Namjoon.

I just about hang up at the recognition of Miss Soojin's voice. I really don't have the time, or the mind to offer her right now, let alone worry why she is calling, and had called me before on this private number. "I am sorry ma'am, but this isn't a good time. I'm in the middle of something important -"

"Oh, really, I was just checking up on you." She says, sounding rather excited, an official opposite to my mood right now. "Thank you ma'am, but I can't talk right now -"

"Oh really, why is that..." She cuts me off for the second time, and I pause in my rush, wondering what the hell she really is up to now. "... going somewhere, home perhaps?" She asks, almost knowingly, and I can't keep the wheels in my head from turning. Her next sentence blows my thoughts everywhere, and my growing suspicions latch onto her almost immediately. "I hope everything is alright. Taehyung..." She trails off, sounding distant, but close enough for me to know what she is talking about.

"Was it you. Are you behind this?" I ask, my voice progressively getting higher with each word, she doesn't seem at all affected by my outburst, if anything I can imagine her smirk right now. "I told you not to force my hand Namjoon, I told you I had the power to get you what you wanted, but I must have forgotten to tell you it goes both ways, and I could take anything from you as well."

"Something bad happens to my brother,and I swear to you -" I grit out into the phone, my voice lower than ever. If something, even a single hair misses from his head, I'll go feral, I just know I would do anything to the person that harms my brother, and if that happens to be her, not even god can help me, or her. My fist clenches to the side at the thought of her actually being behind this, is she seriously that desperate that she would go as far making my family suffer?

"You can't do anything about it, well except for what I want you to do of course." I know what she means, and my legs give out under me as I come to the bitter conclusion of what she is asking. She wants me leave her son -Seokjin, or somehow through her connections she might let my brother's surgery delay. To me it's a choice, and I have to pick between the the two people I love most in the world. What is this, what games are these, why is this happening to me, us.

I can't leave Seokjin, I love him, but my brother is everything to me too, he is my world as well, and I don't think I could live with myself if something bad ever happens to him. "What do you want from me?" I ask dejectedly, gripping at my locks. Fuck, I am close to losing my mind. "You know what I want."

"I can't go from Seokjin, I am in love with him. It's not fair." I plead, hoping she would see through this. "Don't test me boy, I have come this far for Seokjin, and I won't allow you to ruin that." It's her turn to seethe, and I find a little sad humour in what she says. "For Seokjin, or for yourself, don't you just want him to get married so you can further your business, and keep your reputation?" She is silent for a moment as she takes in my knowledge of what she is up to, but she recovers quickly, snickering.

"Whatever makes you sleep at night, now talk, I don't have all day." She demands, and once again I am reminded of just how fucked up I am right now. "Your literally denying my brother life by this, this is not fair..."

"And you can change that Namjoon,  all you have to do is a simple task." She says it like it is the easiest thing on earth, while I bow my head in defeat knowing well she won't back, and by that alone she has driven me into a decision. "I am not a complete monster Namjoon, if you do this your brother is guaranteed his life back in a week, with every expense covered, and everything catered for."

"I don't want your money." I reminder her, my voice gone, shaking almost. "Maybe, but you'll have to take it if you choose your brother, I am sure he'll need it with his condition now." I don't answer, scared of saying it out loud. I've betrayed him. I've betrayed my love, I have taken away his trust. I can't tell him now that his mum has a hold of my brother, that would be writing a death sentence for Taehyung, especially with his condition.

"Meet at the bus terminal in half an hour, and don't keep me waiting." She concludes at my silence, pulling the choice out of me without any negotiations. What exactly was I expecting here, what did I think was going to happen after everything that woman offered to me. I am screwed, I am deeply screwed, and the thought of everything brings me closer to tears with each second. I really have to leave Seokjin, I have to separate from him, possibly without any explanation. What kind of a monster am I, what kind of a lover does that?

I force up legs, dragging along my bag to pack a few stuff. I don't think I can face Seokjin and tell him I am leaving him, it would break me, and him too, then I wouldn't be able to do it. The best option is just to go, I need to leave without letting him in on this mess, then when everything with my brother is figured out, I'll get back to him, back to his arms. This is better than facing him without a reason, I feel like it would break his heart less if he didn't know, but like this horrible day would have it, that wasn't going to happen.

I freeze in my long strides to the bathroom as I hear the front door open and close before footsteps head my way. The only other person with the key is Seokjin, but still I am very much surprised when he shows up in the hallway, a little rush in his step. His eyes meet mine, and he furrows his eyebrows taking in my face, posture, and the bag in my hand.

"You haven't left for work yet?" Work? That's the last thing on my mind now, I am worried that he is here, and he can tell by just looking into my eyes that something isn't right. "Not today, something came up. Why are you back?" I try to deviate from him, but at the same time curious as to why he would be back only two hours later, is this another one of her mother's tricks. His forehead creases in confusion as he walks to me, then past me to the bedroom.

"I left my sketch book, you seen it?" He asks, searching around with his eyes, while I breath a sigh of relief from him not knowing what exactly is going on. It's horrible, I am horrible for doing this. "I need it for something urgent and I don't remember where I left it at, it's not in the office, or my apartment, I hope it's here."

"I think it's on the couch, or between the cushions." I stop his rumbling, smiling a bit when he sighs out, smiling too. "Really?" He asks, dashing past me again to search the couch. He had left it there yesterday when he came home, and I had in turn left it there while cleaning, knowing well he would look for it later. A sequel comes out only seconds later, sounds of rustling paper filling the room as he flips through the pages hurriedly to ensure everything is intact. That book contains some of his best art.

"Found it, thank you." He announces, walking to me to place a thankful kiss on my cheek before pulling back to look at me. I know he can tell, he can read the fear in my eyes, and he can feel the way I tense against him.

"What's wrong?" He asks, easing off his earlier excitement, and taking a more worried look. "Did something happen, why do you look sad?" He worries once more, his hand finding my free one, and squeezing slightly. He eyes the bag a bit, before looking up at me.

"Something came up at home, it's urgent, an emergency." His eyes widen a bit as he takes in my words, a soft yet worried look bracing his features. "Oh, I didn't know, I am sorry I wasn't here." He apologizes, despite not knowing what it is that has happened, his fingers tighten with mine to remind me of his support, care and presence. But I don't deserve it, not a single bit of it.

"It's my brother, he is sick, so I am gonna have to go." I try to reveal, to ease him a bit, and he nods along in understanding, his eyes searching my sad ones, hurt, and ashamed ones. It's almost like he knows there is something more, something there that I am not telling him. "Let me go with you." He offers. It's support, one I need, but Miss Soojin would not like it if I got. She might do something drastic if she finds out I let Seokjin in on everything now.

Fuck, I should have just told him earlier, from the very start when it happened, or even the day before, when she had tried me again, but look at me now, my stupidity has gotten me here, fear of what Seokjin would think, and need to salvage the relationship between them. I can't let him come with me.

"You can't." I blurt out, my fingers leaving his grasp, and my legs carrying me away from him. I can't look him in the face while I lie to him, I've done that way too many times, something that has brought me to this situation. "I need to do this alone, I am in a hurry, plus, my family wouldn't be expecting you around, they might not be ready." It's a shitty excuse, and it sounds even worse in my head when I think of what he might be deducing from that.

He doesn't look upset as I walk to the door to put on my shoes, rather, he still has that worried look, a bit of water covering his irises. His mouth opens and closes a few times, hesitant.

"When are you coming back?" His voice comes out small, probably feeling like he shouldn't be asking that given what I have told him about the situation. I too wonder when I'll come back, if I'll ever come back. Afraid at what the future holds for us, I bow my head low, fiddling with clothes in any attempt to come up with an answer.

"Your coming back, right?" He asks again, edging closer to me. I look up to meet his eyes, his dark orbs that could tell the colour of my soul, those lashes of his that fall on his perfect cheeks, and those lips of his that were created for me. It dawns on me that I may never get the chance to be his, if Miss Soojin wins, he may never get a chance to be mine. I might be going to Taehyung, only to find him engaged when I get back. It was goodbye for now, but with my optimism fading I fear it might be forever.

I throw down the bag, opening wide my hands for him and bringing him into a hug. My hand goes round his neck, and another around his back to bring him close. I press him to me tightly as this cloud of emotion takes over me, reminding me what I may never have, his calming lavender scent reminding me of what I am leaving behind. "I love you." I whisper to him as a tear escapes me, pulling back to bring the back of his hands to my lips. I kiss them, I press my lips to his skin, to engrave it in my memory, how soft it feels. "I love you so much." I echo once more, my eyes meeting his.

His own are brewing over with tears at the sight of my breaking emotions, "your scaring me joon-ah." He voices, searching my eyes for answers I can't give him, some that I don't even have. I manage a small smile, letting go of his hands and cupping his cheeks. He leans into my touch, closing his eyes temporary, and kissing the inside of my palm. Every second I look into his eyes it gets harder, with every second I stand before him I feel my resolve loosening. I hope he understands, even in the slightest. 

"Don't be scared, ok?" I assure him, caressing gently his cheeks. "There's nothing to be scared of, alright?" It's a fat lie, even to myself, but I don't want him to worry, I don't want him troubled for something that is all my fault. Oddly, I wonder what would happen if I just told Seokjin everything, what would happen if I told him about his mother's plan, and everything surrounding it, including my brother. Would he believe me, would he perhaps formulate another plan with me, or would he be just as helpless as I am? There are a range of things that are mostly likely to happen, but most of them would end with my brother in trouble, that is something I can't risk. It's way too important.

"You'll wait for me, right?" I ask him when he nods, looking deep into his eyes and desperate for his confirmation. He may not know everything, but I need to know he'll still be mine when I get back in about a week or so. "Of course." He says, like it's so obvious. I hope it stays that way, I hope he doesn't have a reason to change his mind. "Of course I'll wait for you, I love you." He echoes once more, his hands coming up to rub around my wrists, my hands still holding his cheeks.

"I love you too." I answer back, tilting back his head and pressing his lips to mine. His soft plush lips. They taste sweet, something I try to engrave in my memory as I move with his. I pour out all my love and passion into it, desperate to leave him with a taste of me too, something he would perhaps remember me with. I pull apart when we get breathless, my phone chiming the same time in my pocket. I know who it is, I know how much time has gone by since she called, but it's hard, it's impossible to leave Seokjin.

I keep my forehead and his together, breathing on each other's faces, and just basking in the feeling of being in his arms. "I gotta go." I utter lowly and I feel him tense. I know he knows something other than my brother is up, but feels no right to ask so. "Bye baby." I tell him, pressing my lips to his forehead for a final contact before pulling away.

I can't look him in the eyes as I pick up my bag, slinging it on my back and opening the door. "Bye, be safe." He says finally, his voice is groggy, and I know he is fighting back tears. If I look back I wouldn't be able to take it, to depart from him, so I convince myself to close the door behind me, walking away from him, from us, for now.