Seokjin.

Solar snickers beside me, that type of laugh that comes out just seconds before you turn mad, sour and angry, and I have to hold her hand and prevent her from launching onto Jungkook, because god knows she would do it.
"You really have some nerve showing your face here." She says, scratching the back of her head, still itching to claw at Jungkook.

I don't know what Jungkook is doing here, I made it clear that it would only be Jeonghan and me for this play date, and if he thinks showing up here unannounced, like a surprise kind of a thing - is a good trick to get me back, just because he is doing it in front of my son, then he is in for a rude awakening.

I don't want to disturb the kids or alert them of anything, so I casually step outside, pulling Solar with me, and closing the door behind us. "What are you doing here Kook?" I ask incredulously, a little angry at whatever reason he would have to budge in on my time like this. He looks at me hesitantly, apologetically, his red rimmed eyes welling with tears, and despite the ache that bubbles in my chest at the sight of him so broken and torn, I can't find it in myself to show him any pity. He looks weary, tired, like he hasn't gotten any sleep, which wouldn't surprise me because I don't think he came home last night, but a part of me, a stubborn part of me won't allow me to feel anything other than the pain that he's caused me.

"Can I talk to you?"

"And you think this is the best place for that, you thought you'd ambush me here, so I would say yes?" I reprimand, but he doesn't seem faced, if anything he only shrinks further in himself, his disheveled appearance the least of concerns as he breaks out a sob.

Jungkook has always been strong, in front of me at least, and to see him just breaking a part like that, so easily, and painfully, makes me worry. He can't be faking it, not this kind of emotion, and I shift on my feet, glancing at Solar whose equally surprised but nonetheless unfazed

"I -its not about us, it's..." He pauses, pursuing his lips, glancing up at me, almost defeated, and I have half a mind to comfort him. "I don't know what to do."  He cries again, and I am as confused as anyone can be, not sure he still referring to our situation.

"I know what you should do?" Solar let's out sassily beside me, rolling his eyes, but we don't get to hear the other part of it, as the familiar car from earlier, opens up, and I realize just why I seemed to recognize it. It's Namjoon's, and he gingerly walks out of it, looking around before his eyes halt at the scene on Solar's front door.

I did allow him an invite, I owe him that much, and I ought to meet my end of the promise, but this isn't the best scene, not with Jungkook here, and not with things seeming like this.

I unconsciously tense in my shoes, not sure what to expect with these two, or even how to behave with both my kid's father standing in one spot.
Jungkook turns his head to meet Namjoon, narrowing his eyes at the man, confused for a second before he turns to me, doing the same, the wheels in his head silently turning.

"You told him about Jeonghan." It's a statement, a revelation, more to himself than us, and we all catch it, including Namjoon who is yet to say a word, silently reeling in anger, if his clenched jaw is anything to go by. I don't think this is what he expected to be met with when he left his business to come here, and I completely understand his anger, walking in on Jungkook, who he harbours more than hatred for.

"I am still Jeonghan father as well, you could have at least told me." He's right, I can't deny that, but he didn't give me time, or the opportunity to share with him that information, because he was busy eloping with my best friend, having the time of their lives in my cottage home, pleasing themselves to niceties, so he has no right, absolutely non to demand a place, when he didn't care about it, or the kid he left behind.

"You need to go Jungkook, we'll talk later." I state determined, desperate to get him out of here, to control the situation, and to dissipate the tension that is starting to suffocate all of us. I glance to Namjoon, and he's clearly on his last strand, pocketing his hands, eyes averting, before glaring at Jungkook in annoyance.

Jungkook doesn't seem to care the daggers Namjoon glares at him, and he makes the mistake of challengingly staring him down as he turns around, his timid posture from before gone as  he comes face to face with the one man he should try steer clear of at this moment.

The next seconds move by in a spur, so many things happen at the same time, and the world around me just stops spinning for a second, tumbling instead, before it comes to a halt. My phone avidly rings in my back pocket, and I make to get it, but for that split second that I am distracted, Namjoon swings back an arm, his fist landing squarely on Jungkook's face, the punch sending the latter reeling on the grass.

I don't anticipate it, or maybe it's because I have been accustomed to Namjoon's slow sipping patience that I didn't think he would actually give in to his anger right now. Solar gasps beside me, holding back a scream, and I only have but a second to hold Namjoon back from jumping onto Jungkook to ravish him again.

I feel the anger radiating off him in waves, fury burning into me as he fumes in my arms, and I know the only reason I am able to hold him back is because he lets me. He is an animal right now, and my own eyes water at as I look up to him, pleading with him, knowing well I am part of that anger he is drowning in.

I hear Jungkook groan in pain as he staggers to his feet, and in my peripheral view I get to see Solar helping him up, holding onto him while simultaneously keeping an eye on the door, the only barrier keeping us away from the kids.

"The only reason I am not killing you right now is because of those kids in there, otherwise I swear to you Jeon..." It's a stern warning, but Jungkook is a bit out of it to pay attention, or he just doesn't care as he wipes the red painting the corner of his lips, hard eyes still glaring back at Namjoon.

"What kind of a man are you, really? You have the nerve to ask why I know about my son, my own son, the same one you're hurting, and continue to with you lies?" There is very sort of emotion and pain in his voice, and I am ashamed to be the source of that, of everything that's hurting him right now.

I can still feel how tense he is, and I know is he barely done with Jungkook, or his anger for that matter, and for that he is likely to break anytime again without thinking, and the last thing I want is for them to go at each other in front of my son. I don't want that kind of violence near my baby.

My gaze locks onto his, and despite the tears and the fear that I feel for him being this angry at me, I keep it determined, eyes hard as I stare up at him. His own dilated eyes gaze at me steadily despite his heaving chest, and the rage that is emitting from him. My fingers clawing to his button up shirt. Desperate."You can do whatever you want, to however you want, just not in front of our son." I whisper to him, still begging with my eyes.

He could hurt me if he wants to, do anything that will relieve him of his anger, just not in front of Jeonghan. His gaze surprisingly softens, and he visibly calms down under my touch, blinking back his rage, eyes looking away, almost like he's hiding it from me. I don't remember much of him being angry from back then, I don't remember seeing him this way, and although he tries to hide it from me, a part of me wants to search his eyes once more, just for a second longer for some weird reason...

"I am sorry." He lets out before I do anything, gulping, a hand going through his hair as he steps back from me. Distantly, I hear my phone still ringing, probably the fourth call now, and I pick it up, a little surprised to see all the missed calls from Jimin. I haven't been to the office in days, and although Hoseok isn't there to handle everything, and Jungkook isn't present either, they could totally handle whatever obstacle that comes their way without us.

I receive the call, keeping an eye out for the two that I am still standing between, already feeling apologetic for causing Solar all the trouble.

"Hello, sorry Jimin, I can't talk right now..." I make my haste known, half wondering why he would be blowing up my phone like this. I am however taken back by the sound of sniffling and crying on the other side, and am I quick to alert, my stomach filling up with butterflies.

"Calm down Jimin, I can't hear you..." I sound out worried, shifting on my feet as the noise on the other side prevails. I can barely make our the words he speaks as he sobs, but I catch the bits that says Hobi, and my stomach drops further as he explains, or tries to, my knees almost giving out to the pressure, the news.

"Is he ok?" I ask despite the clear picture he is painting, panicked eyes somehow just finding Jungkook's in the little crowd we've formed. He perks up, and I see fear writing on his face, eyes suddenly widening fearfully at the way I am looking at him. I don't mean to frighten him, but I think we all have every reason to be scared right now.

"W- what hospital?" I ask out loudly, and this time Jungkook walks to me, just in time for Namjoon to step into my line of sight, a worried Solar beside him. "I'll be there now, ok, just wait for me, please." I say hastily, panic settling for me as I hang up, confusion, and hot tears brewing a fresh.

"What's going on?" Jungkook is the first to ask, and I run a hand through my own hair, already feeling tremendous guilt, pain. The words stick to my throat, my head swirling as I look at the three of them, the very people who ought to be with him but are all here right now, with me, this is all my fault...

"Jin, what's wrong?" Namjoon repeats, and I wake up, wiping away the wetness, only for more to come rushing.

"It's Hoseok. They just took him to the hospital, he overdosed."

The words come out me strangely, and it feels like the heaviest, weirdest words I have spoken in my life. Hoseok? Overdose? How?
Jungkook visibly stiffens beside me, they all do, and myself I blank for a few seconds, confused, and senseless.

"Go, I'll watch over the kids." Solar offers immediately, although she looks just as puzzled as I am, her own eyes watering at the news. Jungkook just blanks, he goes rigid and just stands there like statue, eyes wide and stiff. He looks shocked, deeply shocked, and for a split second there I think of what it would do it him if we lost Hoseok. Oddly, I feel already hurt for him than for myself, like losing him would be robbing him more than it would be robbing me of my friend.

And the reason as to why we would be losing him to begin with? I can already feel the guilt, and I see it all over Jungkook's face too, the utter fear and the same guilt.
"I'll drive." Namjoon mutters beside me, and amongst the three of us non of us have the energy, or the time to argue and object since he's the only one close enough to reality right now. I bid a silent goodbye to a shaky  Solar, before the three of us silently pile up into Namjoon's car, the quiet, more frightening that was is to come.

Needless to say we are all thinking different, but the same thoughts, having different but somehow similar fears. My own head is filled with thoughts of things I don't want to think of but can't avoid at the same time. Did he do it? If he did, was it purposeful? If it was, what was the reason? Was it me, was it because of what I said? Did he not want to continue living on after what I said?

I fidget in my seat, my nails digging into the palm of my hands, teeth biting away the inside of my lips, the metallic taste filling my mouth. I can't stop thinking about our last encounter, and everything that I said to him that must have driven him off the cliff. All that pain and anger, and all the loneliness he must have had after that.

He's basically been by himself, because I took everyone from him, from Solar, his best friend who he could confide in, to Jungkook, his lover who has been with me since, and Jimin? Who I have insisted finish up on the late projects, and work over time because we are short of staff since he left, or  even Namjoon, who he could resort too at difficult times, but couldn't at that moment because of what Namjoon was going through. If something happens to him it's because of me, because I drove him to it.

Unbeknownst to me, Jungkook is thinking the exact same way, about every last thing he could have done that would have caused Hoseok to do that, everything that he has avoided these last few days that has brought us here.

Jungkook is the first to jump out when we get to the hospital, and I follow, both of us spamming the receptionist immediately, the poor woman typing away to his computer as we wait impatiently. Namjoon joins after a quick parking, all of putting pressure on the woman who only shakes her head, looking at the monitor one last time before glancing up.

"I am sorry. There are no updates yet on Jung Hoseok. He's in the intensive care unit right now, please do wait in the waiting area down the hall for the time being."

"How long ago did they bring him in?" Jungkook sounds.

"Forty five minutes ago, Sir. Please wait in the waiting area. I'll be sure to let you know when there is anything." She concludes, subtly shooing us away, Jungkook who isn't so convinced, or satisfied with that information, clinging to the desk, like she has all the answers on her monitor, yet she's hiding them.

"Let's go." Namjoon says beside me, his hand coming around my wrist, his warmth sipping into me as he leads the way to the ICU waiting area. It's the least of comfort that I have right now, so I don't shy from it, knowing well I'll be needing it in the coming days, regardless of how this goes.

Jimin is curled up on one of the chairs as we walk in, and my breath hitches in my throat at his crying, knowing well I'll be doing the same in just a few minutes. He looks up, his swollen eyes dancing between the three of us, hiccups leaving his lips every other second.

"What happened to him?" Jungkook is the first to voice, plopping down on a chair beside Jimin, sounding desperate. The smaller looks hesitant, overwhelmed, and as much as I want to comfort him, I am no better myself.

The last thing I thought I would be doing would be going to a hospital on this Saturday.

"I don't know. I found him unconscious in his couch, pale, and cold, with all these different pills and empty pill bottles. The nurse said he overdosed, that's all I know." It's vague, and the only thing it does is bring me more worry and fear, heart racing at the description.

Its probably another hour or so of torture, where doctors and nurses just rush in and out of the room that Hoseok is supposedly in, all of them whiffing away without any news whatsoever. Its tense, chocking, and I don't know how much I cry, or how many times Jungkook paces around but at the end of it I am numb, I am just gone and the only thing whirling on my mind is what Hoseok must have been thinking while did it. How much of a monster he must have made of me to have wanted to go from this world.

It's troubling, too troubling, and I just curl into ball like Jimin, down to the second a doctor approaches us, his scrubs coming off as he rounds the corner and into the spacious compartment. There is something about how he looks that just scares me, something about how he avoids our gazes or how he somehow gauges the closest between us to Hoseok that doesn't sit well with me.

Warm fingers lock into mine beside me, and I look down to my hand, instantly recognizing Namjoon's fingers, and the little squeeze that follows after, the same one he always gave me in any dire situation, the same one that comforted and reassured me whenever I was loosing, a reminder of his presence.

But nothing at all could comfort me or reassure me as the doctor looks amongst us, back to his hands hesitantly, before uttering those three words that send me out to the darkness.

"I am sorry."