Smoker: Smoker
Koby: Koby
Hina: Hina
Tashigi: Tashigi
Helmeppo: Helmeppo
2026295021: Katakuri

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sun 11:25 PM

Helmeppo: so is nobody else gonna address the mafia killer in the gc?

Tashigi: I-

Smoker: no, no we will not

Helmeppo: but!!

Helmeppo: it'S A MAFIA KILLER???

Helmeppo: IN THE GC???

Helmeppo: THE ULTRA PRIVATE POLICE GC???

Tashigi: I can't even deny that

Hina: kid we have much more to worry about than that

Hina: god I haven't been able to get a shower in for four days

Tashigi: neither have I..

Koby: Smoker how much longer do you think it'll take to bring the peace back?

Helmeppo: hello???

Smoker: I can't say. I wasn't even expecting it to grow so far out of control to this extent

Helmeppo: it's like the purge out there..

Tashigi: no its-!

Tashigi: actually that's fair

Hina: people are getting shot in the broad of day this is ridiculous

Smoker: the only thing we can do is buckle down and move our asses to minimize as much damage as possible

Smoker: right now they're disorganized and there's no clear communication among them. Its impossible to predict what the fuck will come next and they're taking advantage of that confusion to wreck havoc

Helmeppo: ughhh

Koby: isn't there anything else we could do other than drive around like maniacs and chasing down runaway zoo animals

Hina: we could go blow up their base kamikaze style

Tashigi: Hina for the last time we are not marching in there strapped with tommy guns

Hina: don't forget the grenades

Koby: UPDATE; ALL POLICE FORCES ARE TO BE VIGILANT FOR A SUSPECT IN A RECENT MURDER ON HEART AVE. (10:20 IS SUSPECTED TIME OF DEATH) SUSPECT IS ROUGHLY 8'0, AGE 18-25, MALE, DRESSED IN A BLACK VEST, BLACK PANTS, LEATHER BOOTS, KNOWN TO BE ARMED. ALL NEARBY FORCES ARE ADVISED TO INVESTIGATE THE WANO AREA.

Helmeppo: can't we just ignore this one

Smoker: koby did u copy and paste that?

Tashigi: doesn't anybody else feel that description is awfully familiar??

Hina: no???

Koby: yeah I copied and pasted it why

Smoker: its just I'm wondering how they tracked a killer from heart ave. all the way to wano but they don't have his precise location???

Tashigi: um nine feet and dressed in all black??? Hello????

Helmeppo: um.. Lucci..???

Koby: uh.. agent Kaku?

Tashigi: its kaTAKURI

Hina: or lord *rolls eyes

Tashigi: ITS FUCKING KATAKURI HOW MANY YOUNG ADULT GUYS ARE NINE FEET AROUND HERE

Smoker: I'm hesitant to believe that he'd be doing anything rash in a time like this but Tashigi makes a good point

Helmeppo: how the fuck are we facing Katakuri????

Koby: why would he raise a fuss when his mom is already out of the picture?

Smoker: something's probably threatening his siblings

Hina: oh?

Tashigi: nevertheless!! This is murder!!

Smoker: we're not going to arrest him

Koby: oh damn

Smoker: just in holding

Tashigi: SMOker

2026295021: yeah it's a trap

Helmeppo: SEE WHAT I MEAN HES STILL HERE

Hina: a trap???

Smoker: what

2026295021: that report is a trap. It's a fake sent by the underground to lure you all into a free for all shooting ground

2026295021: don't go there

Tashigi: sir, we can't trust that

2026295021: if you want to waste your lives go right ahead

2026295021: I was just thinking of how devastated the children would be in your absences

Helmeppo: um yeah

Helmeppo: I wanna live

Hina: *sweats

Koby: smoker?

Smoker: I thought something was off

Smoker: Tashigi get in touch with all of the nearby forces. Give them a heads up

Tashigi: I-

Tashigi: fine

2026295021: also while I have your attention, the kids are getting restless and are running out of food could u pls run to the grocery store and pick up some food 🍎🍕🍙

Hina: I

Koby: what foods are they lacking

Smoker: are you still at the sunny with them!?!?

2026295021: uh

2026295021: duh 😃

Hina: why don't you do it yourself???

2026295021: 1. As the only reason I'm sticking around is to provide protection, it would be counterproductive to leave them alone 🙅‍♂️

2026295021: 2. I have my own fucking business to lay low rn as you all might guess 👿

2026295021: 3. Vergo broke some of my bones so I can't afford to go out risking my neck for no reason anyway 🦴

2026295021: 4. As you've all failed as responsible adults, this is the least you can do 💢

Hina: BITCH

Koby: I

Helmeppo: why are we lumped in with the irresponsible adults???

Koby: I'm fucking 18 dude??

Kody: or dudette yu never know

2026295021: just get the fucking food these shits have been screaming about casserole for two fucking days 🙃

Tashigi: what the fuck did I come back to

Helmeppo: does this make us chore boys again?

Tashigi: alSO

Tashigi: NO EMOJIS IN THE CHAT

Koby: you never replied as to which foods they're in need of

Smoker: .....

2026295021: shit hold on lemme check

Hina: and i-

2026295021: milk, eggs, whole wheat bread, apples, flour, canola oil, ground beef, pork, soya sauce, rice, lettuce, broccoli, onions, eggplants, pasta, cheddar, feta, chestnuts, greek yogurt, table salt, lemon juice, tomatoes, chicken stock, asparagus, elephant tuna, crackers, roast chicken spice, taco spice, maple syrup, chicken breasts, cooking wine, tofu, coffee, prosciutto, rice noodles, oats, tortillas, potatoes, baking soda, dressing mix, minced garlic, pickles

Koby: uh

Helmeppo: what the fuck are they doing over there having a party????

Smoker: they're feeding like ten kids over there and Luffy, I'm surprised the list is so short

Helmeppo: but still-

Hina: I'll get the truck

2026295021: can you also also add sake to that list

2026295021: and jerky

Tashigi: is that Luffy

2026295021: and Zoro

Koby: do they also want bento boxes

2026295021: lemme check

Tashigi: um so yeah the report was a trap I just got word from headquarters

Helmeppo: o shit mother

2026295021: ok now they all want bentos

Hina: cute

2026295021: including me

Koby: roger

Hina: lets ride bitches our babies are hangry

Tashigi: why has it come to this

Smoker: shut up and get your wallet

Tashigi: yes sir

2026295021: update: we just ran out of cashews and are running low on sugar

Koby: how are we getting this food to them without risking the location of the sunny?

Smoker: we'll drop the groceries off at a secure location for them to pick up

Hina: :(((

Tashigi: EMOJIs

2026295021: what's her problem with emojis

Helmeppo: apparently some of us get too carried away with them

Hina: is nobody gonna notice I called them 'our' kids instead of Smoker's kids this time??

Smoker: oh my heart is so doki doki right now

Koby: aadfPc

Tashigi: did anybody else read that with a low key aggressive, sarcastic voice in their head?

Helmeppo: update

Helmeppo:

Helmeppo shared pinkieisdying.mp4

Hina: lol

Helmeppo: he won't stop snorting like some bird

Koby: stOP SHamiNG ME ITs fUNNY

Tashigi: back on a serious note

Tashigi: what should we do about the underground now having the ability to hack into our messages

Koby: that is a serious issue I think should be left to the higher ups

Tashigi: yes but how should we cope until then??

Hina: what higher ups? Won't they think those higher than them should take care of it???

Helmeppo: can't we just.. talk in person?

Tashigi: I'm going to ignore that

Helmeppo: fair enough

Hina: what motherfucker even ah the idea of doing that?

2026295021: one of Kaido's men I believe

Koby: jesus christ you know everything

2026295021: its just a hunch

Smoker: As our friend Sun Tzu stated, "All warfare is based on deception."

Hina: ....

Helmeppo: ....

Tashigi: who?

2026295021: the art of war?

Smoker: thank you!!

2026295021: just deceive them in return, right?

Tashigi: oh!

Smoker: exactly

2026295021: oh and

2026295021: this chat is fun and all but the kids are now harassing some fast food joint over the phone and I'd rather not deal with a bunch of teenagers throwing a collective tantrum after being told they can't order exactly 69 double burgers because we're in a secretive remote location

Koby: on it

Tashigi: uuuugghh