Namjoon.

I open the door to my apartment to be hit by the smell of nice food. It engulfs the whole room, a mixture of different spices that makes my mouth water. I am guessing Seokjin has been busy, most probably preparing dinner.

"Joon?" He comes into the living just as I lock the door, my apron, which I haven't used in ages, around his neck. "Are you ok, I was starting to get worried about you." He says, his face genuinely concerned. I can't help think he looks a lot like his mother, he is so beautiful, like a mirror male version of her. Yet so different with everything else.

"Yeah, I am alright." I reply, putting blue down, she runs to Jin immediately, nuzzling at his feet. "Oh yeah? You were gone for long, did something happen?" Something did happen, a lot happened, and I want to tell him, I just don't know how to begin. His gaze isn't pressuring, not at all, but internally it's a little compelling, like he could tell there actually is something.

"I guess we went further than I thought, I really missed being outside, I think blue did too." He smiles a little at the dog, resisting the urge to pet her since he is still cooking. "Ok then, I am making dinner, I hope you don't mind that I am using your kitchen."  He says as he walks back to where he came from, I follow closely, feeling the after effects of walking for long on my wounded side. I put on a smile, not wanting to worry him further.

"I think someone needed to use it, otherwise rust would start settling on everything." He laughs at my response, I can't blame him, I haven't touched a lot of stuff in this kitchen, sometimes I even forget they are here. Instant noodles is all I eat when I am home, maybe fry an egg once in a while, but that's about it, the only time I get proper food is when I am out with my construction friends, and we go out to lunch or dinner.

"Why don't you cook when your alone?"

"I don't really have a lot time." I lie, but he seems to know so, a smile stretches on his lips before he narrows his eyes at me. "You don't know how to cook, do you?"

"That's one way to put it." He laughs again, a smile staying on his lips as he goes ahead to check the steaming pot on the stove. "Well, lucky for you, my slightly average cooking skills might feed us tonight."

"What are you making?" I ask to which he sighs with a smile, "not a lot, just some spaghetti, and meat, and there is cut corn with a avocado and lettuce for salad..." He pauses for a second before looking at me. "...you want some?" He asks, teasing. Of course I want some, I haven't had a good home cooked meal in a while, and I could use some.

"You must really know how to cook." I comment, sitting down on one of the chairs, and watching him move around in the kitchen. He hums along, bringing out a couple of unused plates and bowls from the cupboard. His movements are careful, graceful, a little twist in his hips as he walks around. I stare dumbly at his figure, entranced by how he actually does look good in everything.

"I learnt early on when I was young. My mum didn't cook a lot, but hated ordering too, so she had a chef at home, who I always nagged to teach me." The mention of his mother does bring me to earlier, and I can see why Miss Soojin wouldn't have time for something like that. She is an iron woman, and time must be of precious essence to her, cooking wouldn't fit with everything else that's important. I want to ask Seokjin if he cooked for his mum at times, but I have a feeling I already know the answer.

"I learnt a lot from him, almost everything I know about food now." He states putting down the plates. Like one of those kids who are raised by their butlers, or nannies, so he sounds. This seems like a good time to tell him about his mother earlier, I don't want to keep it from him, but I don't know if it's a good thing to tell either.

Like, he does need to know that I ran into his mum earlier, but I don't think I want to worsen the relationship between them further by telling him so. I can tell they are already not in the best terms, and if he asks about the details of the meeting, I might have to tell him what his mother wanted, or even what she offered for it, and knowing Seokjin, I don't think he would really like that.

I am torn, completely.

"It's almost done, just couple of more minutes, you want something to snack on while you wait?" He asks absentmindedly, wiping away the now washed plates. I move from the chairs, walking to stand closer to him by the counter. He looks up expectantly, waiting for my answer, to which I shake my head, "no I am alright." He nods in acknowledgement, his eyes turning to one of worry when I keep my gaze on him.

We are close, only a few centimeters away, I think about telling him, something I know will wipe that soft smile from his lips, something I know might severe his relationship with his mum further, but I can't keep it from him either, it's not right, he needs to know. "You want something else?" He asks oblivious.

"Umm, I- when I went- umm"

"Is something wrong?" He worries suddenly, turning to turn off the stove before looking at me. "Joon?" I can't say what comes over me at that second, maybe it's the indecisiveness, or the way he looks at me softly at this close proximity, but I kiss him, I grab both sides of his face and smash his lips to mine.

It's abrupt, and rough, and crude, but I need to tell him, maybe not in words at the moment, but I need pour out to him, hope that somehow he gets the message from all this force. My lips demand his, taking what isn't mine, and one that I am not given either. It's only a few seconds, which I don't know if he kisses me back or not, but it's done, I've kissed him. He finally  tenses and that brings me out of my state of mind, taking a slight step away from him.

He looks perplexed, while my eyes blow wide open at what I just did. "I am sorry, I am sorry I don't know why I did that-"

"It's ok." He counters searching my eyes to reassure me, but I disagree, "no it's not, I shouldn't have done that so roughly, or at all, I just...I wanted to tell you about..." I am stuck again, words dying at my throat at his gaze. God, why can't I just say it, why can't I just tell him. What's right, and what's wrong anymore?

"Hey, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." He says grabbing my hands and looking at my face, I know he means it, I can tell from his eyes, even more when he leans forward and captures my own lips with his. His hand goes to the back of my neck and he brings me closer to him, kissing me, deeply. He tastes like my favorite candy, his lips soft and flawless against mine. "I told you it's ok. You don't have to tell me if your not ready, yeah?" He mummers as he slightly pulls away, his lips still mere inches from mine.

Somehow he understands my confusion, and he isn't rushing it. He is giving me an option, one that isn't either of the two from earlier. To wait, to say it when I want to, when I am ready to. This might seem small but it's bigger than you think, a lot of things might depend on the words I have on the verge of my tongue, and maybe saying it now wouldn't be the best option. "I am not going anywhere, I'll be here when you want to talk." He adds, his hand still massaging the back of my neck.

It's relaxing, it makes me think of him only at this moment, and not his mum, and what she wanted me to do. I need to forget, to think of something else fully, something like him and him alone. "Can I kiss you?" I ask this time, my eyes meeting his. I need him, and I think he sees that in my eyes as he nods, parting his own lips before licking them. I look into his eyes once more just to be sure, and when I see the same hunger as mine, I tilt my head to the side before kissing him.

It's soft at first, his hand playing at my nape, and the hair at the back of my head as he kisses back. He matches my own, and responds by opening his mouth when I lick his bottom lip. He gasps softly as I pull him closer by the waist, my tongue smoothly entering his mouth in the process. He wrestles with me for dominance for a second, his tongues twisting with mine in a messy but sweet war. Eventually he loses, and I get the upper hand, pressing his body to mine tightly as I explore his cavern.

I feel him on every inch, not just of my mouth but everywhere. He is warm, and radiates a kind of heat that awakes things in me, things that I want to do to him. I bite his tongue gently as I pull away, prompting a soft moan from him. He breathes heavily as I bury my face into his neck. I can't have enough of him, not tonight. These kisses alone aren't enough for tonight. I need him, I need to feel him, to ravage him, love him. Love him.

My lips attack his exposed neck, tongue finding the soft skin that I have been longing to mark. He smells great, better than the aroma of food that fills the kitchen. "Joon-ah." He breathes out, his hand behind my neck tightening to keep me in place. On his neck.

I lick him. A long fat strip from the juncture of his shoulder neck to his ear, pausing to bite at his lobe that brings a foreign yet arousing sound from him. I don't think he knows what such sounds from him could do to me, I don't think he realizes the power he holds within his whimpers, moans. I press him to me, letting him know of my intentions for this, what I want, what I need. But I feel him too, I feel the parts of him that are just as excited as I am, I feel his fingers on my hair, how they rake gently, but itch at the tips to grab my roots. I feel his breath, how heavy and coated it is, how close it is to my ear tempting me. I feel him, and I know he wants the same, I hope he does, or maybe not, maybe one of us needs to be rational and think different, maybe taking each other this soon might not be the best.

I know I can't think like that, I am goner, I am thinking with a different head now, one that can't wait, but maybe him... "tell me you don't want this." I say to him, desperate to have him think otherwise, but wanting him to say no at the same time. My lips find his once more and I kiss him at intervals, breathing heavily while I tease his lips. "Tell me I am perverted, and that this isn't right." He doesn't answer, chasing my lips with his own, he is just as desperate. "Tell me it's impossible to want you like this. Tell me you don't want me like this." I want him to tell me does. And he actually does just that, stopping to press his forehead to mine.

"I want to. I want to joon-ah....but we can't." He adds, peering through his lashes to gauge my reaction. I am only curious as to why, a little happy that his rationality came through. "We can't joon-ah, your injured, I don't want to risk it if we can wait." He speaks gently, both his hands now around my neck. I caress his waist too, nodding in agreement and seeing the logic in that. It's still a delicate wound, and it wouldn't be nice to let our desires take over us for something that might still be dangerous.

My eyes meet his beautiful ones, a small smile resting on his lips. I know I don't just want his body, I want more than that. His heart if possible. "Let me take you out on a date." I say to him, taking him by surprise. "Just the two us, on a real date. Please." I say, beg almost, I need him to agree, I need him to give me a chance, it's what I have wanted since the beginning.

"What a gentle pervert." He says with a smile, a huge one. "I guess I could use a date, although I must warn you, I haven't been to one in a while. I may not be ideal." I find that hard to believe with how beautiful he is, must have been waiting for me then.

"That makes two of us." I can't resist bringing him to a tight hug, groaning when he presses hard on me. "Sorry, got to excited." He apologizes as he pulls away, but nonetheless happy. I am happy too, and I think I have achieved my goal of forgetting this evening's events.

It can all can wait.