I struggle to open my eyes. I'm still deaf, so I use my eyes for the one thing they're decent at. I can't believe anything that they were show. I look up at the ceiling in a shaking, moving vehicle. It flies over bumps and holes.

I'm not dead. I began to wish I was when the pain starts setting in. I can't pick out a specific place on my body where hurts. It just burns everywhere inside me. My mouth opens to scream, but I can't hear what comes out of it. I can only hear the beating of my heart, drumming loudly in my ears.

People bend their heads over me and race faster on what must be a gurney. I barely recognize the face of Meliah's dad over mine. His lips move, but I can't tell what he's saying. His eyes scan every part of my body. I watch a needle poke through my skin and I lose all ability to feel and move. It's both peaceful and frightening. I can't shake my mind from the thought that I might be permanently paralyzed.

As a younger kid, I remember watching ambulances on the streets. They were simply loud and annoying. It seemed there was another siren every other day. I never thought I would be the one dying inside of one.

Slowly, the ringing sound subsides from my ears. They attach a mask over my mouth, forcing oxygen into my damaged lungs.

I can see my reflection in the back window of the ambulance. It doesn't even look like me. My arms are bloody and still speckled with glass. I could see myself from the waist up, and I'm covered in a gray, smoky coating.

My ears pop when the car door opens. Doctors bark orders at each other. Wind rages into my face, making it even harder to breathe.

The hospital halls smelled like sick. It reminds me of the short time I was here when my mother was dying. It brings back horrible memories and hallucinations, which I sure as hell do not need.

After a lifetime of passing through pairs of double doors, they lift me from the gurney and onto a bed, which is a long and painful process. I don't even attempt to hold back the moan that escapes my lips.

Then there are drugs. Needles come from the left and right. A nurse rips my battered shirt off and begins attaching things to my chest. I shut my eyes and let them do their work.

The realization hits me harder than the car hit the telephone pole. I understand how lucky I was not to die on impact. Gary could've killed me, and for a while, I was okay with that. How could I be so selfish, blind, and stupid to not notice the good things in my life? Since when did I let the bad things of life spoil the good? I tossed aside the people I loved in exchange for Gary. Where did it take me?

I start to get drowsy and assume it's the drugs kicking in. I start to relax myself.

"His heart rate's declining," a nurse notifies the doctor.

At this point, I'm not sure if that means this is it or if I'm just falling asleep. It doesn't really matter anyways, I'm already halfway there. The difference this time is: I don't want to die.

***

I wake up to a bright lighted room. There's no one in sight. I sit and try to recap the events that had happened. Slowly, I roll my eyes to the side. Evan lies asleep on a bench by the window. Meliah sits with her knees pulled into her chest. She doesn't notice me.

Poor Meliah. Her eyes have heavy bags under them. I wonder if she slept at all through the night. Was she here the whole time?

I try to move or make a sound to get her attention. I take a shaky breath in. Even the softest sound causes her to jump. Tears immediately flood down her cheeks and she grasps my hand as tight as she can. The sad thing is that I can barely feel it.

"Oh my god," she sobs into my hand. Evan flies to the other side of me.

I can't hold her. I can't take her hand or even close my fingers. I can't tell her I'm okay. I can't answer any of her questions or get answers from her. All I can do is look at her and feel guilty. I am completely worthless.

A nurse pulls her away from me and starts playing with the tubes attached to me. I can't tell why everyone seems so worried until I listen to the heart monitor. It obnoxiously beeps and flashes. Of course my heart will melt. I have to watch my girlfriend melt and cry, not knowing if I'll be okay or not.

She lets tears run down her cheeks and leans her head on Evan's. He put his arm around her and rubs her back.

"It's okay, he's okay," Evan says for me. I'm incredibly grateful that he can do this for me.

The doctor comes in shortly after, once my heartbeat steadies a little. He sits with me on the side of the bed. My eyes stay glued to Meliah's. I scrutinize over every emotion and reaction on her face.

"How is he?" Evan asks.

"He could be a lot better, but also a lot worse. Thankfully, help came to him quickly. There was only one other person injured. I haven't seen him yet," he pauses and looks at me, then back to two of them. Gary. He's here.

"What happened to Caleb happens to a lot of people in crashes," he continues, "The windshield shattered and rained large glass pieces on his skin. There are some pretty good size cuts on his face, arms, and back. His legs aren't filled with as much glass, although the right leg is broken. We're going to have to cast that today."

"What about the oxygen mask? Is he having trouble breathing?" Evan asks. Meliah adjusts herself and leans back on Evan.

"Yes. Usually, when significant damage comes to a car, the airbags go off. However, since Caleb was in the backseat of the car and on the ground, he didn't get much of the cushion. He was caught under the front driver's seat, which pushed down on his ribs and lungs. It's understandable to have anxiety after a nasty crash like that. The oxygen is just to help him out. We've patched him up. He's just going to need a lot of rest and as little stress as possible," the doctor thoroughly explains.

Meliah spoke up, "What about his head? Why can't he talk?"

"Shock has different effects on everyone. It shouldn't be a problem for long," he promises, "otherwise, Caleb is recovering in great time for a crash that big. It's a miracle he survived the night. Does he have a parent who I could speak to?"

Meliah shakes her head and wipes her eyes, "No, his father was in the crash."

"He has a stepdad though," Evan steps in and said, "Joseph Kennedy, he would be here, but he needs someone to watch his daughter."

"Okay, good, I'll talk to him later then," the doc nods and turns to leave.

The meds start to wear off. A hot, sharp pain starts in my head and spreads all over my body. First, I bite my lip and wince. The attention snaps to me. Soon, I can't stand the pain and open my mouth in attempt to scream.

Meliah panics and backs herself into the wall. The doctor pulls out a needle and sends the painkillers through my veins. It slowly forces every muscle in my body to relax. I hide my eyes and hope the medication knocks me out.

The doctor's watch beeps and he glances up at Evan and Meliah. I look up at the clock on the wall. Visiting time is up.

"Can I say goodbye first?" she asks. Thankfully, he agrees. Evan and the doctor leave me alone with her in the room.

Meliah sits on the edge of the bed, as if she is careful not to disturb it. She wraps her arms around me, "There are so many things I have to tell and ask you, but they'll have to wait. Just know one thing: I love you so much. I always will be right here for you. We'll get through this."

She leans in and kisses my lips. I kiss her back.

"I'll see you tomorrow after school. I hope you're feeling better then," she slowly pries herself away from me and gracefully walks out the door.