I set my bike in the garage and closed it, heading into the house. Jer wasn't on the front porch, which was rare.

                I pulled out my phone, pressing Delaney's contact. I held the phone to my ear as it rang, kicking my shoes off.

                "Hey Ace," he answered.

                "Hey, I just got back from work. I'm going to shower. I'll be ready in 15 minutes," I said.

                "Okay! I'll let Jack and Nico know!" he said. "We'll be there in a little."

                I hung up the phone, slipping it into my pocket. If I showered fast enough, I'd probably have time to eat something. I was starving.

                "Where are you going?"

                I glanced over at Ike. "Out."

                "Out where, Ace?" he said.

                "That is none of your business," I said, starting up the stairs.

                "You're getting yourself into trouble, aren't you?" he said.

                "Maybe I'm just making friends who will actually mourn me," I said, a dangerous grin curling my lips, my eyes challenging Ike.

                "There's only so much sympathy you can have for someone who dug their own grave," Ike said before walking away.

                I went the rest of the way up the stairs and into my room, grabbing clean clothes. I went into the bathroom, stripping and getting into the shower, washing myself quickly before getting out and redressing.

                After towel drying my hair and pulling my beanie back on, I went down to the kitchen, phone in hand and wallet tucked securely into my pocket. Christian, Ike, and Jer were sitting around the table eating pasta.

                I grabbed a fork and began to pick at their plates. Jer smacked the fork out of my hand in annoyance.

                "Make your own food," he snapped.

                "I'm leaving soon and I haven't eaten since this morning," I said, plucking a piece of pasta off his plate and tossing it into my mouth.

                "Where the hell are you going? It's almost ten," Jer said, narrowing his eyes at me.

                "Don't worry mom, I'll be a good boy," I said, smirking.

                My phone buzzed and I checked it. I had a new text from Delaney, announcing that he was in the driveway.

                I snatched a small handful of pasta off Jer's plate, ducking out of the way when he moved to hit me. I laughed and left the house, ignoring Jer as he yelled curse words after me.

                I got into the back of the car in the driveway. Delaney was in the backseat, Jack was driving, and some guy I didn't know was in the passenger seat.

                "This is Nico, our housemate," Delaney introduced. "Nico, this is Ace."

                "Nice to meet you," Nico said.

                "You're only saying it's nice because you haven't actually heard him talk yet," Jack said.

                "I think I have a lovely voice, thank you very much," I said.

                "What, did your mom tell you that?" Jack grumbled.

                "She might've, if she stuck around long enough for me to hit puberty," I said, laughing when I saw how awkward Jack looked.

                Jack let out a groan. "Come on, I forgot, okay? I'm not dedicated to memorizing your life story. I also just naturally make insensitive jokes. Don't make me feel awkward about it."

                "But I like seeing you uncomfortable," I said.

                "I'm going to drive really, really fast in the wrong lane and hope that we crash into a truck and all die," Jack said.

                Delaney rolled his eyes. "Shut up, Jack. This is going to be a fun night."

                "What in the hell is fun about spending a night with that?" Jack jerked his thumb in my general direction, keeping his eyes on the road.

                "A lot." Delaney smirked a little.

                "Are you thinking dirty things? Dex, I swear to god, I will ground you," Jack said.

                "Jack thinks he's my mom," Delaney informed me.

                "I kind of picked up on that," I said.

                "Jack thinks he's everybody's mom. He's the fairy squad mother," Nico said, pulling out his phone to reply to a text.

                "Nico, we can hook up for the night so that we don't have to third wheel with Dex and his fling," Jack said.

                "Easy killer. I have a girlfriend and I've been infected by this bizarre phenomenon called 'heterosexuality'," Nico said.

                "I'm sure Ace could infect you with plenty of things," Jack said.

                "I'm clean," I said, offering Jack a grin. "Would you like to find out for yourself?"

                "Thanks, but I'll keep my dignity." Delaney cleared his throat loudly and Jack glanced back briefly. "Oops, there I go with the insensitive jokes again."

                Jack reached out and put on a mix CD. He cranked the volume, probably hoping that I would stop talking. He and Nico seemed to be talking about something, but I could barely hear them over the sound of the music.

                "Sorry about him," Delaney said to me, leaning close so I could hear him.

                "He's amusing," I said, snickering.

                "He's not joking about the insensitive part. Just ignore whatever he says," Delaney said.

                "Yea, yea, I'm not easily offended." I glanced at Nico. "So I finally get to meet your elusive housemate."

                Delaney laughed a little. "Yea, Nico's rarely at the apartment. He's a cool guy, though. Hopefully Jack won't convince him to be a dick too."

                I gave Delaney a charming smile. "I don't care if they're dicks to me. I came to hang out with you."

                Delaney looked surprised before blushing a little. "Yea, it's going to be fun," he said, hastily ducking his head to hide the blush. "We all suck at bowling, though."

                "I haven't been bowling in years," I said, trying to think back to the last time I went. "I think the last time I went was when my dad took me and my cousin when I was 15."

                I remembered that day well. It had been a good day. We'd picked up my cousin, Phil, from his house and dad had driven us to the bowling alley. We'd played one game with bumpers and two without. Phil had sucked, but instead of getting angry like usual, he laughed when he messed up. My dad had been careful to coax Phil into a good mood before we even got to the bowling alley. It was rare that Phil and I got along so well, but that was probably the last time we ever spent a day together without Phil getting angry at me. Then I ran away.

                "Well, we're all going to suck then," Delaney said. "But it'll still be fun. I know bowling seems kind of lame but, well, cosmic bowling gets pretty fun."

                "Haven't been since I was a kid. It should be a good time," I said.

                Jack parked the car a few minutes later and the four of us got out. We joined the line at the door, shuffling in as the line moved forward.

                Delaney pulled out his wallet and grabbed some cash. Jack and Nico copied them and Jack handed each of us a coupon for some money off the price.

                When we got up to the desk, Delaney paid for me and we got shoes, heading over to our lane. We pulled on the bowling shoes and went to the back to find bowling balls.

                "Man, what the hell? I need more upper arm strength for this," Nico said, picking up a bowling ball and immediately setting it back down. "These things are heavy."

                "Man up," Jack said, testing a bowling ball.

                I moved around the racks, testing the bowling balls. Someone kicked my leg and I turned to face Jack. He held a bowling ball out to me.

                "This has your name on it," he said.

                "How romantic," I said.

                "No, I'm being literal." He turned it so that I could see "Ace" written underneath a spade on the bowling ball. I took it from Jack and tested the weight a little.

                "Good enough for me. Aw, you do like me, Jackass," I said.

                "I like cheesecake and puppies and the idea of lower college tuition," Jack said. "You, however, do not fall on the list of things I like."

                The lights suddenly dimmed down and Jack looked around before walking over to join Nico. I followed after him, glancing over as Delaney came up to us.

                We went back to our lane as the music started up, something with a lively beat. Jack entered our names on the screen and stepped up since he was first. Delaney, Nico, and I sat down on the bench together and watched Jack.

                He threw the bowling ball with surprising force, knocking over most of the pins. He managed to get a spare and dropped next to me on the bench as Delaney got up to go.

                "Delaney said you all sucked," I said. "Unless I've been hustled."

                "Nah." Jack shrugged. "I was on the bowling team when I was 10. Mom's idea of making me social or whatever. I just know how to curve it right." 

                Delaney sat back down, having knocked over almost all of the pins. I stood up and grabbed the bowling ball Jack had given me, testing the weight of it in my hands. I looked up at the pins, remembering how my dad tried to teach me how to curve my wrist just right when I threw the ball.

                But that felt like a whole other life ago. So instead, I ran forward a little, flicking my wrist straight out, watching the ball thunder towards the pins. It curved right towards the end, knocking down half the pins. I stood there, looking at them for a moment.

                I turned away and grabbed another bowling ball, throwing it forward to take care of the rest of the pins. Bowling was stupid anyways.

                "Not that bad," Delaney said as I sat back down.

                "I have a lot of talents." I smirked a little and Delaney returned it.

                "Hey, don't flirt with each other while I don't have Nico here to distract me," Jack said, nodding towards Nico, who had gotten up to take his turn.

                "Lonely?" I said.

                "I don't need to constantly get laid to feel like I have worth," Jack said.

                "Neither do we," I said, arching an eyebrow. "Some people just like having sex."

                "You can like it without making other people uncomfortable," Jack pointed out. He let out an annoyed sigh and looked up at the ceiling. "Damn, it's always either too hot or too cold in bowling alleys. Way too cold in here right now."

                "Well damn Jacky, we can't control the weather," I said.

                Jack narrowed his eyes at me. "Did you just..."

                "Surprise, even poor kids watch television," I said.

                Delaney laughed a little. "You set yourself up for that, Jack."

                Jack pointed a finger at Delaney. "You, hush."

                "Hey, go bowl," Nico said, shoving Jack off the bench and taking his seat. "Quit fighting with Delaney and the blond guy."

                "The blond guy has a name," I said.

                "Yea, but I forgot what it was," Nico said.

                "It's Ace," Delaney reminded him.

                "Is your real name Ace? Or is it just a nickname?" Nico asked.

                "Ace Foley, that's my real name," I said.

                "Out of my seat, asshole," Jack said, kicking Delaney.

                "This is MY seat," Delaney said, kicking him back.

                "Not anymore. Go bowl," Jack said.

                Delaney sighed and got up. Jack moved to sit down and paused. He glanced at us before walking away.

                "That guy," Nico said, shaking his head.

                "He's moody," I said.

                Nico laughed. "Nah, he's just a guy who wants to be an asshole but has too big of a heart. Don't take it personally. Jack barely likes anybody. He's extremely picky when it comes to people."

                Delaney came back over and I got up and took my turn. I sat back down once I had gotten a strike, watching as Nico got up to grab his bowling ball.

                "Having fun?" Delaney asked.

                I wasn't really having fun, but I gave him the charming smile I had perfected. "Yea, I am."

                The music was generic radio pop from bands and artists whose fans were probably dominated by people under the age of 13. The black lights were weak. The place was cold. The people in the lane next to us looked about 14 or so and sucked at bowling.

                But I realized that, for once, I was out doing something. I wasn't trapped in that house with moody people. I was out at a bowling alley with kids who were still kids.

                "Here."

                We looked over as Jack sat down, placing a large tray of fries next to us. He set down ketchup with it.

                "I was getting hungry," he said, grabbing a fry and tossing it into his mouth.

                "Thanks Jack!" Delaney said, also grabbing a fry.

                And so the four of us spent the night singing along badly to the songs, bowling through several games, and talking shit to each other about who was going to win and who sucked the most.

                I found Delaney sitting closer to me on the bench as the night went on. I also watched the way the other three moved and talked with carefree ease, just another casual night for them. This wasn't their first time having a normal night in years. This was just the same old.

                Jack checked the time after we had played through three games. "Shit, bowling's almost over. Better put the bowling balls back and return the shoes."

                "Man, time flies when you suck at bowling," Nico, the reigning loser of all three games, said, standing up.

                We copied him and grabbed the bowling balls, setting them back on the racks. We put our shoes back on and returned the rentals. Once we had gathered all our stuff, we left the bowling alley, climbing back into the car.

                "That was pretty fun!" Delaney said.

                "Easy for you to say. I never broke 85 points," Nico said.

                "It's okay, Nico. Someone had to lose," Jack said, patting his shoulder good naturedly.

                Nico smacked Jack's hand away. "Aw, shove it, Jack."

                "Have a good time?" Delaney asked me.

                Another charming smile. "Yea, thanks for bringing me."

                "You can hang out with us whenever," Delaney said, a little too eagerly.

                "I might take you up on that," I said.

                "You're not as shitty as Jack makes you out to be," Nico said.

                "I'm going to take that as a compliment," I said.

                "I still think you're pretty shitty," Jack said.

                "I'm offended," I said, grinning at Jack. "And here I thought we were finally getting to be friends."

                "Yea, no, keep dreaming kid," Jack said.

                He pulled into my driveway. I got out of the car, looking over curiously as Delaney got out as well. He came over to me, blushing lightly.

                "I needed to talk to you," he said.

                "Ah." I began to walk, nodding at him to speak.

                "Thanks for coming with us. I'm glad you and Jack didn't really fight tonight. I know for whatever reason, you guys don't get along. But, well, not killing each other after spending several hours together is a step in the right direction," he said.

                We stepped onto the porch. Delaney looked down a little, not meeting my eyes anymore.

                "I really am glad you came with us tonight, Ace," he said.

                "I'm glad too," I said. "We'll have to do it again sometime."

                Delaney looked up. He hesitated for a moment before stepping forward, moving his face towards mine. I let him, closing my eyes as his lips pressed against mine, nervous but sure.

                I kissed him back, feeling his fingers brush against my arm. He pulled away from me, eyes shining, a light blush on his cheeks.

                "I'll text you tomorrow," he said, kissing my cheek before leaving the porch and climbing back into the car. I gave a short wave as the car pulled out of the driveway.

                I went inside, leaning against the wall. My fingers came up, lightly touching my lips.

                Why don't I feel anything? Why don't I feel attracted to him? Why didn't I enjoy tonight?

                Frustration and fear swelled up in me and I pushed myself off the wall. I moved into the kitchen, grabbing a glass out of the cupboard with trembling hands. I yanked a bottle of wine out of another cupboard, a gift from Christian's grandfather.

                "What do you think you're doing?"

                Ike was leaning in the doorway, watching me. I began to pour the wine, pouring too much, not saying anything to Ike.

                Ike came over and reached for my drink. I smacked his hand away, narrowing my eyes at him.

                "You don't need it," Ike said. "Put it down. Go to bed."

                My feelings collided and I stepped forward, shoving Ike's chest hard enough that he stumbled backwards a little. I gripped the drink even tighter.

                "This is your fault," I said, my voice shaking a little, anger creeping in. "You and Jer and Christian."

                Ike moved fast, hand striking out. It hit the glass I was holding, causing the wine to spill all down the front of my clothes. I whipped the glass to the ground, satisfied as it shattered.

                I gripped Ike's shirt, throwing him up against the wall, pinning him there and glaring. Desperation was working its way into the mix of my emotions.

                "Why?" I managed. "Why can't I feel anything? Why can't I fucking feel anything?"

                Ike met my eyes, reaching up and gripping my hands. He tried to pry them off his shirt but gave up when he realized that I wasn't going to let go.

                "You're broken, Ace," he said at last.

                "Don't say that!" I was yelling, slamming Ike up against the wall repeatedly.

                Ike winced but didn't move to push me off. "You're only getting worse."

                "Ace!"

                Christian's voice was sharp. Ike and I looked over at him, my body trembling with the force of my anger.

                "Let him go," Christian said. Jer stood behind him.

                "I won't be like any of you," I snarled, stepping away from Ike. "I'm not going to let this world kill me inside."

                "We're not dead inside," Ike said. "If you think my little brother would let that happen, you clearly don't know how stubborn he is."

                "My grandfather would be heartbroken if I had the life sucked out of me," Christian said.

                "My parents have trouble recognizing me most of the time, but when they do, they tell me not to let the world kick the shit out of me," Jer said.

                I looked around at all of them, feeling cornered. Why? How could it just be me who was losing the ability to feel anything anymore?

                It started when Alexis left. Alexis kept me stable. He took more than I thought when he left.

                I moved forward, shoving through them. They all watched me go, none of them saying anything.

                My phone buzzed as I reached the stairs and I yanked it out of my pocket. I unlocked it and checked the new message.

                From: Jack

                Go check your driveway.

                I turned and opened the front door, heading off the porch and over to the driveway. I crouched down, squinting until I spotted what Jack was talking about.

                It was a CD case, looking like it had been tossed out of the window of Jack's car. I picked it up and opened it.

                It was the mix CD Jack had been playing on the way to the bowling alley. I flipped the CD over, seeing the date scribbled on it.

                He must have tossed it when Delaney and I were walking up to the house. I stared down at it, my hands starting to shake again.

                I think I'm feeling something.

                I didn't know what it was that I was feeling, but it was definitely something. Some emotion I wasn't familiar with.

                I sat down in the driveway, squeezing my eyes shut and clutching the CD to my chest. I was still clinging to feeling. I wasn't broken. I don't know why Jack's CD had proven that, but it had. So I sat there, alone in the dark, sitting in the driveway holding a CD to my chest and whispering those words to myself over and over again, letting myself know they were true.

                "I'm not broken, I'm not broken, I'm not broken."