I paced my room, running my hands through my hair. My eyes kept shooting to the clock, anxious to leave and get this awkward experience over with.

                Jack and Delaney would be meeting me at a café soon. If today went wrong, it was all over for me. Jack would never forgive me.

                Shit. I was so bad at this kind of stuff.

                I tried to call up any other time I'd attempted something like this, but my mind came up painfully blank. I'd always kept to myself when I was younger, having no real friends. My dad didn't like when I had friends. He told me they were bad influences on me. I'd never been in a situation where I had to win someone back, because I'd never lost someone.

                Well, I guess that was a lie. Alexis. I'd lost Alexis to my own habits.

                But Alexis had carefully nurtured an infinite patience for others. He had an emotional disconnect that helped him glaze over serious issues to a calm response. Even when I'd hurt Micah, the most important person in the world to him, he'd still been able to forgive me.

                But Jack and Delaney weren't like Alexis. They had no reason to snap themselves off from their emotions. They had no reason to forgive me for what I'd done. Alexis understood where guys like me came from. He took that into consideration when forgiving my actions.

                Jack had never seen me flinch back when someone moved towards me too fast. He'd never seen me homeless and starving and desperate. He'd never seen me fight to keep all my broken pieces together whenever I saw something that reminded me of my family.

                I am a victim.

                I closed my eyes, hating that word. I'd tried for so long to fight against it, but I knew it was true. I knew I'd been physically and emotionally abused for 16 years. I knew I'd been isolated from the world and only ever known the form of "love" my family showed.

                Was it really love if it didn't involve fists and control? Could you really love something you didn't fear?

                I'd struggled with those thoughts for so long and always hidden myself away from them. But now I had to face them.

                I checked the time again and left my bedroom, heading downstairs and out the front door. Jer looked up at me from his chair on the porch.

                "And where the fuck are you going?" he asked.

                "Out to make a mess of my life," I said.

                He snorted. "You've been doing that for 21 years."

                "Thanks for the vote of confidence, Jericho."

                Jer dropped his attention back to the papers spread out in front of him. "I'm just surprised you're even still alive. If you do kick the bucket, you're shit out of luck. Funerals are too expensive for us to afford."

                "Send me off Viking style," I said, walking down the steps of the porch.

                I got my bike out of the garage, made sure I had my wallet, and took off towards the café. I kept my mind occupied with thoughts of what to say if we got trapped in an awkward silence.

                After a while of riding, the café came into view. I parked my bike, chaining it so it wouldn't get stolen. It wasn't very hot out today, so I wasn't covered in sweat, which was always a good thing when you were trying to win a guy over.

                I went into the café and looked around, spotting Jack and Delaney in a corner seat. I walked over and they looked up at me.

                "He's not sitting next to me. He biked here. He probably smells," Jack said.

                "For your information, it's not hot out. I don't smell like anything other than cheap cologne," I said, taking a seat next to Delaney.

                "He's not lying about the cheap cologne," Delaney said.

                Jack rolled his eyes. "Alright, let's get this train wreck going. Ace, what do you want?"

                My hands trembled and I hid them in my lap. Some part of my brain was screaming at me to keep my mouth shut and get the hell out of here. I could almost hear my dad's voice sternly telling me what bad influences Jack and Delaney were.

                "Look at them," my dad would say. "One is involved in sex, drugs, and alcohol. Look at the other one's hair. I bet he's involved in bad things too. They're bad influences, Ace. Stay away from them. I'm not losing my boy to the world's vices."

                I took a slow breath, carefully blocking out the ghost of my father's voice. He wasn't here. He hadn't been a part of my life for five years. He would not control me any longer.

                "I lied to Delaney," I said.

                "Shocker, never would've guessed," Jack said. "Don't waste our time."

                "I'm sorry I lied." The words were unfamiliar on my tongue, but I spoke them anyways. "I want to fix this. Jack, I'm sorry." I turned to Delaney. "I'm sorry I lied and led you on. I didn't mean to fuck up your relationship with Jack."

                Delaney shrugged and dropped his gaze. "I guess I just get jealous of Jack."

                "Why? I look like a Pidgeot and once forgot Africa was a continent," Jack said.

                Delaney grinned a little. "Yea, you're an idiot. Sorry man. I know it's not your fault when people fall for you."

                "It is my fault. I practice witchcraft just for this purpose," Jack said.

                Delaney balled up a napkin and threw it at Jack's face. "Shut up, asshole. I'm trying to be sappy and apologize for overreacting."

                "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about me and Ace sooner," Jack said, swatting the napkin away.

                I watched them, feeling hopeful. Were they getting back to normal? Did that mean Jack would forgive me?

                Jack turned his attention to me. "Ace, kiddo, let's have a chat."

                "That's why we're here," I said.

                "You, my friend, have some serious issues going on. I don't know what you grew up with, but I'm assuming it was some shitty abuse. Either way, that doesn't excuse what you do now. You're responsible for your own actions. You're an adult. That being said, I do get how hard this is for someone who clearly has trauma fucking him up inside. Hats off to you. Well, not literally. My hair is bad today so I'd rather keep my hat on." Jack glanced at Delaney. "Anything to add, Dex?"

                "I think you have the potential to be a good person," Delaney said with a shrug.

                "I think you have the potential to be on good terms with us," Jack said.

                My heart stuttered a little in my chest. I hadn't realized how much I needed to hear that until the words left Jack's mouth. This could still be fixed. Jack and I could still have some sort of future together.

                "I wouldn't be mad if you guys ever wanted to..." Delaney shrugged again. "You're adults and you don't need my approval. But I'm giving it anyways. Thanks for trying to fix things, Ace."

                "It's like you're growing up before my very eyes," Jack said, mimicking wiping a tear away.

                "I'm going to go order us some food and drinks," Delaney said, getting up, probably just giving Jack and me a few minutes to talk in private. We both watched him move up to the counter and out of earshot.

                "I'm not magically fixed. There are things I can't get over until I face them, and I can't face them yet," I said, thinking of my family. My cousin Phil had been able to hurt me when he was 12. I couldn't even imagine how much more violent he'd be now at 17. And my father. God, the things my father would do if he got me back in his clutches. The insane amount of brainwashing he'd put me through to get me back.

                "I'm not asking you to battle your demons. I was just asking you to step up and take responsibility for your own actions. Congratulations, you did," Jack said.

                "So, are we...?" I waited.

                "You're proving yourself," he said. "That's a good start."

                I swallowed my frustration, trying to force the patience that Alexis had always showed. Of course fixing things completely would take time. I just had to be patient and keep at it.

                "How's your knee?" I asked.

                "Better. Still limping," Jack said. "I'm not here for small talk, though. I'm going to warn you right now, Ace: if you ever hurt Delaney again, I will kick you to the curb so damn fast."

                "I wasn't planning on it," I said.

                "Good. I won't forgive you for that twice," he said, meeting my eyes with a serious look.

                "You won't have to," I said, keeping my eyes on his.

                He leaned back, looking satisfied. "Look at you, growing up."

                "I grew up years ago," I said.

                "Not in the ways you should've." He grabbed the napkin Delaney threw earlier and began to toss it up and down. "I have to admit, I'm surprised someone like you is still standing. They all think you'll die young, but I think it's not too late to take that foot out of the grave and walk a different path."

                I gestured to the café. "Doesn't look like a graveyard to me."

                Jack grinned a little. "Prove them wrong."

                I returned the grin. "I always have."

                Delaney came back with food and drinks. The three of us ate and slipped into small talk to ease over any earlier tension. We were all careful to avoid talk of what had landed us here in the first place, and things went surprisingly well with almost no awkward silences.

                When we were done eating, we stood up and left the café. Jack and Delaney both had a set of car keys in their hands.

                "I'm going over to Drew's for a little," Delaney said to Jack.

                "Alright. Ace, stick your bike in my trunk. I'll drop you off," Jack said.

                I picked up my bike and he helped me get it in the trunk. I got in the car and Jack started it, backing out of the parking lot.

                Jack sighed as he drove. "Alright, wait, I'm bringing you to the apartment quickly. We have a tradition to uphold."

                He drove us back to the apartment and led me inside. I followed him up to his bedroom and he dug through a pile of CDs, pulling one out. He flipped it open, grabbed a sharpie, and wrote the date on it before holding it out to me.

                I took the CD in my hands, a physical sign of the way my life was changing. I'd never pictured myself standing in this position, but here I was.

                Maybe someday I could really recover from what had been done to me growing up. Maybe someday "victim" would be just another word.

                Jack stood up and led me downstairs and back outside. He started moving towards the car, but I reached out and caught his shoulder.

                "Thank you," I said, and kissed him.

                Jack was surprised for a moment before kissing me back, hooking an arm around my waist. I could feel the CD in my hands and his lips on mine. My heart pounded against my chest, making it hard to distinguish between anxiety and joy. What a strange life I was living.

                "Jack?"

                Jack pulled away from me, surprising me with the blush on his cheeks. He spun around to face the people in his driveway.

                "Oh, wow, this is awkward," he said.

                "We wanted to surprise you," a woman said, looking between us.

                "Looks like you're the one surprising us," the man next to her said, also looking embarrassed.

                "Jesus, this is awkward," Jack said. "Well Ace, looks like you're meeting my parents. In case you haven't noticed, they tend to have poor timing."

                "Yea, I see that. Hey, I'm Ace," I said.

                "It's nice to meet you," Jack's mom said, holding her hand out to me. "I'm Jack's mother, Melissa. This is my husband, Frank."

                I shook her hand as Jack drifted over to his dad, carefully trying to hide his limp, and mumbled something to him. Frank nodded and hugged Jack.

                He released Jack and gave me a polite smile. "It's nice to meet you, Ace."

                "Yea, you too," I said, letting my hand drop from Melissa's. "I'll head out now, Jack."

                "Oh, no, we'd love for you to stay!" Melissa said.

                "My mom really loves people," Jack said, sighing.

                "Come on, we brought some food and Ace can join us for some snacks and drinks. Ace, are you 21?" Melissa asked.

                "Yea, I'm 21," I said.

                "Do you go to college around here?" Frank asked.

                I shook my head. "I don't go to college. I'm a waiter at Magellan's Restaurant."

                "Oh, that's a lovely restaurant," Melissa said. "Jack, help us get the stuff out of the car. We can talk more inside."

                "You're helping, too," Jack said to me.

                I shrugged and helped them carry things inside. Once we'd gotten everything, Melissa poured chips into a bowl and passed everyone a beer. We sat down at the table in Jack's kitchen.

                "So are you two...?" Frank asked, gesturing at us.

                "We're not dating," Jack said. "And I'm also not a whore, so don't get the wrong idea."

                "Jack!" Melissa said.

                "What? I don't usually go kissing people I'm not dating. Ace is just a pain to deal with," Jack said, taking a swig of his beer.

                "Did you grow up in this town, Ace?" Melissa asked.

                I shook my head. "I just live here with some friends."

                "How long have you and Jack known each other?" Frank asked.

                "Dad, seriously, this isn't an interrogation. Both of you quit asking him questions. You came to visit me, not get to know Ace," Jack said.

                "Well maybe we want to get to know Ace," Melissa said.

                "Well maybe Ace has to get home to go to work," Jack said.

                I checked the time and nodded. "I do have to get home to get ready for work." I threw on my charming smile. "It was nice to meet you, though."

                "I'll go get your bike out of my trunk," Jack said, getting up and grabbing his car keys.

                I followed him downstairs. He went outside as I knelt to put my shoes on. Hey, at least I got out of an awkward time with his parents. I was never comfortable around parents. I didn't know how to act or talk to them. I just relied on the small talk I used when it was quiet at work and a table was friendly.

                "Ace?"

                I stood up and faced Jack's mother. Melissa gave me a small, genuine small, and I realized where Jack got his facial features from.

                "He cares about you," she said, reaching out and placing a hand on my shoulder. "Please be good to him. I worry about him. And I know he worries about you."

                I just stared at her as she let her hand drop from my shoulder. The door opened behind me and Jack came back in.

                "Mom, don't corner people," Jack said, stepping between us.

                "Jack, don't try to hide things from me. We'll be talking about that limp of yours, young man. I noticed it," Melissa said.

                Jack blushed a little again. "Ace, I'll talk to you later."

                I nodded, looked at his mom one more time, and left the apartment. I got on my bike and started back towards my own house.

                Had Jack been voicing concern about me to his mom? Did he really care about me that much?

                And he said he'd talk to me later. Which meant that today was a success, and Jack actually planned to keep talking to me. We'd shattered and were rebuilding. We'd been dealt a shitty hand but we were making the best of those cards.

                A small smile hit my face. This was what happiness felt like.