Seokjin.

This is probably the bitchiest I have ever looked in my life. The shades, the mask, the hat, the outfit, and the attitude, just screams bitch energy to everyone. I don't purposefully intend to be mean, or unaccommodating, but everything about this morning just pushes on my buttons. I am on edge, with an acute paranoia, worried, and seemingly just irked by the numerous eyes on me. It's almost like they know, I feel like they do, and the sheer thought of everyone knowing about my family business, and the obvious need they would have to contribute to it, just makes me sick, it makes me want to scream at everyone to mind their business or to get back to work or something...

I avoid it though, the mental breakdown that I am dew for, and make my way to my office. Everyone seems alarmed by my silence and the permanent scowl that has taken my face, and they thankfully stay out of my way, and my business, scurrying off to their work posts, and pretending to be busy. Works for me.

I didn't get any sort of sleep last night, not even a wink. I couldn't bring myself out of my thoughts or rather the thoughts of Jungkook and Hoseok, and all night I lived through that nightmare. The horrid images of them together, the secrets, the hiding, and the lies Jungkook has been feeding me all this while. I thought about what he said about knowing of Namjoon's attempts to reach me, and how calmly he stopped that, and it made me wonder what more he knows, or if someone else knows. What if Hoseok knows, what if Jungkook and him have been aware all this time, and they've collectively agreed to keep it from me, to hurt me.

It's far fetched, but I wouldn't be surprised, wouldn't bat an eye if their goal, all this time, has been to keep Namjoon from me, to torture me. I am just at that point, one where nothing surprises me anymore, I am numb, I am gone, and I just don't know anything anymore.

I couldn't stand listening to Jungkook any further yesterday, couldn't stand his lies and the reality of just who is, and in turn I had locked myself in a random room, one where he couldn't get me, and my son wouldn't see or hear me balling. I didn't want to hear anything from him this morning either, and I made it clear to him to steer clear of my path, and stay away from me.

I am still thinking of my way forward, or what to do about all this, and until then, until I find all the answers that I seek, and until everything straightens out, I want little to nothing of Jungkook. I can't pretend anymore, or act like everything is fine, when it's not. Perhaps that might be damaging to our reputation, or the huge partnership that we have going on with BigHit, but I just can't, it was bad enough with Namjoon and Jeonghan, and now this? I can't keep up.

I take off my mask, my hat and sunglasses, throwing them on the couch, before settling on my desk, just in time for Hoseok to come into my office. The reaction is timely, and oddly my breath just catches in my throat, emotions chocking me at the sight of him. Oh, the audacity to show himself so casually, acting so timid and fearful, apologetic and ashamed. He has the audacity to look guilty, to be so careful albeit the devil he is.

He walks into my office, Jimin in tow, looking close to him than ever, and the sight just makes me sick, it makes me wonder if he knows too, if perhaps Hoseok has told him about his escaped with Jungkook, if maybe he's been a secret genie for them, the look out, seeing as he's Hoseok's new best friend.

Great! More backstabbing bitches.

I can't help myself as my eyes rake over him, over his posture and his lean figure. All night I spent wondering why Jungkook had chosen him, what it was about him that I lacked so much that my boyfriend just had to seek from him. Well, he's is gorgeous, the few of many people that I know that look so stunning. He looks great, better than me in every way, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was what kept Jungkook on his toes. Glued and satisfied. It makes me want to cry, to throw a fit and throw the both of them out of my office. The nerve to show himself here after what he did, to look like he needs a chance, an opportunity to explain.

I minimise the eye contact, honestly not ready to face Hoseok, or to hear whatever he might want to say. I still can't wrap my head around him and Jungkook, and it just makes me lack the knowledge of how I should act or react. He, however, steps forward, right next to my desk, breathing audibly, his eyes searching mine.

"I need the final draft on the initial launch, I need the planning progress, and the budget, get them to me now." I say to Jimin, rather stern, eyes narrowing at him when he pauses to look at Hoseok for a second. Hoseok nods to him, like a secret message, or reassurance or something, more secrets and secret alliances.

He finally leaves, and I draw out the files on my desk, the ones I need Hoseok to go through, placing them in front of him. We were friends first, but we are colleagues too, workmates and despite the personal disrespect he's shown me, he still works for me, and I am not going to allow him to ruin my hard work like he's ruined my life.

"I need the complied list of every guest invited for the launch, I need the corresponding one from BigHit, and I need a report on how far we are with -"

"Can we talk?" He interrupts, rather rudely to me, and I fight the urge to glare at him, looking up to meet his weary gaze for the first time since he walked in.

"About work, yes. We are far behind schedule, and I need everything in place." I don't want to talk about what's pending between us. I don't want to address the betrayal, let alone acknowledge the tension in here. I can't think of this anymore, I'll go crazy if I do.

"I can't about work, I quit." He forces out, looking away temporarily when my eyes meet his. Would you look at that. Quit. He quit? Why is that? And why now? "Excuse me?" I scoff, finding it funny that suddenly he wants to quit. He can't quit, not without a replacement, or a notice of doing so. I can't tolerate that kind of incompetence, I don't care if he's ashamed of what he's done.

"I filed in my resignation letter two weeks ago, it ought to be on your desk, you must have missed it." He clarifies, determined. So he's been thinking about this, about leaving. I can't explain why there is suddenly fury inside of me, rage at the thought of him having planned this along time ago. He was just going to leave, just like that? Was he escaping, eloping with Jungkook?

He seems to read my thoughts, and he draws in a breath, eyes watering.
"I couldn't face you, couldn't stand seeing you get married after what I did."

"So you were just going to let me marry him?" I vowed not to speak of this, but maybe he actually needs to give me an explanation as to why he would do this, why he would betray me like that, throw away the friendship we've built all these years. What did I do to him for him to loath me like that, to disrespect me like that.

"You actually think I believe that, that you were just going to disappear after everything you did with him?"

"He loves you-"

"Yet you still found your way with him. Why is that, why him. Of all the people you could have, why would you choose Jungkook?" My voice shakes as I confront him, tone and emotions rising as he sniffles, crying and looking ashamed.

He has no right to look remorseful, no right to look like he's sorry, like he regrets what he's done, because god knows he doesn't. If he at all felt any type of guilt for what he did, it would have stopped the moment it happened, the first time it happened. He has no explanation as to why this would go on for two years, he can never tell me why he would carry on an affair with my fiance for years, and he knows it...

"It just happened, and I couldn't stop, couldn't help myself. I swear it ate at me that I was hurting you, it hurt me to think I was betraying you." He cries.

"Oh, that makes everything better, it's totally fine because you felt a sense of guilt doing it, that makes me feel so much better." I can't help the sarcasm as I glare at him, unable to keep my tears as well. I still can't figure it out, Hoseok of all people. The most humble, the most trusting, respecting and mindful friend I have ever had. He's my confidant, the very person I have told everything about me, yet he's the one who does this to me, I still can't figure where he got the guts to do that, or what would drive him to do so in the first place.

He's not the jealous type, he's not a back stabbing friend, or one to selfishly take from people. He has never purposefully hurt me, or think solely of his himself. He would never knowingly humiliate me, or lust over my love interests, and most importantly, he would never agree to be anyone's side hoe, that's just too much of a stretch for him, too many things to risk on his part, he's not like that, that I can say confidently.

I still remember when he befriended me seven years ago, taught me how to be street smart, how to be aggressive, and how to survive. I still remember how he supported my first love, how he gave me advice, and how he would go to the ends of the world to hurt anyone who ever hurt me.

When did that change, when did I become his enemy, someone he barely regarded how they felt?

He gathers himself, shuddering as a sob leaves him, wiping his cheeks, and looking up at me just as more well up. I have never seen him so devastated, so broken.

"I don't expect you to ever forgive me, I wouldn't deserve it anyway. What I've done to you is merciless, unforgivable, and I understand if you never want to see me in this life again. I just want you to know that I am sorry for having caused you this pain, you and Jeonghan. I am sorry for ruining your family. I never meant to hurt you, or to cause you any harm. It was so selfish of me to want him the way I did. I let my emotions take over me, and run over what was rational, and moral." Emotions, what emotions would he possibly have over Jungkook? You know what, I don't want to know, what matters is he still did it, for years, and I sat here sharing each an every thing with him. I let him in on every little detail about me and Jungkook.

I let him in on my dreams and my family hopes, trusted him with my secret thoughts, ideas, and everything concerning my relationship with Jungkook, yet he did me this way. He's right, he doesn't deserve forgiveness, doesn't deserve me as his friends, or Jeonghan as his nephew, he doesn't deserve anything from, not even sympathy or pity.

"You and Jungkook deserve each other, you know. Your backstabbing asses ought to be together, perhaps fall in love and stay in your backstabbing world. I trusted you, not only with my life, but my son's too. I loved you, cared for you, and let you in my home, yet this is how you repay me." He doesn't deny it, doesn't regard my statements, only whimpers, nodding along.

Oddly, I don't want him to agree with me, I don't want him to concur with my vile statements, or accept it. I want him to deny it, to fight me on this, disagree, just anything to tell me otherwise, but he just stands there, crying and agreeing with everything.

"Your right. You doesn't deserve my forgiveness, my sympathies, or my mercies. You despicable for ever thinking of Jungkook, let alone being with him. I can't believe you'd get the audacity to fuck my fiance, for two years behind my back. Your ruthless for lying to me about our friendship, for letting me fool myself with you, and for letting me stay with a cheater. Your heartless, and I never want to see your miserable excuse of a life near me again."

I don't know if I mean whatever I just ranted out, I don't think it's true what I just said, but I can't help myself, the pain that him and Jungkook has caused me, and in turn, I just want him to feel a bit of, a slight fraction of what I am going through. I want him to know how much it hurts, even though I know I can never truly hurt him back.

I could never wish him bad, or even to never see him again, because a stupid part of me knows he's my best friend, he's guided me through a lot, and I can never discard him. A stupid part of me feels like he's a victim in this too, like he's possibly been fooled as well, or has possibly fallen prey to Jungkook's lies.

I can't shake off the horrid thought of him being in love with Jungkook or possibly feeling something of him that would lead him to do all these things. Infatuation, or full blown loving. And that, admittedly, hurts me, the thought of him being in love with the man I love.

I know some people wouldn't believe me when I say I love Jungkook, but it's true. Maybe I don't love him like I did Namjoon, and maybe I am not literally in love with him, but I did love him, I cherished him as my partner, respected him as my lover, and adored him for being there for Jeonghan, and to see someone else hurting this badly over him, pained, and visibly stricken by emotions at all this, it hurts.

It irks me that someone else has loved Jungkook too and that, just had to be Hoseok. My best friend just had to fall in love with the jerk that's cheating on me, two-timing us. I hate that my life came to this, hate that this is how we all are now...

Hoseok stares at me one last time, whimpering, and struggling to get another word it, but I don't want to hear, don't want to hear what a horrible friend I was to miss the signs, the clear indications of what he feels for Jungkook.

"Get out of my office." I say to him, trying to calm, and trying to keep a stoic face, despite the need to breakdown. He glances at me, guilty, and ashamed, before ducking his head, nodding to himself, and turning on his heels. My chest tightens with emotions at the sight of him leaving, leaving my life, and my eyes well up with fresh tears at the reality that is facing us.

I have lost my fiance, my best friend, Namjoon, and I'll possibly loose my son too in the coming days. What more is there to live for, what I am here for if the universe doesn't allow any sort of happiness.

Hoseok opens the door to leave, but he freezes in place at the surprised figure on the other side. I hold my breath too, trying to compose myself, having forgotten we are still in the office. I've probably been yelling, angrily, and maybe now, everyone has heard.

Hoseok's makes his way out of the door, ignoring a perplexed Taehyung, who seemingly heard the encounter, if the horrid look on his face is anything to go by. I haven't wanted to face the Kim's, especially Taehyung, knowing well he must probably hate me for what my mother did to him, and what I did to his brother in turn.

I robbed him of a nephew too, and I know, just like his brother he probably loathes me, and maybe he is here to let me hear it. I wouldn't deny him the chance, or the opportunity to let me get it straight. I have owned up my end of fault, and I am ready to take responsibility for that, whatever it entails.

"I wasn't eavesdropping, and I didn't mean to interrupt you either, I just...I  happened to be here." He offers, rumbling like always, fidgeting and a little nervous. I nod to him, smiling a little to get him to ease, moving to the table to pick on box of tissues.

I am honestly not bummed that he might have heard, or knows about my personal problems. At this point I am just going, come what may...

"Is there something I can help with?" I ask, and he takes in an audible breath, a frown gradually taking his face, eyes narrowing.

"My brother is missing, would you happen to know where he is?" He utters lowly, and the blood in my veins just freeze, ears ringing, and hands going numb. What does he mean. Is he in danger, did something happen to him, why is he missing?

"I don't think anything bad happened to him, or so I hope..." He is quick to correct, pursing his lips, visibly swallowing.
"He sent me a text to tell me he is ok, but I haven't seen or heard from him since. You were the last person he talked to."

The last time I talked to Namjoon, was three days ago, when we spoke at the hotel, about...about Jeonghan. The last time I saw him was when he stormed off, angry, and hurt. God, did something happen to him, did he do something to himself, is he ok?

"I don't know what you two spoke about, but nobody has seen him since, and his phone doesn't go through anymore. Do you know where he might be, or where he might be hiding, or why he might want to hide at all. We have looked everywhere but we can't find him anywhere..." His voice cracks as he looks at me, and my heart drops at the thought of something happening to Namjoon, all because of me, and what he learnt the other day. What if something bad happened to him. What if he's laying in a ditch somewhere, injured, hurt, or worse...

"You know him a lot, don't you? Is there anywhere he would want to be, somewhere you know of that he might want to hide in?" Do I? Namjoon isn't one to hide, but at the same time the magnitude of what we talked about the other day, the weight of everything he found out, is enough to make one snap, go insane, do something crazy...

I don't think I could ever forgive myself if something were to happen to him, if somehow he would wound up in danger or hurt than he already is. It would all be because of me, because of what I did to him, and I don't think I could live with that. I don't realize I have spaced out, or that I am incredibly shaking, until Taehyung extends out a hand to my shoulder, gripping me, and bringing me back to reality.

He looks at me panicked, worried, and I realise I am not making anything any better by getting anxious.

"I don't know. I don't know where he could be." It hurts as it leaves my mouth, and I almost shed tears at the thought of not knowing where he is, or my inability to think of where he could be. I don't know if it's because I am panicked right now and have a lot on my mind, or if it's because I don't know him anymore. The latter doesn't sit well with me, and I stalk back to my desk, sitting down and raking my brain for anything.

I need to find him, need to find out his where bouts. I wouldn't be able to bare it if something were to happen to him.

Remember to vote 💜💜💜💜