i guess its time and true 

i finally got the freedom i wanted

but instead of rejoicing in my daunting adventure

i'm pacing the house like a dog

and not accomplishing the simple tasks i've been left with

 its being burnt out 

and being afraid of the trip yet to come

i'm pacing the floors like a madman

doing everything but packing

and hating myself for being the way that i am

talking to old friends that give zero shits that i'm alive

stalking all of their old pages again

always hanging around the places and the people that hated me

and revisiting every terrible memory that built me into the monster i am

as if i, too, am mourning the trip that i am about to take

away from the town that destroyed me

in a rage for the glass i have to step upon

the people that don't deserve forgiveness

are the last to see me go

i hate this, the limbo between

walking out and being begged to stay

i find that the longing was what i really crave

i'm finding that i hate the world from halfway out the door