After I left Adri's saying I'd work the next day, it might sounds hypocritical that next morning I called my boss and told him I'd like to take two more days off. I was in no mood for going to work, it felt much better to wallow in self-pity, and slay monsters in an RPG.

That afternoon I spoke to Adri, and it felt so great to hear some genuine happiness in her voice. She told me that her colleagues were very supportive, and some of them even offered their help to talk this whole cheating and breaking her heart thing through with Laci. And they had a concept that a fist talks much better than any mouth can. I didn't tell her that I could've stayed at her place since I didn't go to work anyway. I couldn't say why I kept it as a secret, but I did.

My next day was identical to this one. Wallow in self-pity, monster slaying, afternoon hours of talking over the phone with Adri. She was getting better surprisingly quickly. She happily told me that two of her colleagues had hit on her. Sure, she'd rejected them, but left the chance open to them for later, when she'd be ready to move on. She was so happy, and cheerful again, and I was dying inside from receiving confirmation of what I already knew, she'd needed just a friend, and only I imagined more into her signs.

On Wednesday I finally went to work, but honestly, I was driven by one single reason. To get back on that horse, or in this case on an incredibly inhibited, damaged lesbian girl. I know, it must look like I have a thing for self-doubting girls, but that's far from the truth. Adri's only problem was her low self-esteem, Zsuzsi's problems, on the other hand, had much-much deeper roots. That made her such an easy prey, and me her douchebag Laci later. Or... was it really just later? I took advantage of her from the very first moment, and if I had something in my life that makes me disgusted in myself, that's it. Not that I cheated on one of my girlfriends, not that I've been to a swinger club with another, and not even that I once willingly submerged into deeply shady BDSM stuff with a third. This one. I've never been perfect, I made my fair share of mistakes, but the only thing I actually regretted was what I did to Zsuzsi.

Yeah, poor girl tried to resist me, but I was way more experienced than not knowing what to do and say to her to get what I wanted. At first she thought I was toying with her so I could humiliate her in front of others. Then she thought I was an adventurous straight - yeah, some lesbians think that too when they meet with not stereotypical lesbians - but in the the end she didn't think anything else than she had hit the jackpot in me. Probably the biggest delusion of these three. I mean of course, I've never doubted that I was a jackpot. I have the brains, the toughness, the looks, the humor, which are rarely there in one package, even if it meant I've rarely been the smartest, and never the most beautiful in the room... So yeah, accepting that it might make me look worse than I probably look already, I was the jackpot for anybody with whom I had the connection. But that wasn't Zsuzsi.

Our first date was on that Friday, and to tell the truth, it was quite enjoyable. She wasn't stupid, and as she slowly lost her spiky shell, her kind side started show more and more. Our evening ended with a passionate kiss in the gateway of Zsuzsi's apartment building. I did my best to play the innocent, who's looking for a lifelong relationship. She had such a great time that she proposed another date on Sunday, but I wasn't available then, cause I visited my "parents" in Budapest. Of course, by parents, I meant a 28 years old girl with shining brown eyes, but I wouldn't have ever admitted that to Zsuzsi.

This one was followed by two wonderful days with Adri. There was almost no cry, much more fun and laughter for the whole time, but in a more conservative manner than on the last weekend. No drunkenness, sleeping on each other, or anything more than simple hugs and kisses on the cheek. I did my best to accept that it was the most I could ever be to her, and just enjoy our moments together, and for the most of the time, it went quite well. This time the farewell wasn't as painful as one week earlier. Of course, it was still emotional, but much less than last time.

I had my next date with Zsuzsi on Tuesday, in a local, dimly lit pub. It wasn't the most elegant meeting place for sure, but it had an atmospheric hidden corner where two women could have a peaceful date away from prying eyes. My idea was to go to the cinema, but it became apparent very early that our taste in movies couldn't be any more different. And it was still among the things we had the most in common. We both liked movies, and that was much more than what I could tell about the most of our other hobbies.

Despite all the differences, and my well placed "I like some things you do" lies, the evening was rather pleasant. Pleasant enough that she was the one who insisted that I go up to her apartment with her.

I'd lie if I told it was the worst sexual experience in my life, but it says a lot that I enjoyed my two times with men much more. This was where I learned that Zsuzsi wasn't simply an inhibited, damaged thirty-year-old lesbian, she was a VIRGIN inhibited, damaged lesbian. Not virgin as lesbian, virgin, virgin. And while that by itself shouldn't necessarily have made our sex bad, she was extremely bad at everything she tried to do.

A sane woman would've run away after so many red flags, but I've never been accused of being sane. We've been together twice before I "visited my parents" again in the weekend, and the situation hardly got any better to me, but Zsuzsi was completely, hopelessly in love.

We spent the whole next week together, because Adri visited her parents in the weekend, and unlike in mine, in her case it was actually true. Zsuzsi tried really hard, and she got less and less awful in bed, which meant we had a few times that actually were better than doing it for myself. Unfortunately the sex was the best part of our relationship. It got clearer by every single date that we had nothing in common. What's even worse, the self-hating half minutes Adri had from time to time were hours long for Zsuzsi. And even when I didn't have to patch the gaping holes on her self-esteem up, she wanted to do pretty much all the things I had less mood to do than having an open heart surgery. It was all on me, without a doubt. Visiting exhibits, going to the theatre, slam-poetry evenings, watching French tragedies in the local artist cinema all are perfectly normal things, but also things I hated with all my guts. Also, things, I've never told to Zsuzsi how much I hate.

We've been together for three weeks when Adri happily told me in a phone call that she met a guy, and he might be the One. As I didn't feel it anymore that my "happiness" would hurt her, I told about my relationship too. After a little scolding because I kept it as a secret, she accepted my - actually rather honest - explanation of why I hadn't told that her earlier.

We spent the next weekend together again, because Zsuzsi, just as Adri's boyfriend - let's call him Tibi, cause I'll be damned if I know what his name was - were out of town. I can't speak for Adri, but I once again had two such great, happy days, I haven't ever had with my girlfriend. I didn't have to pretend for a single second, and during the days beside Zsuzsi, I almost forgot how that was. After that, we've been too busy with our things to meet for months.

Have you ever had that moment, when you were screaming at the screen, because the hero in the movie you watched was about to do something incredibly stupid? Have you ever been THAT hero? The one that does something stupid, despite anybody who is watching from the outside facepalming hard in the disbelief that how this somewhat-intelligent character can do something this idiotic. No? Well, then you are the member of a club, I'm not. Sure, there is a chance that I lost this memberships much earlier, but if I had not, for this one it's sure.

It's been close to two months since we last met with Adri when she came up with the idea of going on a double date so we could meet with each others' partner. Right? Are you screaming at the screen already? I hope it won't be spoiler, if I tell you, I accepted the offer without a second thought. I missed Adri more than I was afraid of my real feelings getting discovered by Zsuzsi.

My cover slowly started to fall apart anyway, and Zsuzsi - either because of her jealousy, or simply because she wasn't stupid - slowly became aware of it. I was getting moodier around her, we argued all the time, and while all these arguments gave some much-needed passion to our sex-life, they had less favorable effects on our relationship.

That's how we got to the day of that double date in one of the fanciest restaurants of Budapest.

"She seemed so rough at first," Zsuzsi was explaining at the table. "You know, the tattoos, the sidecut..."

"Were you afraid of her?" Tibi asked from the other side of the table.

"Well... a little."

I objected.

"I don't understand why, I'm not scary at all."

Adri looked at me, and with the tone, you explain something very basic to a little child, she said:

"Fanny, at the first night of the bootcamp, we were guessing with the girls who'd be the first one you sacrafice to Satan."

"No waaay!" I exclaimed.

"Yup. Petra won, but I was the close second, that's why I started to make friends with you."

Tibi laughed.

"My Adri. The natural born survivor."

"At least I know whom will I sacrafice for the Dark Lord tomorrow," I murmured, which made Zsuzsi laugh too.

They haven't even finished mocking me, when two waiters arrived with ours soups. They put the plates in front of us, then went to serve others.

"So," Zsuzsi continued between the spoons of soup "she seemed so rough at first, but later it turned out we have so much in common. Theaters, art movies...

Hearing this the soup went sideways in Adri's throat, making her cough really badly.

"Is there something wrong?" Zsuzsi asked her worryingly.

"No, nothing" Adri said while she was trying to gain her breathing back. "Just the soup went sideways. Please continue"

Zsuzsi waited for a bit longer to see if Adri was really gonna survive, then looked at Tibi and continued.

"So I know, it's an ugly prejudice, but I really would've never thought that a girl like Fanny can be interested in culture."

Adri looked at me scoldingly, but didn't say a word. She knew me all too well to realize, that girl in Zsuzsi's description was really-REALLY nothing like me.

"There are so much in common in us" Zsuzsi explained further. "I'm really happy she didn't give up after the first try when I was so mean to her. Only her taste in music could be better."

"Can I guess?" Tibi asked. "Metal?"

"Yes" Zsuzsi said with a little judgement in her voice.

"Exactly" I was nodding with a wide grin on my face.

"Only metal?" Adri asked the question she knew the answer for all too well.

"Like you didn't know"

"So you are telling us that if you gave me your phone, I wouldn't find the Wizzards of Waverly place themesong on it?"

"That's exactly what I'm telling, yes"

Adri reached for my phone, but I was quicker, so she could grab only the back of my hand. A smile ran across her face, because she clearly found my reaction a proof for her claims.

"It doesn't prove anything," I slithered. "What if there are pictures on it that your innocent eyes can't handle?"

"Like you ever have been shy."

"Kitten, I merely try to protect you." I smiled, and in the next minute, I felt Zsuzsi kicking my ankle under the table.

I instinctively looked at her, but I didn't see any signs of it being intentional. Of course if it wasn't intentional, why didn't she apologize? Well, maybe she just didn't realize she kicked me accidentally.

"Oh, you good samaratian, you" Adri closed this topic.

"I'm just kind hearted" I said while I hid my phone in my pocket.

For a while we were eating in silence, until Tibi finished his plate.

"Please forgive me, if my question will be offending, I've just never knew a same-sex couple before. So please, don't be mad at me, if such questions aren't allowed to ask. How... I mean from where do you know that you can approach the other? How can you know that... um... the other won't be judgemental toward you?

Zsuzsi looked down and ate a little quicker like she didn't even hear the question. It was a very sensitive topic for her. First, because as far as I know, she had never taken the first step. Second, because being different than the usual, and treated as such, always angered her. Sure, I would be lying if I said, answering such questions weren't a bother to me, but as long as I didn't feel any hurtful intention, or sexual objectification behind them, I've never taken them as an offend. A lot of people live their life without ever getting to know a lesbian or gay couple a little better, it's simple human curiosity to ask such questions, even if answering them gets boring very quickly.

"Well," I explained "I can't speak for others, but I think it's enough if you have thick skin. If you don't care about what others think about you, then you might as well can approach others. The worst you can get is a rejection. The other thing of course it doesn't hurt if you can read the signs. We usually recognize each other."

"Yup" Adri said with a broad smile on her face "Like you totally recognized Petra"

"Okay, Petra was an unusual case."

"Petra?" Zsuzsi raised her eyebrow at me.

"A roommate of ours during the basecamp." Adri explained it to her. "Everybody in the room was convinced she was into women. Even the expert who sits at this table. Then it turned out she had a boyfriend, and they didn't seem like an alibi couple."

"Then please tell the part too, where neither of you dared to change in her presence, while you haven't realized the wolf was there in the herd for the whole time" I replied with a wide grin.

"Hey!" Adri exclaimed. "You promised you never took a peek!"

"I didn't. But I could've" my grin slid even wider. Zsuzsi kicked my ankle once again. I looked at her, and this time it was clear she did it on purpose, so I decided to return to my soup.

After this, the conversation sailed to more neutral waters. We learned that Tibi was an architect, and had been working on the plans of a major project at the moment. Then Zsuzsi told everybody how alone she felt during the college, and how oppressed she felt at home under the rule of her mother. Minutes passed without either Adri or me saying much.

"And is getting a tattoo hurts much?" Tibi asked not long before the second course were brought to us. "I've always thought about getting one, but somehow I never had to courage."

"That depends" I answered. "Which area?"

"Why? Isn't it the same everywhere?"

"No" I smiled at him. "On the majority of upper and lower arm it doesn't hurt more than a simple sunburn. On the hips, sides, under breasts... well, that's a whole another thing."

Tibi's eyes went wide.

"Whoa! Are you telling all this out of experience?"

"Yeah." Zsuzsi answered the question unenthusiastically.

"Except for the side." I added. "I already choose the design I want there, but I don't have the 'mood' for that" I showed the money sign with my fingers.

"That design looks so cool" Adri added. "It's a huge dragon that crawls up on her side with its claws in her flash."

"Seriously!?" Zsuzsi looked at her. "I would've never thought you were the tattoo fan type."

"Well, I wouldn't dare to have one made, but on Fanny they look awesome."

"Hm... we can't all see the things in the same way, I guess."

"Maybe, but on Fanny everything looks awesome" I opened my arms with a huge smirk.

"Except for smug" Adri shot at me.

"On Fanny, even that looks awesome"

Adri looked at Zsuzsi sympathetically.

"Condolences"

"Thanks!" Zsuzsi answered briefly.

Adri clearly didn't understand what she did to receive such response, so she decided it would be the best to let it go.

Not much later the waiters brought our main course, so we could start to eat.

"Love is a wonderful thing" Tibi explained during it. "You two look so different, and still you are so great together."

"We thank you that." Zsuzsi said between two bites. "I'm happy for you two too."

I remember specifically this part, as I found it weird why she thanked it in the name of both of us, when she talked in first person after that. Of course, this mystery didn't stay unresolved for much longer.

"Well," Adri said "I had a huge luck finding Tibi. I was so down after my last relationship, if Fanny didn't pull me together, we would've never met.

"Fanny pulled you together?" Zsuzsi stopped eating for a second.

"Yes. She was really nice. As soon as she learned I was dumped, she was there to support me."

Considering Zsuzsi's behavior, at this point I already knew this evening was the Titanic, the only remaining question was if the iceberg comes before or after we said goodbye to Adri and Tibi.

"I'm sure anybody would've done it for their best friend." I made a last desperate attempt to avert the catastrophe. Of course I don't think ANYBODY would've done it for their best friend, but I did such things for other friends too. Not like it helped on my current situation in any way.

"I'm still very grateful for it."

"You are welcome. Though I hope it won't be needed again in anytime soon" I winked.

Another kick in the ankle.

After this, for a while we ate in silence, until Adri couldn't bear it anymore. I know it well her intention was good, she just wanted to keep the conversation going since she realized Zsuzsi felt awkward, but her choice of topic hardly could've been any worse.

"I'm so happy we could finally arrange this date. We were planning it for a while."

"With Tibi?" Zsuzsi asked.

"No, with Fanny. We talked about you two so much, and it started to become bothering that we haven't met you yet."

Zsuzsi raised her eyebrows.

"Do you talk with Fanny often?"

"Not as much, as we used to" I answered before Adri could make the situation even worse by telling the truth. Not like my reaction made the situation any better.

Adri stopped for a second, then followed my thought.

"Yes, that's why this date is so good. I hope we won't have to wait this long for the next one."

"I'm sure we figure it out" I said it with a smile.

"You'd like that, don't you?" Zsuzsi slithered.

"Sorry?" I looked at her.

"I asked if you could please NOT flirt with your lover in front of me?

Adri's eyes went wide.

"Beg your pardon!?"

"What!?" I asked.

"Don't think I can't see what's going on here!"

"Zsuzsi, there is nothing going on here" I said, but it was about as effective as a glass of water against a wildfire.

Zsuzsi kicked the chair out of her, jumped to her feet, and started to scream at me.

"You really think I'm that stupid?!" In a single second, the restaurant completely froze. "You openly flirt with your whore in front of my eyes! If you want to be with her so much, just lick her cunt right here to make a show for everyone, but leave me out of it!"

"Zsuzsi, there is noth..."

"At least don't lie. How can you be so inconsiderate?"

"Believe me, nothing..."

"Stop with the lies already! That's it. Enough! I'm done with you!"

She glanced up, and only now realized she was making a scene in the middle of a crowded restaurant. Instinctively she took her purse in front of her face, and ran out of the building.

For seconds we stared each other baffled with Adri and Tibi. Around us the life slowly returned to the restaurant, but the word fragments that reached my mind made it clear that no matter what the people were talking about before, they now found a more interesting topic.

"I-I apologize for Zsuzsi's behavior" I stuttered. "Tibi, I swear that nothing has ever happened between Adri and me. She's the straightest girl on the planet, I have no idea what made Zsuzsi claim such things."

Tibi was staring at me for second, before he found his voice.

"You... you don't have to apologize, I believe you."

"Thank you." Then I looked at Adri. "Kitten, please, don't let this scene ruin your night." Adri nodded, but she clearly didn't recover from the events from a minute before. "And now, please forgive me, I have to go, to save my relationship."

"O... okay, Fanny. Good... good luck." Adri stuttered.

"Thank you, Kitten. Have a good evening" I farewelled before I went after Zsuzsi.

I could deny the truth in her invective to Zsuzsi, but would've been pointless lying to myself. No matter that I didn't feel giving any apparent signs about my feelings toward Adri, the feelings were there, so Zsuzsi must've been right. Or it was just a lucky guess based on her paranoia, but it didn't make her claims about my true feelings less true.

I spent my whole next week begging myself back to her graces, and prove how wrong she was with her judgment. I succeeded. It would've been better for both of us, if I had not.