurt. It's not like any of it worked, so the gossip slowly started to be juicier and juicier. A few of the rumors were so naughty, they made even me blush, and the last thing I can be accused of is being shy.

That's when a bad lot, named Áron appeared in Adri's life. They met on a dating site, where he showed all his sides that made him Adri's type. Well, he was Adri's type on the outside, but on the inside... Really not. As I was concerned, they were the least compatible couple ever, but Adri reached her - probably just sub-conscience - goal with it, the rumors slowly disappeared about us. Sure, they still thought we were ex-lovers but given our unshaken friendship, they couldn't spread juicy stories about our scandalous break-up.

It didn't make me like Áron more. He was an awfully huge asshole, but somehow Adri was able to handle him. Asshole might not be the most accurate word to describe him. Maybe stupid is. Okay, stupid asshole. And on the top of it, unfortunately, he was funny too which - along with his looks and over the top confidence - was the responsible for his charm. Despite they weren't even close to being on the same intellectual level, Áron was entertaining without a doubt. And the fact that others mostly laughed at him, not with him changed very little on it. The strangest thing, with very few exceptions I've always liked the men like him. On the other hand, the others didn't date Adri.

Maybe it was an escape from rumors on Adri's part, but I wouldn't call Áron as her Zsuzsi. They had a strange kind of chemistry, which - as much as I hated to admit it - worked. That's why I always bit my tongue, and didn't say anything bad about him.

Adri seemingly finally settled, while suddenly everything turned to the worst for me. Because of Áron, she understandably had less time for us, then Timi announced that she found some girlfriend material, then to the top it all, I got the most obnoxious woman of the world as my new roommate in my accommodation. She was an exceptional mixture of stupid, pompous and nosy. After our first few days in the same room, I bought an expensive headphone, and I didn't take that off even while eating so I could minimize the communication with her. Our relationship turned awful from bad when she saw the dating site I was browsing. Of course, it was clearly my fault as which normal human being wouldn't make the mistake of accidentally taking their roommate's laptop out from their desk drawer, and completely accidentally opening their browser history? From that moment on she constantly threw tantrums about I must be checking her out all the time, and how I dared to move in here, where women come to feel safe, and not be hunted by sexual predators. It would have taken some serious effort from me to give less shit about her, and it actually worsened the situation when I told her, I would let my nephew's brain be blown out if I had to touch her to save him. For both of ours bad luck, the accommodation was full, and nobody wanted to switch roommates with us. I don't know if it was me, or her, but unlike her, I had friends among the other tenants and even had programs together with some of them.

Since dating sites came up earlier, well... this was where I gave up on them. I was a member on actual dating sites, where of the daily ten messages at least seven were from males, two suspiciously didn't seem like women, and one was good enough for at least a conversation, but usually even that was anything but enjoyable. And this was genuinely wonderful compared to the adult dating sites I tried my luck with. There meeting with another woman was completely accidental, and even those were looking for a third to entertain their boyfriend. In the months of my crippled social life, I had only three dates from these sites, one of them was finished long before planned, and we didn't feel like going on a second date with the other two either.

For months I wasn't simply single, I hadn't even slept with anybody, which meant the longest dry spell of my grownup life. Despite this, I wasn't entirely unhappy in these times. After the shit hit the fan, I managed to get rid of self-pity in weeks, and after that, as a matter of fact, I felt nice. I had lots of time to go out with other friends, I started to exercise and play basketball again, still helped my brother out with Ádi, visited my parents more frequently, and of course, we still had girls' nights with Adri just less often as I wanted.

All in all, everything went perfectly, except for my love life. At the end of this period, I even visited lesbian bars, even though I never liked them. Given their meat market nature, they attracted the likes as me and not the type I would generally go for. But we know, any port in a storm, so after close to a whole year, I found someone for sex, so I really had no reason left to complain.

I finally came to terms with myself, my flaws, and especially the mistakes I made in my life, so fate probably thought it's time for a little reward. Little did I know it was waiting behind the next corner.