The frustratingly confusing wild species of creature called the 'male':

They say men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Well jeez is John Gray onto something there. The differences between gals and guys can be absolutely massive and maybe that's why there are approximately 3 million and 4 things that I really don't get about guys.

Before I continue, I'd just like to assure all the guys reading this: that no, this rant does not mean I'll be paying you an assassin-like visit at 3am in the morning so don't worry about hiding a knife under your pillow or locking your bedroom window.

But, by no means, does that mean that you can't all be as annoying as hell.

What's the first thing that really confuses me about guys, you might ask? What a great question. Well, it 100%, hands-down and completely has to do with this little thing that's regarded really differently from either end of the gender scale. Guys call it flirting. Girls probably call it being a jerk. By no means do I want to generalise, but more often than not, guys have some questionable means of getting a girl's attention. Helping her with her books? Sending her a nice text? Starting a friendly conversation? Nah. To about 98.9% of the male species, these cute little things are just a little too mainstream. So what do they resort to? Well, I don't know what idiot told all the guys out there that shoving the girl you like, stealing her books or being a dickhead to her is going to make her start salivating over the prospect of being your future-girlfriend, but I'm here to offer you a little piece of advice. You're probably going to drive her cray-cray. And not in a good way, either.

I swear some guys could be Bluetooth, because the number of mixed signals they send are through-the-roof. Now, I understand a whole lot of guys think that the playing-hard-to-get game is kinda cute and that the whole ladies-man thing is going to up their level on the hotness-scale to right above Ashton Irwin, but gentlemen, you're walking a very wobbly tight-rope. Sure, a little friendly competition can be cute - but if you like a girl, you kinda gotta make it clear. Because, I'm sure that I'm not the only female out there who could use a little less of the hot-and-cold act that quite a few guys dish out and who could really appreciate a decisive guy that knows exactly who he wants. After all, there's only so long that we're going to play your game. Then we're going to let go. Because let's be honest, 90% of the time 'the Player' is just a jerky little blowfish in a sea swarming with some damn fine rainbow trout. Just a little something to keep in mind.

The up-and-down look. Stop it. Like, now. Seriously. I know that there are a fair few amazingly gorgeous girls in the world with dazzling personalities to match, but to those guys that intentionally turns their eyes into a very active elevator every time they see a girl with a big butt and chest? Stop it. Most of the time it's not an overly respectful or admiring look - it's the way that you would expect someone to look at a piece of meat. And I hate to break it to you, but you don't really have the right to eye a girl up and down like a piece of porterhouse steak. Because, honestly, the next time I see a guy do this I will pretty quickly become the butcher. And trust me when I say that that is not an empty threat.

Well, I don't quite know where the perfect guy is right now. Maybe he's trying to find the first ever unicorn or maybe he's too busy making me the world's biggest chocolate bar, but I'm sure he'll come along.....eventually at least. Regardless, David Attenborough needs to make a documentary on the frustratingly confusing species of wild creature called the 'male.'


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