Seokjin.

When I decided to go down to the cottage, I knew whatever I was gonna find wasn't going to be pleasant, one way or another, there was gonna be bad news, and internally, I prepared for that. I had a gut feeling Jungkook would be there, for whatever reason he had; work, get way, secret, mistress, and I felt deeply that I needed to prepare for whatever the outcome might have been.

What I didn't expect was for my best friend, Hoseok, my operations manager, my confidant, to be clinging to my boyfriend, my fiance, my soon to be husband, Jungkook, looking all shades of guilty, and ruined. At first I thought it might have been about work, I thought they might have been planning something, a surprise of sorts or just anything, but looking into his eyes, his teary guilty eyes, all I saw was betrayal, fear, disrespect and faithlessness.

I can't believe it, I can't believe Hoseok and Jungkook have been going behind my back. Since when? Why would they do that? What reason would they have?

They looked natural next to each other, close and instinctual. I still remember how easily Jungkook had gotten Hoseok behind him, protectively, like it was the most obvious thing, and how readily Hoseok had taken shelter behind him, like he needed protection from me - ok, maybe for a second out there someone needed to hold me back from throwing hands, but still, it couldn't have been the first time they were together, and that thought alone made me rake my brain for anything I might have missed.

For the past few hours all I've done is think back, to everything, every clue, every suspicion of mine, and everything that I have brushed off. Several times I have thought Jungkook was cheating on me, I have even shared my concerns with Hoseok himself, but never have I thought Hoseok could be the one, the other man. Or maybe I have, but I have brushed everything away. The thought of those two together sounded like something my mind wanted to make up, to find a reason to pin something on Jungkook, and it irked me that for even a nick of a second I thought Hoseok could do something like that to me, but looking back at everything, I realise it's been right under my nose all this time, and I have purposefully overlooked it, because it couldn't be...

I gave Jungkook a pass too, let him convince me that the occasional claw marks on his back were from me, or the familiar scent lingering in his clothes were from his interactions from the office, or the receipt from the jewelry store for the expensive items that I never received were for his mother. I let him ride me along, the both them, and I can't believe they made a fool out of me that bad. They both lied to my face, my fiance and my best friend.

After everything with Namjoon and Jeonghan, I didn't think I could cry anymore, but when I got home this afternoon, I couldn't take it. I just couldn't believe this was happening. It was too much, and I only had time to lock myself in my bedroom before breaking down, the same bedroom I have shared with Jungkook for years, the very one he left behind to bed someone else.

I have trusted him with everything in me, tried my best to be his fiance, despite my shortcomings, hoping this time I wasn't making a mistake with my choices. I have thought Jungkook was the right one because he loves me, I have wanted him to be the right now for me and Jeonghan, someone who would love me and my son as well, but I've been wrong, deeply, and the very man I have put my hopes on, has stabbed me, several times, aided by my best friend, someone who I have also trusted with my life.

I have so many questions, but at the same time I have no desire for their answers, no pressing need to know what they have been doing behind my back. I can't believe I was going to marry Jungkook in a month, I can't believe he would do this to me, us, and Jeonghan? What do I tell my son, that his father is a cheating bastard, and not only that, he's been lying too, he knows a lot about my past with Namjoon, things even I don't know, and all this while, he hasn't given it up. God, who have I been living with?

I don't have the energy, or even the urge at all, to look at Jungkook as he enters into our bedroom. My limbs are sore from crouching out in the bathroom, weeping, and my I have a splitting headache from all the crying. I don't want to think anymore, don't want to allocate anymore time to thoughts of those two, than I already have, but despite everything, despite me trying to sketch and draw away my worries, I just can't, I can't stop the pain, and the nightmare that I am living. From Namjoon and Jeonghan, and now this?

My life has flipped upside down in only a few days, I have lost everything that I have known these past few days, lost trust and gained pained in return. Now I don't know anything anymore, don't know anybody anymore, I am lost.

"Jin, baby can we talk?"

His voice, it's not as soothing anymore, it's irking, lying, and the pencil in my hand grounds tightly on the paper, tearing the sketch, making a mess.
I have never been the violent type, but for a split second, my fingers itch for the open wine bottle on the table, itches to shatter it and just hurt Jungkook with it, in whatever way. For a split second there my insides rage, fury bubbling inside of me at the boldness, the nerve of him to even come home after everything he did. I hate him, his guts, his words, everything he has made of and from me all these years.

"Jin, let me explain." His shadow casts over my sketch from him leaning on next to the lamp, and for the first time since he walked in, I look up to him, facing forming into a frown at the pleading look on his face. "Your sorry? Is that what you want to say?" I ask, not sure what he would want to explain. Does he want to elaborate in details about the affair he's been having with my best friend?

He has this puppy look on, this begging face, apologetic, and the only thing I can think of is how fake it probably is, how made up and full of lies it is. He has no right to look like that, like he deserves a chance, an opportunity.
He wants to explain? Well I want him to know, I want him to know the torture that this is, the lie that he has made our lives into.

"You know what kills you Kook, you know what tears you apart more than the truth does?" I can't help the shaking in my voice, and sad smile that stretches on my lips when I think of the mental stress he's put in. I don't think he realizes the magnitude of what he has done to me, I don't think he knows what torment this is, seeing as he still has the nerve to show himself around me.

"The worst part is the balance. The perfect balance between; he loves me, he would never hurt me like that, and what would I really do if is actually cheating on me? I worried myself to sleep on different nights, thinking of how I would ask you about your inconsistency. I cried myself occasionally, for even thinking of you as a cheater, and then I'd stop to think of the marks on your body, the ones I knew well I didn't give you, or your clashing schedules you never seemed to get right whenever I would ask." I spent most nights scolding myself for thinking bad of him, then something would pop up and I just wouldn't know anymore. It's torture, going back and forth, knowing but denying, wondering, but disallowing .

"And to think this all time you were with Hoseok." Their is still incredible disbelief in my tone, and my voice shakes once more, clogging with more emotions at the actual thought alone. They really were together, making a fool of me. I saw the signs, I saw the warning, everything that pointed to them having a secret, some sort of inside joke that I wasn't ever let in on, a kind of connection that they always had, one I restrained myself from questioning because they were my best friend and my fiance...

"I hated thinking about you and Hoseok. I felt terrible for even thinking of such a despicable thing, felt worse for forming connections between you two, you were my loving fiance, and he was my best friend, there was just no way, no fucking way that would be possible..." I can't keep it together even if I try, the recurring image of them together is stuck in my head, it's haunting, hurting. It makes me wonder what would have happened if I never found out, would I have went ahead and married a cheater? Would they have continued their affair behind my back, how long would it have lasted, how long has this even been going on.

Jungkook stares down at me, his doe eyes watering at my words. Odd, considering, he doesn't exactly care about what I feel.

"It was a mistake." He whispers.

"How long?" I am not interested in the excuses, and the reasons he has lined up, I don't want to hear why he did it, or for what. None of it is going to change the fact that he has been cheating on me, down to a few weeks before our wedding.

"Jin-"

"How long has this been going on, Jungkook." My voices raise at his attempt to dodge the question. He doesn't like it, or rather doesn't like the fact that he'll have to tell me how long he's been making a fool out of me. He can't lie to me either, I swear to god if he utters one more untruthful thing....

I stare him down, eyes watering at the guilt ridden face he has on. He's incredibly pale, a trait of his when he's nervous, panicked. It's been going on long, I can tell he's been cheating on me for a long time.

"Since we came back from the states." He forces out, and somehow my heart drops further than it already has, my chest tightens, and it pains at that. That's two years. Two fucking years I've lived with him while he plays me. I can't help the tears that stream my face, my head instinctively ducking down to hide, to hide from him. He doesn't care, he and Hoseok has probably been laughing behind my back, playing and having fun at my expense. They've probably been tittering at the idiocy I have been parading.

Oh, what did I think? That someone would want me, someone would fully want me with the baggage that I string along? The mental and emotional damage that I carry along, plus my son...

"So for two years, for two years you and Hoseok looked me in the face and you lied to me. You both cheated on me." My voice is barely above a whisper, pain, but incredible anger boiling inside of me at absurdity of the situation. I claw tightly at the sketching paper, the page ripping off the book, a lot like my heart that he's set on fire. It hurts, hurts badly to think that someone I have loved, and trusted this whole while would do this to me. I can't believe for two years, probably more than that, I have been living a lie, pretend, like a game, charades, if you will.

"So, for two years you'd tell me you loved me, and you'd tell him the same?" I look up to him, voice cracking and anger rising when I spot the wet streaks adorning his cheeks. Why is he crying, what reason would he have to shed tears, crocodile tears perhaps.

"For two years you'd make promises to me, and do the same to him?"

"of course not -" he cries, stretching out his hands for me, but I am not having it. I slap them away, standing to my feet, full on sobbing and itching to stay away from him. He lied to me, made a fool of me...

"You'd asked me to marry you, then you'd just go ahead and fuck him?" My throat burns down with the vulgar words, fingers clenching into fists as he moves forward to bring me into a tight hug. "It's over, we ended it, I swear." He begs, burying his teary face on my neck, holding me tight to him. "I swear we ended it, it's over, I am sorry." He pleads, but a part of me just withers, resides, and just sinks as he holds me, my brain shuts, and my body goes numb, making me calm, almost unfeeling.

They ended it. They ended it? After two whole years they just decided to end it, to finally put a stop to the game? And I am supposed to believe that? Not anymore, not another word from his mouth.

The only reason he is sorry is because they got caught, he's only apologetic because I now know, otherwise it would have continued, he would have let me marry him, and would have continued to cheat on me. To lie to me.

I honestly don't know what I have gotten myself into, how it even came to this point to begin with. I have allowed it, I guess. I've let him do this to me, I've let him do as he wishes, to hurt and wound me, but not anymore...I refuse to live this life longer, to play this game of his any longer.

Ignoring the please, the tears, and the clinging Jungkook tries, I pry him off me, stepping back and wrapping my hands around myself, trying to silence my sniffling.

"I don't know you anymore Kookie. Your cheating, your lying, and I don't know that side of you, or for how long you've had it."

"I love you, Jin. I would never lie to you." Despite the tears, I find the energy to scoff at that sentence, a sad laugh escaping my lips. Is he serious right now?

All he's done for two years is lie to me. Maybe even longer than that. I tilt my head aside, suddenly feeling nervous at the previous allegations of him having something to do with my and Namjoon's past. He's come up one too many times, and although I have tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, everything about him is looking truer by the second, especially with the revelation of his affair.

Jungkook is not who I thought he was.

"What more do you know about my past with Namjoon. What do you have to do with it?" I choke out, studying his face for any expression, my own eyes narrowing at him when he pauses, stiffens almost, his teary eyes hardening up instantly. I don't like it. I don't like the way he stops, or the look that takes over his face, certainty, and knowing.

I hate his posture, and the composure he suddenly gains.

Namjoon did mention that Jungkook knows something, but we hadn't gotten the chance to discuss it. My insides have been twisting, even more at the look on his face and the thoughts that I am brewing.

"Don't lie to me anymore, kook. Were you conspiring with my mother?" It's been the worst of my fears, the last thing I have wanted to imagine. If it's so, then I don't think I can handle it, I don't think I would stay sane at that.

He shakes is head in disagreement, and I am ashamed to say that I believe him with the mere look on his face. I can't find any reason not to, he promised me this before, and I somehow believe him, relief flooding over me, but a new sense of urgency taking over only seconds later when I realize I still don't know what he knows.

He looks at me hesitantly, and I hold his gaze, honestly, only a few seconds from smacking his face. Like I said, I am not the violent type, and I don't have a light hand either, but something about Jungkook and the things he's holding back, or has rather been hiding from me, just makes me boil in rage. Admittedly, it's because it concerns Namjoon, and our past, or one we could have had....but most of it is just the thought of him having been a stranger all this time, all this while.

"He looked for you, via your phone several times, but I didn't allow it." He says and I just freeze, eyes going wide at that. Namjoon looked for me and Jungkook hindered that? What does he mean he didn't allow it, how does he know? I don't get to wonder further as he steps in front of me, seemingly disregarding my shock, his face not apologetic in the slightest.

"He was gonna hurt you."

"And you thought you'd be the judge of that?" I whisper out, fresh tears coming out at the revelation. He knew Namjoon was looking for me, yet he kept him to himself, like it didn't matter despite my grieving, and my need for answers.
Why would he keep that to himself, was it because he had feelings for me, if so, why would he still cheat on me? Does he want to torture me, is that what the goal is, to make me suffer, because god knows it's working.

Seriously, who in the world have I been living with?

"I was protecting you, Jin. Namjoon was going to hurt you again."

"And your not?" Does he even listen to himself while he speaks. Trying to tell me that what he did for me was for my on good. I am not blind, I know he is very protective, or so I thought, and I can't deny he has looked out for me on numerous occasions, but this, this was for himself, he did this because it would benefit him.

"You lied to me, because it was for your own good. Like my mother, you did it for your selfish reasons."

"So your just going to believe what Kim tells you?" He questions suddenly, disbelief present on his face, eyebrows narrowing, and I have a hard time figuring why he is even asking in the first place, why he has that angered expression on, like he's been wronged, or like I am committing a crime by believing Namjoon.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't believe what he says?"

"Because I love you." He answers without missing a beat, and more tears escape me at all the possible times he said that without meaning it. Fair words, enough to settle me, like a kid with their toy. He's played me all this time, made a fool of me with those words, those three words.

"Your cheating on me with my best friend, Jungkook. What kind of love is that, what kind of love allows you to hurt me like that, like what I feel doesn't matter to you?" I say out to him with resolve, tone hard but words sounding hurt. He's hurting me, he's been for a while, and a part of me is starting to think Jungkook might have been the worst decision I ever made, even worse than keeping Jeonghan from Namjoon.

I let him into my life, into my son's life, let him care for us, and promise us a future with him, only for him to ruin it, burn all of it down like it never even mattered to begin with. I could take it, but what about Jeonghan, what would he think having Jungkook as a father. Sure, Jungkook raised him, in the best way possible, that I can't deny, but the things he's done, the lies he's led me to believe and to live. How can I ever continue to let this go on.

He doesn't seem to agree, doesn't seem to think the same as I do, and he grabs my arm just as I make to leave his presence, grip strong, not bruising, but uncomfortable, nonetheless. His teary eyes narrow once more, and for a split second I catch a glimpse of anger in them, lips twisting into a frown as he holds my gaze. "And now what, your just going to run back into his arms?"

After everything that he has put me through, not only today, not only for his the two cheating years, but all this while, he has the audacity to look me in the eyes, and utter indirect accusations at me. He has the boldness to think he gets a say, or an opinion on what I choose to do after this. Even if we assumed his practical view for a second, he still has no right whatsoever to ask of my plans, especially with what he's been doing behind my back.

"What do you care, you have a lover, don't you?" The spiteful words rolls off my tongue with a lot of resentment, eyes glaring at him, and the grip he has on me, warning.

"Get your hands off me, Jungkook."

"You can't leave me." He says lowly, eyes brewing with tears when I raise a challenging brow at him return. He doesn't get to make requests let alone demands, and expect something of them. He lost that right the moment he stepped out of the union we have.

"You should have thought of that before you went out to sleep with Hoseok." I pull back my arm from his grip, feeling heavy hearted as I walk out of the room, out of whatever this is, whatever I've been living.