2015

She think of this gender as a 'Disease'
she started locking herself from the world and decided to just sulk in the dark.
She started crushing on one of her girl classmate, yet was attracted by a certain boy aswell.
Confused and Lost, she started screaming silently for help.

after school, scarlet would pass through her friends not saying a single word leaving them bamboozled.
she would walk her way home with tears slowly dripping down her cheeks. But she still tried to be strong. Atleast for the people she loved.
They can't see her like this.
They can't know.

Opening the front door of thier house. She would be greeted by her mother's hug.

"How was school darling?"
Mom asks first thing with her sweet smile.

"It was great!"
I coverd the hurt that painted me and smiled back as cheerful as possible.

"Hello little one! Come join us for lunch!"
Dad greets coming from the kitchen, With a plate of my favourite meal.

"Yum!"
was what i replied walking to the dinning table, remembering how I was skipping meals for awhile.
But they shouldn't know.

" Darling, you didn't finish your meal. is everything okay?"
Mom asks sitting across me with a worried face looking at the meal I've been poking for awhile.

"Im Okay mom, Its just.."
I stopped for a moment trying to find the right word. I gripped my spoon in panic for a mere second then spoke again.
"I-.... I'm just.. tired.."
I squeaked hoping they'd get the message.

"Right. go take a rest. you can eat that later if you feel like it"
Mom stood up, tooked my plate away and kissed my forehead.

"Thanks Mom, Dad."
with that, i took my leave and head to my little sheltered room. Hearing the door click shut. I was finally safe.
The faucets in my eyes opend and uncontrollable droplets of water fell.

Don't they notice?
Can't they hear?

The very next day i went to school with the typical fake mask i wear.
The one they used to know.

Expecting the unexpected i bumped into a Cute boy. he was as cute as a potato and i never knew guys like him existed. This twisted world of mines turned upside down.
As if all the problems im carrying flooded away when He said "Im sorry" with such a feminine face. He then introduced himself with a typical female name.
"I'm Laurel, rel for short" she rubbed the back of her neck gently smiling at me. as if she was unsure to tell me the truth or not.

•••

Months passed, I finally learned to adjust to the surrounding around me. I got use to the problem where half of the people around me does not agree to what I am.
Me and rel finally started dating.
Its been two months.
He would constantly ask for something i can't give.. something I'm not ready for.. he would end up dissapointed or mad.. but I know he loves me and thats all that matters.
Im officially inlove with a transgender man.
Guess that makes me pansexual huh..

We're legal in his side..
Although in my side.. almost everyone seems to be against it.
I had to hide my identity and pretend we aren't together..
Its hard, but that's okay..

P