^ Picture of Xander

"But I'm a sunflower, a little funny. If I was a rose, maybe you'd want me. If I could, I'd change overnight, and turn into something you'd like."
~Allie X, 'Sunflower'

~~~

*Kai's POV*

Lucca.
Lucca, Lucca, Lucca.

My mate's name rolls so perfectly off my tongue, as if I had been made to say his name forever. Which is technically true! The Moon designed us for each other; to love and cherish until we take our last breaths.

I've dreamt of meeting my mate my entire life. Someone who would always love me and give me attention. And not the kind of attention I usually get from my brothers and his friends. I'm tired of always being seen as the little Omega who can't take care of himself. Whenever they're giving me attention, it's to make sure I'm physically safe from predatory wolves. I specify physically safe, because I don't remember the last time someone — other than Xander — bothered to ask how I am emotionally or mentally.

But a mate — that's the person who will always make sure I'm given the attention I need. The care I've been craving ever since my parents died. Is that so wrong?

I guess it is, because my mate doesn't want the same thing.

As Lucca drives away from the pack, the tug on my chests get tighter and more painful. He said he's not rejecting me, so... why does it feel like he is?

'I didn't get to meet his wolf,' Kieran whimpers impatiently. 'He didn't tell us his name or anything about him.'

I sigh wistfully. It's true, I don't know anything about Lucca or his wolf. Except for the random stories Landon's told me about his former roommate. I've heard him mention Lucca every so often, but I never guessed he would be my mate. The two things Landon's told me about Lucca is that he's weird, and he's a rogue. Not much to go off of.

"Kai!" Xander shouts from the doorway. Still standing in the middle of the driveway, I glance over at him with a glum expression. He frowns curiously before walking over to me. "Hey, what's wrong? Why are you out here?"

"Lucca left," I answer sadly.

He blinks as the cogs in his mind slowly turn. "About what you said earlier... is that true? Is Lucca your mate?"

"He's supposed to be," I grumble. "But he doesn't seem too thrilled about it. I don't get it. What kind of wolf doesn't want a mate? It's a gift. Our Goddess wants her children to be happy and in love, and Lucca doesn't want that? Doesn't want me? I mean, it probably was shocking that his mate is an Omega, but I don't think that's a good reason to not want me."

"Kai, no," Xander shakes his head; sadness etched on his face. "I don't think it's because you're an Omega. I've known Lucca for a few years, and he's always disliked the idea of mates. It's not personal."

"It's still hurtful," I huff. "He was able to leave, even while feeling our bond. He must really not like me if he's able to ignore the bond like that, because I can feel it and it's killing me."

"I'm sure he'll like you after he gets to know you," he says softly. "Who wouldn't?"

A painful silence falls between us. Xander's pale blue eyes stay focused on the ground as I try and fail to think of something to say in return. Xander and I... we've never openly said how we feel about each other. It would've been pointless. We know we aren't mates. And while I've had feelings for him since the day we met, I wasn't sure how he felt about me. Until now.

"Xan—"

"We should go back inside," Xander cuts me off. Turning on his heel, he swiftly goes back into the house, leaving me alone in the driveway. Dammit.

Before following after him, I stop at Ryland's car to grab the bags of stuffed animals we had left in the car earlier. Peeking my head in the house, I make sure the guests are preoccupied so I can sneak up the stairs without being noticed. Xander would be mortified if someone saw the stuffed animals, and I don't want him to be even more upset than I know he already is. It's his birthday, for Goddess's sake. I should be making sure my best friend is enjoying his special day instead of making him feel shitty.

By the time I get to his room, I'm not surprised to see Xander already sitting on his bed with his knees pulled to his chest. I gently set the bags on the floor before taking a seat at the foot of his bed.

"You should be downstairs, enjoying your party," I tell him with a weak smile. "Your parents are probably wondering where you are."

"You know, it's a little funny," Xander sniffles, and I notice that his eyes are red-rimmed. Is he... crying? "I'm upset over something I've known about for a while. Isn't that stupid?"

I quickly shake my head. "It's not—"

"Kai, we're best friends, right?" He asks softly, and I don't hesitate to nod my head. "I can tell you anything, right?"

I swallow thickly. "O-Of course."

His eyes drop down to his lap. "I know it's stupid, but... part of me was hoping I would wake up today and find out that you're my mate. Which is really naive, because you would've known if we were mates since you're older than me. I don't know, I guess I couldn't help being a bit hopeful. You're my best friend, and the first person to really understand me. I... I think I'm in love with you."

My breathing stops as I stare at my best friend. He... loves me? Xander Grey loves me. Holy shit.

Yesterday— hell, even a few hours ago, a confession like that would've put me on cloud nine. But now, all I feel is my heart tearing in two. Even though I barely know him, my heart is crying out for Lucca. My mate.

"I love you too," I confess quietly. "You're my best friend. But... I'm not in love with you. I thought I was. You're so cute and fun to be around, and I love everything about you. But—"

"But," Xander cuts in, raising his watery blue eyes to meet my gaze. "Things are different now. You found your mate."

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

He smiles faintly. "Don't apologize. I just needed to tell you how I felt at least once."

"If things were different—"

"Don't," Xander pleads. "I'm okay with being your best friend. Honest. Who knows, maybe I'll meet my mate soon and he'll be even hotter than Lucca."

I chuckle along with him, not even questioning that Xander assumes his mate is a guy. Although I do question that someone can be hotter than Lucca. I mean, has Xander seen him? He's literal perfection.

"Have you tried your cake yet?" I ask in an attempt to change the subject.

Xander's eyes light up. "Ah! No, I haven't! Come on, let's go down to the kitchen."

Forcing a smile, I nod in agreement and follow him downstairs. Between the strain on my bond with Lucca, and the guilt over unintentionally hurting Xander, it's nearly impossible to keep this smile on my face.

I'm so sorry, Xander.

~~~

I'm back, bitches✨

This chapter was designed to hurt everyone who shipped Kai and Xander (myself included)
You're welcome 🤠

Thoughts??

Q: Do you have any stuffed animals?
[no but I sleep with a body pillow]

See you next time!
-Gumbie