Seokjin.

The next time I wake up, it's almost midday. The temperature in the room is a bit higher, and I can tell the sun has been present for a few hours. I take a few more seconds before I realize the events leading up to this morning, why I am well rested, and somehow feeling happy. I finally get it, and I raise my head hoping to find Namjoon beside me, only to be met with the crumpled sheets on his side of the bed.

I can't possibly say it, but I know a part of me is disappointed. I know it would satisfy something inside of me to wake up next to him, or with him. It would fulfill some of my inner desires to spend the few minutes of my morning with him, but I know I am dreaming too big, I am hoping the impossible again. It's sad almost, how the first person to show me affection in the slightest has me almost at my knees.

I don't want to admit I like Namjoon, that would make me easy, just going with whatever I have because they are possibly nice than everyone who has ever been in my life. My mind veers off to last night, or rather this morning, when we spent a while just conversing. How nice and funny he was. How he put a smile on my face in the middle of the night, and how his thoughtful words got me thinking about a lot of things. I am confused at that. I don't know if my mind was playing tricks me with how he looked at me, or if it really happened. I am not sure anymore if we even held hands, or if it was all in my mind.

I shake my head of my desperate thoughts and push back the covers, getting out of bed. My internal confusion isn't important right now, I need to find Namjoon and see if he is ok, he is the reason I am here, and being clueless about his where bouts is failing at my responsibility.

I put on the comfy slippers he gave me the previous night, before patting down the hallway. I knock gently on the bathroom and check personally when I receive no answers, and only after I ensure he is actually not in, do I leave for the other rooms. I am about to check the living room, when I hear voices from the kitchen.

It's a bit muffled, and low, so I move closer to the door to find out what is happening. Namjoon is alone in the kitchen, his bare back facing me. He seems to be making something on the stove, his phone that is on loud speaker by the side. I am entranced by his half naked body, the bulging muscles of his back, broad fit shoulders, and the muscular but small waist that holds his low riding sweatpants. I wonder how he looks from the front, if he has a v line, perhaps a dick print, that shows from his sweats. Fuck, that has me feeling things...

"You let him go out to the farm again?"

"You know how he is sweetie, he doesn't like sitting a round, doing nothing."

"Mum, he is sick, he is not just sitting around, he is resting, and if he is bored, he could start preparation for his college admission. It's coming up soon."

"He doesn't want to go."

"What, he doesn't want to go to school anymore? He has wanted this since forever."

"Joon-ah, sweetie, I think your brother fears it might be too expensive. He complains all the time about how your father and I are spending too much money on his medicine, and how hard your working for this already. He even insists on helping out in the farm with the other workers, just so he doesn't seem like a burden. I don't know what to do son, your father and I have tried talking to him, but he won't budge. I am scared he might be doing harm to himself. Will you please talk to him?"

A defending silence follows, the woman on the other side of the phone sounding like she is on the verge of tears. I don't even know why I am still here listening. One moment I was worried about him, the next I am deep into his private conversation, and I turn around to leave, ashamed at my rude interference.

"Alright mum, I'll call him today after his check up." Namjoon's voice sounds nearer, and I glance behind, to see him facing the door way now. His dark eyes stare at me for that quick second, his phone now raised to his ear. I don't get to hear what goes on next as I rush back to the bedroom.

"Jin." He calls just as I grab the handle. And I curse under my breath knowing he might have realized what I was doing. "Yeah?" I turn back around, walking to the kitchen. I stand next to the table by the side, trying to keep his gaze. His eyes are hard, and for a second there, I am almost sure he is furious.

"Were you listening in on that?" He asks, his eyes daring me to lie. "No, I mean yeah. I came out to look for you, and I caught a piece of your conversation, I am sorry." I rush out, almost pleading. I don't want him to think I am some creep who sneaks up on people and their privacy.

He seems to be debating in his head, eyes still glued to me. "How much of it did you hear?" He asks turning around to remove the pan of scrambled eggs off the stove. My mouth waters at the smell, but I have bigger issues to think about now. I can't possibly put together what they were talking about, except that it was Namjoon's mother, and they were talking about his brother who supposedly thinks he is a burden.

"Not much really, I swear I wasn't eavesdropping." He turns to face me, nodding before humming in response. What is that like? Ok? Does he believe me? "Are you mad?" I ask, just to be sure, and he smiles at me reassuringly, "Of course not. I know your telling the truth." He says as he sets down the pan, retrieving two plates from the cupboard. How does he know, what if I had lied, what would happen then?

"Brunch? I hope you like your eggs scrambled." He says and I am brought back to the reason I was here to begin with. I ignore his flirtatious comment, and his bare chest, choosing to focus on something much more serious.

"You shouldn't be doing this Namjoon, your exerting  yourself." I worry, running a hand through my disheveled hair. "Oh come on, you took care of me yesterday, the least I could do is make you breakfast." He says not at all paying attention to me. I am not sure he understands how taking care of a sick person works. It's not a two way street.

"Namjoon -"

"I only did breakfast, I swear. You worry too much." He says as he places the plates of eggs on the table. "See?" He gestures with his hand to his body, and I can't resist as I take a good look at his chest. His sculpted pecs, and washboard abs. I am tempted to look at the v line and the dick print he surely has. But I am more worried about the wound by his side, which needs a new dressing. "Still, you should have let me do it." I say, avoiding eye contact, and pulling out a chair instead, while he continues to exhaust himself by walking around picking more for our breakfast.

By the time he sits down and starts eating, I am worried the fuck out, and I have a half a mind to scold him again of what he is doing. "You going to work today?" He asks as we eat way, "No, Hoseok is covering for me for two more days." He doesn't seem to like that, and stops mid chew to look at me. "Are you doing this because of me?" He asks raising a brow. I know he won't like my answer so I twist it a bit just to make him at ease. "Yeah, but I needed a break too."  I answer smoothly, flashing him a smile.

He doesn't seem to believe me, so I change the topic before he gets other ideas. "You need to shower so I can dress your wound afresh." He sighs but doesn't protest, hurrying away to finish his meal.

He is surprisingly quiet for the rest of the breakfast. I wonder if he is thinking about his phone call from earlier. If his brother is alright, because him and his mum sounded so worried. I hope everything is alright for them. Even then, I think it's nice to have someone to worry about, and one to worry for you as well. I think it's a sense of comfort to always have someone in the shadows, someone who thinks about your welfare as apart their daily routine. I don't know what that's like.

When we finish breakfast, I chase Namjoon away to go wash up so I can treat his wound after. I wash the few dishes and clean the table. I am in the middle of cleaning the general kitchen, when I hear him call out to me, and I rush out to the bathroom door, afraid something might have happened to him.

"Namjoon? Is everything ok?"

"Not really." He answers, his response muffled by the walls and the door. "Why, what's wrong?" I ask worriedly.

"Ummmm, I gonna need your help washing up." Did he just say he was going to need my help washing up? Because... What?

"Why?"

"I can't reach my back...and other places, and if I  stretched or lift my arms I might tear the stitches." He answers back. I guess that does make sense. He might cause harm to himself moving like that. Although, helping him wash up means, I going to be with him while he is naked, or something like that. I can already feel my cheeks heating up at the thought of it, I am not sure I can survive something like this. "Just stand under the spray then."

"Already tried, now I just feel sticky without the soap." Shit he is right again, it's probably uncomfortable to be partially clean, and to have other parts still actively sweating. It's my duty to look after him, but this...this isn't easy.

"Umm, are you naked?" I ask, which I regret immediately when I hear it out loud. I am met with silence, and I know Namjoon is probably rolling his eyes, and preparing his sarcastic comment. "No I am fully clothed, I shower with my suit on...of course I am naked."

I laugh a bit at his slightly agitated tone, he is probably worked up with all this inability to accomplish his daily tasks, and here I am asking him silly questions. I grab a sleep mask from the bedroom before walking into the bathroom.

"Umm, so how do you want to do this." I ask, gradually getting nervous. He audibly sighs slinging the shower curtain back suddenly. I yelp covering my eyes and turning around. "You pervert." I scream at him, to which he heartily chuckles. "Oh, please, there is nothing here you haven't seen." He comments still amused. "Nobody wants to see your junk you perv." I scream again to him. My ears and cheeks are all blazed up, my heart is beating loudly, and the thought of him naked right now, behind me, does things to me...

"Are you sure about that?" I can feel his smirk, and I roll my eyes before pulling on the sleep mask. "God, this isn't going to end well."
"Had to blindfold yourself huh? Am I that irresistible?"

"Shut up." I grumble, grabbing onto the wall for support. I chuck out my hand for him to lead me into the shower, which he takes with his wet one, pulling me into the compartment. "Be gentle please." I cry out, feeling his hand around my wrist.

"I believe that's my sentence." He says chuckling closer to my face than I thought. I am confused as to what I should do with my hands, or even myself.  I didn't think I would be standing face to face with a naked Namjoon, let alone have to touch him.

"Get me the soaped sponge and turn around." I say when we fall quiet. Being blindfolded isn't the best option. My senses are heightened, and the slightest of movement scares me.
I pull back the hoodie paws to my elbows, holding out my hands for the sponge.

"You know what side the wound is, right?" He asks and I nod along, my fingers slightly shaking as he hands me the sponge. His own nails brush against the skin of my palm, wet but soft. I try not to show much, urging him to turn with a hum. "Just stretch out your arms." He says, as he turns around - I assume so, if the slight scuffle is anything to go by. I do as he says, and stretch out my hands. They land on his firm shoulder, and I take a step forward to be closer, so my work is easier.

The quicker I finish this, the faster I can leave here. Except I don't think I want to leave. His skin against my palm is electric. His muscles under my grasp satisfying. Slowly, I work on his back, gently rubbing the sponge into his skin with one hand. The other hand guides my movement, just so I don't wound him further.

"I am turning the shower back up." He says to me in a groggy voice. I don't stop him, not even when I know I am going to get soaked in these clothes. I am too captivated by the voice, and the flex of his muscles under my palm as he moves his hand to turn the knob.

I yelp lightly as the first drops hit me, while he sighs in content when the warmth meets his back. Now it's water, and soap, and my hands move more fluidly to clean him up. His skin is equally soft, and surprisingly smooth. I had expected him to have scars, maybe a rough type of covering because of the work he does.

My hand grabs carefully at his waist, right under the curve to his butt, and I don't know if I should continue lower, or maybe stop here because he had specifically asked for his back. If I go any lower, then I know I would be touching his butt. I have always thought it looked firm, and a curious part of me wants to find out, but lord no...

"You want to sit down in the plastic chair and finish?" I ask, somehow out of breath. I think it's because of the water that is coming down on my face. He doesn't say a lot as he turns back around to face me. I step back from directly under the spray to allow him to rinse up.

"Yeah, I think I got it now." His breath fans my face, and I gulp licking my lips. He is incredibly close, I know he is, I can feel it. "When your done I'll dress your wound." I say to him once more in the silence, and more quiet follows, where I feel him breathing on my face, my lips. If I knew better, I would say he is about to kiss me. Of course that is outrageous, and absurd, but I don't move back, I don't want to.

"Ok." He affirms to me, it's my signal to leave, and reluctantly I make to move when grabs me by the arm stopping me. I wait for him to say why, but gently, the fold over my eyes is moved. I don't panic this time as I meet his gaze, while is naked underneath our shared gaze. He is incredibly close, like I had earlier suspected. His eyes bore into mine, like he could tell my deepest desires for him, I want him to. To fulfill them.

I keep my eyes glued to his face, not wanting to look lower, or my own reasons. His own eyes travel to my lips, and he licks his, his tongue almost grazing my skin. Its mere centimeters, only a small lean from either of us, and we would get what we want, at least what I want.

My lips part to urge him to take the step, and he almost does, until a loud knock sounds from the front door. I jump, literally, and out my stupor, my cheeks reddening in realization. "I'll go check..." I say hurriedly, I don't give him a chance to rebut, or get anything in as I walk out the still running shower, pulling back the curtain.

I pull out a robe from the hanger, changing into it from my wet clothes, before leaving the bathroom. My thoughts are on halt, mind hazy, and I take several deep breaths to calm myself and not think about what almost went down in there.

I pat down the hall, and to the door, half expecting my friends, or Jackson to be the ones dropping by. Although that thought changes immediately when when I yank the door open to be met with a tall man dressed in black. He moves aside as soon as he sees me, and I come face to face with older female version me, the one I have been avoiding all this while.

"Hello sweetie. It's been long."

God no.