Namjoon.

The mind forgets, it gets preoccupied with other things, other things that in turn help you move on with your daily life, until all of it is only a memory, a rare dream, and a distance thought. But the heart, the heart conceals, it holds on, and it reels back at first sight. The heart fools, or perhaps we all try to fool our hearts.

It's funny how after seven years, what I feel for him is still this strong, it's not necessarily what I felt for him back then, but it's there, it's alive, thriving. It's almost like it never went away to even begin with, it's been hiding, waiting for the perfect opportunity to attack me. I hate it, I hate how odd it is, how strange, yet familiar it feels.

It's been three weeks, three excruciating weeks that I have been around him. It's not daily, but at least once a week I get to sit with him on a table to discuss business, and it's somehow the most draining thing ever. There is just so many things I want to do and say to him. So many things that are still pending, that we pretend are alright, but aren't. I see how uneasy he is around me, how he pretends or clings to his fiance whenever I am around, and I want to talk to him about that, for at least a few minutes so we can clear the air, and ease the tension. It's not the best idea, seeing as I don't know exactly what I ought to say, or even if I have to say anything at all, but regardless something needs to be done, and it needs to be immediately, for both our peace of mind, at least mine...Which is why I drove Taehyung to work today, in hopes of having a little chat with Kim Seokjin.

My brother doesn't exactly know about this, or about Kim Seokjin yet. I am not sure it's the best idea to tell him now, seeing as he adores the other, looks up to him, and idolizes his work.

He is just as protective as I am, and over the years, he has come to loath what made me like this, what made me different, and when Seokjin doesn't really have any fault on this, he is still largely a part of why I am not the man I used to be, and I don't think Taehyung will really appreciate that.

I will tell him, when the time is right, and when I deem it appropriate, just not now when he is still working directly with Seokjin, when they are still close, and something like this could ruin their relationship. It's shitty how after all this time our lives are intertwined, how we all went around and just came back in a circle, incomplete, but a circle nonetheless.

Seokjin is in an important meeting when I arrive, so I am ushered into his office floor, and into a cozy lounge as I wait. It's open space, with nice couches, and shelves of books which mostly consist of company magazines, pamphlets and brochures. I am too preoccupied with my thoughts to read, so I just pace around the room, trying to arrange my thoughts and think about my words.

I am stood by the window, looking out into the street below when the door flies open, a little boy running through, giggling as he looks around the room hastily. He is dressed in a white t shirt, a black jean overall above it, with a matching black bucket hat covering most of his face. By his height he looks about five, six -ish kind of age, his little gums on display as he rushes behind the couches opposite where I am standing.

He however trips just as he gets behind the furniture, his arms flailing, and bucket hat flying as he falls on his face. "Ouch." It comes off only seconds later, and I draw from my trance, rushing to the other side of the room to check on him.

By the surprised look on his face, he must have not realized I was in the room, cheeks blazing as I extend a hand out to help him up. He seems more embarrassed than he looks hurt, and I am grateful for that because god knows I wouldn't know what to do if he was crying.

"Are you ok?" I ask, not able to contain myself as inspect him for any harm, he had quite a fall, and although he isn't crying, he still might have scraped something. " I am ok." He replies, flashing a smile as he dusts over his clothes.

Now that I can get a look at his face, the kid is... beautiful, and not in a weird perverted way, he is just...he is cute, with dark, soft looking hair, that mirrors the colour of his round eyes that sparkle whenever he looks up. He has a dimpled smile, a cute button nose, and an overall look that just seems familiar. I can't help myself or rather my imagination, as I tilt my head to the side, eyes narrowing to actually look at him. It's impossible not to see, and the resemblance to...dare I think of Seokjin, is notable. But then again that would be preposterous, it couldn't be, Seokjin couldn't possibly have a son this old.

"Are you sure?" I press, my eyes skimming over him as I bend down to be his height. "Yes, mister." He answers brightly, indeed ok. Smiling, I pick up his bucket hat, one that is now at his feet, noticing the untied laces on his shoes in the process. It's his probable reason for falling, and judging by the way he shifts on his feet, he knows so as well.

"Do you know how to tie your laces, buddy?"

"Yeah, my Appa taught me...." He replies, glancing over at his feet before scratching the back of his head embarrassedly. "I didn't tie them tightly." He admits, a cute pout forming on his face as he kneels as well to tie his laces.

I am watching fondly as he tentatively works the knots when a young man, probably in his early twenties, rushes into the room as well, wide eyes searching the space before they land on me, and the boy kneeling beside me. Somehow his eyes get even wider, orbs dancing between me and the boy as he registers the scene. Recognition flashes on his face, feet rushing in almost fearfully.

He bows severally as I stand, clasping his hands together in what seems to be apology. "I am sorry sir, I am really sorry..." It takes me a few seconds to register what he is talking about, but I finally realise he is talking about the kid who still has his head buried in his shoes. "That's ok...it was no trouble."

"Uncle Jisung. I was gonna hide but I tripped and fell, so this doesn't count." The kid says excitedly as he stands, that earlier smile still on his face as he jumps onto the young man, Jisung, pulling into his sleeves, and jumping happily on his feet.

"You can't hide in here." The man protest.

"Appa said I could hide anywhere..." The kid counters, a pout forming on his face as Jisung stops him. "Just not in here, ok?" The man asks, and reluctantly, the boys nods, eyes travelling up to look at me once more.
"Sorry, mister." He mutters, not at all bummed like I thought he would be.

"That's alright, just make sure to tie your laces tightly, so you don't fall once more, alright?" He nods, sticking out his hand when I give him back his hat. Jisung puts it on him, bowing once more before holding onto the kids hand and leading him away.

"Thank you, mister." The kid says as he exits the room, waving out with a smile as Jisung picks him up effortlessly, helping him out of the room. He is cute, and although I am not too fond of kids, I think this one just made my day. He has warmed by heart, weirdly, and somehow that anxiety I had from earlier is gone.

I wait for a few more minutes, before a bubbly Jimin comes to fetch me for my impromptu appointment, the smaller, seemingly confused at my presence as well. I know it's squeezed, but we need to have this talk as soon as possible.

Smiling at me, Jimin opens the doors, ushering me in before closing it behind me. Seokjin is seated by his desk, chocolate orbs looking up to me just as I step into the room. He is dressed a white silk deep v neck, the outfit tucked nicely in his black dress pants, his equally black hair parted to show his forehead. 

Somehow after all these years he still draws my breath way, he is still stunning in whatever he wears, his beautiful face being the complement to everything. I am staring, and I only realize it when he clears his throat, standing on his feat to motion me to the chair before his desk.

I don't think there is any need to sit, this shouldn't take long, but at the same time there is this underlying need to be close to him, to be next to him, for a long period of time. It's absurd, and I avoid it, stepping into the room. 

"This won't take along, I just came to discuss a few things."

"Something wrong with the paper work, the boys?" He sounds genuinely concerned, his face morphed into the same emotion. I don't know what he is going to think about this, and the more I stall, the more I am unlikely to go through with this.

"This isn't about the business, or the boys." He visibly relaxes, but weirdly tenses the next second when his eyes meet mine and he realizes where this is going. "What is it about?" He asks anyway, hands crossing over his chest, and eyes looking away from me temporarily.

I want to say 'us' but that's inappropriate, it's no longer a thing, but at the same time there isn't a name to address it. There isn't a label as to what we are, we are just two individuals...strangers?

"I wanted to talk about you about... you and me." I struggle to word it, but that's not the worst thing about it. He visibly winces, shuddering and averting his eyes. He purses his lips, but doesn't answer, his eyes gazing at me across the room once more, stonier than before.

"I can see how uneasy you are about this, about us working together -"

"If this is about the past, Mr Kim, that was a long time ago, it's over now, and it shouldn't be any trouble." It comes off rigid as he says it, rehearsed, and forced. Or maybe it's all in my head, all of it to prevent me from hurting at his words. They shouldn't, but they do.

"I am not uncomfortable with your presence if that's what your saying, and you shouldn't be with mine either." He continues, and maybe that's true, but it doesn't depict his actual actions. Even now he is clearly restless, hands tight around him, eyes barely holding my gaze for more than a few seconds.

He is scared of this, perhaps of me as well, but that doesn't mean that we should just throw this under the rug. It's clearly an issue, and we can only move past it by talking about it. We can only clear it if we discuss it, and no matter how difficult that might be for him, we are likely to come to a solution than if we sweep everything away.

"We need to talk, Jin." I keep my tone soft but assertive at the same time, dropping formalities and using a familiar name to indicate what I mean. He catches it, and although he realizes this is actually personal, he doesn't seem ready to acknowledge it.

"I don't have anything to say to you." He says, spits it out almost. For a moment as he holds my gaze I see it all, the pain, the fear, the hurt. My heart squeezes in my chest at the reaction, beating loudly in its cage at the sheer thought of it. It makes my mind blank, and the only thing I can think of is the apology I prepared all those years ago, the one I had intended to say to him at first sight. It wouldn't be nearly any consolation, and would make any difference either, but it would be a start...

"Well I have something I have to say to you."

"I don't wanna hear it, Namjoon." It's the first time he has called me by name, and not the official Mr Kim like he always does. It's unfortunate how much resolve it's accompanied with, how much spite is present, and how saddened he looks. It's not how I've always thought it would be.

"We have a really good work relationship right now, and we should try to keep it -"

"Appa! Appa!" He is cut off by the happy sound, happy footsteps running into the room right after the door flies open. The little boy from earlier runs in, stopping just beside me, to look at Seokjin. "Appa, I beat uncle Jisung at hide and seek again, and now he has to take me to get ice cream." The kids bubbles happily, practically jumping on his feet.

"Oh, hey mister!" He waves at me, but I barely manage a smile, finally comprehending the situation.

He has a son, a son this old? I've heard talk about their child, talk about how they have a son, or a daughter, and when I theorized that it was probably true, I never once thought the kid would be this old. He looks at least five, or six, and that would make him just old enough to have been made after we split, or around that time.

This just means Seokjin moved on faster than I ever thought he did, he does actually have a complete family, and these fantasies I have had in my head are useless, they are absurd, and weird, he is completely gone.

Still confused, I look to Seokjin, for any answers, ones that he certainly doesn't owe me, but he is just equally perplexed, eyes wide as he stares at the kid, then at me. For a split second I swear, I see horror written on his face, eyes watering as he blinks back at the kid.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Is it time to meet ENHYPHEN now, Appa?" The kid asks.

"Yes baby, come on." Seokjin rushes out, holding onto the kids wrist before leading him to the door. "Bye mister." I turn around at the sound, hardly waving the kid off before he is pulled out of the office with his Appa. I spot Hoseok by the door in my still dazzled stupor, blinking back as he steps in. He looks surprised as well, but tries to downplay it, looking at his files instead.   

"Hey, it's good that your here, I am gonna need a confirmation to the invitation we gave out for the party that is tomorrow." I have too many questions at the moment to fully comprehend his request. He knows Seokjin in and out, and knows me equally as well, so I don't feel half bad as I pry, "how old is the kid?"

He visibly avoids my eyes, gulping thickly when I step closer to him. He could choose not to tell me, but he has known me along time, and he knows well I don't mean any harm with it. I just want to know.

"He is six." He finally gives it up, but doesn't look about ready to say anymore than that. I don't press it, I can't, not with the knowledge that he had a kid right after we broke up. He moved on right after we broke up.

I spent years hurting about us, worrying about what he was going through, but he had moved on with his life, he was building his family. I shouldn't feel bad about that, if anything I should be happy that he wasn't suffering like I thought he was, I should be happy that he has been happy. It's all I ever wanted for him - to be happy....Right?

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