I was awake and Nathan was asleep. He had untangled himself from me somehow. Couldn't have that now, could we?

I moved close to him, making him my little spoon and he started instantly purring. I relaxed completely, revelling in how warm he was. And soft. His skin was so soft.

I kissed his shoulder and got even more comfortable. When I was done moving around I took a deep breath and it felt like the bed sucked me in.

That was until Nathan moved his hips back, pressing his ass against me. I exhaled loudly and kind of hated how he was asleep right now. So not fair.

He did it again. His breathing changed and became shallow as he did it a third time. I pressed against him and a small moan slid out of his mouth. Okay, so he was not asleep.

I pulled his upper body back, sealing it to my chest, resting my head on top of his as I grinded his ass. My hand ran over his chest and he was softly moaning. Fuck even this was just really good. I could just keep doing this. And he seemed to be enjoying it too.

Then he stopped and slid his hand down between us, circling his fingers around me. I tried to suppress a groan, but I was massively unsuccessful. He had really soft hands and I fucking loved it when he touched me.

I slid my hand down his briefs, running over his ass before slowly sliding my fingers inside of him. He groaned and clenched his hand around me. 

"Fuck," I growled and pressed my fingers further inside of him. He made this amazingly cute whimper and I just wanted to bury myself in him now. He was moving his hand and I was moving my fingers and I think we were both losing our minds. Our hips were moving and all I was waiting for, was for him to give me the green light.

"Fuck me," he murmured and looked at me over his shoulder.

Never had I heard two better words in my entire life.

I moved in and kissed him, while I pulled my briefs off. Nathan took care of his own and pressed his ass against me again. I slowly eased inside of him and circled my arm around him, pressing him back against me. He wasn't able to move a whole lot but that was okay. I wanted to move. I wanted to slide in and out of him while listening to him moan.

I also wanted him to moan my name.

"You feel amazing," I murmured in his ear. He groaned and reached back, his fingers tangling in my hair. "I love having you this close. Being inside of you. It's the only thing I want right now."

"Yes," he breathed back, urging me to continue.

I clenched him back against me, while I slowly moved my hips. Oh god, he was just so amazing. His small moans drove me crazy, and his hand was on my wrist, clenching it.

"You're so fucking beautiful. Your skin is ridiculously soft and fuck." I jerked my hips hard, making him whimper. "You're never leaving this bed. We're doing this until we die."

He chuckled and stopped me. He turned around and took my face in his hands. I pushed him on his back, sliding in between his legs. He wanted to kiss and I'd fucking drown him in them. His arms were around my neck and I was very softly moving my hips, pulling out almost all the way, only to slide back again.

"Che," he breathed against my lips.

I grabbed his arms and pressed them into the mattress. I moved my hips faster and he was trying so hard to not be loud. He'd usually be loud right now, especially when he was this into it, but we'd wake up the whole house.

He was squirming, almost thrashing under me, trying to meet my hips with his every time I thrust forward. He moaned my name again and came. I continued but not for long. He was clenching everything, and it was hard to not just fucking lose my mind.

I groaned a loud 'fuck' and dumped down on the bed. Nathan curled up next to me immediately, his head on my chest. My arm was around him and I pulled him even closer.

He needed to feel close to me. He needed to feel loved. Sex wasn't the cure for him, but it was a small step back to him being happy again. It was an expression of love for him. It hadn't been in the past, in his past. I think I was the first one who actually was with him because I loved him and not just because he was fucking hot.

I was always worried this wasn't healthy. That his need for me to show him he was still loved wasn't a good one. His therapist said as long we didn't substitute talking with sex, it was okay. We were married after all and we needed to be physical. That's what good couples continue to be. Or something. I don't know.

I was just really worried. I looked down and he was lying on my chest with this small smile on his face, panting. He kissed my chest and looked up, meeting my gaze.

"I love you," he murmured very contently.

I smiled, warming right up. "I love you too."

His hand ran over my chest and I sharply inhaled. He was so fucking cute as he kissed my chest again, his hand now running over my stomach.

I turned on my side and pulled him close. "I love you so much."

His purring intensified and that just made my owl super happy. It replied with cooing and Nathan pressed his lips to my chest again.

I fell asleep to Nathan just softly caressing me, his purring filling my head with happiness.

"Can I have some coffee?" Nathan asked.

I handed him the pot and he smiled at me. He had been all smiles today and I loved that. I think he was dealing with shit and just had a smaller relapse yesterday. And that was okay. I really couldn't freak out every time he had minor relapses.

I mean, the therapist had said it was normal and not something to worry too much about unless he went back into the catatonic state he had been in before. Back when I shot the asshole who had tortured him. I wasn't sure I could go through another longer period of that. It had nearly broken me back then and I wasn't sure I was stronger now. I had been a stupid teenager back then. I didn't fully understand what was going on with him. Only thing I knew was that I loved him and never wanted to be apart from him, damned be whatever was wrong with him.

Now I understood what was wrong. How much was wrong and I was scared. I was so scared of screwing something up with him. It wasn't like we could just break up. First of all, we were married and we loved each other. Second, our siblings were married and had kids so we'd still be connected.

Not to mention, I didn't want to break up. He was everything to me.

"This is good," he murmured contently. His free hand snaked over the table, his fingers threaded in between mine. "Can we hike later?"

"I'll ask." I smiled back. I was a worry-head and I needed to stop. Nathan was incredibly strong and it was wrong of me to discredit him like this.

"One of the soldiers talked to me earlier. He was nice. He even spoke really slow so I could follow in Spanish since his English wasn't the best."

"Yeah? What did you talk about?"

"He just asked what I liked to do. I told him of my inability to read and showed him my MP3. We read a lot of the same books."

"Yeah? That's nice."

"Yeah. I think he was flirting with me though. He kept smiling and stuff." He shrugged a shoulder.

"Oh, so I gotta go beat him up now?" I asked and laughed.

"It was kind of cute. He's like 20 years old. Gotta admire his courage for hitting on an old married man." Nathan chuckled and squeezed my hand. I leaned over the small table and kissed him.

"Am I losing you to younger model?"

"Never," he breathed. "Not as long as you do me like you did last night."

I looked a little baffled at him, feeling heat creep up in my face. I don't know why it had taken me off guard as much as it did, but... I don't know. It just did.

"I'll have to keep that up then." I had to clear my throat a couple of times before I was able to actually get the words out.

"I wouldn't worry. I like my men older."

"I'm like a year older than you."

"Yeah, you're basically a cradle snatcher."

I laughed and leaned back in my chair, while my husband smirked at me. His eyes swept over me and I could almost feel it on me.

"Che, no one compares to you," he said and turned serious again. "I mean, first of all, not a whole of people are as tall as you and you know I like my men tall."

"Everyone's taller than you."

He chuckled and nodded. "And you have nice soft hair."

"I do have awesome hair."

"You know I love your shoulders."

"They're wide as hell."

He nodded again and then looked down at my crotch without saying anything. A smile slowly crept over his lips and he slowly lifted his gaze to meet mine again. He didn't have to say anything there. I got the message loud and clear.

I hung out with Nathan a lot. It was almost like we were teens again, back when we were with his father. The house reminded me of those. Lavish and luxurious. But this was so much better. The soldiers were all incredibly nice, my mom seemed to get younger up here and the kids were entertained.

Aidan and I had them make homework and homeschooled them. Funnily enough, Nathan was in charge of getting the kids to exercise. He also trained the shift with them, told them all of his secrets and tricks.

I played a little ball with Ryan when the kid stopped the ball with his foot and met my gaze.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, bud," I said and ran a hand through my hair, getting it away from my eyes.

"How... How did you know you uh... You know..." He squirmed and kicked the soccer ball back towards me. "How uh... Did you know you liked boys?"

"Oh," I murmured and kicked the ball back. "I guess I just knew. I didn't really think about it before I was about your age, but I kind of brushed it off. And then I couldn't brush it off anymore."

"When did you realise you didn't like girls?" he asked hesitantly.

"I do like girls. I like both girls and boys."

Ryan stopped the ball again with his foot. He frowned a little. "I didn't know that was a thing."

"It is." I smiled at him and approached him. We both sat down in the grass. Ryan was still frowning, the wheels in his head obviously turning hard. "There's a lot of sexualities, actually. And gender identities. I'd be happy to tell you about them if you want."

He chewed on his bottom lip, his frown growing deeper. "Uncle Nate is gay, right? He only likes boys."

"Yeah."

"And you're..."

"Bisexual."

He nodded and glanced up at me. "What if... What if I'm one of those?"

"That'd be okay." I smiled at him.

"What if I'm not one of them?"

"That's okay too. Whatever you are, Ryan, it's okay as long as you're happy."

"I'm just not so sure. Like... I think I have a crush on someone but... He's a boy."

I smiled. "Who is he?"

"He's... A drama kid. He's in all the musicals and stuff."

"Sounds cool. Have you considered joining the drama club? You could get to know him better that way."

He shrugged and started pulling strands of grass out of the lawn. "I don't know. Aaron and I are the only cats at school."

"So?"

He shrugged again. "Someone called Aaron gatito."

I sighed very deeply. Gatito was just as bad as 'kitty.' I put my arm around Ryan and gave his shoulders a gentle squeeze. "I'm sorry. Do you want me to call the school?"

"No, I punched the boy who said it. The other kids... They bully Aaron, but he doesn't really care. He has like one friend and they're in all the nerd clubs, you know?"

I nodded a little hesitantly. I didn't wanna say anything. It seemed like Ryan had a lot of stuff cluttering his head and he just needed it out.

"Like, he doesn't care about anything. He's really cool like that. I wish I was more like that." He sighed. "I don't know what I want."

"You're fourteen years old, Ryan. It's okay to not know what you want. When I was your age I wanted to be a soldier, then I met your uncle and I didn't want that anymore. Plans change all the time. Focus on having fun with your friends and maybe getting a date with the cutie from the drama club."

He chuckled then, his fangs slipping over his bottom lip, just like It would do on Nat and Nathan.

"Everything is so simple to you." He rose to his feet and I rose too.

"Oh, how I wish that was true. But I gotta make something simple in this world. Something has to be simple." I patted his head and he took the ball in his arms. We walked back to the house, talking about soccer.