-

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I adore the universe.

I wish I could explain it but there is just something serene about existing among the great expanse of thousands of galaxies and millions of stars.

In the face of the astronomical beyond, my worries and I are weightless.

And in that weightlessness, I can see the sunrise.

The sunrise that gives hope, signals a new day and turns the leaves of the book of life to a fresh page.

That's how I know when the world decides to rest and her structures crumble to dust, only the rising of the golden star will be proof of a new, better beginning.

-

The sun had begun its loom over the horizon, basking in the dull glow of dawn before each golden ray begins to streak through the clouded sky.

It's a soft yellow before it begins its unhurried transition to a bold orange.

I'd sit up and soak in the warmth of the sun on such a windy morning but I'm too busy basking in someone else's warmth.

Sometime last night Alice and I had fallen asleep bonded in blankets. Whether it was an intentional act or we were too exhausted to move, I'm not sure but I'm not complaining.

While sleep had left me about half an hour ago, Alice still rested, sprawled across my chest with her hair sticking wildly in different directions.

Balancing my attention from what I can see of the sun to Alice, I notice how gently her eyelids close from the glaring light of the morning.

It seems she is undisturbed by the outside world and all its elements.

She didn't twist, didn't turn, didn't wake from nightmares, her body is at total peace beside the rise and fall of her chest. 

How wonderful it must be to be that free - She doesn't need to see the sunrise to be weightless.

Alice's world appears to be protected from the threat of worry. I wonder what my world looks like when my eyes are closed.

As the sun rises higher in the sky, the rays stretch further, soon blanketing Alice's face – throwing my head back, I try to stifle my laughter, it seems not a thing in the universe can resist the urge to be in Alice's presence.

Whether from my laugher or the fact that she knew the sun and I are watching her, Alice suddenly buries her face deep into my chest before a low groan echoes out of her.

I chuckle softly, my hands gliding up and down the curve of her side as her hazy eyes meet mine. There's the distinct look of confusion and a small hint of a smile as she looks from me to our surroundings.

"Good morning sunshine." I say softly when her warm eyes land back in my direction.

She only yawns then hides her face back into my chest before sitting up and trying to run her fingers through her messy locks. "You're a morning person, aren't you?" She grumbles as she looks at me with some amount of calculated agitation.

"I am now," I laugh as I gaze at her. "I have the most beautiful view this morning." I marvel as she playfully shoves my shoulder before scrunching up her face and sticking out her tongue.

"You think I'm beautiful with bird nest hair?"

I nod, though my eyes drop from her hair to the curve of her thigh as her dress inches up from the shift of her legs.

I quickly steer my eyes to the sky before looking back to Alice. "Yeah, I do."

She only smirks before looking around at the remains of our date, slowly running her hand over the blankets we had laid on.

Then, without warning, Alice folds her lips before giving me the most blistering look, her eyes so intense I feel their heat like a searing blaze. "We slept together on the first date, real classy Johnny."

Instantly, the weight so often carried by my shoulders falls to my chest and it's suffocating. "Crap, I am so sorry Alice. I swear, I fell asleep too and I was going to wake you up but you looked so relaxed and I..." I look down feeling my face warm in embarrassment before I hear the sounds of a loud snort.

I look up just in time to see Alice's façade crumble like a house of cards.

She laughs hard and loud, so much so that she doubles over and her hands clap erratically.

"Did I ever tell you I hate your sense of humour? I always seem to be the punch line of your jokes." I roll my eyes but smile despite myself.

"Nope, I think you love it." She's practically glowing as she winks with a mischievous glint in her brown eyes. "I'm only teasing you, don't ever think you're going to offend me Johnny, you're actually a perfect gentleman." She asserts as she clears her throat before another chuckle bursts through her lips, pulling me to laugh with her.

If the sun didn't wake up the city, our laughter surely did.

-

I'd spent about twenty minutes rearranging the furniture and pulling down the fort, Alice offered to help but I waved her off and told her I'd come back on Monday before my shift to reorganize anything I left behind.

I couldn't fold to save my life so I opted to crumple the extra blankets into a ball, though I pause when I feel a consistent buzzing amongst the bundle.

Patting my pockets, I feel the outline of my phone. "Alice, I think your phone's ringing."

"Check who it is please, I'm trying to save my twist out." She squeaks as she struggles to put her hair into a bun. "If it says William Carter, just press decline."

Unravelling the sheets I had just crumpled, I can't help but wonder if William Carter is her father.

With a small thud, her phone lands on my feet – picking it up, I look at the screen.

'6:05 am, its pill o'clock, crazy bitch.'

My thumb idles over the snooze button for a few tense seconds before I finally press it, a deep sense of apprehension clutching at me from the inside out.

What the hell is pill o clock?

I shouldn't ask, I shouldn't ask, I really shouldn't ask.

"Who was it?" Alice asks as she slinks to my side, her hair nestled in a tight bun and her handbag thrown across her shoulder.

"It's an alarm, um." I hand her the phone as I muster an awkward smile. "Pill o clock?"

Alice's eyes widen before she sucks in a harsh breath.

Instantly her hazy eyes flicker to the ground and the tangible heaviness that gusts through the air seems to weigh down her shoulders. It feels like the same heaviness that encumbered her the times she told me of her need to leave Manhattan and to drink black coffee.

Perhaps I was wrong, maybe there's worry in her world, after all.

"Alice, you can tell me if something's wrong." I reach out, my hand gripping her elbow to steady her.

She blinks, her eyes finally focusing as she shakes her head with an offbeat laugh. "Sorry, I'm – I, I am being silly – It's – just, uh my uh birth control, reminder." She mumbles, sounding more uncertain after every word.

My head feels like the football at a soccer match - I'm not sure I'm processing what just happened but I know it felt more serious than a birth control reminder.

Maybe she's just embarrassed?

Placing my hands on her forearm, I gently pull her forward. "Hey, that's no big deal, I have three sisters, remember?"

"Three sisters, yeah, I remember." She nods and gives me a small wobbly smile before pulling away and heading towards the fire escape.

I want to ask if there's more to that implosion but if my sisters taught me anything, it's never to push an uncomfortable conversation where it can be avoided.

-

As our feet hit the ground and our eyes land in the direction of the roof, it seems all is forgotten and we're back to the tranquillity of the early morning.

"Well, that has to be the longest but arguably one of best date I've ever been on." Alice raises a brow, tilting her head from side to side to show her indecision.

"Well, maybe it's because you can't seem to get enough of me." I say rather smugly.

Alice giggles as she steps closer, her body gently pressing against mine as she opens her mouth in mock exasperation. "You've gotten real mouthy, lately."

My hands grip her waist, tugging her flush against my chest as my eyes dance across her lips before moving to meet her eyes. "Is that a problem?"

"No, not at all..." She mutters softly, her breath hitching slightly as our faces inch close together like two magnets separated for far too long.

She's so close I can feel her heart drum in rhythm next to mine and as I lean down and she angles her face up, the warmth that flushes between us feels like the blazing heat of a thousand suns.

As her eyes flutter close and her plump lips part, I understand why despite being warned, Icarus continued to fly too close to the sun.

My hands move on their own accord, framing her face in my palms as my lips crash against hers in a delirious show of need.

Our lips move against each other's in a slow and tantalizing fashion but as my fingers glide from her face to her hips and her hands knot themselves into my shirt, our lips meld with a fevered intensity.

When the air we breathe into each other is no longer enough, Alice and I slowly pull apart, the quietness of the morning interrupted by the sounds of our heavy and choppy breathing.

Gingerly Alice runs her fingers across her lips before levelling me with an arresting smirk. "Just in case you were wondering, I decided this is the best date I've ever been on."

-

I'm happy.

Blindingly, foolishly, grade school kid happy – there was even an extra pep in my step as I walked Alice home.

She had thanked me for a wonderful time and planted another breathe-stealing kiss on my lips before disappearing behind her door.

That may have been four blocks ago but I was still beaming.

I must look like an idiot.

I'm smiling like a lunatic and nodding my head to an offbeat melody I can vaguely remember from a random movie soundtrack as I jog my way home. 

When I finally reach my apartment, hike up the stairs and unlock my door, I realize just how little sleep I'm actually operating off.

I chuckle, Alice seems to be taking everything from me – my sanity, my sleep and my heart.

Kicking off my shoes and removing my jacket, I'm thankful it's Sunday.

I drag myself to the sofa and close my eyes as soon as my head hits my pillow, instantly feeling the lull of sleep.

Ring ring ring ring ring. 

"You have got to be kidding me."

With my eyes still closed, I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone, sliding my fingers across the screen till I'm sure I've answered it.

"What?" I groan into the phone, positive it's Leo or Macey asking about my date.

"Johnathon Ryder, I –"

My eyes instantly fly open as I pull the phone from my ears and I squint at the unsaved number but the more than familiar area code.

My stomach clenches on itself and I can feel bile rise at the back of my throat as I use my trembling fingers to end the call.

Was it? I'm almost sure – that was my mother, without a shadow of a doubt, that was my mother.

I'm cracking and through the cracks, I can see scenes I've long tried to forget and as the phone rings again, I can feel adrenaline pumping through my blood – its fight or flight.

The biting realization hits me like a speeding car, there's nothing left to fight for.

So before I know it, I've turned off my cell phone and slipped on my shoes and I'm running through the door as fast I can.

I just wish I knew where.

-