Gray Fullbuster

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(Y/n) - your name

(B/f/n) - best friends name (girl)

What is depression, is it when you feel like a failure to your parents? Is it when you're insecurities about yourself consumes you? Things like I'm ugly, I'm so fat, no one will like me, they are just being my friends cause they pity me, things like that? Is it when you are scared to fall in love? When you build up a wall around your heart and you wake up every day, faking things like your smile and laughter? Is it when you don't even seem to know what the real you is like? Maybe, just maybe, my life isn't as bright as I thought it was. Listening to music, that's the only thing keeping me sane in this world, reading fanfictions with loveable male characters and a depressed reader. Somehow, relating to the feelings to that reader. Mind blank and empty, not a single emotion to be felt besides sadness.

Tears threaten to escape and trickle down my cheeks as I read. Only problem is, that I'm reading a happy part. I look around my classmates to see if anyone notices my shaking hands. I pack my stuff quietly and quickly, making sure to not have any attention on me. I get up slowly and head to the teacher at the front of the classroom.

"Yes (y/n)?"

"May I go to the bathroom please?" I quietly whisper, my hair covering my glassy eyes. The teacher nods and signs my diary before I head out. I instantly put my earphones on, blasting the music. Closing the door behind me, I take off in a sprint. I head outside, not wanting to see another passing student. What is wrong with me!? I head to the library and hide out there. Why did I just start crying!? I sigh as I sit down, taking out my book once again. Even though I have many friends, even though I am happy, there's that doubt. I'm not normally someone who has depression, but taking multiple tests seems to change my mind. Somewhere in between moderate and severe. Stupid right, to believe some test on the internet, but I can't help but feel constantly sad.

I sigh as I take out my homework from maths in the morning today and start working on it. No, I'm not a nerd, in fact, I hate doing work, but I want to have my free time when I get home. I hear a chair scrape in front of me and I ignore the person. Maybe they just want to sit down. I continue working, my mind going to dark places. No, not the suicidal thoughts, I've never had one of those before, even though I seem to be depressed. I hear a cough and I continue to ignore the person. Maybe they are just clearing their throat. The coughing gets louder and I stop. I look up to see that it was Gray Fullbuster. The school's most popular guy. All in all, a playboy. I look at him with no emotion on my face at all.

I am only happy around my friends, laughing and smiling along with them, having not a single care in the world. It's like all my doubts fly out the window. But when I'm alone and I get back home, they resurface. I'm normally cold to new people, especially guys. Reason for this is cause I have trust issues, even with my own friends. Sometimes I wonder if they are only my friends cause they pity me. But no matter what, I'll never let them down, never hurt them, even if they might hurt me in the future. I blink once, twice, trying to figure out why Gray is here.

"This seat taken?" I shake my head no. Another trait that I seem to have is to look like one of those quiet girls. But in fact, I'm loud and boisterous around my friends. When I'm without them, I just seem to shut down. I turn back to working on my homework when I hear another cough. I look up again, feeling scared. What does he want with me? I look around to see if Gray's friends are around. Maybe this is some sort of dare. I turn back to see Gray leaning in his chair, smirking. I narrow my eyes at him and put down my pen.

"What do you want?" my voice hard, cold and unwavering. This shocks Gray almost out of his seat. Ok, that was funny. He sits up straight, smirking again.

"What is a pretty girl like you sitting here alone for?" my chest burns when he says that. I'm not pretty. I'm not beautiful. I've never been able to handle compliments like that, fake or real. Whenever they are said to me, it just feels like they are forced to say it, like they don't mean it, even if my friends say this. I just shrug it off, saying shut up or something along those lines. I frown as I start packing my bag and get up. Gray watches with shocked eyes. "Wait, is it something I said?" I walk away before shouting over my shoulder.

"I'm not going to be your next toy you playboy." tears threaten to spill as the lunch bell rings. Turning up the music, I let myself get drowned.

"Oh, My, God." one of my friends smirk at me along with the others. I look at them confused. What is up with them?

"(y/n). Tell us the truth. Did Gray sit down with you in the library?" another asks.

"Yeah. So what?" they laugh out loud.

"But it was the Gray. You didn't even stick around and talk with him!?" I shake my hand. I notice my best friend out of the group walk up to me. I wave and she smirks back.

"Hey (b/f/n)." I hi-five her.

"Nice job on keeping out the playboys (y/n)." I smirk at her and nod.

"Yep. Don't need no man in our lives. We ladies don't like to mingle. We are single pringles, right?"

"Yep." we both laugh, the others joining in. "Curious. What did you say to him?"

"Told him that I'm not going to be his new toy you playboy." everyone else gasps whereas (b/f/n) bursts out laughing. I laugh as well.

"I taught you well young grasshopper."

"Yes sensei." I said, bowing playfully. Suddenly the laughing quiets down and I look up to see what happened. All my friend's eyes were averted to something behind me. Who is it? I turn around and my emotionless face comes back. Gray. He smiles down at me warmly.

"Hey (y/n). Can I talk to you?"

"No." my friends, except for a smirking (b/f/n), gasps. Gray looks at me shocked. I place my hands on my hips and glare at him.

"But, it's really important." he pressures me.

"Fine. go ahead."

"Um, alone." the bell rings, signally the end of lunch and beginning of last period of school.

"No. (b/f/n). Let's go. We have class." I turn around and smile at (b/f/n) and she smiles back sympathetically. She swings an arm around my shoulders and we walk off, leaving a baffled Gray.

Its World History and I'm stuck with the playboy. That's right, I forgot I had him in my class. I don't listen to the teacher as I lean back in my chair. I sit at the front of the class and I start reading. The teacher completely ignores me as he continues with his lecture. One good thing that I call a superpower, is my so-called invisibility. The teachers don't notice me and even the students don't notice me. But, I wish it would work on my parents. I wish I can just hide from them. The pressure of getting good grades, the pressure to meet up to their standards, the pressure of getting top class marks. They always compare me with others, finding even the tiniest flaw and shaming me about it. The verbal abuse I receive every day, the comments of how worthless I am, hurts. It hurts so much. But I try to not let it get to me. I bottle up my feelings around them, the bottle growing larger and larger. My friends don't know what it's like at home besides (b/f/n). She knows what it's like. No wonder she's my bestie.

My thoughts circle around the test results we were going to get back at the end of the lesson. Oh no. I am a top-notch student. I work hard and I study and I get good marks. And by good, I mean marks that are higher than 50%. I'm happy with my scores if they are higher than that but my parents can't just understand, that I have weaknesses and strengths. I can't always ace every single test and report. My hands start to shake as my mind imagines the verbal abuse I was going to receive from my parents. Tears threaten to spill as I sniffle. I try to take a deep breath but I let out a shaky one instead. I feel someone tap my shoulder and I wipe away my tears. Don't let them see you cry. I turn to see that it was Gray. My eyes widen and I look away. I put my hand up.

"Yes (y/n)?"

"May I go to the bathroom?" you squeak out.

"Yes you can." The teacher nods and you pack your stuff, seeing as there are only ten minutes till the school ends. I run to my locker and pack my bag. As I turn around I bump into someone. I look up to see Gray staring down at me with concerned eyes. He's just acting. He doesn't care about you. He's just being nice. I run away but someone grabs my wrist.

"Let me go!" my mind circles with thoughts. You're not important. You're invisible. No one likes you. They all pity you. You're ugly. You're not pretty. Everyone is just putting up with you. No one wants you around. You are just a burden. Tears finally spill down your cheeks as you cry for the first time in years. Gray turns me around and hugs me. I hate being hugged. I hate the comfort it gives. Hate the body heat. Hate the person giving it to me. Hate that he is a playboy. Hate that he stole my heart from the first glance. Hate that he's still hugging me. I hit his chest, trying to make Gray let me go.

"No."

"Let me go!" I wail out as Gray hugs me tighter. "Please." I let him hug me as I grab his hoodie.

"No." he says as he buries his head in my hair.

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"I have a soft spot for crying girls." I tense up. Is this some way to flirt with me? Is he trying to take advantage of me? "And because I care about you." I stiffen up completely. I finally push Gray away from holding my bag to my chest. He's lying. No one cares for you. He's doing this out of pity. No one cares about you. He's just doing this to look good. No one will love you. I glare at him, my lips wavering. He takes a step forward and I take one back.

"You're lying." Gray looks at me with honesty in his eyes and something else. Something I've never seen before.

"No I'm not." he takes another step and I back away.

"Stay away from me. You play with girls feelings. I'm not falling for it." the wall around my heart hardens as I scrutinize him.

"(y/n) please believe me. I care for you. I watch out for you every day, making sure you stay happy. I smile when I see you smile. I frown when you frown. It breaks my heart to see that spark in your eyes disappear when you're alone. That smile gone from your face as you drown in your music or in your books. I want to see that beautiful smile of yours every day." I shake my head.

"I'm not beautiful. I'm not pretty. I'm not smart. I'm nothing." I whisper.

"No, you're not. You are beautiful, you are smart. You aren't nothing. You are the reason I wake up every day with a smile on my face. You are the reason I live every day. You are beautiful in my eyes. Who cares about the others. I love it when you laugh out loud with your friends. I love hearing your voice. The way you cheer for your friends. The way you care for them, the way you are protective of them. I love to see that happiness shine in your eyes. I don't want them to ever be dull again. I won't ever leave your side if that's what it takes to keep it alight." no this can't be true. He's joking. Where are his friends? They probably dared him to say this. This is all a prank, just to get a good laugh. I look up into Grays eyes and my eyes widen. Is that love in his eyes, adoration? No, that can't be. I shake my head. "I love you (y/n)." I break down and fall on my knees. I can't be loved. I don't even know what it is. What it feels like to be loved. What it's like to love another. My heart beats faster, the wall around it crumbling.

"You can't love me. I don't even know what it is."I look up with tear filled eyes as Gray bends down in front of me. He smiles at me lovingly.

"Let me teach you then." my eyes widen when his lips catch mine. His hand tangled in my hair. I don't kiss back since I don't know how. Gray pulls back, smiling at me. Am I blushing? I touch my cheeks to see that they are warm. I am. I look up at Gray and tears fall out again. He holds me close to his chest, kissing my head. I wrap my hands around his waist, my face in his hoodie. I smile, a real one. Maybe this is what it feels like to be loved.