Seokjin.

My muscles cramp with each step I take, my feet and thighs painfully aching with need to rest. Somehow I've forgotten how to breath, how to let oxygen into my lungs and into my body. Instead it's caught up in my throat, doing the exact opposite of what it is suppose to do. It's chocking me, my chest heaving in ache with each intake. It hurts, it hurts even to breath.

I sit down in the first bench I see, willing myself to calm down amongst my internal chaos. I've been walking for long, an hour or so, pushing my feet with each heavy breath, and each drop of tears, from the village farms, all way back to the bus station. I didn't want to take a cab, or any sort of lift, too immersed in my misery to want anyone near me. I don't want anyone seeing me like this, this disheveled, tired and broken.

I am hurting, everywhere, but none of it compares to ache in my heart. Shattered, crumbling. I feel like the organ could stop beating anytime, it's quick rhythm being an exact opposite of what I feel in my head, slow and tortures. A few tears have escaped me as I walked here, seconds when I couldn't hold it in anymore, and my eyes had suddenly watered, and hot tears fallen on my cheeks. I wasn't going to cry by the roadside despite the deep emotions that were raking through me, I wasn't going to cry now either, because god knows I still had things pending.

I know I am kidding myself, these emotions can break through me any moment, regardless of the place or time. I've never been good at holding it in, and I know it won't be any different now, especially with the intensity that it courses through me, burning with a quest, a quench to be let out. But I can't afford a breakdown right now, I need to finish this.

I need to confront my mother once and for all, I need to give her a piece of my mind, and maybe put her in her place. All this would have never happened if my mother had just let me lead my life. She had once again meddled, and ruined it for me, perhaps forever this time. I have put up with a lot for so long, and it's time she hears from me. I am outside the bus station, a few meters away from the bustling noise, and crowds of people. I look down the road to see a familiar black Mercedes approaching. It's here in record time, probably driving past the limit, but I can't bring myself to worry about that right now. I need his help, I need him.

Jungkook pulls over when he notices me, his formal attire on display as he as he walks to this side of the road. His sight alone calms me, always been able to with his mere presence. He smiles a bit, showing his bunny teeth as he twirls his keys in his hand. "You came..." I say, pushing myself to stand on my feet. "Of course." He replies, his eyes raking my rugged posture for a moment. "Always." He adds, taking a step forward, his hand coming up to brush off some strands from my face. "You ok. You look tired, and pale." He worries, like always, his sincere eyes trying to pry the truth from me. I am not sure I can even begin to tell him, it would be too much to handle.

"I take it, it didn't go well?" He asks when I don't answer.

"No it didn't." I reply truthfully, and he nods along in understanding. He knows a part of this since I let him in on what I was up to when I was seeking his help. He has never been one to ask much, and he had simply provided me with information, the address, and offered any other assistance that I needed. We might have had a complicated relationship regarding the engagement and the ex boyfriend and all, but we are friends first, always been, and like him I would drop everything else if he needed me.

"I am sorry to hear that." He says, sighing in the process, his eyes a little hard. "Did something bad happen, did you get hurt?" I did get hurt, just not the way he thinks. He has always been protective of me, and wouldn't hesitate to throw his hands if he finds out something made me cry. Even now, I don't think he would see eye to eye with Namjoon if he found out the full extent of what's going on, so I smile softly at him, shaking my head. "Nothing like that, I am alright." I assure him.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I just...I wanna go..." I request, progressively getting tired of being in this place. Gwanju is beautiful, somewhere I would like to be, just not today, probably not in the near future either. The thought of Namjoon being here too, around, just makes me feel things, pain to be precise.

"Of course..." He says as he takes my hand, his fingers wrapping gently around my wrist. "...Home?" He questions as we cross over. "No, I want to see my mother first." I say, spitting it out almost. He probably hears the venom in my tone, and sees the fire in my eyes because his thumb brushes softly over my wrist. He is no stranger to my and my mother's relationship, and with everything I have asked of him to look into of late, he must have an idea where this is going.

I fall silent beside him as we drive off, my eyes finding their way to the world outside, to the series of buildings aligning the streets, and the occasional empty fields. They are pretty in the gay weather, but somehow still manage to dampen my mood. I feel Jungkook's straying eyes every so often, worried and questioning. I want to share with him, just not when everything is still fresh, not when I don't even have some of the answers myself. "How much was it?" I ask curious, leaning back on the seat, closer to the window. He knows what I am talking about, and without looking I can tell his brows are narrowed, and judging by the sigh that comes out of his lips, he is surprised as well.

"Forty seven million won."

So that's how much my mother paid for it, that's how much Namjoon turned back from us for. It's a huge sum of money, would be tempting to a lot of people, hell, I'd take forty seven million if someone gave it to me, but sadly nothing comes for free, not from my mother anyway, and Namjoon and I just happened to be the very thing she could buy off with that kind of money.

It's sad what people could do with money, even sadder what people would do for money. Thinking back, I should have never let my mother anywhere near my life again, I should have never even allowed her to breath near me with her manipulative ways. She is cunning, and egocentric, and had had her plans all along.

Namjoon and I were doomed the very second she set foot in our lives, and as much as Namjoon took that money for god knows what, I am pretty sure he didn't have much of a choice, not with my mother. She is perfect in the act of buttering up, and could have convinced him one way or another to take the money. What kind of a parent does that? What kind of a mother hurts their children like that, all for what even?

We don't talk much on the drive back, my anger building up with each minute I think of my mother. Jungkook tries a lot to get me to focus, to not reel in anger, and get lost in my head again, but I can't help, I can't stand the thought of that woman. When we pull up at my mother's house it's already evening, and judging by the number of cars in the compound, she certainly has guests over.

On any other day I would wait, like the mannered son I have always been, but not tonight. There is no more respect, or etiquette left from me, not towards my mother at least. I plan to storm there and confront her regardless of who she has over.

"You want me to come with you?" Jungkook asks as he pulls up, his soft eyes looking at me. I already feel bad for dragging him into this, and the last thing I want him to see is my mother and I going at it. "No, you've helped me enough already, I could take her." He smiles at my choice of words, nodding over in earnest before looking ahead. "I am sure you have important things on hold, you should go."

"I'll wait for you just in case." His tone, and his gaze don't give me any room to disagree, his soft fingers squishing softly at my cheeks. "You know I'll always be here for you, go..." He urges on, and I smile back in appreciation, getting off the car and into the house.

The butler, is the first one to spot me as I enter. "Sir Seokjin..." He let's out, surprised at my presence. He comes down the stairs, bowing at me, but I have a lot of thoughts occupying my mind to engage in small talk like we usually do. I bow back in return, walking further into the home to ask about what's important. "Is my mother here."

"Yes, in the living room, she has guests over." He replies, his practised posture loosening in my presence. He knows about my relationship with my mother, having heard all about it the last time I was here, when I was packing my bags, while he begged me over and over again to rethink of my decision to leave. "Thank you." I say taking a stroll to the fancy living room, just as he raises his hands to stop me.

True to his words, there are guests over, half a dozen or so. I recognize some of them from before, others I don't, but I am sure as hell they are all important. Fancy treats of little food, and champagne, are littered around the he table, low whispers and rustling of files and papers being the only sounds in the room. I spot my mother huddled with the group, as always elegant, nice and welcoming, but oh, so rotten on the inside.

Another woman realizes I am in the room, and she taps at my mother's arm, then proceeds to point at me when she looks at her. Finally, miss Soojin meets my eyes, her expression quickly shifting to different things before she plasters that fake smile on her face, and excuses herself.

"Jin-ah, I wasn't expecting you..." She says as she walks to me, still smiling. She notices the stone hard expression on my own face, and I think she realizes I am not here for a mother - son chit chat. "Let's talk in the garden." She says. I have half a mind to confront her right here, before her business partners, and superiors, but she is visibly pleading, half scolding me with her hard eyes and clenched jaw.

I follow her out to the garden, the other side of the house where any type of noise would be drowned by the walls. My fist clenches as she turns to look at me, her earlier smile now off her face. She is about my height in her heels, robbing me of the chance to tower over her in intimidation like I wanted, (not that she would cower to anyone in this world, especially not me) but nonetheless I still step closer to her, mirroring her empty eyes. "What the fuck mum..."

"Watch your language boy..." She speaks back in that authoritative tone, but like I said, I am too far gone to observe any etiquette. "Why, what was the reason?"
"What are you talking about?" She asks back, feigning confusion, but I know too well she aware of what I am talking about. "Forty seven million mum, why would you give that to Namjoon?" She narrows her eyes slightly, leaning back a bit on her posture while she heaves in a dramatic breath. Probably buying time to formulate a lie, but I have caught on too well for her to deny it, she knows I know too much if I am presenting the figures.

"How do you know about that?" At least she doesn't deny it, but I am in no mood to go around in circles either. So I just stare at her, progressively getting annoyed at her sight. It's taking everything inside of me to not spew every bitter thing I have in my chest at her.

"He asked me for it."

"For once in your life, will you just speak the truth." I raise my voice in response at her, the first time I have done so in years. She is visibly taken back by it, but doesn't loose her composure one bit, standing her ground with her truth. "He asked me for the money..."

"...yeah, and you just give hand outs worth millions these days." I cut her off, gripping at my locks while I pursue my lips. "We both know Namjoon couldn't have just walked up to you to ask you for money, let alone millions."

"Oh please, you met him like three months ago, you don't know him." She scoffs, a mocking smile on her face.

"Maybe, but I know you, and I know you wouldn't have stopped at anything to get what you want, to ruin my happiness. I know how rotten you are mother."

It's true I met Namjoon only months ago, and I don't deny that I don't know everything about him, but there is just no way on this earth he would have walked right up to my mother, no matter the circumstances, and asked for money. He wasn't like that, that I am sure of. Sadly I can't say the same for her, if money was ever to be involved, rest assured my mother brought it up, she offered to pay in exchange for something, I have a feeling I know what, but I want to hear it from her own mouth, I want her to tell me with her own lips what it was for.

"Why would you take the only thing I had from me, why would take the only thing that makes me happy from me?" I ask, my voice shaking in the slightest. I am on right on the verge of tears, the ugly head of frustration showing itself at the lack of answers. People are bold enough to go behind my back, but no one is brave enough to face me with the truth. "Why are you like that?" 

Puffing her chest out, my mother tilts her head to the side, she gazes at me, blinking a few times before crossing her arms over a chest. "Has it not occurred to you, even for a split second, that that boy might have been lying to you. Have you considered the possibility that he doesn't love you like he claims, that maybe it was just a front to get you in bed with him. I mean, how naive can you really be. That boy isn't in love with you -"

"- That's not true." I defend immediately, desperate to keep my sanity. Namjoon might have taken that money, but he was in love with me, just as much as I was with him. He couldn't have possibly wanted to get in my pants only, it was more than that. He loves me, he loved me.

"That's not true, Namjoon couldn't do that to me." I echo once more, more to myself than her, but she only scoffs. "Then why would he ask me for money to support his music career, huh?" Now I just know she is plainly lying. It took me time to get Namjoon to speak to me about his music, what more to a stranger, especially one like my mother. Namjoon would never. His music was precious to him, something he sweated on, put his time and energy on, and he could have never just asked anyone for a handout to fund it, no matter how desperate he was. A small unbelieving smile escapes my lips at her deceit. She has this web of lies up her sleeve, answer after answer of carefully made up stories, meant to fool, and manipulate people, but I think she forgets sometimes that I know her too well.

"In exchange for what?" I ask lowly, peering at her through my exhaustion. I can't fight this battle if I won't get anything from it. I know well Namjoon didn't ask anything from her, it was the other way round, but since she won't admit to it, I won't force it down her throat, all I need now is the reason.

"He wanted it in exchange for leaving you..." She starts, "he must have known about my desperate attempts to get you out of that place, so he approached me with that in exchange for money. I gave it to him because I wanted you come back home, and he knew how. If anything, I saved you from that bastard, he only wanted your money, and your body, and now your rid of him." I swear I puke a little in my mouth at the fabricated confession, it's sickening, but at least she fell into the trap of telling me the reason why. She wanted me back home for her own cause.

"I don't believe you mother, your lying, again. You've achieved your goal of taking him from me, and I hope your happy with it." She rolls her eyes, deeming it overreaction like always, but I am done, I can't do this anymore. "Come on Jin-ah, I would never approach him with something like that." She tries, but I see right through her, scoffing.

"Please, you would have seduced him if it meant getting what you wanted." Somehow I expect the hot slap that lands on my cheek. It stings, but I am too far gone to feel the extent of the pain, too numb to feel it hurt or realize the magnitude of my words. I don't regret them, and I can't take them back knowing they are true either. She could have used money for this one, and I know that same way, she could have given anything to get what she wanted. Anything.

She steps closer to me, angry eyes boring into my stiff ones. "Watch your tone with me young man, I am still your mother."

"Not anymore." I seethe back, eyes watering finally, I can't anymore. "I have put up with every single thing from you. Every single lie you make to me, every broken promise, everything you take from me. I have tried to love you as my mother, I have given every part of me, each effort to be worthy of your love, but I can't anymore, I can't keep giving while you only take, I can't keep trying while you don't give a fuck what happens to me as long as I am of use to you and your status." My voice shakes with every syllable, hands trembling by my side. She doesn't expect it either, and she steps back, perplexed at the revelation.

"I have tried for the longest time to be the son that you wanted, but your just....your incorrigible, your angry, and insatiable in the worst way. Your greedy for everything out there, and you don't care who you hurt when you get it. Even your own son. But not anymore. I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to please you, while you make me feel like a burden, a mistake. Am through, and I am ashamed to be your blood, dad couldn't take it, and I can't anymore either." Her own eyes water at my teary words, but I am not sure what it would be for, crocodile tears perhaps, because if anything she should be happy to have me free of her, now she doesn't have to be ashamed of a son like me.

I nod to myself while I keep her gaze, both of us knowing well what this means. "From here on forth, I don't have a mother. I am not related to you whatsoever. Your dead to me." I speak out, a sort of bitter sweat relief coursing through my veins. It hurts, so bad, but I can't bring myself to look back as I leave, this time for good.