My mom had definitely broken some, probably more, a LOT more, hearts when she chose my dad over the countless boys courting her. When she looked at you, it felt like her dark brown eyes could stare right into you deepest soul. Not to mention her supple soft skin, slender frame and thick long hair. She didn't look a day over 35.
My dad, on the other hand, was slightly on the chubbier side. A bit short in height and lacking in the looks department with plump nose and thinning hair.
When I was young, I used to wonder how could someone so gorgeous as my mom ended up with my dad. But after I grew up, I realized his kindness and sincerity won her over the other promiscuous boys. It also helped that he was so damn smart; he still held the record of being the youngest director ever in his company.
Luckily for Josh, he inherited all the good stuffs from both of our parents. The looks, the brain. While I looked more like my dad with my mom's clumsiness.
Josh was the popular boy at school, while I was a nobody who no one noticed. That was why I hated going to the same school as Josh. Most people would just stare in disbelief, some even mocked me, not Josh obviously, whenever Josh mentioned that I was his sister.
"Wow, you two don't look like siblings at all."
"I almost feel sorry for Josh having her as a sister."
"Are you sure your parents picked up the right baby back then?"
In order to maintain his coolness, my brother usually just laughed along with those bullies instead of standing up for me. I could not blame him though. If I had been in his shoes, I would have probably done the same.
High school was brutal. I literally had no friends and my mom's expectation of me certainly didn't help. I was so glad that high school was over, but my parents forced me to go to Stanford following Josh's footstep. So I became his cast-off sister again in college. I kept being my timid self and didn't make any real friends because I was afraid that they would compare me to Josh. Until one day, I found BTS in 2013.

I was browsing Youtube and randomly found their "No more dream" music video. At first, I was intrigued by the thumbnail of an Asian boy wearing American style hip hop clothing & accessories. It was quite an unusual concept back then. As I listened to the lyrics, these boys offered something more than regular lovey dovey songs commonly sung by boybands.

Why don't you say anything? You don't want to study
You're too afraid to quit the school, right? See, you're getting ready for school
Grow up, don't just talk, You have a weak mind boy
(Stop!) ask yourself, when did you try hard

Their "No more dream" was my theme song that got me through the difficult moments in my life at the time. Listening to it made me gain courage to pursue what I wanted, which was actually against my parents preference. Since then, I had admired Bangtan's spirit and honest outlook on life. Each of their songs stroke a chord with me at different situations. Well, not being hypocritical, they were quite pleasant to the eyes too.

After long contemplation, I finally decided to pursue my aspiration to study English literature at University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, hundreds of miles away from Josh, to my mom's dismay. Fortunately, the university had a spot for me although my Junior transfer was unusual, so I did not have to wait for the following year to enroll.
Being out of Josh's shadow, I could just be me. My classmates and friends knew me as Lana, not Josh's sister. I met my two best friends, Shae and Jess, there and my world had never been more colorful.
Until I met Nathan.

Nathan was a senior in my creative writing class during my second year in U of I. He became my partner in a group project and I was stricken by how well-spoken and mature he was. He was very handsome as well, with deep-set brown eyes and dark hair. He had that sort of muscular, but not too much, figure that I really liked; kind of reminded me of Jimin, who was my bias in BTS. I was very shy towards him at first, but he could bring out versions of myself that I didn't even know existed. I thought my attraction to him was one-sided, until one day he asked me out after class and asked me to be his girlfriend.
With him by my side, I became more confident and driven. My grades improved and I came to befriend a lot of his friends. The next few months I felt like living on cloud nine. My life was perfect; everything was perfect.
It was his idea to graduate together. Since I was a year behind him, that meant I had to take extra credits to catch up with him. I had no choice but to hire a tutor to help me with my study and that tutor was Sarah.
Sarah was the exact opposite of me. She was bold to my shy, beautiful to my ordinary, attention-seeking to my laid-back. Nevertheless, she was a great tutor. I got to know her through Shae, who was her distant cousin. When Shae mentioned to her that I needed to find a tutor, she immediately contacted me as she needed extra cash for her soon graduation trip to Europe.
One day when we were studying, Nathan came to visit unannounced. I was worried that he would be attracted to Sarah because she was so pretty, but he didn't even look at her.
"Hey babe, how's your paper going? I miss you so much, can you please get it done faster?" He said as he kissed my forehead.
I was embarrassed but secretly happy at his sudden display of affection.
"Almost done, just a few finishing touches. By the way, this is my tutor Sarah. She's a senior in English lit. Sarah this is my boyfriend Nathan."
"Oh hi, don't worry we'll be done much faster than you think." She smiled at him sweetly, but he returned it with only a slight movement of the corner of his mouth.
"Oh yeah, thanks for your help. Anyway, I'll be playing video games with the guys. Give me a call when you're done, okay?" Now he gave me a full kiss on my lips, which shocked me because he never did such thing in front of other people before. And with that, he took off.
"Wow, your boyfriend definitely loves you very much. But how come he's a bit rude? Sorry for being honest." Sarah rolled her eyes and I got into defensive girlfriend mode.
"He is not his usual self today, probably because he's tired with all the exams going on."
"I think you have a lot more on your plate and still manage to act like a decent human being."
"Well, sorry if he offended you, but I'm sure he didn't mean to."
"Whatever."
With that our discussion about Nathan was over and I never heard Sarah mentioned him again after that.

Fast forward to my graduation day in 2014, Nathan was supposed to attend the ceremony with me but unfortunately he failed one class so he had to retake it in the summer in order to graduate. That was so unlikely of him, but he didn't want to talk about it. Nevertheless, he promised to come to my graduation with my parents. He didn't answer my calls this morning so I texted Shae.
Hey, is Nathan here yet? The ceremony is about to start.
Idk, im with ur parents but i dun see him. Prolly he's late, dun worry he'll come.
K, pls tell him dat im looking for him if u see him.

The ceremony began and ended, yet Nathan never came. I was furious and disappointed. I studied so hard for this day, to graduate together with him. Not only did he fail at last minute, he didn't even bother to come to my ceremony.
I couldn't stand it anymore so I let Shae took my parents to their hotel and went straight to Nathan's apartment.
Not bothering to knock, I took out my keys and opened the door. The living room was dark but I could hear noises from inside, so I went straight to his room.
"Nate? WHAT THE FUCK?!"
There he was, naked, sweating, panting. And to my surprise a equally naked, sweating and panting Sarah was under him.
"Lana, this isn't what it looks like." He hastily said while putting on his clothes.
"Oh yeah? You think I'm stupid? Or blind? What the hell Nate? Why are you doing this to me?!" I was extremely furious and heartbroken, all my blood rushed to my head and I just wanted to break things. I grabbed the nearest object, a book, hauled it at them and turned to run.
Nathan grabbed me as I was going to slam his apartment door.
"Lana, sorry okay? I was so frustrated about failing so-"
"So you found solace in Sarah instead of me? Your girlfriend? I'd asked you so many times to talk about this, you always said you were fine!"
"I wasn't fine okay?! How could I lose to someone like you?"
"What? Someone like me? What do you mean?"
"You were a nobody with no friends no life until I took pity on you, yet now you are excelling and I'm the one who fails. How do you think that make me feel?"
I felt like a bucket of ice water was poured over me.
"Pity? You asked me to be your girlfriend just because you pity me?" I trembled.
"Yeah, do you think I fancy someone like you? I'm sorry but you're not enough. Someone like Sarah is more suitable for me, she's pretty, sassy. Do whatever you want now, I'm done with you, so don't bother looking for me again."
With that he slammed the door on my face.