(46 : TORTURE AND NOT . . .
MERCY : HEAVEN IS HERE)

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JEALOUSY HAD JULIET IN A chokehold and she didn't like it. Lily and James had been 'dating' for six weeks and Juliet couldn't help but punish herself by overanalysing their interactions — like how she would slap his arm whenever he made an inappropriate comment as he walked her to class, or the way he would always offer her the last chocolate croissant at breakfast before they ultimately decided to split it. For the first time, Juliet wished she hadn't been sorted into Slytherin. Maybe then she wouldn't be stuck pining from afar.

Admittedly, Juliet knew she was being irrational. Lily had told her she didn't like James as more than a friend and — even when balancing a fake relationship — James had been as doting as ever. Whenever the two Gryffindors claimed they were on a date, it would actually consist of James meeting up with Juliet whilst Lily remained hidden with her homework in the Room of Requirement. As long as nobody got too close, they would catch a flash of red hair with James Potter and assume it was Lily. There had been one or two close calls, but Juliet could blend in as successfully as she could stand out.

     Some days were worse than others though. There were some days Juliet would blankly stare at the Gryffindor table and fail to snatch James' attention because he was animatedly talking to Lily. It was those days that made her falter, made her wonder if she was about to become a blood traitor for a temporary thing.

     "I don't know whose face looks worse. Yours or Snape's," commented Regulus.

Juliet glanced down the table to see Snape sneering at the pretend couple. "It'll be yours when my wand meets your face if you put me in the same league as that obsessed little twit ever again."

"Just an observation," he claimed, shrugging like they were discussing the weather instead of someone she cared deeply about. "Maybe you should distract yourself. How is your progress with the Dark Lord's task? You're graduating in less than three months and you might not necessarily have the same facilities available to yo—"

"What do you think they're talking about?" Juliet interrupted, narrowing her eyes at the pair when James leaned over to whisper something in Lily's ear.

Regulus pinched the bridge of his nose. "Salazar knows what those Gryffindors talk about, presumably muggleborn rights or something equally as dim witted."

Her head snapped towards Regulus. "Muggleborn. You said muggleborn."

It was the sign she needed from him. Regulus Black may have been a willing Death Eater, but that didn't mean she wanted to leave him to drown. If there was any hope he might abandon his duties in the same way she was going to and his brother already had, she would help him. Slytherins had always been loyal to their own, but her hope for him was born out of something more than that — he was a friend. After rudely thrusting himself upon her and her life, Regulus had become her best friend and she could only hope to be his James, to be the one who showed him that they really did have a choice in who they eventually became.

     "No, I didn't," the boy argued pointedly. "I said mud—"

     Before he could use the slur, she stood up and announced, "I'm going over there."

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     Trust wasn't something that came easily to Juliet, but she definitely trusted James. To an extent, she trusted Lily as well, but she felt the foundations of their friendship were still rather shaky. However, no amount of trust could change the fact that Juliet didn't particularly appreciate feeling like an outsider in her own relationship.

     Strutting over to the Gryffindor table, Juliet didn't hesitate to squeeze herself in the nonexistent space between Lily and James. As she stole a piece of toast right from James' hand and took a large bite, she casually greeted, "Good morning."

"Hey!" protested James, oblivious to the tension at the table. "I was eating that."

"And now you're not," she responded, placing her hand on his thigh beneath the table. "Funny how life works, isn't it?"

Marlene McKinnon was a couple of seats down, scowling at the redhead that had rudely forced herself between Lily and James. "Are you lost, Fawley?"

"You mean this isn't the Slytherin table?" Juliet gasped in mock surprise. "An easy mistake, of course. It's hard to see the red and gold past your moral superiority and the size of your eg—"

James clamped a hand over her mouth. "She's kidding."

Sirius snorted. "No, she's not."

Doubting that Marlene's hotheadedness would mix well with Juliet's own temper, James turned to Juliet. "Did you come over here to pick a fight or did you actually want something?"

"Ouch, Jamie," she teased, "that hurt right . . . Where's my heart again, Sirius?"

"Left boob," Sirius answered dutifully.

"Right in my left boob," she finished with a charming smile. "Since Dumbledore always babbles on about interhouse unity, I thought I'd come over here for a chat. You know, make small talk, be —" Juliet's tirade was silenced when she caught sight of what Remus Lupin was reading. Her voice transformed from cocky to quiet in an instant. "Can I see that, Lupin?"

     The atmosphere shifted, the air grew taut.

     "What is it?" Lily asked softly. For a moment, the Slytherin had forgotten she was even there.

     Juliet tossed The Daily Prophet back to Remus. "Someone finally found my — Arin's — body. Muggles, in fact. Oh he would have hated that . . ."

     If Juliet didn't care so much about public perception, James would have hugged her then and there. "And?"

     "And nothing. He was an arse," she bit back. "But it looks like there's an ongoing investigation. The Dark Mark was visible on his body. No doubt I'll be getting an owl in a few days from the aurors because they want to search the manor. If I'm honest, I'd rather be getting my inheritance. Oh well."

The pitying glance from James pushed her over the edge. With a huff, she retreated to the Slytherin table.

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"Even if he was an arse, you're allowed to be sad."

"I appreciate that, but I'm not," Juliet replied tersely.

"I feel like you're bottling it up."

"And I feel like you talk too much when we're in the middle of snogging," the redhead groaned in impatience.

For the umpteenth time, James ran his hands through his messy hair. "It's just — I don't want you to feel like I'm taking advantage of your grief."

Perching herself on the end of the bed, Juliet sighed. "James, I promise you I'm not grieving." Her eyes were glazed — with desire, not tears — as she looked around the Room of Requirement, feigning interest. Sirius had agreed to cover for James, thankfully. "This isn't me trying to cope with my grief, this is me trying to cope with the fact that I've been going mental these past six weeks because I've constantly had to see you and Lily together."

The Gryffindor flopped down beside her. "I thought that was what you wanted. You're the one who suggested we pretend to date."

"It is! Since everyone thinks you're with her, I've seen more of you in these past few weeks than I probably did in the first few months we were together, but . . ." Her voice trailed off and she squeezed her eyes shut, feeling pathetic and insecure for even bringing the topic up. "Do you ever think about how it might not be pretend had we never spoken on Halloween? Maybe you and Lily would actually be dating by now. You liked her for six years, surely that can't disappear in an instant. If it can, what does that mean for me?"

     "Lily made it clear she couldn't return those feelings, even if she wanted to." His tone held a subtle note of nostalgia, like the days of chasing Lily Evans were merely a fond memory to him. "And even if that changed, I would still choose you."

     Like a compass that always found true north, her reluctant gaze met his unwavering one. "What if you're choosing a different person to the one you fell in love with? I feel like I've changed so much lately."

"Then I'll fall deeper in love with that version of you," James told her, the answer seeming blatantly obvious to him. "You're not suddenly a different person. You've grown, that's all. Where's all this coming from?"

"I'm scared, James." Her voice shook from the raw honesty of her confession. "I'm so fucking scared of what will happen after we board the Hogwarts Express for the last time three months from now."

     Something about the brutal vulnerability of the moment felt oddly intimate.

     He cupped her cheek. "I guess it'll be us against the world."

Tangling her fingers into his dark hair, she kissed him like their days were numbered because maybe they were. His lips moved down to her throat, her head fell back and his hazel eyes looked wild and golden in the dim light. Her back arched, his touch hastened and their names slipped from each other's swollen lips like curses. Their clothes were promptly discarded on the floor and they collapsed back onto the bed, lost in each other as the world faded around them.

     "Us against the world? I can deal with that." Her fingers traced intricate patterns on his bare chest. "Until then, I suppose all we have is us."

With a smirk, James breathlessly replied, "I can deal with that."

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     In the darkness, the neon numbers of the clock said it was 3:29am. Although her body was sore and she was tired, Juliet couldn't sleep. Not even counting James' slow breathing from where he slept at her side seemed to calm her.

     James stirred, rolling over to see Juliet staring at him. "What's wrong?"

     "Nothing," she murmured with a sleepy grin on her face, "I — I just love you."

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A.N: The pessimism in the last chapter towards James' loyalty really surprised me, to be honest. In return, we have lots of fluff and Juliet being insecure in her relationship! Before her very first kiss with him, we saw how she compared herself to a 'Lily Evans type girl' so she really dug herself into a hole with this one. Anyway, only four chapters left of Seventh Year wow! And not long until the end of this book entirely. How crazy.

Question, what is your comfort show, film, character etc? Mine is 100% Rory Gilmore and either Gilmore Girls or Buffy.