I'm so sorry for your loss.

He was a good man.

The community will surely miss him.

He is in a better place.

_________________________________

July 7, 1990

The early morning light of day streams through the window. I lay on my side on my dad's bed and watch as the morring past by. I came to dad's house that same night. This is the only place I want to be now. It is where I feel the safest.

Today is the day, the day I bury my daddy.

For the past three days I have greeted every member of the community. They all came to my dad's house. Like vultures circling a dead animal. The women with food they think is the best, and the men with eyes only for the land my dad loved. I have locked up every building other than the house. I refuse to let them near his things.

His room smells like him. I squeeze his pillow closer to my face. His citrus body wash mixed with the Polo I gave him for his brithday makes me want to scream.

The bed dips with someone weight. "Your shaking again. Do you want a blanket?" The voice is low. I only shake my head no.

They move away, and I try not to let my grief rule me. I wish I could wake up the dominant in me. Surely a real Dom would not break down like I have.

First with Griffin in the waiting room of the hospital. The next time when Jake my dad's best friend came to the house. He found my dad when he came to the house. They were going to come to the fireworks together. I was barely hanging on at that point.

The final straw the broke me came last night. I was talking to Mr Thomas the funeral home directory about the last details of dad's funeral. When in walked the Mayor. He gave me his condolences. I could see the malicious tint in his weak eyes. Then offered to buy the shop again in front of everyone in the room.

I was so shocked that I couldn't utter a word." Don't worry Charlie girl, by the time that meeting with the council happens in August. You'll be begging me to take that shop off your hands." He laughed.

Then it happen, Sandy pushed him aside. His face went red with anger as he glared at her. With her flaming red hair and black leather dress she looked like the prefect Domme. I stepped away from Cindy's embrace, and practically fell into Sandy's.

She pressed her lips to my neck. She muttered something above my head. I could not hold back the shutter that racked my body. I soon felt the intoxicating heat at my back as Bull pressed himself against me. I lost it, Bull scoop me up into his arms, and Sandy asked where he could take me that would be more private.

I caught a brief look at Cindy's shocked face as she lead us up to my daddy's room. I am not sure how long they stayed there with me. I just remembered their words. Sandy telling me to cry all I wanted. Bull even gave me permission to hit him if I needed.

I didn't hit him. Sandy had a better had a better idea. It may not be the most appropriate thing to happen, but the two climaxes I had made me feel like passing out. Last night was the first time I really felt like I could sleep. I did wake up once. Griffin was shaking me asking if I was alright. Apparently I was screaming in my sleep.

"You need to eat something. Please" Cindy beggs. I finally sit up on the bed as she sides the tray of food to me. "You don't have to eat it all just try to eat some of it." I watch her leave. She has on her favorite little black dress. It's the one my dad claimed she would catch a man in.

"What time is it?" I whisper pushing the food around on my plate. I taste nothing that I put in my mouth. I don't have to look over to see him. I know he is there. He has been there the whole time.

"10:55" his voice is still low. "You need to get ready." Griffin commands me.

I nod in response, he has been quiet and a bit distance sense last night. I can't really blame him, but Im not his girlfriend.

"I still wish you would ride with me." He grumbed. I push the tray to the side and slide off the bed. I pull my bag off the hope chest and rifle through the things I told Cindy to bring me.

I take out my jeans, my leather riding jacket. Then I take out the black corset Sandy gave me. I look up at Griffin, he looking out the window. "He taught me how to ride, work on cars, and to be independent. I'll drive myself." I definitely tell him.

He turns to me, and walks over to me. His fingers press under my chin lifting my face to him. "This should go without saying, but I going to say it anyway. I like you Char. Alot. I plan to be there for you as long as you'll let me. Just let me, ok. I got you"

He shifts closer, both of his hands cup my face. He leans in, but he hesitates just before our lips meet. For that split second my hart beats faster. My breath catches in my throat. Desire pools in my gut. I have never wanted a man to kiss me more that I do at this moment.

When it happens, the kiss doesn't last long. It's not filled with raging passion, but I feel it all over my body. It lasted long after Griffin has left me here to get ready. I can still feel his lips on mine., and I want more.

Too soon I find myself standing by my Indian outside the funeral home doors. I look back at the line of cars that make up the funeral procession. Jay is parked behind me in his ratrod. After him are the cop cars from five different small towns in the area that make up the large county I live in. It looks like every customer that dad has worked their is behind the cops.

There will be no grand sermon in the church. No brief words of praise for my dad's live in the funeral home chapel. My dad was a simple man. I will speak a few words at the grave side.

The double doors open up to reveal my dad's six good friends walking out carrying my dad's casket. They move slowly to the back of a 1932 Rolls-Royce Silver Ghost. It is the pet project of Mr Thomas. My dad helped him to get it running again. Mr. Thomas asked if I would mind if he used it today. I am sure my dad would be horrored.

Once dad is tucked away the pallbearers move to the van they will ride in to the grave side. Mr. Thomas singles Jay and he moves to get in the Rolls. The thunderous sound of Jay's glass packs echoes around the small space we are parked in.

I throw my leg over my bike and prepare for slow drive to my dad finally resting place. We head out and turn in the direction of the grave yard. There is a cop that has blocked two lanes of traffic. His hands are clasped behind his back. He has his head bowed. I know he does this to show respect for dad.

We make it to the gave yard, and I stay seated on my bike as my dad's body is taken to his grave. Once he is set I get up and walk up by myself. Mr. Thomas hands me a single red rose. I closed my eyes and wait for the rest of the people are seated.

The silencen of the graveyard is broken by the sound of many Harley Davidson motorcycles. I open my eyes to watch as Griffin whole club parks on the opposite side of the grave. Griffin holds up his hand and motions like he is raving up his motorcycle. Suddenly all 35 bike began to rave their bikes. He holds his hand out to stop the noise.

I look back over the crowd. They fill every seat under the canapé. The bike club move to circle around standing shoulder to shoulder. Many in the crowd shot them nerves looks. I take this as my que.

"My dad didn't ask for much when it came to his final wishes. He just wanted his friends and family here. I think today shows how many friends he really did have. He would be proud to see all of you who wanted to say good bye. It helps me to know he was this loved. I will miss his so much." I let my hand with the rose in it reach out for his casket. I release the rose to rest there. "I love you daddy." With that I turn away. Mr. Thomas steps up quickly to speak to the crowd.

That's it. Daddy's gone.