***Ace's POV***

                I hated how weak I was. I hated the way I'd enjoyed lying with Jack. I hated that, for a short time, I'd allowed myself to imagine us as something more than two guys who saw the ugly sides of each other.

                I hated the way I wanted that moment to last forever. I hated how much I enjoyed kissing him and how at peace I felt with him.

                Love wasn't for people like me. Love wasn't for someone whose mother had walked out on him, whose father had abused him, who had lost the only thing keeping him stable.

                And chances? Hell, I was living my second chance. Third chances just didn't happen. I was shit out of luck in that department.

                I laid in the backyard, the grass tickling my arms and legs. It was a nice day out and I didn't have to work, which was a rare occasion.

                My phone buzzed and I closed my eyes. I almost didn't want to answer it. I didn't feel like talking to anyone right now. I was trapped in my own thoughts and it was hell.

                But I reluctantly pulled my phone out of my pocket. I unlocked it and let my eyes skim over the text message.

                From: Delaney

                Hey Ace, want to get lunch? I'm buying.

                I blew out a sigh. Oh, whatever. I'd get a free lunch out of it. And I could finally let him know that we weren't going to date. I knew he was planning to ask me out.

                After texting Delaney back, I set my phone on my chest and folded my hands behind my head, staring up at the sky. I had two options right now.

                My first option was to turn Delaney down and tell him what was going on between me and Jack. That would certainly get Jack back for fucking with my head.

                My second option was to turn Delaney down and pretend that it was because I just wasn't ready for a relationship. I could keep him wrapped around my finger and use him as I pleased.

                It sucked, but this was my reality. Me? The guys in this house? We didn't get to grow up and fall in love and have a wedding where we were surrounded by family and friends. We didn't get to have kids and work nice jobs and live in clean houses.

                Christian was the only one of us who was getting a college education, and he could just barely afford it even with all the financial aid he got. He'd probably be paying back loans until the day he died.

                We didn't live easy lives. But we were living.

                I pushed myself off of the grass and went inside, brushing my shorts off. Our house was too hot, but only the back windows were opened. I grudgingly closed them as I entered the house.

                We didn't need anyone breaking into our house. We made it a rule to keep all windows shut unless someone was home.

                I waited until Delaney texted me that he was in the driveway. I left the house, locking the door as I went.

                I climbed into the car and Delaney smiled at me. I returned the smile, that charming smile I had perfected so carefully.

                "Hey Ace," he said, backing out of the driveway.

                "Hey. Where are we eating?" I asked.

                "I figured we could go to the burger place up on the boulevard," he said.

                I nodded. "I'm good with that."

                Delaney rolled the windows down a little and the air cooled me down as we drove. It was a silence that wasn't quite comfortable, but wasn't awkward, either.

                After driving for a little, Delaney pulled into a parking lot and we got out of the car. He held the door of the burger place open for me, smiling as I walked past him.

                "Is it weird for you? You know, to be waited on instead of doing the waiting," he said.

                I shrugged. "Being a waiter is just my job. Although I guess it's nice not to have to run around memorizing orders and trying to balance a whole family's worth of food."

                "You don't write the orders down?" he asked.

                I smirked. "My memory is all I need. I'm good at my job."

                A waitress came and led us to a table, handing us menus and leaving once she had our drink orders. I flipped open my menu, hating how my eyes shot right to the prices of everything even though Delaney was the one paying.

                I looked out at the other people in the restaurant, wondering how many of them just flipped open their menus and picked whatever they wanted, price be damned. How nice it would be to have financial stability again.

                And I could. All I had to do was go put myself back in my father's clutches.

                I nearly laughed at my own thoughts. I had worked so damn hard to get away from my father. I would never go back. Hell, I doubted he even wanted me back. He was probably glad I was gone. I doubted him or the rest of my family ever went looking for me.

                "Hey, Ace, are you okay?" Delaney asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

                "I'm fine," I said. "Just day dreaming about the kickass burger I'm about to order."

                Delaney laughed a little and held my gaze for just another moment before looking back down at his menu. Shit, the things I do for free food.

                The waitress returned and set our drinks down, taking our orders and leaving us alone. Without a menu to distract myself with, I began to play with my straw wrapper.

                "Ace, do your friends get annoyed when I come to the house? Or when you hang out with me?" Delaney asked.

                I rolled my eyes. "I don't really care. They get annoyed about everything. If we weren't so broke, we might be able to afford to get the stick up their asses surgically removed."

                He laughed. "I feel that way about Jack sometimes. But you have to like them if you live with them, right?"

                "I'm not sure I'd say 'like'. 'Tolerate' would probably be a better word."

                He stuck his straw in his soda and took a sip. "They just seem like hard guys to get along with. But you guys seem close. I don't know, when I come over, I see the way you act with each other. You just seem to know each other really well."

                "Well, we've lived together for three years," I said. "And we've all been friends for...Hm, I think five years now. You get to know people when you live so close together for so long."

                I closed my mouth, taking a sip of my drink. I didn't want to keep talking about myself and my life. Delaney didn't need to know more than he already did. And what if he started asking about my family?

                "What about you, Nico, and Jack?" I asked, turning the conversation onto him.

                Delaney began to tell me about how he met his friends, how they moved in together, and what it was like living with them. I didn't actually care, but as long as I didn't have to do the talking, I'd endure the conversation.

                I felt eternally grateful to the waitress as she brought us our food, shutting Delaney up. The two of us ate in comfortable silence.

                I hated the way that I savored the taste of a burger nowadays. All we ever ate at the house was pasta, because it was cheap and easy to buy in bulk. It was quick to make and something that was edible even if you overcooked it or undercooked it a little.

                Delaney looked like it was just another meal for him, and it probably was. But to me, a little burger had become a luxury.

                When we finished, Delaney paid and the two of us left, getting back into his car. He pulled out of the parking lot and began to drive.

                "Come back to my apartment with me," he said.

                We were different. We wouldn't work. "Okay."

                He parked when we got back to the apartment. The two of us got out of the car together and Delaney led me around to the backyard.

                We sat down in the chairs there. The backyard was a fair size, with enough room to play games or hang out. They probably shared it with whoever lived in the downstairs part of the apartment, but right now, we were the only ones outside.

                "Ace," Delaney said, and dread gathered in my chest at the tone of his voice. "I really like spending time with you. I like that we've gotten to know each other so much. Will you..." He looked at me, a blush on his face. "Will you be my boyfriend?"

                I had never dated anyone before. And I couldn't start now.

                "I can't, Delaney," I said. "I don't have the time for a relationship. I..."

                My words cut off and I looked away from him, feeling infinitely frustrated and angry. Alexis managed in time for a relationship even with a five year old to look after and work to waste away at. I was bullshitting everyone, including myself. I did have the time for it. I just didn't have the experience or the feelings.

                "Hey," Delaney said, his voice soft. "You don't have to try to explain it, Ace. I get it. I'm sorry if I made things uncomfortable. We still good?"

                "Still good," I managed. I stood up from the chair. "We're still good. But I do have to get back home. I'm in charge of cooking dinner for tonight and I don't want the other to throw a shit fit if I'm late."

                That was a lie and a shitty one. We'd just eaten, after all.

                Delaney nodded though, a small smile on his face. "Okay. I'll text you later?"

                "Sure," I said. "I'm going to walk home."

                I left the backyard, hurrying away down towards the house I lived at. The others would probably be home by now, but I didn't care anymore.

                Something was wrong with me. I was broken. Too broken to ever be with someone. Even someone like Jack, because Jack knew that I couldn't last in a relationship. Either you wouldn't know me well enough and the whole relationship would be fake, or you'd know me too well and there'd never be a relationship in the first place.

                When I got back to the house, I moved towards the front porch. The guys were all sitting out on it, watching me as I moved towards them.

                Jer was sitting in his usual chair, Ike was leaning on the railing, and Christian was lying on a towel on the ground. I moved up the steps onto the porch, trying to get to the front door.

                But Ike caught my arm. "What's got you so freaked out?"

                I tried to yank my arm away. "I want to be alone."

                "Alexis stopped by while you were gone. He left this." Ike dug in his pocket and held out coupons towards me. "Go shopping tomorrow before your shift. There are a lot of good sales on at the grocery store. Jer will leave you the car."

                I smacked the coupons out of his hand, meeting his eyes with a glare as the little papers fluttered to the ground. Christian opened his eyes as one landed on his face.

                "Grow up," he said, brushing the coupon off.

                "Calm down, shut the hell up, and just enjoy the nice fucking weather," Jer said without looking up from the papers he had laid out in front of him.

                Ike released my arm. "We're eating outside tonight."

                "This is the nicest day we've had in a while," Christian said, closing his eyes again. "Don't wreck it."

                Anger rushed up, pumping through my body. Why couldn't any of us just say that we wanted to spend time together? I couldn't say it, they couldn't say it. It's like we were afraid that if we showed even a small sliver of kindness, the world would realize that it hadn't broken us beyond repair yet and it would hurry to finish the job.

                "I'm leaving," I said, hitting my pocket to make sure I had my wallet.

                "You're always leaving, Ace. Christ, man, you can't just run away from every damn problem in your life," Jer said, finally looking up.

                "Ace, you have to face it," Christian said, opening his eyes and propping himself up on his elbows, looking up at me. "Someday, we're all going our separate ways. I'm not interested in dating or marriage, but maybe Jer will find someone who can put up with his bitchiness. Ike could get married and move closer to his brother. We're going to grow up and physically separate. You can't stop it. You can't run away from it."

                I didn't want to imagine that. I didn't want to imagine the family we'd built for ourselves being gone forever. They'd keep moving on and I'd always be stuck behind. We had already started to crumble; Alexis had held us in place, but take away the glue, and the structure can't last long.

                "Someday this will all go to shit. But today we're eating outside. Suck it up, Ace," Jer said, dropping his attention back down to the papers.

                Anything I might've said caught in my throat and I stormed off of the porch. I didn't want this to crumble and I didn't want to admit that.

                So instead, I walked myself to the bar and I went inside, having only $30 in my wallet. I went straight up to the bar and ordered myself a double shot, throwing it back and letting it clear the words from my throat.

                I downed two more shots before moving into the basement of the bar. I needed to find someone who would buy the rest of my drinks for me.

                People were packed together, dancing. It was so loud I could barely hear my own thoughts and I was damn grateful.

                I searched until my eyes fell on a group of girls dancing together. One seemed to be a little more singled out than the others, and I moved up to her.

                "Mind if I dance?" I called over the music.

                She eyed me and grinned a little, turning her body to face mine. The two of us moved closer together and let the beat of the music pump through our bodies. She flipped her hair and let me touch her waist, her hips lightly hitting my body as she moved.

                We danced together for a little before I tugged her towards the stairs. The two of us went upstairs and over to the bar. I slapped at my pockets and groaned.

                "Shit. My wallet," I grumbled.

                "Don't worry. I can cover it," she said, slapping money down on the counter and ordering us drinks.

                We took shots together, laughing harder the more our words slurred. We took shot after shot, learning each other's names (hers was Izzy), talking about what we did (she was a college student who also worked as a cashier), bitching about our nights (her friends kept leaving her out).

                I slumped against the bar a little, at least three or four shots deeper than Izzy. She laughed and lightly hit my chest, her cheeks a blooming pink color from the alcohol.

                "Come on, Ace. You can come back to my place," she said, grabbing my arm and giving it a light tug.

                Something in my fuzzy thoughts said that I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to go and have more meaningless sex and feel even shittier when I woke up in the morning.

                Izzy pressed something into my hand and I looked down. Another shot.

                "Go on," she said, hand sliding up my chest.

                I threw the shot back, because I was a coward and my friends were right; I ran from my problems. I never faced them. I was 21 years old and I was still terrified of my family finding me. I was 21 years old and I was still terrified of my friends growing up and moving on in life without me. I was just a frightened child in the body of a smug man.

                "Let's go," Izzy said, putting her arm around my waist and starting to guide me towards the door.

                "Ace!"

                Jesus, how drunk was I? I shook my head a little and tried to stop Izzy. But she kept her grip on me and continued to lead me towards the exit.

                "Ace, dammit, don't ignore me!"

                A hand fell on my shoulder and Izzy glared behind me. I swung my head to look at Jack's face.

                He wasn't wearing his usual hat, so his red mane caught my drunken attention. Jack lightly slapped his palm against my cheek.

                "My eyes are down here, kid," he said, tilting my chin so that I was looking into his eyes.

                "We were just about to leave," Izzy said impatiently.

                "Ace doesn't really look like he wants to go with you," Jack said. "Come on, Ace. I'll take you back to your house."

                "No," I said, because it was broken and I didn't want to be there and I was afraid that when I got back they'd all be gone and I'd be all alone again.

                "Fine. Then I'll take you to mine," Jack said.

                "He's coming with me," Izzy said, glaring at Jack again.

                "You can't take him against his will. There's this thing called consent. You need it, even from a drunk guy," Jack said, pushing her off of me and catching me as I staggered. "Ace, you cool if I take you out of the bar?"

                I considered verbally replying to that, but remembered that I wasn't very good with words. Instead, I just nodded.

                "There, see? Consent," Jack said. He shot me an annoyed look. "Consent to take you home, not take you to bed, by the way. I'm not Dex."

                "I turned his ass down," I mumbled.

                "I'm sure you did a lot to his ass. Let's go," he said, ignoring Izzy as she yelled after him. He pulled me back towards the bar. "I just have to tell my friends I'm leaving. God, you're a pain in the ass. You're lucky my mother raised me better than to let someone take advantage of a drunk person."

                I just stumbled along after him. He kept his hand on my shoulder to guide me through the crowd until we reached a small group of guys and girls sitting at the bar.

                "Hey, I'm leaving. This is Ace, he's bombed, and I'm taking him home," Jack said.

                "Always the DD," one of the girls at the bar said.

                "Some of us aren't alcoholics," Jack said. "I'll see you guys later."

                He led me away from his friends and out of the bar. He helped me into his car and we left the bar.

                "I wasn't planning on drinking anyways. I usually am the DD," Jack said as we drove down the silent, dark streets. I hadn't realized how late it was.

                "I don't want to go home," I said, trying to clear my intoxicated mind.

                "Lucky for you, Dex isn't home tonight. He's staying with some friends so they can get hopelessly drunk off of cheap booze," Jack said.

                He parked the car and helped me out, leading me into the house and up to his room. I dropped onto his bed, looking up at the ceiling.

                "Same rules as before. You vomit on my bed, I suffocate you with a pillow," he said, pulling out a water bottle and tossing it into my lap.

                "I ran away," I said. Would I say this if I was sober? "I ran away from my home and my friends. I run away from problems. I'm..."

                "Broken," Jack said, sitting on the edge of his bed, not looking at me. "You're broken, Ace."

                "I wish I wasn't."

                "I wish you weren't."

                I closed my eyes and reached out, letting my fingers brush against Jack's leg. He blew out a sigh and leaned back a little.

                "You turned Dex down. He told me about it." He put his hand on top of mine, not holding it, just warming it. "He took it surprisingly well."

                I opened my eyes and looked at Jack. My heart ached because something inside me wanted him. Not for sex, but just to hold him and kiss him and maybe just be happy with him. But I couldn't have that because the world wasn't fair and it didn't give a damn what you wanted.

                I clenched my fist. I was done bowing to the world.

                I sat up and, catching Jack by surprise, pulled him close to me. I kissed him so hard that I was afraid our teeth might hit each other. But they didn't, and Jack kissed me back because his best friend had asked me out and been turned down. Delaney knew that he couldn't date me, and that gave Jack a freedom to kiss me with the passion that he did.

                Maybe I was broken. But couldn't I toss away those broken pieces and build something new?

                We fell back on Jack's bed, his hands pulling me up against himself. I wrapped my arms around him, holding us together, kissing him like he was air and I was suffocating.

                "I have a policy of not having sex with drunk guys," Jack mumbled against my lips. "Especially after the embarrassing incident with Dex. But I have no policy against making out with drunk guys."

                So that's all we did. We just laid on Jack's bed, limbs tangling together and mouths familiarizing with each other.

                I stopped it after god only knows how long, tugging Jack so that he was lying next to me. I was tired, and I wanted to know what it felt like to fall asleep in someone's arms fully clothed.

                Jack put his arms around me and kissed the back of my neck. "You better not forget this in the morning you damn alcoholic. I'm not letting you take a stab at my dignity."

                "I won't forget," I mumbled, eyelids falling shut.

                He was warm, his body curving together with mine. He pulled the covers over us and let his arms hug my waist. I dropped my head back onto his shoulder and he kissed my hair.

                I was broken. I was beyond repair.

                But I would start over from scratch and build something sturdier this time. Jack's arms around me held me together as I drifted off to sleep, determined to make myself stronger this time. I rested my hand over Jack's and wondered if I could build myself sturdy enough to support two.