D.S.A.W.

Fitz: woah just remembered this shit existed why are we using it all of a sudden

Terroriser: you dont want to know.

Moo: just backread a little cam!! we've been scheming

Fitz: ok

Fitz: WHAT.

Fitz: TF YOU MEAN JOHN IS IN LOVE WITH EVAN???

Terroriser: im still skeptical about it but im ngl the evidence is pretty stacked against him

Moo: bc hes TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH EVAN!!!!

Fitz: oh yeah fs

Fitz: i actually dk why i was shocked that makes a crazy amount of sense after seeing the kind of shit johns been saying in the chat

Fitz: are we sure its a good idea to play match maker tho????? what if we just end up embarrassing john-

Moo: NO DONT SAY THAT WE CANT HAVE THAT ENERGY HERE

ChokingIsMyKink: exactly!!! we NEED this to work

WildHoe: craig is weirdly invested in this saga so i am too!!

Fitz: okay you got me im in

Fitz: how are we doing this??

——

ISTG

Terroriser has sent 4 attachments.

Terroriser: FUCK THEY GOT CAM.

Kryoz: im confused did you NOT want people to believe im in love with evan??

RoastMasterV2: hes saying that cam joining in on this plan BEFORE brian and i tell him whats really going on throws a little wrench in the whole business

RoastMasterV2: i mean cam is going to be LIVING HERE so

Kryoz: omgur right he might expose something

Kryoz: hes not subtle like me

Terroriser: i dont think theres anything i could say that would embarrass you more than the fact rhat you thought that, typed it out, and still hit send

RoastMasterV2: Brian what are u wearing i want us to match

Kryoz: im gonna sleep on the train tracks tonight

Kryoz: PLEASE JUST ONE PIC FROM YOUR DATE PLSPLSPSLSPLSLSLSLSPLSL

Terroriser: no.

Terroriser: we dont need you leaking anything

Terroriser: ev im wearing the sweater i was showing you yesterday

RoastMasterV2: the blue one???

Terroriser: yea

Kryoz: if i kms can i put you guys in my suicide note

RoastMasterV2: hey :/

Kryoz: okay i wont put YOU in there

Kryoz: also brian no offense but im kinda excited to see the plan to "set me and evan up"

Terroriser: YOU CANT HAVE HIM HES MINE.

Kryoz: I DO NOT WANT YOUR MAN

RoastMasterV2: i want to see what everyone does when i reject you :))

Kryoz: ohhhhhhh ur CRAZY i forgot

Terroriser: are you flirting with my boyfriend rn???

Kryoz: NO NO NO NO NO I AM NOT I DONT WANT HIM HES YOURS I PROMISE

—

Terroriser: john this is all ur gonna get from me

Terroriser has sent 1 attachment.

Kryoz: OMG OMG OMG

Kryoz: YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTEEEEE

Kryoz: AND THE MATCHING OUTFITS?!:!'sms

Terroriser: it was evans idea

RoastMasterV2: john you CANNOT show anyone that picture okay???

Kryoz: not even at your wedding?????

Kryoz: :(((((((

Terroriser: SINCE WHEN ARE WE GETTING MARRIED

Kryoz: in my head youre planning the wedding

Kryoz: (im delusional btw)

RoastMasterV2: telling you was a mistake.

——

Fuck Witcha

RoastMasterV2: okay im so serious WHO GAVE THE GC THIS FUCK ASS NAME

Four07: idk i forgot

Four07: ALSO WHY ARE YOU TEXTING AT THREE AM????

RoastMasterV2: pot meet kettle

Four07: okay fair

Four07: i mean if u hate the name just change it

RoastMasterV2: nah im too lazy

RoastMasterV2: how are u??

Four07: good!

RoastMasterV2: same here!! i finally got the right meds so life has been good lately ngl

RoastMasterV2: but srsly john has been acting weird lately

RoastMasterV2: he called me rhe other day and laughed after literally everything i said???

Four07: breakup mania

RoastMasterV2: okay ik u keep saying that but srsly WHAT is breakup mania

Four07: okay so like yk when ur in a breakup and its kinda messy

RoastMasterV2: yeah....a little too well sometimes

Four07: yea so its when that happens but the breakup comes out of left fucking field like you didnt see it coming at all

Four07: like how craig and brain broke up then john and tyler broke up

Four07: and its this thing where you think its alright and its all settled then BOOM

Four07: you start acting crazy

Four07: im sure ur familiar with breaking up with someone then they do crazy shit

RoastMasterV2: ugh dont remind me

Four07: well between brian and craig, craig is the crazy one (tho i think brian is still gonna feel it eventually), and between tyler and john it didnt seem like it was gonna hit but clearly its hitting john rn

RoastMasterV2: okay you lost me somewhere but i THINK i get it

Four07: unfortunately tho the only way to cure breakup mania is to do something so stupid and crazy that they realize holy fuck this is not healthy

Four07: like when you got kidnapped or that whole thing with jordan happened

RoastMasterV2: i think i understand but what does that have to do with john???

Four07: hes def going through the mania but he doesnt rlly know how to channel his emotions so hes just attaching himself to u

Four07: and im so sorry but its bc ur easy

RoastMasterV2: WHAT

Terroriser: what the actual fuck are you talking about

Terroriser: and why are you calling evan EASY

Four07: NOT LIKE THAT

Four07: i meant it more in like its easy to attach yourself to evan bc its so easy to fall for him

RoastMasterV2: crazy way to say you want me back btw

Terroriser: WHAT

Four07: I DONT WANT YOU I PROMISE I AM HAPPY AS I AM RN

Four07: im just saying from rhe perspective of someone who WAS in love with you before

RoastMasterV2: watch what you say here scott im about to put you on my list

Terroriser: am i on the list?????

RoastMasterV2: no <3

Terroriser: fearing for my life rn

Four07: literally i am the only one of evan's exes that hasnt fallen victim to breakup mania i feel like im the best person to speak on this

Four07: also brian why tf are you awake

Terroriser: im a light sleeper

Terroriser: and evan texted me an ungodly amount of videos all at once so the notifs woke me up

RoastMasterV2: oh so you DO see my texts

RoastMasterV2: interesting

Moo: good morning!!!! glad to see so much activity so early

Moo: evan have u seen what i messaged you btw

RoastMasterV2: omg no i havent

Four07: im surprised john isnt awake yet tbh hes always here

Kryoz: ngl ive been here the whole time ive just been lurking

RoastMasterV2: hey john!

Kryoz: HI EVAN :D

Four07: this is getting embarrassing

Moo: evan why did you reply with a whole ass novel

RoastMasterV2: it was a complex question.

Terroriser: im going back to bed

Terroriser: ev istg if you wake me up again

RoastMasterV2: thats a personal problem

WildHoe: not surprised that john is awake when evan is

Kryoz: whats that supposed to mean

RoastMasterV2: i think john is just a cryptid ong

Moo: evan ur texts

RoastMasterV2: oh i saw them im just not answering

Moo: wow ok

Terroriser: that reminds me john i texted u something

Kryoz: WHAT

Kryoz: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN.

Four07: idk if i want to know or if i hope these messages never see the light of day

WildHoe: nah im curious wtf goes on with those two

Kryoz: BRIAN I TOLD YOU I DONT

Terroriser: im watching you mf

Kryoz: fearing for my life

ChokingIsMyKink: so john and brian are getting kinky ?????????

Terroriser: no id rather gouge out my eyes after ensuring the last thing i saw was a rotting corpse set ablaze as a horde of rats feasted on what remained of its flesh

RoastMasterV2: okay drama

Terroriser: YOU.

Four07: i didnt rlly care for that show tbh like joe was SUCH a little bitch

WildHoe: your boyfriend is a little bitch

DaithiDeNoPrivlege: WHY AM I CATCHING STRAYS

Kryoz: evan can i wear a dress at our wedding

RoastMasterV2: OUR WHAT

Moo: oh

ChokingIsMyKink: so its like that huh

Kryoz: OMG IM KIDDING HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

Kryoz: GOT YOU HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA

Kryoz: that was such a funny joke ong like ahahhahaahaha why would we be getting married ahahhahaha that would be ridiculous you dont even like me like that not that I like you like that thatd be so wild thats so funny and weird like why did i say that omg ahhahhahaha

RoastMasterV2: WHAT THE FUCK????

Terroriser: john have you been drinking

Four07: breakup mania worsens with alcohol

Kryoz: NO

Kryoz: I MEAN YES

Kryoz: STOP INTERROGATING ME

RoastMasterV2: im going to bed and hope that i dont remember this in the morning

Kryoz: GN EVAN

Terroriser: john i am begging you to kill yourself

——

Now showing private messages between Moo and RoastMasterV2.

Moo: hey evan ik its late just wanted to ask you something

Moo: are you dating anyone rn?? or like interested in someone at least??

RoastMasterV2: no i wont be your third

Moo: WTF

Moo: that is NOT what im asking

RoastMasterV2: you dont have to cover it up dude i dont mind you asking i make an incredible third

RoastMasterV2: though it DID end in disaster last time so fair warning

Moo: WE ARE NOT LOOKING FOR A THIRD.

RoastMasterV2: okay no need to yell

RoastMasterV2: and no i am not dating anyone, nor am i interested in anyone. honestly, dating is not really something im thinking about atm im mostly focusing on myself and have been enjoying being single! dating has only ever complicated things anyways so finding a boyfriend is something i definitely dont want right now

Moo: oh

RoastMasterV2: wdym "oh"

Moo: just wasnt expecting that

Moo: youve been so happy lately and talkative i figured you must be in a honeymoon phase of sorts

RoastMasterV2: the way you correlate my good mood with a relationship is actually criminal i can be a positive person all on my own thanks

Moo: thats not what i was saying

Moo: im just asking if you are open to the idea of dating

RoastMasterV2: on a deeper level, absolutely not. every relationship ive been in the past year or two has ended in incredible disaster that i will never be able to recover from fully. i am fundamentally a different person, and i am finally learning what exactly this version of me wants in my day to day life. the idea of dating, of finding someone to spend time with, or even looking for "the one" sounds exhausting and extraneous. im not looking for anything, even if it seeks me out. though i suppose this all means nothing if one day im out there and i stumble upon my soulmate. but, lately ive been questioning even that. because it feels like, to a certain degree, ive already met my soulmate, and i fear that maybe that ship has already contracted the plague and crashed into a rock, or it has sailed away somewhere so far that i will never be able to find it. and if ive already found my soulmate, and we've parted ways, does that make me corrupt? dating has become this exhausting thing that looms over me like a pregnant stormcloud, so ive chosen to leave it in a dark and damp corner where it can lose the strength to drag me down

Moo: so youre open to anything??