I kept driving and never looked back. I had no clue where I was heading, but I knew I had to keep going. I didn't give myself time to think about Taylor or the baby. I was at the state line and low on gas. I had no money, no clothes, and no one to contact. I officially had lost everything. I couldn't go back and I couldn't go forward. Why was this happening to me? I just wanted to get better. I never thought I would end up with Nina the way I did, but it just happened. They kept putting me in a room with her and she made me feel safe and understood. She told me all about how terrible women could be. She got me to tell her my story and didn't judge me. I couldn't help, but feel drawn to her. Light sensual touches that wiped away the scars. Butterfly kisses that helped dry the tears. Nina let me be vulnerable, only to later build me back up. No offense to Taylor, it's just Nina helped me in ways that Taylor couldn't. I regret the way things went down, but I don't regret being with Nina.

I pulled over to the side of the road. I'm running. Only this time, I have nowhere to go. Last time I ran, it was to Taylor's. Now, I'm on my own. I have nothing and no one. I ruined everything, just like back then. Heaven knows how long I would be able to live out here. Maybe, I should just head back and hide in the tool shed. Taylor would be none the wiser if I left early and came back late. Maybe, I could sneak in and steal some food. It would be a little funny creeping him out like that. Then in time I could come back to the house and win him over. I could get my family back. I would be able to be normal. All I want is normal. Slamming my head against the steering wheel till my vision blurs a little.

"Fuck!" I yell out to no one.

I need to figure out what to do from here. No doubt going back to Taylor is the end goal. He is pregnant with my child, there is no way I could leave him alone. I will have to have a decent conversation with Nina about us no longer seeing each other. Lord knows how that's going to end. It would probably create more problems, but I can't lose my family.
I pull a u-turn and head back to the city. I can't run from this. It would be wrong to Taylor. I mean I left him the hospital. It was mainly do to his scary brothers. One would think I would stand up to them for Taylor's sake, but I didn't. I'm a sad excuse of a husband. Maybe I shouldn't head back. I fucked up so bad.

He probably thinks I lied the whole time about my fear of women. I wasn't lying, I just.... I don't know. I don't know why I was sleeping with Nina. I don't know how I managed to get over my fear to sleep with Nina. I argued with him over the gender of our child just to betray him like that. Maybe I'm more fucked up than I thought. Maybe I deserved everything she did to me.

I pulled over to the side of the road once again. Breathing a sigh of disbelief, this got so out of hand because of me. Why couldn't I have just died or left Taylor alone? I knew I was messed up and still let this charade go on as if I could live a normal life. Taylor didn't deserve anything I did to him. He didn't deserve a pathetic man like me in his life, but I also don't want to let him go. I don't want possibly miss out on my child's life if the baby is still alive. I take a deep breath. I have to go back, I have to at least check on them. I can leave after that. I have to have some type of dignity left. I pull off after checking traffic. Driving with more determination than I had when before. His brother may kill me, but it's what I deserve. Hopefully after I'm able to make sure him and the baby are okay.

So, like hey y'all 👋🏾 It's been forever  and a day. Apparently I'm a parent now, whatever the fuck that means. Before anyone ask yes she is spoiled. She doesn't know it yet, but she gets whatever she wants. You want mommy to drop everything just for you stare at me, sure baby girl. You wanna sleep on mommies chest and nowhere else ever, of course my love.  She made herself my world regardless 😂