-

Life's a cycle of emotions, both good and bad and for the most part, we allow ourselves to feel these fleeting sentiments. We understand that the human experience encompasses the push and pulls of happiness and sadness but the acceptance of fear is a different story.

Everyone pretends to be free from fear, unbothered by the unforeseen terror mandated to be the poison of the weak.

I've learnt, whether you're weak or strong, only fear is free and it's mighty benevolent.

The great equalizer, no race, class or gender privilege can save you when fear's in control.

Self-help books or meditation be dammed too, there's no way to outsmart fear.

Instead, we allow the irrational panic to exist within us while hoping we are resilient enough to push through the unease it throws in the race of life.

That's why when all is said and done, I want to be the unstoppable force that beats an immovable being.

Though, as the seconds' tick by as slow as a clock being watched and Alice remains speechless, I wonder who will win tonight's battle?

-

As time continues and the distance between my words and Alice's expands, it seems the ability to speak has truly escaped her.

I'm nervous but as her eyes travel up and down the length of my face before settling on my lips, my mind only fills with thoughts of kissing her.

When her eyes snap up to meet mine, we both jolt back a step.

A gentle laugh passes between us before she clasps her hands together and twiddles her thumb.

"What did you say?" Alice's voice is a high-pitched whisper as it echoes around the small space between us like rain against a windowpane.

"I...I was wondering..." I can feel each word form on the tip of my tongue but with her eyes so clearly focused on me and me alone, I can't help but drown in their pool of warm whiskey.

I look away from Alice for a moment to glimpse at the sky, reassurance floating with the stars and the moon above.

No more excuses.

"I said, will you go out on a date with me?" I inch closer to her, stretching forward as my hand takes a hold of hers.

Surprisingly Alice gives my hand a tender squeeze as our fingers intertwine, the feel of her hand in mine helping to ease my remaining nerves.

"You know...I...well...I never thought I'd be the speechless one in our duo." Alice's eyes widen and a small giggle drifts from her parted lips.

I grin and with our palms pressed together and our fingers entangled, I stroke my thumb against the side of her hand.

A soft gasp leaves her lips as she glances down at our hands before looking back at me, her cheeks leisurely rising into a bright smile.

"Johnny, I would l –" ring ring ring ring.

The blaring sound of her phone interjects, "I'm so sorry, just let me shut this off." she mutters several choice words before she slinks her free hand into the pocket of her pantsuit.

Quickly she peeks at the name, a strange emotion filtering through her eyes before she silences the call.

Soon her lips dip down into a scowl and she inhales a sharp breath.

Time stops as Alice continues to stare at the now black phone screen before a wrangled sound leaves her lips and she gazes up at me.

Slowly she wiggles her hand free of mine and slips the phone back into her pocket before twisting her legs and turning her back to me.

I don't know what sinks faster, my hope or my heart.

I can feel fear making its presence known, the energy shifting and the air around us growing thick with suffocating tension.

"Alice, are you okay?" I ask even as my throat tightens.

I can hear her shallow breathing, see her hands forming fists at her side and as she turns to face me, her eyes land everywhere but at me.

"We can't...I can't go out with you." She says with somber expression.

"Oh."

I can't manage to say anything else, as a matter of fact, I can't seem to focus on anything.

I want to convince her to give me a chance, I want to tell her if she asked for the world, I'd find a way to give it to her but it feels pointless.

In truth, I have always known that Alice could never see me as more than a shadow from her sunrays and why would that change?

You try to dance in the light of the sun and you will get burnt.

The blind optimism of hope, pretty smiles and her hand in mine was enough to sedate or maybe distract but reality allows sadness to pull me.

When my eyes finally begin to focus I can tell Alice's lips are moving but not a word reaches my ears, so I shift my sights to the fancy town car coming to a stop at our feet.

"Thank you for inviting me Alice and congrats on your play...it was nice to be in your wonderland for a bit," The words leave my lips on autopilot, my voice gruff and foreign to my own ears. "I'm going to catch the bus home, I'll see you around."

Without another word between either us, I trudge past Alice with my head held high before I try my best to melt in with the shadows on the sidewalk.

I now understand that when an unstoppable force meets an immovable being, it doesn't matter, for no matter the outcome, I am good at picking up my cracked pieces, packing them away where no one can see and moving forward.

-

When all falls through, familiarity leads me home and that's why on tottering legs I find myself pushing through the door of Sam's shop on my day off.

I had spent more time than I am willing to admit wide awake, replaying scenes of last night.

I don't understand how everything crashed so fast? One minute I was a part of Alice's world, standing by her side and shaking hands with her subjects and the next she pushed me out the door and double bolted the lock.

The ever-present idea that she knew that I wasn't good enough slumbered where sleep should have slept but I couldn't shake the hope that she liked me almost as bad as I liked her?

Could every word, every touch and every smile really mean nothing?

Maybe there was someone else who already occupied the spot next to her?

But, wouldn't they be here protecting that spot?

Still, she did say she left Manhattan for a new beginning.

Making a sharp turn, I realize I have a terrible habit of getting lost in thought while still moving as fast as a freight train; Clumsily I collide with a tray and one of my coworkers.

Seems I'm taking the idea of being an unstoppable force far too literally.

"Sugar honey iced tea, what are you doing here Johnny?" Macey whines as she tries to pat dry the fruit smoothie that has splashed all over her shirt. "You covered for me last week, it's your Saturday off silly."

"Crap, I'm so sorry Mace," I pull the napkins off her tray and try my best to help her clean the sticky substance from her clothes. "I'm having one of those days."

"It's okay, don't worry about it." She gently pushes my hands away before walking to an empty table at the back of the cafe. "Sit down, you look like you fought the devil and lost." She laughs cheekily and places one of the unspilled smoothies in front of me while placing a finger over her lips.

I mumble my thanks as I wrap my hands around the cold drink.

"I'm going to get some fresh drinks for my customers and then you and I can talk." I nod and try to give her the best smile I can muster but she just shakes her head, pats my shoulder and swishes away to the kitchen.

-

A few minutes later, Macey plops down beside me as I continue to sip my smoothie.

"You're getting really good at these tropical drinks." I say through slurps of the slushy beverage.

"Thank you, my island would be proud." She laughs, her accent pronounced as she leans back and crosses her arms over her chest. "Now, what's wrong? Leo told me Alice asked you to go out with her, I thought you'd be over the moon happy for the rest of your life."

At the mere mention of Alice's name, I'm thrown back into the whirlwind of fear and rejection I had just begun to ignore.

Glancing down at my drink then back at Macey, I take comfort in the fact that Macey is the easiest person to talk to in the world – unbelievably kind, painstakingly patient and loyal to a fault.

"It wasn't a date, she asked me to go to her play's opening night with her-"

"That sounds like a date."

"It wasn't." I assert as Macey playfully shrugs. "I went, I had a great time and I think she did too. It felt like the right time so I asked her to go on a date with me."

"Oh my gosh, Johnny! Finally, I am so-"

"She said no." I say before Macey's voice can get a pitch higher.

Macey's jaw drops and her chocolate eyes widen. "No way! She seemed as into you as you are to her."

I shrug, using a straw to stir the remainder of my drink.

"I'm so sorry Johnny, I know how much you liked her. Maybe you misunderstood her? You know you overthink everything." Macey muses, her head tilting in question.

"I do but she pretty clearly said she can't go out with me." I mutter, my chest tight with glum.

Macey shifts her chair next to mine, throwing her arms around my shoulders in a tight hug which I quickly return.

We sit like that for a minute or two before she jumps up and strides to the kitchen, declaring that she had to take care of something.

-

In the hour I spent at the shop, I think I had come to grips with everything, so much so that I began to doze off in my seat at the back.

When a customer tapped me repeatedly to let me know I was snoring rather loudly, I decided now would be a good time to go home and get some real rest.

As I stand from my seat, the entrance door chimes repeatedly - looking up I see Tiffany and Leo barreling through the door.

"What are you guys doing here? I thought you had this Saturday off." I ask as I slip my jacket on.

"Macey said there's an emergency team meeting, let's hurry up and get it over with, I was with Danny." Tiffany grumbles as she walks past me and to the kitchen.

"And I was catching up on some much-needed rest." Leo mumbles as we both make our way to the kitchen.

Slipping in through the door, I notice the whole team really is here – Ricky, Tiffany, Leo, Tony, Macey and I – this kind of gathering isn't typical for a Saturday as everybody usually fought for the day off.

"Thank you all for joining me here, team. We here at Sam's coffee shop, are a family. We have been with each other through many moments of joy and countless trials and tribulations. When one of us hurts, we all hurt! So today I say, we must seek retribution as one of our hearts are broken." Macey shouts as I suddenly get the urge to melt into the floor.

"You called an emergency team meeting because someone dumped you?" Leo asks, his agitation clear in the red that rises from his neck to the tip of his ears.

"Not me! Johnny! He asked Alice out and she turned him down." Macey yells, her own agitation seething.

As they all turn to me, a chorus of 'no ways' and 'she said no?' sing through our group like a church choir.

I nod as I reach my hands up to squeeze the sides of my temple, wishing I had remembered how fierce Macey's loyalty actually is before I spilt my feelings to her.

"I'm glad you all share my reaction, I vote that we no longer serve her coffee in this fine establishment!" Macey bellows, raising her hand as if she is rallying troops to go to war.

"I'm with you!" Ricky shouts as he joins hands with Macey before turning to Tony and Leo eagerly.

Before they can answer, Tiffany and I both find ourselves yelling no.

"As much as we love John, that's not exactly legal," Tiffany states as a matter of fact before turning to face our group. "and as much as we know how great of a guy John is, Alice is free to say no, you all understand that, right?" She questions even as her eyes only land on me.

"Hey, Tiffany Vasquez! I do understand, I respect her choice...I wasn't the one to call this stupid meeting in the first place." I find myself grumbling before plopping down on one of the kitchen stools.

"When she asks for straight black coffee, can we piss her off by adding milk and sugar?" Ricky asks, glancing at us all with his infamous lopsided grin.

Instantly the room shakes with earth-shattering laughter, the kind of laughter that makes it hard to breathe.

"What the hell is going on here?" Sam thunders, putting an end to all laughter and giddy grins. "Our customers have been waiting for their orders for twenty minutes and I come out of my office to find you all joking around!" He snaps, eyeing everyone individually before focusing on Tiffany, Leo and I. "You three aren't even scheduled to be here!"

"I'm sorry sir, it's my fault. We had a team issue but we've found a solution." Macey says, grinning at Ricky before turning her notorious pleading eyes on Sam, her charm on full display as she works on a man that could not stay angry if he tried.

Though Sam gives it his all, his lips soon give way to a smile, "Just don't make it happen again." he points a finger around the room before chuckling himself. "I do love hearing you all laugh though, you can all laugh some more as you work a shift."

Soon Sam barks out orders, assigning everyone including a groaning Leo, Tiffany and I to a station so we can recover from the delay.

"Oh and Johnny, Alice is outside asking for you." Sam says offhandedly before pushing through the kitchen doors.

As my friends all turn around to face me, I too share in their confused glances and questioning eyes.

-

I don't know what level of exhaustion I'm at but it must be inebriating because instead of feeling anxious to see Alice again, I just feel like I'm floating – my legs moving to her table without any real thought or concern.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry." She exclaims as I slide into her booth.

I figure she feels guilty for turning me down but like I told Tiffany, I was sad but I understood, Alice was free to make her decisions without feeling any pressure from me.

"Nothing to be sorry about Alice, I misread the signals, I'm sorry for -"

"No, you read them right, very right." She sighs, running her fingers through the coils of her hair.

"It was my dad who called last night and...we – we just don't see eye to eye. Him calling when he did just felt like a bad omen, you know? I'm not exactly the dating type and it felt like he was reminding me of that. I got scared..." She says, her words rushed and panicked, her eyes gazing at me with apprehension.

Fear, always the benevolent one.

Slipping from my side of the booth to hers, I sit close enough so that our knees touch. "I think you're the dating type."

She beams and blows a sigh of what I think is relief before slowly shifting in her seat so we face each other. "If you still want to, I'd really like to go on that date with you."

I laugh, feeling hazy from the lack of sleep. "Hmm, I might have to think about that one." I say in jest.

She laughs, playing along as she leans forward, "How about now?" I feel lips as soft as a rose petal and as gentle as the wind.

Alice's lips only press against mine for a couple of seconds but I know the feel of her lips on mine will linger with me for a lifetime.

I can barely contain myself, exhaustion or Alice, I don't know who is pushing me to madness faster, my laugh rumbustious as my lips tingle. "Looks like we're going on a date."