Seokjin.

"Watch your step sweetie, don't fall on the boxes." I say out worriedly, looking around at the few boxes that are still scattered all round the room. Jeonghan nods, picking up his last box of toys, but otherwise says nothing else as he makes his way to his room. He doesn't speak a lot anymore, not to me at least, his smile and playful nature also gone whenever we are together. It's not exactly the silent treatment, but it's close enough, and with each day I feel like my son is drifting from me.

Three weeks, three weeks it has been going on, three weeks since Jungkook and I told him. I would have preferred a more delicate way to break it to him, but truth be told there wasn't any particular way to coat it, so we told him.

It was probably the most painful thing I have ever had to do, or in this case, watch - because Jungkook did most of the talking. He had brought Jeonghan onto his lap and gently, despite the tears, he had tried to explain to him that we were no longer going to be together. He tried to word it the way you would to a child, tried to break it down softly, without all the traumatic details of it.

I still hear my son's cry in my sleep, still hear his numerous questions, and his please for Jungkook not to go. He sobbed, and clung onto him that night, wrapped his hands around Jungkook and refused to let go, scared the man would leave him. I still remember the pain, the torture from seeing my son suffering, how he had woken up on our empty bed, searched and came up short of Jungkook. He simply couldn't understand it, couldn't put together how it would be anymore, and I've tried, to the best of my capabilities, to elaborate to him further on our situation. I cant fully explain to him the magnitude of everything, not only because he wouldn't be able to comprehend it, but because I don't want my son to be scarred by the details of the lies we've all been living.

Maybe one day when he's grown, and can bare the truth, I'll let him in on what actually happened, but now he'll just have to go with the little we provide to him, he'll just have to understand that this is how it is.

Perhaps it has been this way for a while, we just haven't verbally spoken it out yet. It feels like my journey with Jungkook ended along time ago, it feels like we had both been living separate lives despite being together. I was reluctant to move forward, because of my own internal issues, and it made me drift into a world of my own, and Jungkook, he's been with another for a while now, he's essentially made out another life for himself, unknowingly, and wrongly achieved all his dreams. He made a family, a broken one now, but still....it made him drift into his own world, where he pardoned himself with the excuse of loving me, while he only obsessed over what he wanted to be.

Admittedly, I felt relief to have received answers from him, to have had him own up and acknowledge his wrongdoings, but I don't know how I'll ever begin to even forgive him, I don't know if we'll ever be civilly in the same place. He took from me, things I'll never be able to recover, and for that I don't know if I'll ever be able to let him back into our lives.

Not much was said between us when he left three weeks ago, there wasn't anything really, almost like an agreement we'd come to earlier. It was better that way, better for us to find our individual selves first before making amends, or seeking truce.

Like I had predicted, he had run back to be on Hoseok's bedside, to find his lover and be there to comfort him, while they both still mourned their baby, but the latter had sent him away almost immediately, Hoseok didn't want anyone by his side, most especially not Jungkook, and without choice, the CEO had been left with nothing. He had no option, but to go like Hoseok had requested and without option, had conceded defeat, he had allowed himself to accept and respect Hoseok's decision.

Apart of me felt pity for Jungkook, I hurt for him to see him go through what he was going through. I know he's put me and a lot others into worse of situations, but seeing him so lost, so defeated brought out sympathy in me. I'd been with him for seven years, and seeing him mourning a child that could have been, seeing him begging, praying, broke something in me.

But even then, it wasn't enough to make a start. He knew he had to go, not only from me and Jeonghan, but from Hoseok too. We only had time to discuss a few things, like our businesses, and our security, before we departed. He made sure our finances and welfare were secured like as always, and left behind Jisung- his most trusted employee, to be there if we needed anything.

Other than that, we haven't spoken since, no communication whatsoever, no calls or texts, or letters or anything of the sort. Honestly, I prefer it this way, I think it's better if we want to take a step forward with our lives. It's not like I am writing him off our lives or erasing, he's been there for seven years, and I'll forever remember that, I just think this new chapter doesn't need him anymore, or his presence for that matter. Maybe one day when we've made our lives, I might welcome him back, but for now, for a long time we are gonna be without Jungkook.

Jeonghan doesn't seem to think so, and since Jungkook left he's just been in his own world, and it hasn't been helpful that we've been moving. I didn't want to stay back there in our home, it felt like I was holding onto those walls, and I didn't like it. It made me think of Jungkook, made me think of the happy memories, the growth, and it's downfall for that matter.

Those walls seemed fake to me, like all of them had been stuffed with lies and tears, and betrayal, and it suffocated me. Staying back there made Jeonghan think there was still hope for us being a family, and I wanted to take that from him before he put a grip onto to. We weren't going to be a family anymore, and I didn't want him to fool himself only to be crushed later, so the moment Jungkook left, I made arrangements, found a condo, and started moving in essentials.

These past three weeks I've had it remodeled, and the interior design switched up a bit, for the purpose of making Jeonghan comfortable and familiar with his surroundings, so that he doesn't feel lost or new for that matter. It was ready by the week, and as soon as weekend rolled around, I decided it was time to finally move. Jeonghan knew it was coming, he's seen me pack up our stuff these past few weeks, but when the time actually came for me and him to physically come here, he still felt sad.

He's barely spoken more than a few sentences to me today, or for the past few weeks for that matter. Ironically, the only thing, or person, that has been able to cheer him up is Namjoon. That's right, Namjoon has dropped by a few times, since everything started to check on us, and each time it's just been...a new experience.

We haven't exactly told Jeonghan yet, about Namjoon being his father. Namjoon himself felt like it would be too overwhelming, and confusing for Jeonghan, especially with Jungkook abruptly going from his life. He felt more like we could ease him into the idea of having a different father methodically. Jeonghan was still a child after all, a little one at that, and as much as he was used to Jungkook, he could get used to Namjoon. He felt like the easier way would be to familiarize Jeonghan with his presence in our lives, make an attachment, a connection, and then slowly things would unfold from there.

It hurts to think he has to go through all the trouble for a child that is equally his, and I've felt so terrible to be putting him in the situation, but I do agree that we can't do it any better. We can't burden our son with anymore than we've already done. This is much safer, even if it might take longer.

Namjoon says he's still grasping the idea, and that he's content for now, but it's clear as day in his eyes whenever he comes around, the longing and the love that he has for Jeonghan. It's always a scene, both always looking inseparable whenever they are together, Namjoon bearing gifts, and Jeonghan breaking a much needed smile whenever he's around.

Almost naturally, Jeonghan always climbs onto his lap, and Namjoon, lovingly, always cradles him close, this look of adoration, affection, and fondness, all over his face. It honestly overwhelms me every time, the beauty, yet the simplicity of it, and I've found myself reeling in guilt for ever denying both of them the chance to be together.

Yet right now, I can't help wish for Namjoon to be here. I know his presence would cheer our son up in a second, he would know what to do to make him happy.

Warming up a glass of milk, I step around the few boxes we brought with us today into our new home, and walk to Jeonghan's room, knowing well he must be sleepy by now. He's been helping me put away everything, despite his reluctance, and I know he must be worn out by now.

I made his room just like the previous one, albeit a few changes, here a there. It's still coloured purple, and pink, with the ceiling white, and his floor the same color. His desk full of books sits on one wall, the same one holding up his reading charts, and his animal pictures, while his wardrobe sits adjacent to the door, his belongings already packed away in the drawers. His bed sits by the other wall, with his beige coloured bedding, and different stuffed animals. It's pretty spacious, a lot like his previous rooms, but even the physical resemblance of it isn't enough to take his mind off his worries.

He's seated in his bed, his little fingers holding onto the tablet, jabbing onto the device once in a while, his usual frown set on his face. He looks up at me as I enter, staring at me and the glass of milk for a second, before looking back at his tablet.

"It's past your bed time. You should put that way." I mutter referring to the device, which he knows well he shouldn't have past this time, but feeling slightly bad for pushing him to do so at the same time.

He lets out a sigh, gently putting down the tablet in front of him, and I see the picture of Jungkook etched on the screen, the call Jeonghan is attempting to make, still going. For some weird reason my heart erratically beats for a few seconds, the glass in my hold almost slipping my fingers.

"His phone doesn't work anymore. Why won't he call us?" He asks, looking up at me, sadly, and I put down the milk on the desk, sitting beside him, and immediately ending the call that won't even go through. We cut communication with Jungkook, and he made me a promise to keep his end as well by staying away, not only from me, but from Jeonghan as well. It is cruel, especially for Jeonghan who can't understand fully, the reasons why, but Jungkook knows it's needed, and I internally thank him for not allowing a curious, but desperate Jeonghan to get his way.

"Sweetie -" I ruffle his hair, but he only looks up at me determined, still sad nonetheless.

" - Doesn't he love us anymore?" He cuts off, crying, and I am taken back by his train of thought.

"That's not true, of course he loves us." I shouldn't defend Jungkook, especially after how he lied and cheated on me for two years, and basically disregarded my and my son's life, but I don't want my son to harbour any type of vile feelings for him. Other than the fact that such a thing might scar him at his young age, Jungkook has been there for him, in his own way, and for that I know he loves Jeonghan, as a child at least.

"Then why can't he be here with us?"

It's pretty complicated to him, yet simple at the same time, and in his head I know all he's wondering about, is why we can't just be together. I scoot closer to him on the bed, raising his chin to look at his face. His eyes dim, and I know he's going through a lot.

"Look, I know this is tough for you, and I hate to see you this way, daddy and I can't be together anymore. It's complicated, and you wouldn't understand, but regardless, we both love you, always, whether he's here or not." I don't want to beat around the bush with him, but I don't to tear him up out of nowhere either.

"Is it because you too fighting, that we can't be together?" Oh! How I wish we were only fighting.

"It's more than that, baby."

"Then why can't you just make up, like June and I do, when we fight?" He's still innocent, still unable to comprehend that something between adults isn't that easy, still thinks we could make up and forget like he does with his best friends, and it makes my heart hurt for him. He looks up at me expectantly, and I come up short of words, or an explanation to give to him.

"It's not that easy when your grown up, daddy and I have tried, ok? We've tried, and we've came to an agreement that we are better off apart, like this." His eyes widen for some reason, and his lips quiver as a pout forms there, tell tale signs of his tears.

"Your getting a divorce?" He asks, crying, and a part of me, despite the pain I feel for his suffering, feels a bit of humor at his innocence too.

"Jungkook and I are not married, so we can't get a divorce, but yes, we are separating." Or breaking up, but I don't want to use that for some reason. He looks down at his hands, and I can't help cradling his head, wiping his tears, before placing a gentle kiss on his nose. "I know this is difficult to take in, and it's going to get hard to adjust, but it's just you and me now, ok? I love you so much, and even though daddy isn't here anymore, nothing is gonna change." I say to him, looking into his doe eyes.

Oddly it's the first time we are talking in detail like this. Usually it's always a one question, before he gets back to pouting, but tonight, since we got here, he's been at his peak, and he's clearly wanted to get answers.

As much as it's gonna be different, not a lot is going to change, weirdly as it sounds. At the back of my mind I know he knows Jungkook as his father, but that figure could be anyone he lets in, preferably Namjoon, and I wish, I hope, and pray that it becomes so. It's too much to ask, but I hope in his little mind, he doesn't hold onto Jungkook for that long, or that much, or if he does he at least gets and gives space to his real father when he comes along.

"Does this mean I don't have a father anymore?" He asks, and it's questions like to these that take my breath away. Things like these make my mind whirl and my head to swirl with worry. He doesn't have a father anymore, but he does at the same time, but how to tell him.....

I freeze in my tracks, and for a couple of seconds I just stare at him confused, not sure how to break it to him. I however don't get the chance to, as he pulls from my hands, pouting again.

"I wanna go with daddy, call him." He sniffles, and I am caught unaware, not at all expecting him to ask that. To ask for Jungkook. To want to go with Jungkook. Why? Am I not good enough, am I not good on my own?

I do deserve the rejection, especially after what I did by keeping him from Namjoon, but I've been here, all my life I've been looking after him, giving my all, nothing less, and he wants Jungkook? He wants him even though he's hurt us this much? It pains me to think my own son wouldn't want to be with me, despite the things he doesn't about Jungkook. I know he has a perfect image of a father of Jungkook, but he could at least pick me in this situation, am I that bad? Am I that horrible of a parent?

I don't know how long I space out, but I am brought back my the sound of rustling of sheets, and I look to find my son getting under the covers, his back facing me. His stance and rejection clear as day.

I stumble out of there, and into my own room, then my bed, despite the sleep that I know I'll barely get. I'll be busy thinking of the terrible parent that I am, and feeling the pain of being hated by my own child.