Reminder of Griffin^^^

April 13, 2017

To keep my mind from going crazy with boredom, I now spend some part of my day at the shop. Working in the office as the secretary. Today my eyes drift from the computer to invoice slips. Double checking parts numbers.

The office has a large plate glass window. Along with a single door that leads into the bay area of the shop. The office is small only holding a desk, file cabinet, and two chairs.

I never really look into the shop. I can hear most of what goes on. Someone has a radio that stays on a hard rock station. The guys talk and laugh, it is a normal spring day, the sunny weather still makes for good riding. So everyone  wants their bikes in the best condition. People are in and out all day.

For some unknown reason I look up. What I see confuses me at first, but I soon realized what I was looking at. Griffin is at the open bay door. Two young women stand in front of him with coy smiles. He looks like a strutting rooster. One of the young girls reach out to slap his arm at what he just said. He's flirting, again.

This could go one if two ways. I could go and snached a knot into the little brats in front of him. Or, I could just let it go.

I take the latter.

I continue work on the computer until a email alert pop up, I look to see that some order of batterys are coming in today. I print out the info on it and go out to inform my wayward husband of this. I think this will be a good time to rattle his cage a bit. I make my way out of the office.a smug smile plays on my lips.

Just as I step out into the shop.

"Lady?" John deep voice halts me......."can I show you something?" John blue eyes glow in the miday light. He is obviously nervous about something. Calling out my husband  is quickly  forgotten.

I am not use to looking up at a man. I have to tilt my head up alot to see his nice ice blue eyes. He motioned to the storage units behind the shop. The worried look in his eyes compiles me to follow.

I followed John out to the storage units in back of the bike shop. This is a side business Griffin started up to give some members of the club a place to store their hobby bikes and other toys.

"What's this all about John?" I ask as we stop in front of his personal door.

He doesn't answer me, but just takes out his keys and unlocks the door. When he raises the door it reveals a cream and black harley davidson Indian. I take a shaky step inside the unit.

"That's my bike.." I wisper.

"He sold it to me after you two where married." John lowers the door so we are now shut off from the rest of the world.

"I kept it. It still runs great, and if you want, I would love for you to take it back. I kept it for you. " John's voice is low and soft.

I can't believe I am looking at my bike from all those years ago. The same bike my dad gave me for my eleventh brithday. John has had it this whole time. It still looks like it just rolled off the showroom floor.

"I just...it's like I wanted too... Hell!" John runs a hand through his black hair. "I have always liked you Charlie. From the first time I saw you at Cindy's party. I never felt like this with anyone, other than you." His words have turned into a soft whisper.

I press my fingers lightly against his lips. "I can't do this right now. As much as I am dying too. You have no idea how much I thought of this very thing. I am still married to Griffin, and until we end this marriage. I will not cross the line of cheating. Do you understand?" I get lost in his blue eyes. They are so beautiful, as he shakes his head. Reaching up he pulls my hand away from his mouth but, not before he kisses my finger tips.

"Yeah, I have been waiting this long, I can hold on for a little longer." He agreed. He lifted the door to his unit and we step out unnoticed by anyone in the shop.

My eyes swing to the trio at the other side of the shop. Griffin's eyes track me as I make my way back to the office. The paper in my shaking hands is long forgotten. He no longer cares if I see him flrit or not.

The storm is here...

I returned to the office and gather up my things. I am about to go home for the day when Griffin steps in. "Come on I need to eat." I note that his voice is alot harder to listen to than John's. The ride home is tense and suffocating.

When we arrived home, I jump straight in. I watch the last light slip from his eyes with my first statement. "I know that John has my bike, and also I am not blind." I stated as we walk into the house.

"I know!" He returns. His eye bore into my skull.

"We need to talk." I mumbled numbly.

He signed and sits in his chair. He suddenly looks defeated and old. For the first  time he finally looks his age."I know I have not been the best lately, and I just want to explain."

I slowly make my way to the couch. "By all means go right ahead. I can't wait to hear this." I cross my arms  and wait.

"What you said the other day, it stuck in my head. You know, the part about if I found someone else?" He looks up at me. I start to panic a bit. He about to tell me he has found another woman. I can't help the tears that swim in my eyes. I've been replaced. Even if I know this marriage is over it this knowledge sill hurts.

"I'm listening, go ahead." I choke out pass the tears that are burning my eyes.

"I sure you know this marriage has been limping for awhile now. I'm not happy. I just think it would be better if we split up. I'm not going to pretend, I been looking. I will except whatever you decide. I am all set on a place to stay so I want be in your way. You can just send the papers to the shop." He says all of these words to the floor. He can't even look me in the eye.

My mind shuts down.

"Well, that's it then. I hope you can stay around long enough to talk to your son." I leave the room he doesn't try to stop me. Going into the kitchen, moving on autopilot.

The sause I started this morring before I went to the shop is ready. Taking the heavy crock pot dish out of the cooker and placing it on the table. So the sauce will cool until the pasta is done.

Once the water is on the shove and heating up. I move to set the table. My son enters, I know he has over heard the exchange between us. He lips are pressed into a thin line.

"Cool" he says once he sees his favorite meal is being served. Quicky he starts to fill glasses with ice for our drinks.

I don't speak as I go about my work. The meal is soon done I look to my son and ask " would go tell him that it's ready" I don't trust myself to talk to him yet. Truthfully. I don't want to.

We all sit together and eat. He and my son talk motors and fuel systems. I only half listen. He tries to pull me into the conversation many times. I only nod at the correct times. What he don't know is that his good father act is lost on his son.

He smiles at me, making small talk. Now he wants to be friendly I can bearly breath. Thankfully the meal ends and they both leave the kitchen.

I take my time to clean. Washing dishes, cleaning the crock pot dish, putting away the leftovers, and wiping down all the counter tops. The only problem with a one pot meal, it takes no time to clean up.

With no excuse to stay away from him any longer I move to the livingroom. He asks for my opinion on how to tell Donny.. I only look up from my book and stare at him in disbelief.

"Try the truth" I tell him. He can tell I will be no help to him. "You also need to tell our daughter " he stands to head upstairs.

I lose myself in a book I have read many times. Not needing to start at page one I open it to a radome page. I find my self in the middle of a play room. Ridding crop in full use.

It's a beautiful scene. Fill with red satin sheets and a St. Andrews cross.. How I wish this was my life. If things work out like Sandy has talked about, It will soon be.

"Its done, he is good. I will call sissy tomorrow. " His voice breaks into my dream. I look up from my book as he stands in the middle of the living room.

I want no part of him. I think he is slowly getting the picture. After he comes back from the kitchen after he gets a drink remains silent and takes his chair.

A few minutes  later he stands and looks at me.  " I will head out now. Just let me know when I need to sign the papers." He goes up to Donny's room one more time.

As I walk by I can hear their voices behind the door. They sound calm. I am thankful that I could give Donny a heads up. I take a long hot shower hoping to rid myself of the angry feelings I have swimming inside me.

When I reenter the bedroom I am alone for the first time 24 years. I turn off all the lights as I make my way to the bed. I don't know when he leaves. I can hear Donny moving around in his room.

There is a sudden knock on my bedroom door." Mama, you ok?" Donny stands in the open doorway.

"Yeah, baby. I'm going to be just fine." I say to him. I get up off the bed and walk over to give him a hug.

After he leaves I returned to the bed, and allow myself to grieve for my marriage. Twenty four years of my life is now over. The only thing to really show for it is my two beautiful children.

Tomorrow is a new day. It will be a full one. Starting with a call to my lawyer.