Seokjin.

Nostalgia, panic, anxiety, and fear, oh, so much fear....These emotions and so many more rack through me at the same time. Burning, but oddly refreshing in the same. Tingles of sweat rack through my body, veins pulsing so loudly I can almost hear it in my ears. His grip on my hand is firm, fingers grazing gently with mine as we shake hands. This is unreal, this is completely unreal...how, what, why is he here?

His gaze meets mine, and I swear that the world stops. The universe kind of halts, everything going still and quiet, except for my, and his heavy breathing. My mind doesn't allow me to process what is right in front of me. I can't see the difference in height, and the change in hair colour. I am blind to the visible addition in muscles, the more defined look he now sports with his new obvious change in career path. Instead I only register his familiar dark orbs, his unnerving eyes, and slight full lips. All I see is him, I see Namjoon, Namjoon is here...here...

"Good morning..." His tone comes off deep as he speaks, tongue rolling satisfyingly as the sound comes out of him, keeping me under his spell. I am rooted, fixated, and just...frozen under his gaze, under his empty, stony gaze. He has me captive, still able to rob me of the chance to act or react by his mere sight. Powerless.

'Jin...'

'Jin...'

"Jin." Hoseok calls a bit louder beside me, nudging me subtly on the side to wake up from my stupor. I jump slightly in my skin, pulling back my hand abruptly from the man in front of me, like his touch just burned me.
My face glazes up at the action, at having absentmindedly stared at him for too long, even more in a room full of people like this. I am embarrassed for having allowed myself to get in my head for a second, for letting myself feel every slight thing, for being affected.

I don't spare Namjoon a response, too flustered, and too fearful to look at him once more. I instead turn around to be met by the full room of guests that are still waiting. "I hope you don't mind that we dropped by unannounced, we wanted to see what you young lads were up to." Mr Min Jiwon, the older of the group says, smiling at me. I force back a smile, walking away from the corner as Hoseok hurriedly shakes Namjoon's hand in my peripheral view. "Not at all, we have plenty of room here, and we are excited to have you around." I assure the old man, motioning with my hand to a seat closer to the top of the table. "Thank you, son." He mutters as he takes it, his other colleagues, and the boys following along.

He is the founder of the company, the main chair to BigHit and it's operations. The man is fond of me and Jungkook, always calling us his sons, and always expressing his excitement to have fresh and young people in the industry to work with. We've met him a couple of times, him and his son Min Yoongi, who is also a co- founder to the said company, present for this impromptu meeting as well.

"I've been told you haven't met one of ours..." The man chimes happily as I take a seat next to him, eyes searching the room for a second before it lands and settles on the tall black haired male opposite. Blood red suit plus domineering posture oozing over his stance in assertion and authority. I gulp thickly as he motions over to Namjoon, the other showing a tight lipped smile as he takes his seat directly opposite mine, Min Yoongi to his side.

I can't decipher if that's a coincidence, or if he perhaps he chose that particular seat with intent. Intention for what? I wouldn't know, not that it matters anyway. "This right here is another son of mine, he, and this one, put these boys together." Mr Min points to Min Yoongi in reference, then to the group of boys sitting quietly on each sides of the table. "He is the face behind those numerous hits you hear everywhere now." He adds happily, looking at Namjoon and Yoongi who only nod over in acknowledgement of the praise.

I am speechless as to what to say, I am dumbfounded by the knowledge of him being a big deal in the music industry. I didn't know, haven't known, heard, or even seen him, or his music anywhere. It sounds crazy, seeing as I have been to their company before, numerous times may I add, spoke to their officials, including the CEOS, struck a huge deal with them, and not to mention I am a fan of their music, or rather ENHYPHEN, and other artists that they house.

Maybe it's ignorance, or perhaps I wasn't looking, not for him at least, but I should have known regardless. "This right here is Kim Namjoon, or RM as you may hear often. He is a producer, and the COO to BigHit. Namjoon, this is Kim Seokjin, the one and only." We ought to shake hands, I suppose, but luckily there is distance between us, courtesy of the table that separates us, also saving me from the awkward nervous gesture I would likely display if I were to touch him or vice versa. I flash a little smile in resort, bowing to the best of my capabilities while seated. He only stares harder at me, dark orbs now even darker, forehead creasing over in a tint of confusion.

We exchange a few more casual words around the table, engaging in little talks to provide a relaxing environment for the meeting. It's ironical because I am more nervous with each passing second, fidgety and uneasy with the presence of everyone. My need for my fiance increases with each glance I sense from the figure opposite me. I need him... Jungkook, that is. I need his touch, and his support. His presence to calm me.

It's three excruciating hours before it ends, the longest I have ever felt in a meeting. I am sweating and restless, and it doesn't help that I can feel the eyes trained to the side of my head. I have been tempted to look, to find out what kind of scene it is. If it's perhaps daggers, mixed with loath and disgust, or if it is surprise, and curiosity, like I have been itching to find out. I simply can't look, I am too chicken to find out, too scared of what I might see.

It sounds ridiculous in my head, stupid, to be this occupied by him. A man I broke up with seven years ago. It's been nearly a decade for crying out loud, I shouldn't be affected by anything from an ex, I shouldn't even remember his name, or face in detail like I did. I shouldn't be nervous, or angry, or even feel anything at all. I shouldn't care, I am engaged for pete's sake.

I am too angry at myself, and quite literally on the verge of a breakdown, so I excuse myself as the boys sign some final papers. I rush to the bathroom down the hall, locking myself up in a stall and trying to keep my breathing in check. Oh how I wish he was just another ex. How I wish Namjoon was just some guy I hardly remember from a while back. Why can't he be just some ex I dated a while back when I was young and reckless. Some guy I would only remember if I saw them.

He is apparently more than that, evident in the way I am affected by everything. He has somehow crawled up into me, clawed his way into my head even at first sight, threatening to tear me up. I grip my locks tightly, wincing in slight pain when my hold gets too strong. I was hoping this project would ran smoothly, fine and nice without any problems, but now, even though there isn't anything ruining it yet, I can't help feel a type of way, mostly about myself and how fragile my emotional system ostensibly is...

But I have worked too hard, and I would be damned if I let myself ruin this for everyone who has put equal incredible efforts into this. It doesn't matter if Namjoon and I have a past, that was a long time ago, nearly a decade, and it shouldn't affect our work environment whatsoever. Besides, we have moved on with our lives, we have acquired different identities, personality wise, and it shouldn't be hard to build a new relationship based on work.

I walk out of the stall, moving out to the sink to flash my face with water. I appear pale in the mirror, lips bitten, and eyes slightly watery. It's the result of sitting out there for three hours, and allowing myself to be affected by something as stupid as seeing my ex. I take in a deep breath, spending a minute or two on a mental pep talk, before drying my face and making my way to the door.

I grab out the handle to step out of the bathroom, but the door opens at the same time, shiny dress shoes stepping into my space. I am met face to face with Namjoon, up close and clear. He towers over me a bit, eyes fixing into mine as the door closes behind him.
Somehow he still has the ability to rob me of words, to pull out silence from me like I don't intend to. I hate it, I hate myself for freezing in his presence, for being so surprised and taken back every second that I think of everything.

He blinks back a few times, eyes narrowing, and forehead creasing ever so slightly. His mouth opens and closes a few times in silent words, feet moving closer. He is perplexed, confused, like the reality of everything has just set for him. I always knew our paths would cross once more in this lifetime, I knew I would ran into him one time or another in this life. Interestingly, I always thought it would be casual, like in a mall, or a restaurant, or maybe in a park. I always thought I would meet him with his family, or his group of friends on a night out, or something like that, but this...even he couldn't have expected this. We basically work together now, not directly, but we do, and we are going to have more sightings of each other than we need.

I realise just how close we are, how my mental stubbornness has kept me glued to this position, and I take a step back just as Namjoon finds the words to speak.

"Jin..." He breathes, almost inaudibly. Unbelieving.

"It's Mr. Kim." The words escape my mouth almost immediately. Coming out with less resolve than I intend it to. I am equally breathless, all that pep talk I gave myself earlier now out of the window. This is harder than I thought it would be. Being this close to Namjoon is...it's familiar, yet so strange. It feels personal, yet so incredibly inappropriate. It's too much, and my feet find their way around him, moving out of the bathroom, rushing, almost running down the hall.

Through the transparent mirror walls, I spot Jungkook with Min Jiwon, Min Yoongi, and the lady manager they brought along, conversing in the conference room. The boys are probably taking a tour of the place, and with Namjoon in the bathroom behind me, and myself still kind of dazed by that little encounter, I take the detour to my office down the opposite hall, hurrying to be in the comfort of the familiar space.

I plant my hands on my desk, fingers gripping the wood tightly, knuckles white. I don't understand it, I don't get why this is affecting me this much. He is just an ex, one from several years back. It shouldn't be this way, he shouldn't evoke this weird worry, and fear from me. He shouldn't bring me on edge, let alone keep me on it like that. I have moved on, I have a new life now, and I am sure he does to. A few curses leave my mouth as I try to keep my composure, hating so much myself for feeling this way, this weird emotion of...relief, and redress. Like I am chocking, but strangely on only a huge gasp air, one that I haven't taken in a while.

My office door rattles a few times, and I whip my head up, worried of who it might be. I am not ready to have Namjoon and I in the same space, and if he followed me here from the bathroom...
The door however opens to reveal Hoseok, eyes narrowed in worry. I sigh out, dropping back my head between my hands.

"Are you ok?" He asks, stopping in the middle of the room to stare at me. I nod, despite feeling worn, and out. "Just a little overwhelmed, didn't think it would so difficult to have them all together." I say, trying to make an excuse for my odd behavior, more to myself than Hoseok.

He is silent for a second before he clears his throat, pursuing his lips when I look up at him. "Is this about...him?"  He hesitates, not mentioning his name. I blink back, realizing he remembers Namjoon just as I do. It's been quite long, sometimes I forget Hoseok was friends with him too. I want to tell him its good, but I am drawn to the fact that he didn't seem too surprised like I was.

I mean the element of surprise must vary depending on the type of relationship we shared before with Namjoon. I suppose I would be more astonished than him at seeing Namjoon, the latter having been my boyfriend, but still, Hoseok needed to be at least not expecting that today.

"Did you know?" I can't help the almost accusing nature of my tone. He shifts on his legs, pursuing his lips once more. He looks away for second, before turning his pity full gaze on me, "Jin..." He calls, but I am not having it.

"Did you know?" I raise my voice a bit, turning to face him completely. He throws his hands in the air, sighing. "I found out a few weeks after we started negotiations with BigHit. I hadn't met him personally, but I knew he was part of the team." It dawns on me that he is the operations manager, he runs everything around, and of course he knew about Namjoon. I just don't get why he wouldn't tell me.

"You didn't think I needed to know to about that?" Hoseok knows my history with Namjoon, he could have at least told me we were going to work together. Not that it mattered, or would have made a difference in anything. I just would have liked to be of informed of something like this, someone like Namjoon, especially from someone like Hoseok who is aware of our past.

"You could have at least informed me he was around, you know about the past."

"I didn't think the past was important to you." He counters back, trying to defend. He is right, it isn't important, but knows as well, it once was, and it isn't fair that he would just decide to keep that to himself. I realise I am somehow agitated right now, and getting into a confrontation with my best friend, isn't the ideal thing.

I don't get out another word as the door to my office opens once more, Jungkook poking his head in. He looks between me and Hoseok a few times, questioning with his eyes what we have going. "Something the matter?"

"No, everything is fine." I rush out, voice higher than usual. I don't know why but I don't want him to think there is anything wrong, especially concerning the executives we have over. He doesn't look too convinced, and glances at Hoseok for anything additional, but the blond swiftly avoids his gaze, looking at his hands instead.

"Mr Min was looking for you, he says he would like to see you before he leaves." He offers instead, pushing open the door to reveal himself fully. I smile a bit at him, walking past Hoseok to him. "Of course, I'll see them off."

Jungkook stops me by the door, gently taking my hand in his. I can tell he knows. By the look on his eyes, I can tell he knows what I try so hard to conceal, which is nothing really, but something at the same time. "Are you sure your alright?" He questions, his other hand coming up to move strands of hair from my face. I smile a little, nodding along to assure him.

Briefly, he captures my lips in a kiss, deep. His knowing eyes staring vividly into my confused ones. His hand comes around my waist as we turn the corner, grip tightening as we approach the familiar group of executives.