Jimin.

Walking down to the hall and into the kitchen, I smile to myself as I hear him busying around, plates clacking, and cutlery sounding in the aroma filled room. He's already dressed for work, a casual wear for a change from his usual official suit. His eyes are narrowed in the slightest as he covers the still full plate of breakfast, nose scrunched cutely -a habit of his when he's concentrating.

He puts away his empty utensils in the sink, turning around only to spot me by the entryway, watching him. Almost immediately, my heart picks pace, beating loudly in its confines at his sight, almost like it's the first time I am seeing him ever. It's funny because before it was just him and the rush and adrenaline I would get from the thought of sleeping with him, it would make me crave him, make me anxious and excited in an amusing way, but this time round is like there is nothing else that matters when he's around. I am not too occupied with the thoughts of how good he's going to make me feel, or how good of a time we are going to have while we have sex, rather it's the thought of being with him, emotionally and mentally. It's the happiness that stems from his presence, his love, or the way he looks at me.

I am guessing this is what it feels like to be in love, to be this happy at the sight, or the mere thought of someone. I love him, I am in love with him.... honestly who would have thought so, that I would fall in love with the one and only Min Yoongi? I certainly didn't think so, let alone imagine him falling for me as well. We just seemed like two incompatible people, who wouldn't get along anywhere other than in bed, which isn't false, but has been our biggest force. The difference between us is ironically what has kept us together, and continues to. We just needed to give ourselves a chance.

Four months ago we officially got together, we had a lot to work on with us tangled with Taehyung, but we got through it, a mutual understanding, and of course the love that was present between us. Yoongi officially asked me out, to be his boyfriend, before asking me to move in with him just a month after that. It didn't feel rushed in the slightest, rather delayed, and overdue, and I found myself accepting. I've been the happiest I have ever been in life, just plain out in bliss, like a little one in love again. I feel alive, fresh, new, and god so happy.

A gummy smile spreads on his face as he looks at me, before he walks around the counter to bring me to his arms. He lightly tickles my sides, laughing to himself when I erupt into giggles, like always making me putty in his hands. "I thought you'd sleep in a little longer." He says as he places a gentle kiss on my lips, hands holding at my waist. "You were too exhausted last night, thought you needed to recharge a while longer." He teases as he skims his lips along my hickey covered neck, already sending a chill down my spine.

Of course I needed to recharge following the intenseness and roughness that was last night, but I needed to catch him before he went to work too, didn't want him to go without me seeing him, without touching him or giving him a kiss.

"You still sore? Do you want me to massage you later?" He asks, face still buried in my neck, while his long fingers gently glide on my back, smoothing over my covered skin, down to the curve of my butt where he caresses softly over the pajama bottoms. "I would really like that, will you back early?" I ask, whiny almost at the thought of him going for the whole day. It's bearable when I have work, and I am preoccupied, and could think of other things, but when weekend rolls around, and I happen to be free, but he's needed urgently at work, and I have to stay home by myself for a hours on end, all I do is think about him.

He pulls away to look at me, placing another soft kiss on my nose. "I'll be back before you know it. I already made breakfast, take it and rest a bit more." He smiles reassuringly, and I can't dispute that. It's almost funny how soft he's become too. It's almost like a new Min Yoongi has unveiled, like he's made a turn in his life, and he's a new person. He is visibly open than he's ever been before, he's showing emotions, and is incredibly present, different from the Min Yoongi I knew before.

He doesn't hesitate anymore to show me affection, outside of bed that is. He's somehow just free, clingy almost.

Capturing my lips in a real kiss this time, he takes my breath away, literally too as he strokes my tongue with his. His kisses are more softer, more passionate and loving. I can almost feel everything he says in the way he holds me to him, the way he looks at me, and handles me. I guess it's because I am smitten with him, or because I am love for the first time in forever.

"I love you." He keeps it short,  reminding me to rest before he wishes me a good day and makes his way out. The silence that prevails immediately after the door shuts is deafening, and I already feel like I am missing him. I guess this is about everything I have always dreamt of in life, more than it really. Love and affection felt like a secondary want to me, a foreign feeling I didn't think I would ever get the luxury to experience, especially with the person I was before -seeking instant pleasure in one night stands - but now Min Yoongi has shown me that there is more to life than just the things I wanted. I could be happy, in love, and have a good sexual time at the same time. In a way we compliment each other, with him having never been in love before either, experiencing something knew and fulfilling.

It didn't come easy, and we've hurt each other, and others too - especially Taehyung who we put into a tough spot before, but then again that has been an even more of a bigger reason to cherish this, to keep it strong and going. I love him with everything in me, the first time I have ever loved anyone in this manner, and as long as he loves me too as well, I am forever his.

I make to take my breakfast upstairs, so I can chill back in the comfort of my room, but the door bell rings not minutes later, and I half wonder who it would be at this time, knowing well that Yoongi has a key, which I saw him take along. We just moved in, and we are yet to get acquainted with our neighbours or have any friends over, so it's a bit surprising to hear someone's at the door.

I am however not prepared in the slightest for the sight on the other side of the door, and I fall breathless as I come face to face with one person I haven't seen for months on end.
Jungkook looks rather frail, chapped lips parted in even silent breaths, while he leans back on his posture, looking almost exhausted. His usual doe brown eyes are darker, a bit reddish at a closer look, his figure a bit slimmer in his suit. He looks like months worth of stress are weighing down on his shoulder, his expression sour and looking pained as I meet his eyes.

He steps forward, arms open, and I find myself bringing him into a hug as well, knowing well he needs it. Wherever he's been all this time, he probably needs company, perhaps a friend, just someone to be there...

"Sorry for dropping by unannounced. I really needed someone to talk to." He mutters as we pull away, heaving out a breath in the chilly weather. He looks horrible, cold and just down right lost, and it makes me do another once over, surprise still clouding my sense.

"Look that bad, huh?" He amuses, humorlessly, and I realise I am not making it any better being confused and sympathetic. Ushering him into the house, I lead him into the kitchen, pouring him the hot coffee that is still sitting by the machine. "That's alright. You know your welcome anytime." He nods, but otherwise remains silent, taking comfort in the stools, and the hot beverage, his eyes lighting up in the slightest.

He doesn't need to tell me why he's here, it's evident in his mannerisms, his not so subtle actions, and the hesitant glances he gives from beyond his mug. He's been gone, vanished. Not necessarily brooding or torturing himself -not in that way at least, but he's been couping up in his apartment, hiding and immersing himself in his work. He still chairs two companies, and although he hasn't been physically present at KSJ, he's been largely a part of it, been taking that chance to virtually drown himself in the work, to keep away his thoughts.

The silence that follows isn't suffocating, at least for me it isn't, and I would put him out of his misery, but I think he needs to take the first step as to where he wants this conversation to go. I know he's been trying to be respectful to keep his boundaries like Hoseok asked of him, and despite the silence that I know has been killing him all this while,   he's stayed true to his promise, but I doubt he could do it anymore, not when he physically ran into Hoseok the other day.

"Is he at least alright?" He questions in the silence, eyes trained on the hot mug before him, fingers firmly holding over to keep the warmth. There is hesitation in eyes that shows me he's not sure if he should be asking, or if I am the right one to ask that question, but he gazes at me nonetheless, seemingly desperate to know. I did meet Hoseok, only a few days ago. He reached out for a talk, and when I met him he wanted to apologise - for stringing me along into their mess, and causing me problems with Seokjin as well. He wanted a friend at the moment, someone to talk to after months of silence, and someone to share with the burden of what he'd been going through, and I had been there to receive him.

I want to tell Jungkook that's he's doing alright, want to lie to him that he's ok, like he wants to hear, but I can't, it wouldn't be possible and he knows it, because his eyes dim, brows lightly drawing together as he blinks back. He sips from his cup again, setting it down before looking away.

"He must hate me." He whispers, and the pain in his voice, the torture present in his face makes me want to bawl. God, he must be suffering, carrying around that guilt with him. The burden of his past relationship and his affair. It must hurt to be alone, to feel like he messed it up, like it's over.

"Hardly. He couldn't if he tried. He feels ashamed rather, and not about loving you, just about how it went." I find myself saying, my heart tugging at his torture and Hoseok's. He thinks the latter hates him, for how it played between them, and for eventually leaving him when it got tough, and perhaps Hoseok did for a while, but he couldn't hold that against Jungkook for long, not only because he was equally at fault, but also because he does feel for him on a different level. Hoseok loved him, and that love hasn't allowed him to loath Jungkook, or feel vile towards him despite everything that has played out.

Jungkook whips his head around, wanting to say something but looking just as confused. It's funny how hesitantly curious he is. He wants to ask, but doesn't want to pry into Hoseok's business. Wants to know but doesn't want to break his promise to Hoseok.

"He asked about you."

"Did he?" He's quick to inquire, turning on his side to face me. There is a thousand questions in his eyes, a million more waiting at his tongue but he visibly holds it, gulping thickly in anticipation.

"He wanted to know if you were doing alright. He wouldn't say it but he was just as worried as you are." Hoseok wouldn't show it, but he was just as curious to know how Jungkook was doing. He didn't want to ask, clearly still guilty about caring for Jungkook. He thought of it wrong, but he couldn't control it at the same time.

Jungkook's eyes tears at that, and he visibly coils in on himself, his face flaming up at the different emotions. I hate so much to see them this way, suffering so much out of fear, or perhaps respect for the others they've hurt. It's sad what they've come to, but at the same time I understand their different individual decisions.

What they did was messed up, it was wrong and myself I felt guilty for carrying such a secret around, knowing well the betrayal they were spewing, the wrong they were committing, and I understand right now the punishment facing them, the dues they are paying. To be honest I would want the universe to be lenient on them, I would like to wish happiness upon them, but I know better than to think of it that easy.

"What do I do, Jimin? How do I fix this?" He questions wearily and I wish I had an answer. I wish I could tell them the way forward but the truth is that I can't, this has to come from them.

"I love him, I do. And I want to be with him, but I don't want to hurt and disrespect Seokjin than I already have, but at the same time it feels like I am hurting Hoseok, myself as well by being away from him. I feel like the least I could do right now is be with him, because he's hurting, he's devastated, he's lost, but then again perhaps my presence would only hurt him, maybe he wouldn't want me anymore." He sounds out, looking utterly devastated, and despite the ache that I can tell from him, it's also evident how much he still loves him, how much he feels for Hoseok. It makes me happy that he could acknowledge that in the open, that despite how bad it played between them he could finally say that he loves, or perhaps loved Hoseok. That the latter was more than just his booty call and side piece.

It's twisted, but it tugs me in a way, knowing it would settle something in Hoseok if he knew that everything he felt hadn't been completely in vain.

It's a step forward, one I hope Hoseok is taking as well. It won't necessarily do anything at the moment, or get them the forgiveness they so long for, but it's a step forward to acknowledge that despite their wrongdoings, there was love in it, the wrong way but love nonetheless.

"I just don't know what to do anymore..."

"Beating yourself up about it isn't the answer. It's happened and you can't undo it."

"There is always a solution and you'll find it." He looks at me for a second, seemingly skeptical and doubtful. I for one know, or rather I hope there is a solution. Perhaps it's complicated than it seems, and maybe it's not as easy as I may make it sound, but one could always choose to to make things simpler.

Taking the stool beside his, I rub his arm reassuringly, before meeting his gaze with my determined one. "It's not going to be easy to walk out from this one. You made a mistake, and you'll make up for it, but don't let it ruin you and what you've worked so hard for. Life hasn't been pleasant for you either, and although you made a poor decision, not just for yourself but for Hoseok too, don't let it ruin you both for the rest of your life."

"He's seeking help, and you should too. Allow someone to help you with the way forward, to help you decipher your emotions and your next steps in life. It makes it a tad bit easier to have someone you could always talk to. Do it for Hoseok if not yourself." Hoseok sees a therapist now, and I think it's a good idea with all that he's gone through. It's clearly helping him take a step forward to recovery, nothing major but a step nonetheless. He's able to go out of his room, he isn't thinking about harming himself anymore, and he can finally talk to people other than his family, not just about anything but about his trauma as well, not to mention that he's now apologizing freely, and is admitting his wrongs.

I think it would be a step forward for Jungkook too if he tried, not necessarily with a therapist, but just anything that would allow him to get everything off his chest. It helps to talk about it.

"About Seokjin..." I pause, noting how he lightly stiffens, visibly still troubled by the topic. "I know you know he's moving on, he's happy -"

"He deserves it. I took so much from him, the least he deserves is happiness." He cuts off, convinced and I couldn't agree more. The two of them were not meant for each other, oddly as it may seem, seeing as they are the two most compatible people I have ever seen. They just drifted apart, getting toxic and hurting each other. I am happy too that Seokjin is moving on, he seems so much happier now that he's with his son's father.

"He's in a better place now, but you'll have to offer him closure to get your forgiveness. You were with him for several years, and he's still largely a part of you. If you want to even make a step forward, or get anywhere in your new journey your going to have to amend your path with him." Hoseok is doing it, he's already trying to get back his best friend, or in the least, apologise, and I think that's remarkable. That he's acknowledging his faults and offering the person they both hurt the most, a chance to fully move on as well.

"Maybe you need to be my therapist." He jokes beside me, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips, as always, corny and trying to make the situation lively, and I don't catch myself first enough before slapping him upside the head.

I don't know how he's been keeping up, or where he's or how he's been doing, but I hope he too can move forward from this. Perhaps there isn't a happy ending for them yet, but taking a step forward just won't hurt, or so I hope as I look into his still empty eyes, vividly recalling how Hoseok's own had been the same the other night. He was trying but he was visibly lone, had this lost look too, longing as he spoke.

"Its not a crime to still want him. To want to love and care for him after everything. Your still human, and at the end of the day you still feel these emotions." I remind him, reading him like the open book that he is. I don't think it's wrong that he still loves him, it's twisted and perhaps hurts others but he is still human, and one just can't help it.

"I wish it were as easy as it sounded. I wish we could all just forget everything and start over, but it's not as easy as it seems, is it?" He let's out, seemingly riding on with the life lessons. The guilt toys with you, and it will with them for the longest time. I would like for him to be happy with Hoseok, to perhaps one day find happiness in the twisted game that played them, but at the same time I don't want them to ever get together if  it will only mean pain and guilt for them. That would be a heavy burden to carry around, one even their love for one another could never cancel out. It would be bold, but I just know it would eat them alive, perhaps the people they hurt too.

"I just want him to be happy..." He whispers, seemingly contented with that. I think at this stage all that matters to Jungkook, all that should matter to him, is that Hoseok's is happy. Perhaps he and Jungkook will never get together, or perhaps Hoseok might get to move on with himself, and that should be ok. They've come far, gone through a lot to want to force or chase something if it would only hurt them, or the people around them.

He nods to himself, the wheels in his head already turning. I know I am in no place to advice or show them the way forward, but they are my friends as well, and I won't abandon them in these difficult moments. I told Hoseok the same thing the other night; that when he's done chasing his priorities, it won't be so bad to get a chance to be happy. They were selfish with their affair, and they took without consideration, but they'll get another chance at life, and they should use it to be happy, regardless of whether it will together or not.

It might not be today, or tomorrow, or even in the near future, and that's ok, as long as they get to learn and heal from their experiences.