Buzzzz... buzzzz..
Shit, what time is it?
I half-opened my right eye and looked at the buzzing alarm clock.
8:37
Oh God, mom's gonna give me shit again.
I quickly flipped open my blanket and woke up from my warm bed half-heartedly.
"Morning Dad!"
My dad was sitting at his usual position on the dining table, sipping his mandatory cup of black coffee, as I walked into the dining room.
"Morning sleepy head", he said with a smile on his face, "did you have a good sleep?"
"C'mon Dad, it's not like she had a rough night or something," my elder brother Josh said with a smug smirk on his face while drinking his milk .
"She probably just spent hours singing her stupid K-pop songs to no one on the karaoke app. You should get a job dear sister, so you have something less pathetic to do."
Feeling attacked, I put down the glass of water I was holding onto the marble kitchen top, fuming, "So now you're just gonna start attacking my harmless hobby? Besides, I'm not singing to no one, I do have followers you know."
"Yeah, probably like 12 of them." He laughed loudly and I felt my cheeks reddened, because he was not wrong.
"Guys guys, please," his desperate sigh stopped me from uttering my retort, "can we not do this in the morning? I haven't even had breakfast yet." My dad pinched the space between his eyebrows like he always did whenever he heard us arguing.
"Well, your brother is correct you know? You should definitely get a decent job instead of slouching at home all day doing nothing but looking at those boy bands. How old are you Lana? You're too old to still daydream about unattainable men." My mom said while carrying two plates of scrambled eggs and toast to the dining table.
I was mad at her judgmental tone, yet embarrassed by the truth laid out in the open just like that, so I changed the topic abruptly, "Hey mom, where's my breakfast? Don't I get one too?"
"You can make your own since you've got nothing to do anyway. It's time for you to grow up."
"Honey, please don't be so hard on her. I'm sure she'll find her passion soon." Got to give it to my trusty dad who always stood up for me.
"I'm just worried about her. She's been so sluggish ever since that boy, what's his name, ahh Nathan, broke up with her."
Hearing that name after so long froze me. All the memories, good and bad, flushed back and I was taken back to that day. That awful day.
"You mean dumped her on her graduation day mom?" Josh giggled.
"Josh, stop it. It is not funny to make fun of your sister like that. Apologize!" My dad, sensing my distress, scolded Josh with a raised voice that was rarely heard in our household.
"Geez, sorry sis." Looking the least bit sorry.
"It's okay dad, I think I'll just go back to my room. Don't worry I'll have my breakfast later." I muttered quickly, holding the tears that were threatening to fall, as I turned away from them towards my room.
"Lana.."

I shut the door behind me, not bothering to listen to the rest of the sentence, and threw myself onto the bed. My hands instinctively grabbed my phones and I scrolled iTunes until I found the song I was looking for.

그 선을 내밀어줘 save me save me

Earphones plugged in, tears flowed down my cheeks despite my attempt to stop them with my hands on my eyes.
Nathan
How could a name that used to bring such joy cause so much pain now?
"I'm sorry but you're not enough"
All my insecurities that I had been trying to keep hidden inside me bursted out.
Why can't I be born beautiful?