chapter twelve
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Holding my breath as my co-cheerleaders threw me in the air for spinning as for my last stunts, I immediately composed to balance my landing into my partner's hands. I threw out my gullible smile as soon as I landed, and the cheers even became wilder.

Hakot ang kaba at pagiging kampante sa naitawid naming performance ay hindi mawala ang ngiti sa labi ko. Seeing how the crowd went wild and caught their breath as we collided to do our stunts in the air made me so proud of my teammates.

We did it!

Naibigay namin ang gusto naming performance sa kanilang lahat. The smiles on their faces and how they throw their applause at our performance already give us the comfort that we really did our best.

"One! Two! Three! Poisonous among them all, we are the champions of them all. Let's go Venoms!" We all chant as we congratulate all on our team.

"Congratulations everyone! You made our school proud and saluted with your shocking performance earlier. I hope I can have a next batch who's capable of achieving what was this batch set as a standard. Thank you, Venoms." Our coach said this while wiping his tears all along. My teammates laugh at the sudden situation.

"Si coach naman, batak na batak mag-emo." Biro ng isa sa mga kasamahan ko.

Sinamaan siya ng tingi ni coach bago ibalik ang salamin sa mata niya. "Ikaw, Suedes, kahit kailan ka talaga."

Natawa kami sa kanila. Hindi ko inaasahan na magiging ganito ka-emosyonal si coach samantalang kapag nasa laban kami ay hindi mo makikitaan ng kahit anong ekspresyon ang mukha niya.
 
"H'wag ka na kasi mag-emo, coach. Kahit naman ito na ang last performance namin, wala pa ring magbabago dahil alaga mo kami." Ngusong wika ni Suedes.

Napangiti ako sa narinig. Si coach naman ay mas lalong sumimangot.

"Kapag sa 'yo nanggaling ang salita, hindi ko alam kung dapat ko bang seryosohin 'yan o hindi." Komento ni Coach sabay lapit kay Suedes. Ginulo niya ang buhok nito at tumawa.

"This may be the last time you are under my care, but always remember, guys, I'm always here after you graduate and start your new life and challenges in college. Y'all are still my VENOMS. This is still the best batch of cheerleaders that I have managed."

Graduation was already coming. And he's right, this will be our final performance; we did our very best to execute our parts properly, and we're satisfied. We somehow feel bitter leaving our team by a memory.
 
Marami na kaming pinagsamahan. Throughout our ups and downs, we have each other's backs. T'wing kinakabahan ang isa, t'wing madidismaya . . . maraming mga nangyari, at ang pagbitaw sa pwesto mo sa bagay na matagal mo nang nakasanayan at hilig ay nakakabiyak din ng puso.

Kung matindi ang sakit na idinudulot ng pagiging heartbroken. Matindi rin ang sakit na maibibigay kapag may isang bagay kang nakasanayan at kailangan mo 'tong bitiwan. Hindi para tuluyang i let go, ngunit para sa kabilang lugar mo na naman ipagpatuloy.

"You did well, Abigail. Having you on this team is a great pleasure for me," Bianca said as she approached me.
 
I smiled at her. "You also did well to manage us properly; I'll never forget that gorgeous and best captain was you, Captain Bianca," I said, saluting her.
 
She suppressed a soft laugh. "That's cute. Thank you, Abigail. Pa'no, mauna na ako. Kailangan ko pa magbihis para naman ma-enjoy ko ang last day ng event na'tin."

Nginitian ko lang siya at inihatid ng tingin papalabas ng locker room. Muli kong ibinaling ang aking paningin sa pag-aayos ko sa sarili at mga gamit kong nakakakalat. I was about to lock my locker when I heard a commotion outside. Napakunot ang noo ko dahil parang sila Jel at Brando ang narinig kong natatalo.

Because of my curiosity, I walk slowly and quietly until I reach my destination. And I'm right, by my guess. Jel and Brando are the ones who're causing a commotion outside.

Jel was walking past Brando's side while Brando tried to stop her. I scan the hallway; there's no other student here other than me, who's now hiding because I don't want to interrupt something that's going on between the two of them. They didn't even know that I was here, though.

Napailing ako sarili ko, hindi dapat ako maging chismosa. Usapan nila 'yan, bakit pa ako makikinig?

Papasok na sana muli ako sa loob para tapusin ang ginagawa ko nang matigilan ako sa narinig. Hindi ko sinasadya, ngunit tila tuluyang napika si Jel kaya't malakas ang boses niyang nasabi ang isang bagay na hindi ko inaasahan.

"You fooled me, Brando! You fucking fooled the shit out of me!" Jel hysterically yelled.
 
"Jenniferlyn, let's me explain, please. I beg you, hear me out." Brando's voice was unsteady; I can tell that he's scared already.
 
"Y-you're not fucking gay." Jel dropped the bombshell. I was left shocked by what I heard.

What the hell?

"Hindi ko kailangan ng paliwanag mo, dahil malinaw na malinaw sa'kin ang panlolokong ginawa mo habang kaharap mo ako. Itinuring kitang matalik kong kaibigan, at hindi ko inaasahan na gagaguhin mo lang pala ako, Brando. You disappoint me big time."

Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko sa rebelasyong hindi ko inaasahan. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko. So all this time, hindi pala bakla si Brando? Pero bakit? Bakit niya nagawang magsinungaling?

Kaibigan ko rin siya. Nasasaktan ako sa narinig, hindi para sa sarili ko kung hindi para kay Jel.

She hate liars. Ilang beses niyang sinabi 'yan sa'min. Saksi kami nila Candy kung bakit ayaw na ayaw niya sa mga sinungaling. Kapag nagtiwala siya sa 'yo, dapat pangalagaan mo 'yon.

"I can explain myself, Jel. Just please hear me out, aamin naman ako sa inyo eh, lalo na sa 'yo, pero napangunahan ako ng takot. Takot ako umamin dahil alam kong ganyan ang magiging reaksyon mo, pero Jel, hindi ko naman sinasadya, ito lang talaga ang naisip kong paraan para makalapit ako sa 'yo—"

"Ayaw kong marinig ang paliwanag mo." Putol niya kay Brando. "Please, kung may natitira ka pang awa para sa'kin, pabayaan mo na muna ako. H'wag kang mag-alala, hindi kita sisiraan sa iba. Wala rin akong pagsasabihan, kahit sila Abigail." Mabigat na litanyan ni Jel. "Please lang, Brando. Lumayo ka muna, bigyan mo ako ng oras na makapag-isip."

Mabilis akong pumasok sa loob ng locker room at nagtago sa likod ng pinto. It's Jel who's running away from Brando.

Pakiramdam ko ay nasaksi ako ng isang krimen. Abot kaba ang aking dibdib habang pasimple akong umupo sa may tapat ng locker ko.

"Brad, nandito ka lang pala. Tara, hanap ka ni Yunice, marriage booth kayo."

Nakahinga ako ng maluwag nang may sumundo kay Brando, tuloy tuloy silang dalawa na dinaanan ang locker room. Hindi naman ako kita sa pwesto ko dahil may nakapatay ang ilaw.

Ilang minuto rin akong nasa gano'ng kalagayan nang maisipan kong lumabas na. Dala ang mini bag ko ay isinukbit ko ito at nagtipa sa phone ko. Tinext ko agad si Candy at sinabihan na i-order na ako ng pagkain.

"Kanina pa kita hinahanap nandito ka lang pala."

Wala sa huwisyong naihagis ko ang phone ko pataas sa biglang pagsalubong ng isang baritong boses pagkalabas na pagkalabas ko pa lang ng locker room. Nanlaki ang mata ko na sinundan ang phone ko na kaagad niya namang sinalo.

"B-bakit ba bigla bigla kang nasulpot?!" Inis kong tanong ng makabawi. Hinablot ko rin ang phone ko sa kaniya at pinasok sa bag ko.

Ang taong 'to ang ayaw kong makita ngayong araw. Kung kanina ay naging maayos na ang pakiramdam ko, tila naman ngayon ay gustong bumaliktad ng sikmura ko sa sobrang kaba.

He smiled at me like he's enjoying the expression I expressed. I rolled my eyes and started to walk past him. And like I expected, he joined me.

"Office muna tayo, may in-order akong kaunting salo salo, para sa team mo at para na rin sa lahat ng tumulong sa event. Your favorite Angel's Pizza was also there."

"Kayo na lang ang magsalo salo, I have already planned on having my snacks together with Candy. Thank you na lang." I said.

"You can invite her, Abigail. Doon na lang kayo kumain, marami ang pagkain sa office. Mas maganda kung marami rin tayong nandoon para pagsaluhan 'yon." Aniya, talagang gusto niyang masunod.

I stopped midway and faced him. My irritation immediately vanished when I saw how lively his smile was for me. I cleared my throat and calmed myself secretly.
 
"Stop smiling; you irritate me."

"Uh-huh?"

Gusto kong siyang sapakin sa pagpipigil niya ng tawa. Halatang enjoy na enjoy siya sa ginagawa niya sa'kin habang ako naman dito ay gusto nang lamutakin ang pagmumukha niya. I didn't know Troy could be like this; he's so childish for teasing me!

"Is that how you are when you're irritated? Blushing so hard? And your eyes were full of admiration rather than irritation, as you say, or was I just being delusional here?"
 
Napairap ako. "Isipin mo kung ano ang gusto mong isipin, wala akong pakialam. At puwede ba, layuan mo nga ako. Mamaya ay may makakita sa'tin—"

"Hindi ka pa rin ba naniniwala sa sinabi ko sa 'yo?" Pigil niya sa'kin.

Biglang may bumara sa lalamunan ko. Kitang kita ko ang unti unting pagkadismaya sa reaksyon ng mukha niya.

"I know it's hard to absurd, but believe me or not, what I said was the truth. And when I say, I want to court you, I mean it. You know me, Abigail. I won't waste any single time just to play around." His seriousness made my knees weak.

This is my dream right? Pinapangarap ko lang 'tong mangyari ngunit heto ako ngayon. Nandito na ako sa posisyon kung saan ako naman ang sinusuyo niya. But why does it feel wrong all along? Why do I suddenly feel that I shouldn't enjoy this moment because he has already shattered my heart?

Kung sa mga panahong umaasa pa ako ay sinabi niya na 'to, baka nagdiwang pa ako. Baka nagtatatalon pa ako sa tuwa at gumulong gulong sa sobrang kakiligan. Gano'ng reaksyon ang makikita niya sa'kin kung hindi niya lang ako pinagtabuyan.

Unti unti akong napailing.

"You already turned the table, Troy. Now let me remind what you've done to my pure heart," I muttered.
 
Even if he said everything, clear things out. I still don't feel like giving him another chance. I still don't feel like giving back the love and effort I'm willing to give like before. There have already been a lot of changes in the last few days. I'm still broken, though, and I can't see myself again being dragged by my own foolishness.

Matalim kong tinitigan ang kaniyang mapupungay na mga mata. Kung noon ay kinikilig ako kapag ginagawa niya akong titigan, ngayon ay kaibayong sakit ang unti unting nabubuhay sa kalooban ko.

Nasasalamin ko mula sa mga mata niya ang ginawa niyang pagtataboy sa'kin. Those hurtful words that I've got because of his damn reasons. I don't want to be narrow-minded, but it's just hurting me so much.  damn reasons.

"Katulad ng sabi mo, wala kang panahon para sa mga ganitong bagay. At nasa realidad tayo kung saan hindi lahat ng gusto ay dapat masunod. Ngayon ay ako naman, Troy." Wika ko na taas noong ipinaparamdam sa kaniya kung papaano ako nasaktan. "My love for you was already six feet under the ground, as your words make it's own grave for my dear heart that only beats for your name."

"Abigail, please—"

"Wala kang aasahan sa'kin, Troy. Wala kang aasahan ni kahit ano sa'kin. Kahit gawin mo pa ang lahat, mananatili ako sa desisyon ko. Kung ayaw mong masayang ang oras mo, tumigil ka. Layuan mo ako katulad nang ginawa kong paglayo sa 'yo."

Kitang kita ko ang halo halong emosyong hindi ko mapangalanan sa mga mata ni Troy. His face turned hard and bitter.

"You can't stop me," he whispered. His sweet breath lingered across my face.
 
"I may not by now, but how about when I push Samuel's luck to me?" Out of nowhere, I said unintentionally, but it was too late to withdraw my words.
 
His brows twitched. He's starting at me with an expression like something is stabbing him directly in his heart.
 
"He can't win you."

Hindi ko maiwasang hindi matawa sa sinabi niya. Para bang siguradong sigurado siya sa binitiwan niyang salita.

"Nasa akin ang sagot, Troy. Isang oo ko lang, he and I will be official."

His jaw clenched upon hearing it. He closed his eyes and massaged the bridge of his nose, like my words were stressing him out. As he soon opened his eyes, he stared at me blankly.

"Don't underestimate me, Abigail. Matagal na akong nagpipigil sa nararamdaman ko. I want to take this slow, but you triggered the shit out of me."

Napalunok ako sa sobrang lalim ng barito niyang boses. Iritado siya, halata sa boses niya. Bahagya akong napaatras, ngunit gayon naman ang pagsunod niyang lapit sa'kin. Aatras pa sana ako nang bigla niya naman akong hilain papalapit sa kaniya gamit ang kamay ko.

Napakalapit namin sa isa't isa at kaunti na lang ay maduduling na ako habang nakatingin ng diretso sa dibdib niyang napantayan ng mga mata ko.

My heart was rapidly beating.

"Watch me, Abigail," he muttered. "Watch how you triggered me damn much."

──
𝓳𝓮𝓷𝓪𝓿𝓸𝓬𝓪𝓭𝓸✿