Elle had been absolutely, positively sure about it as they'd left the party. Absolutely sure it was what she should do. While emptying her gut of what little dinner she'd had, she had planned her goodbye. It would have taken place on their ride to his apartment. She'd give him a demure kiss on the cheek, a small toast to the wonderful dream he'd been. She'd get out of the car and walk into the building, alone and broken, and completely sworn off love despite utterly loving the man. After the night she'd had, she was pretty sure she didn't fit into his world, nor he did hers. It would just be too damn difficult.

As soon as the cab pulled up outside the building, Dean jumped out and opened her door. He had been so agitated throughout the ride that as Elle stood on the curb, she no longer had the heart to say goodbye to him at that moment.

As they walked into the building, while they rode the elevator up, while she watched him open the apartment, she just couldn't bring herself to utter the words. As he kissed her intently as if for the first time and made love in the room's silence, so many scenarios ran through her head. What their life could be like together. What her life was going to be like without him? How she could see herself grow old with him, or how he may wake up one day down the track and wonder why he'd even stuck with her. None helped her either way.

Instead, she lay beside him, listening to the low hum of his breathing as he slept, a hand holding onto her as if he feared she'd leave while he slept. She hoped the sun would take whole millennia to rise. What she had to do in the morning was going to hurt him much more than she'd ever wanted to.

She couldn't really say when she fell asleep and woke up in a dark room. Dean still lay beside her. Had she turned the lights off? She couldn't quite remember. Perhaps Bonnie was home?

She snuck out into the hallway and crept to Bonnie's room. The door was ajar, and she peeked in to see a perfectly made bed and the hurried mess of a makeup bag still strewn across it. Bonnie hadn't come back yet.

Elle looked at the wall clock down the hall, surprised it was almost six in the morning. She walked back into Dean's room and grabbed her phone off the nightstand.

'Bonnie. Where are you? Are you safe?' She messaged.

Elle waited impatiently, watching Dean sleep without a care. She stroked his lush hair gently, savouring the feel through her fingers, trying to imprint that sensation in her mind. This day was going to wreck a lot of things. Bonnie had spent the night with a man who wasn't her boyfriend, and Elle had just loved a man like it was for the last time.

Moments later, her phone vibrated in her hands. 'I messed up, Elle.'

'What did you do? Are you okay?' Half an excruciating minute later and still no reply, Elle sent another message. 'Where are you?'

And it felt like an age before her phone shook in her grip. 'Am at Joel's...n...I messed up! Can u come get me? Please!'

'Where is Joel's place? Are you okay?' Elle pressed the send button, her breath caught in her throat as she imagined Lachlan's face when he finds out.

'I don't know where I am.'

'I'll ask Dean to take me to you.'

'Don't tell him. '

'I have to, Bonnie. He's the only one who knows where you are. See you soon.'

Elle waited a minute to gather her thoughts before she caressed Dean's arm. He rose immediately when he saw her tense. "What's wrong?"

"We have to pick up Bonnie."

"Where is she?"

Elle remained quiet. She didn't exactly know what to say.

"Where's Bonnie?" he asked, a bit more sternly.

"At Joel's." She saw his jaw clench in a flash of anger. "She says she messed up, Dean."

"I'm going to kill that bastard." He flung the cover off the bed and, in one swoop, picked up his clothes and threw them on.

"She didn't want me to tell you..." Elle pulled on a fresh pair of jeans and a T-shirt from her bag.

"I warned her about him."

"It's not like your cousin forced her, Dean. It was her choice to go, remember?"

"No, but I'm sure he started it." He pulled the old shirt off his body in anger and stormed off to his wardrobe, throwing on a plain T-shirt instead.

"Why do you care about that?" she asked, quite surprised by his reaction over the whole Bonnie-Joel thing.

Dean strode to the mantle and grabbed his keys and wallet. "Doesn't she have a partner back home?"

"A boyfriend." She followed him out.

"Do you think she loves this guy, the one back home?"

"She seemed happy with him," was all she could manage, walking out the door. Elle had always had her doubts about Bonnie. "Why do you care, anyway?" She observed him as the elevator descended. "It's not nice what's happened, but it's none of our business either."

He shrugged, stepping out. "I know what Joel's like, Elle. What I'm wondering is whether he led her or she did."

Elle couldn't help but wonder the same question the whole ride. Had Bonnie ever told Joel she wasn't single?

"You stay here," he ordered, pulling the car to a screeching halt. "I'll go get her." He jumped out of the car and strode across the courtyard. She wanted to follow him, but didn't really want to deal with anyone else's mess today. Her own day was promising to be epic, all because of her own doing. She was about to let the man go, the man she'd spent an entire week imagining she'd grow old with.

A few minutes passed, and the streets became lighter. It was going to be a bright spring day. Only in appearance, she thought. Two figures made their way through the courtyard, Bonnie a few steps behind Dean.

Elle waited till Dean pulled the car away from the curb before she dared look at Bonnie. There was a nervous look on her pretty face. Her hair was no longer sleek and straight and she clutched her purse tightly. "Are you okay?"

Bonnie nodded, her gaze skipping to the back of Dean's head.

"What happened?"

Bonnie eyed Dean again. "I'll tell you later."

Elle turned to Dean. "Did you see your cousin?" He nodded, but said nothing.

Elle followed Bonnie into her room once they were back at the apartment. "What the hell happened last night?"

Bonnie dropped onto the bed, causing a few of her makeup to roll down to the carpet. "It kind of just happened."

"Don't give me that bullshit. I saw how you two were at the wedding."

Bonnie blinked back tears. "We went dancing, and we were drinking."

"How do you think Lochy's going to take this?"

"I didn't mean for it to happen." She fumbled nervously with her ring. "It's just when Joel asked me, Dean's place or his, I don't know why I said his."

"So you went with him?" Elle asked, utterly shocked.

"I just thought we'd fool around a little bit and I'd be able to stop myself before anything serious happened."

"The boy asked you to come over to his place in the middle of the night, Bonnie."

"I told you, I messed up!" she yelled, jumping off the bed.

"Did he know about Lochy?"

Bonnie only looked at her.

"Did Joel know about your boyfriend?" Elle repeated.

Bonnie nodded just when Dean, freshly showered, appeared by the open door. His face was equally shocked as Elle's. Elle shook her head and left the room, squeezing past Dean. All she could think about was poor Lachlan.

"Pack your things," Dean was saying as Elle slipped back into his room. Moments later, he followed her in. "Are you okay?"

Elle shook her head. "She knew what she was doing," she mumbled as Dean took her in his arms and kissed the top of her head. "He'll be devastated," and she felt his head nod atop hers.

When Elle came out of the room, refreshed and packed, Dean was on the phone with someone on the balcony. She assumed it was his family and gladly took a bit of the toast and sipped the tea he had ready for her on the kitchen counter.

"Please don't tell Lochy!" Bonnie pleaded, coming up behind Elle.

"It's none of my business, I guess."

"I didn't mean for it to happen..." Bonnie started, but Elle held up her hand.

"I'm not the one you need to talk to."

"He's disappointed, isn't he?" Bonnie asked quietly, eyeing Dean pacing out on the balcony.

"He's not the one you need to worry about."

Bonnie stood there, biting her lip. "I talked to Lochy just now. He's driving up today, so I won't be going back with you tonight."

Elle went about filling the kettle for a fresh cup of tea. "You've called him here after what happened?"

"I love him, Elle."

Elle continued to make tea.

"I thought it'd do us good if we had some time away from home."

Elle shrugged, picking up a cup of tea and sliding it to Bonnie across the kitchen slab. Then she picked up the other two mugs and headed for the balcony. "Hope you know what you're doing."

"I'm sorry, Elle," Bonnie called out.

"Your car can't be fixed until tonight," Dean said as Elle stepped out onto the balcony. "That was the mechanic. I'm sorry about your car, Elle. I didn't mean to put you in a spot, truly."

Elle shrugged and handed him the tea. "Bonnie's not coming with me, anyway."

"No?"

She shook her head. "Apparently Lachlan's driving down and they're spending a few days in Sydney. Time together, etcetera."

Dean laughed in disbelief.

"But I'm still expected at Harry's tonight."

"I'll take you. Gives me a chance to see Maya as I'd promised."

"How will you get back?"

"I'm hoping I can sneak myself all the way back to your place." He laughed.

"What about my car, though?"

"I'll get Perry to drop it off to you."

"All the way to Armidale?" She chuckled.

"To Camden." He smiled. "Unless you wanted me to come home with you. I don't mind," he added hopefully.

***

Elle's heart lodged itself in her throat. She smiled up at Dean and waited for the door to open.

"Should I be scared too?" he whispered. "Relax, will you?"

"It's Harry."

The door swung open, and Harry peered at the two. She gave Elle a mandatory hug and smiled at Dean and stepped aside.

"You remember, Dean, Harry?"

Harry nodded. "We met at Chloe's."

"Good to see you again." Dean nodded politely. "I thought I'd visit when the opportunity presented itself." He spoke so calmly, that it awed Elle. She was a nervous wreck inside herself.

"My car broke down a couple of days ago," Elle explained, "and won't be fixed until the afternoon, so Dean offered me a ride."

"Where's Bonnie?"

"In my apartment awaiting her boyfriend," Dean replied, almost icy.

Harry watched him. "How come?"

"Mummy!" Maya came screaming down the corridor.

"She's been jumping all morning." Harry laughed, relaxing a little for the first time. "She missed you."

Maya's face was a poster of glee. "Dean!" she squeaked doubly loud and ran straight to him, wrapping her little self around his leg.

"Hello there, darling!" Dean laughed, picking her up in his arms.

"You didn't visit early," she accused, pouting.

"I couldn't sneak away."

"He came just to visit you." Elle smiled, looking at the two in awe. They could easily pass for father and daughter, which made her heartache just a little more.

"You've met Maya?" Harry asked, turning from Dean to Elle and back.

Elle cleared her throat. "They met when he was in Armidale to hire me for his brother's wedding," she lied. They'd only met a few weeks ago.

"I think I know all of Elle's family now," Dean added, watching Harry try to hide the shock on her face.

"You have?" she asked of him when the question was really for Elle.

Dean smiled. "I believe so. Right down to Ethan's fiancé."

Harry turned to Elle. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

Elle swallowed, her palms sweating. She knew what was coming. Harry's demanding questions, and severe disapproval at how fast her brother was being replaced by a smart alec in sexy jeans and T. "Yeah, sure."

"Do you mind taking Maya into the backyard?" Harry almost pursed her lips at Dean. "James and Mitch are out the back."

"You've met James," Elle added.

They watched him go out into the yard with Maya before Harry turned to Elle. "What's going on?"

"I told you," Elle began. "My car broke..."

"I don't mean that!" Harry spat. "Between you two."

Elle couldn't really bring herself to lie, so she shook her head instead.

"Don't fool me, Elle. I'm not a child."

"What do you want me to say?" Elle fired back in annoyance. "What is it you want me to say, Harry? Tell me, and I'll say it, but it won't really change you not wanting me to be happy." She finally blurted. The thought bugged her since their last meeting. "You don't want me to move on."

Harry stood in stunned silence.

"I can't help how I feel about Dean, Harry. Just as I couldn't help how I felt about Blake."

"Are you together?" Harry finally managed.

Elle shrugged. "I don't know what we are. I just know being around him makes me happy."

"And Maya?"

"Someone makes me feel almost whole again, loves my daughter, eagerly wants to get along with my family. How can I ignore those feelings, Harry?" Elle asked, hurt.

"I thought we still had time..." Harry said.

"For what?" Elle snapped.

Harry shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe a little while before Blake's forgotten."

Elle closed her eyes and drew a long breath. "Blake was my first love, Harry, and Maya's father. How can you think we'll ever forget him?"

"Then why does it feel like you're forgetting him?"

"It's coming up to three years, Harry." Elle stared at her sister-in-law. "Am I not allowed to make a new life for myself now?"

"Why him?" Harry asked. "He is nothing like Blake."

"Because he is nothing like Blake."

Harry met her gaze. "You don't want Blake anymore?"

"I can't have Blake anymore," Elle replied calmly. "Don't you get it, Harry? Blake left us. By choice or not, he's gone, and left us to pick up the pieces."

"Am I interrupting?" Dean suddenly stumbled in on them.

Harry's turned to him. "You are!"

Elle scoffed.

"Is this about me?" Dean asked, looking at the women.

"No." Elle started.

"What do you want with Elle?" Harry fired, and if looks could kill, Dean would have been a mound of ashes there and then.

Instead, a smile crept across his handsome face and he looked at Elle tenderly. "It's not what I want with Elle so much. It's as simple as this. I simply want Elle and I'm afraid I don't have a choice in the matter."

"What do you mean?"

"It is one thing to control the mind, an entirely different story, however, to control the heart. Wouldn't you say?"

Harry's eyes almost grew to slits.

"Your problem is not Elle having someone new in her life, you're simply jealous I'm filling your brother's place in Maya's life," Dean continued.

Elle gawked at her sister-in-law. "Is that true?"

"Of course, it is," Dean replied. "Harriett, I admire all mothers in whatever form they come. Mother, aunt, older sister to a brother, a sister-in-law to the bride... You're just trying to protect what's yours."

"I can't lose her too," Harry said.

Dean sighed. "I don't see how you would."

"Are you happy?" Harry turned to Elle. "With him?" It wasn't just her who eagerly wanted to hear the answer.

Elle hadn't even dared ask herself that question. She bit her lip as if trying to hold back the answer. Either way, it would make one of them happy and the other not so. And she had never been the type to hurt anyone. It made her feel rotten, always.

"Answer the question, Elle." Dean urged. "Your truth, and don't worry about either of us."

She drew a breath and closed her eyes and imagined herself alone in an open paddock, the sun above her and the wind gentle and warm through her hair. Just breathe, Elle! Just breathe. Life won't end on just one question.

"Elle!" His anxiety pierced her armour, and she opened her eyes.

He was staring, waiting. Then he cleared his throat and turned to Harry. "I'm sorry for intruding." He nodded politely to her and headed for the door. He stopped for a second in front of Elle. "I'd gladly follow you anywhere you want me to, but you need to choose me before I can do that. Take care, Elle."

She watched him close the front door behind him and he was gone before panic set in and she called out his name.

"Why didn't you answer, Ellie?" James was standing just on the threshold and they'd never noticed.

"Harry wouldn't have liked the answer," she whispered, fighting an urge to run out onto the road and chase after his car.

"You can't live your life, according to Harry."

Harry turned to her husband, embarrassed and offended. "I've never told her how to live her life."

Elle felt numb, watching James glare at his wife. He turned to Elle and grabbed her gently by her shoulders. "Are you happy with Dean?" Her gaze skipped to Harry for a split second. "Don't worry about her." His grip tightened around her reassuringly.

Elle nodded slowly. "Yes."

"Then what are you waiting for, darling?" He smiled. "Go."

Elle eyed Harry again.

"Elle, I just saw a man who loves you so much more than Blake walk out of here, only to give you the choice of sacrificing him for Harry's happiness. Who does that these days?" He shook her again, harder this time. "Go, Elle. Stop him."

"What do I say?" she asked.

"Whatever you like." James laughed. "But if I were you, I'd start with a kiss." He wiped the stray tear from her cheek. "For all you know, he's still outside, waiting in his car, just hoping you'll choose him."

"You really think so?" Elle breathed.

"He'd be a fool not to." James gave her arm a squeeze. "Go. Find your happiness."

Elle's chest swelled, and her eyes welled. She nodded, gave his hand a squeeze, and bolted out the door, hoping he was right, that Dean was just out there, waiting for her to choose him.

Instead. The driveway stood empty.

Dean was gone.