21. There Was A Girl
It's lunch time when a younger girl comes and tells me that my mother is waiting outside the school for me.
Wondering what my mom is doing outside and why she didn't just call me, I walk out of the main gate when Mary grabs my wrist, drags me to her car and shoves me into the passenger seat.
As she takes the driver seat, I tell her, "what are you doing?! This is kidnapping!"
"Call 911, then," she says and starts driving.
"Where are we going?"
"To the bar."
"Why? I've school."
"We're going to have a talk," she says looking at the road.
"Oh, okay! I get it. You're the next person on the list to tell me that I'm wrong and Blue is right, and I should just date Blue," I tell her sarcastically.
"Something like that. But don't talk now. I've to concentrate on driving. I'm a bad driver."
I shake my head and stay quiet.
Once we're in the bar she gives me a mug of hot chocolate.
"So, why are you refusing to date Michael?" she asks me.
"I don't think of him that way."
"You can practice thinking like that," she says and I glare at her.
"Come on, Dayna! You're not a child!"
I'm getting a deja vu vibe from yesterday.
"I know I'm not a child. It's you guys who don't seem to know that!" I tell her.
"Dayna! stop being so stubborn. You know what I mean. Stop being so scared to have a boyfriend."
I put down the mug, cross my arms and look away.
Mary sighs. "Seriously, you're more stubborn than Asher! Fine! You don't think of Michael that way. Let's accept that. Let's say Michael is not your type. Now tell me, who is?"
"Who is what?"
"Who is your type? What sort of guy is your type? What sort of boyfriend you want?"
"I don't want a boyfriend."
"Why not?"
"I'm not in the mood to date."
"Why not?"
"I don't know! I just am not. Does that even need an explanation?"
"Yes! I need an explanation for everything! So, answer me!" says Mary.
"I don't have one! I just am not looking for a boyfriend!"
"Why not?"
"Mary, we are going in circles!"
"And we'll do so all day.
I'm not letting you go till you give me a clear answer.
I'm not saying Michael has been nothing but a gentleman with you. I know he deserves some of this because he had that coming for ignoring you at the beginning.
But I also know he needs you! I've known him since we were kids. He has never been with a girl. And now, he gets into a fight with James for you!
He was so closed off but you managed to not only break down his walls but also drive him crazy!
What do you think will happen if you walk away now? How do you think he'll react?
You maybe will go to a college and find someone there. But have you thought about Michael? Do you think he'll be able find someone, anyone, in the future? Do you think he'll be able to once again let someone in after you break his heart?
Or, do you really not care about that?
I know it's not fair to you that we're asking you of this! I know you feel like we're ganging up on you. But you're the only one, Dayna!
You're the only one who is able to make him feel like this! Make him forget about his bitter past and move on. If you leave him, he'll shatter into pieces and never be able to love anyone again.
He needs you more than you need him. Won't you do this for his sake? Even though you don't like him the same way he likes you, I know you like him a lot as a friend! So, for your friend, then— won't you do it for Michael? for Blue?!" says Mary.
I shift in my seat.
Mary laughs. "You know the funny thing is, he shut others out but let you in because unlike them you only wanted to be his friend. But now it's the same thing that's stopping him from having you as his girlfriend. That jerk deserves this!
Now tell me. Why are you being this adamant about not wanting to date Michael?"
"I-It's complicated," I tell her.
"Let me decide that. You just tell me the reason."
I feel myself growing weaker as I recall my past.
"Dayna, please. Whatever it is, you can tell me," pleads Mary.
"There was a girl," I tell her and stop.
"Who? What about her?" Mary asks.
"We actually were three friends, growing up. It wasn't only me and James. There was a girl named, Lily. She was my best friend.
When we were near the end of middle school, she started liking James, romantically. She loved him. One day she confessed, but he rejected her.
She blamed me for that.
She said that I took James away from her, that he wouldn't accept her because of me.
At first I let it slide because she was heartbroken. But with time it only got worse. She became very bitter with me.
It caused a drift between me and James, too. I blamed him. I told him he should've just accepted her.
One day she called me at night and said the same things that I was used to hearing from her by then.
Lastly she told me that she's dying because of me. She cut the connection. I couldn't sleep. She sounded very serious and I was scared she might do something.
I called her phone, but she didn't pick up.
I called James and asked him to meet me at her house.
We woke her parents up and asked them to let us see Lily.
We found her unconscious on the floor. Her wrists were slit and bleeding.
Luckily, we admitted her in a hospital in time and she was saved.
After her recovery, she moved away to a different city, to her grandparent's place.
I became very depressed. James stayed with me and helped me out of the depression. But it was very hard for me, for both of us.
Although he pretended like he was fine, I know he blamed himself more than I blamed myself for not seeing what Lily was going through.
I couldn't think of liking anyone after that. The guilt Lily made me feel, even though James and I were only friends, stopped me from dating anyone," I tell Mary.
Other than a small feeling to want to cry, I feel fine. I thought it would be harder than this to talk about it. But saying all that to Mary makes me feel lighter.
"Oh, honey. I'm so sorry," says Mary hugging me. "That must've been hard on you."
"I'm fine now. Really! Me and James, we got over it."
"But you still can't date," says Mary, and I lightly nod in embarrassment.
"So, is that why you don't want to date Michael?"
I nod.
"But it's different with Michael! Michael likes you. If you like him back, it'll be mutual. No one can say anything about it."
I shift in my seat uncomfortably. Mary notices that and asks, "what?"
"I don't think I should like Blue," I tell her.
"Why?"
I shift again in my seat. If I tell her the reason, there's a chance she'll get mad at me.
"Why, Dayna?" she asks again.
"I-It's not like nobody likes Blue," I mumble.
Mary's expression goes from confusion, to realisation, to anger.
"You got to be kidding me!" she shouts at me.
I look away trying to escape her wrath.
"You GOT to be kidding me, Dayna! You're doing this because of Ashley?!! That bitch, Ashley?!"
I keep my gaze away from her and don't respond.
"Oh my God! I really want to strangle you now!" she says trying to bring her hands to my neck and I wince.
She continues, "I can't believe this. I mean I don't even know why?! Like what exactly is going on in your brain to have come up with such an excuse?!! Are you insane?! That bitch is a psychopath! She's a good riddance. You can't possibly be thinking she should be with Michael?!"
"N— No. That's not what I'm saying. It's just that, that day, when she went berserk, she reminded me of Lily. I felt guilty. I still do. Especially, after what she said kinda turned out to be true," I tell her.
Mary yells, "SO?! So what if what she said was the truth? That doesn't make her St. Teresa! She's a whore who was using Winston to get to Michael! I mean, I know you're a little soft, but this is too much!!! I can't believe this! I can't believe you rejected Michael because of that bitch. I should've buried her alive right then and there!"
I keep quiet.
Mary gulps down her glass of white wine. I keep my head down.
"Michael!" says Mary, as if —
I look up and see Mary looking at the entrance. I follow her gaze and find, Blue.
He looks angry and — happy?
"What are you doing here?" asks Mary.
"I saw you driving away with her. Followed you," says Blue.
"From when were you standing there?" asks Mary.
"Beginning," says Blue without taking his eyes off me. My face heats up and I look down.
Mary sighs. "So you heard everything?"
"Yes," says Blue.
"Good. You owe me for getting the truth out of her. Now you know her excuse is that pathetic bitch. Put some sense into her."
"I will," says Blue calmly.
I shrink into my seat further.
Mary leaves us alone.
⤙–⤚
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