Namjoon.

Yoongi and I watch in confusion as Taehyung bends over the passengers window once he is out, waving and saying goodbye to the driver on the other side. He had declined riding with us earlier, texted to say that he had gotten a lift home from a friend.

At first, I thought it might have been Jimin he was talking about, but the assistant had left in a taxi just as we exited the Kim's premises. Alone. I tilt my head in hopes of getting a look, or even a glimpse at the driver, but it's almost impossible with where we are standing in the drive way, and Taehyung's figure effectively blocking the other.

I wouldn't really mind who brings my brother home, as long as they bring him back in one piece, but I am curious as to why he vaguely turned us down, or for who...
I catch sight of dark hair, and what seems to be purple suit as Taehyung moves aside and the car drives away.

They looked like Hoseok.

"Who was that?" I ask as he joins in the foyer, not really paying attention while I open the door. "Um, it was my boss, Sir Hoseok, he gave me ride." He lets out lowly and I turn around at the sound of that, slightly alarmed for some reason.

"Hoseok gave you a ride?" I echo once more and the surprise is clear in my voice, the casualty of it as well.

"Yeah, he was really surprised to find out we are related. You two know each other?" He inquires, sounding confused. I haven't actually told him about my connected past with Seokjin or Hoseok for that matter. I've been holding on, just waiting until he gets done with the project, perhaps sooner, but the more I do it the more it feels pointless to me. I mean what is the worst that could happen if he finds out about my history with Seokjin? Other than everything that might happen, he most definitely would be disappointed at me for not telling him myself, and I don't want that to happen.

"Yeah, I've known him a while." I answer vaguely anyway, opening the door for the two. "You have?" He sounds again, walking in after Yoongi, his gaze is piercing, curious and calculating. He is smart, and extremely observant, and I wouldn't be surprised if he catches the hesitation, or even the whole story then put it together. "We are acquaintances from a while back, and we ran into each other a lot in our line of work. Friends almost." I keep it simple, looking into his questioning gaze. He relents after a bit, humming in answer but doesn't seem too convinced.

"You alright?" Yoongi asks out of the blue, tilting his head to the side to get a look at the youngest. At first I think he is trying to save me from all the questions, but a glance at him and I realise how narrowed his eyes are, scrutinizing the younger.

Taehyung fleets his gaze over the older, but quickly averts his eyes, ones I realise now, look a bit red.
"Yeah, I am gonna go to bed." He announces suddenly, avoiding Yoongi and heading for the stairs.

"Can we talk. I have something to share with you."

"Not now." Taehyung answers coldly to Yoongi's request, not even batting a lash, or stopping to be polite. I raise a brow, having never seen him so dismissive, especially to Yoongi.

"It's urgent." Yoongi tries again but the room goes quiet as the younger turns from the bottom of the stairs where he is, eyes tough, almost angry? "I said not now, just leave me alone." He shouts, the silence after leaving him perplexed as well. He has never raised his voice at Yoongi, or me, let alone be that disrespectful to any of us. Taehyung is just one of those people who are always mindful of their words, he cares about respect, and allocates it accordingly to people, which leads me to think he is not alright, otherwise why would he have such an outburst? Not unless, something between him and Yoongi isn't alright.

They get along well, and barely ever have any disagreements, so I look between the two to see if anything, something I might have missed. Yoongi doesn't look offended in the slightest, just chews on his lips as he stares at the other, while Taehyung looks regretful, eyes sparkling with tears.

"I am sorry, I am not having the best night, can we talk tomorrow, if it's not much to ask?" He says once more, barely looking at both of us, but stays rooted nonetheless, until Yoongi nods his head and he scurries off to his room.

He is not having the best night? What is that about? I thought he was probably having the blast of his life at the party, with Jimin. Jimin....shit that probably didn't end well. The last time we talked, Taehyung was going to ask him out, confess his feelings, or something like that, and now he looks upset. Fuck, that probably didn't end well, and here I thought he was having fun, while he was busy getting heartbroken. He really did like Jimin, I saw it in his eyes, and now they just look empty, helpless.

"I am going to bed too." Yoongi announces, ducking his head and walking away as well. I wonder what he has to do with this, he might be the victim, but I saw the anger in Taehyung while he shouted at him, like for a split second there the younger hated him. Jesus what is this? Everything is just kind of blowing up at the same time, all of our lives kind of being everywhere, and it all has to do with us working on his project.

Mine is probably the messiest, the thing with Seokjin is just draining, and like that isn't enough, my thoughts are taking a different turn, a different direction, absurd and impossible. I can't stop thinking about his son, about the little boy I've seen with him before.

It's preposterous the thoughts I am brewing, irrational that I am even thinking about it to begin with. But at the same time I can't stop myself, from making these things, it's been stuck in my mind since Yoongi mentioned it earlier, and now my mind is running at a thousand miles, with ideas and theories. It would kill me if he was my son, I'd be done if that was the case, if somehow, with some twisted fate, I had a child with Seokjin, one that I didn't know about.

I don't know what I would do if I ever had a child out there that I didn't know about. Like I said, it sounds absurd, there is just no way that would be.

I refuse to do the math, I refuse to dwell on something as huge but greatly of foolishness as that. Jeonghan has a father and it's Jungkook. The couple have a son, their son, and it's not mine. I refuse for this game the universe is playing on us to go any further, I refuse for it to turn into a charade. But weirdly... weirdly there is a tiny part of me that is indifferent, one that is hoping, stupidly hoping that that little boy be related to me. There is just this odd part that is strangely attached to him, is making a connection, and somehow trying to convince me that there is something there.

I can't do this, I can't bare something of this magnitude.

I walk the stairs, deciding on checking on Taehyung before bed. He is upset right now, probably about Jimin and might need some love advice, and a few lessons about heartbreak. The thought actually makes me smile, finding it funny how we both, and Yoongi, can't find love despite the attempts. Man, whoever bewitched us in our previous lives....

I walk into Taehyung's room without knocking, the mentioned barely raising his head from the edge of the bed where he is seated, brooding. "I thought we agreed on that knocking thing." He mumbles, yanking at his tie. I shrug. "I've seen you naked before."

"Gross." He shrieks, "and that isn't the only reason you should be knocking." He adds, making a face. We've had quite the boundary talk amongst the three us, and Taehyung has always come off the most private one, understandable, seeing as Yoongi and me have always been open around each other, but at the same time Taehyung has been around me since childhood and sometimes I forget he is a grown person now.

I eye as he takes off his shoes, face still set in his earlier frown. "If your here about what happened downstairs, I am sorry, and I'll apologise to Hyung tomorrow. " He offers, but I am more interested in why he came apart like that in the first place. It's not like him to be on edge easily, and when the thing with Jimin would be hurting, he wouldn't necessarily show it, let alone act it out. A lot like me, he tends to keep emotion to himself.

"I take it, the thing with Park Jimin didn't go well." I get to the point, leaning back on a wall and crossing my arms over my chest. He heaves out a sigh, one that isn't nearly any response, but his body language is an answer enough, if the way he stops is anything to go by.

"Why would you assume that?" He tries anyway, a small sad smile taking his face as he turns to look at me. He looks hurt, weary. I've seen him like this before, more helpless and hurting much badly, but somehow it looks different, I bet it feels different. Love hurts different, it hurts deeper, the pain of love is indescribable.

"Because you told me you would confess, and I know your not one to go back on your word. So either you didn't get a chance to tell him, or it didn't go too well." He looks up at the observation, scoffing. He is trying to deny it, perhaps for himself too, but I am way ahead.

"I know you well." I joke, trying to keep the mood light, and his mind away from his thoughts, but he just looks up at me with this gaze, confused and somewhat questioning. He bites at his lips, eyes narrowing.
"You forget I know you too, joon-ah." He says. "You forget I can read you like the back of my hand at times. The thinking, the fear and that... empty look in your eyes." He motions with a finger at the last part, and I am taken back when the reverse observation is done. I know what he is talking about, and I knew it would only be a matter of time until he noticed.

"You know, it feels like it's going to happen again. Your withdrawing with your thoughts, your preoccupied, lost and clumsy again." He counts, getting progressively emotional. I have tried my best to keep my composure after finding Seokjin, I've tried to be normal, but it's clearly been showing, Taehyung has been seeing, and I guess it's because the task is almost impossible. I've been reeling back to myself and he hasn't missed it.

I make to answer but he cuts me short, eyes getting soft. "Won't you at least talk to me, at least tell me what happened that is happening now again." He can tell it's the same thing, and it's just sad that I can't speak it out. I swear, I swear that I've tried to tell him, but each time it just gets heavy. Talking about Seokjin and the whole thing surrounding us, Taehyung and the money, has always been tough, especially if it's to tell it to the younger. I don't want to upset him, I don't want him to take fault like I know he would.

"Don't look at me like that." He suddenly reprimands, and I am confused as to what he is talking about.

"Like what?"

"Like I am a child. Like I am not old enough to know, like I am still the sick Taehyung." He yells angrily. Stopping himself to run a hand through his hair. I don't know if that's true, if he feels I've been holding back due to his condition. Admittedly, I did that in the past, and often he wasn't let in on a lot of our stressful issues, but he is grown now, he is no longer sick and I don't think I hold anything back from him... well except for this one.

"We've only been yourself recently, Joon-ah, and now your just... you again. Like it just happened over night and all that progress you've been making is out the window." He states, struggles to word it, but it's accurate somehow.

"I am ok, Tae...."

"Don't just say that, while you continue to hide things from me and yourself." He lets out tiredly, on the verge of tears. "I am not hiding anything from you." Somehow my first thought is to lie to him to comfort him, to protect him, and I realise quickly he was right about me always looking at him like a child, the sick Taehyung that still can't face the world, the truth around us.

"Oh yeah, you just happen to know Mr Jung Hoseok, and somehow you just happen to be acquaintances with his best friend too, my boss, Mr Kim?" The surprise must me written on my face because he scoffs.

"I saw you at the office the other day, and the party today, and I saw well how you looked at Mr Kim. I've never seen you look at anyone like that." The reaction is timely, uncontrollable, and I shift on my feet, pocketing my hands, eyes averting. Is it that obvious? Am I still that affected by him...that visibly affected by him?

"What does he have to do with this? Is he from the past, is he the reason your being like this again?"

"There is nothing between me and -"

"- so you wouldn't mind if I told him we are related. That I am your brother?" It's not a threat by all means, not even a warning, just purely a question out of curiosity. If he told him, Seokjin would know, and Taehyung himself, in turn, would find his role in all this, he would know he was leverage, and that I had chosen him over Seokjin, which eventually brought us here. But then again we would all be out of the darkness, I'd have said everything I've wanted to all these years.

I can't hide it forever, eventually he'll find out about everything. I am torn.

He sighs out at the silence, deflates rather than the victory I was anticipating from him, for finding out about Seokjin. His eyes his hands, shaking his head in what seems to be disbelief. "I know you did it for me. Whatever it was. I know you did it in exchange for me, and all these years down the line it's still haunting you, it still follows you and consumes you."

I am not surprised he figured it, I'd shown up with a bag of money out of nowhere, for his surgery, and it's been different since. He knows I didn't do anything illegal, and didn't take it from anyone forcefully, but deep down he knows it came from somewhere, and wherever it is, it was for him, and I exchanged something for it. He shouldn't feel guilty, I'd do it again if it means he is alive, that he has life and is well. But he doesn't feel the same, and his next words almost knock me off my feet.

"At times I wonder if my life was actually worth it. If what you exchanged for it was worth it if your like this."

"How dare you say that." I growl out, offended that he would think his life has no meaning, that it wouldn't be worth it that he is alive, after all that Eomma and Appa did for us. We've given so much, too much for him to be thinking or feeling this way.

"How dare you think like that?" I ask again, emotions rising, tensing at my throat.

"Can you blame me. Look at us, Joon-ah. Your still broken and lost, your gone, you've been for almost seven years now. And I am the same because I can't move on. I can't be myself knowing your still hurting because of me. I can't be anything knowing you did it for me, so I could be alive. It's burden, and it's breaking me just like it has broken you." He cries and myself, I tremble at the revelation. I've never thought about it like that, I've never thought that with saving Taehyung I placed another burden on his shoulders to bare. I have been broken but somehow it has been on him, I've been hurting him like I've been hurting myself.

God, what have I done?

"It's tiring, it's painful to think all of it was for me, that all these years you can never be you because of me. Tell me, can you blame me for thinking it wasn't worth it." I see it all different now, I see it wholly now, and it hurts to think he has been going through all this. Everything I've done and gone through all these years has ultimately reflected on him in one way or another. He has been going through everything with me, suffering in turn and pretending not to be, just like me.

For every answer I have lacked he has too, for everything that I have questioned he has too, and for every closure that I have sought he has too, yet like me has fallen short of everything. I can't blame him for thinking it wouldn't be the same if he wasn't alive.

"I am sorry." It rolls off my lips at the sight of him crying, but he only shakes his head standing up and wrapping his hands around himself. "Don't be, don't be sorry." He says, wiping at his stained cheek, then holds my gaze with his determined one.

"I just want it all to stop. You've given up everything for me and I just want you to stop. For once in your life just think about yourself, about you, about your future, and about your happiness. Don't think about me, or Appa, or Eomma or Yoongi. Don't think about the impact, the consequences, or what it will do to the others. For once just think for yourself, with your heart and do what it wants."

"Please, just go out there and get closure. Find a way to do it. For you and for me." He begs, then without another word, exits the room. He leaves me right there in the middle of his room, wondering how long I could have kept this up if he hadn't said that, if I didn't know he was suffering as well.

My healing would be his healing, my closure would be his as well and I need to do that, I need to find a way to free us both, to relieve us both of this burden, and I need to do it now. I have to face my fears, Seokjin, and everything else that has held me back all these years.

Unbeknownst to me a storm is already brewing overhead, tonight wouldn't be the only night of revelations, if anything it only marks the beginning, the commencement of the change of our lives. Our lives are about to flip on their heads, to take turns of their own.

Secrets, truths, lies, all of it are about to come to light, all of it, right before our very eyes.