I stroked his hair as he laid there, sleeping peacefully and calmly, his breathing mellow and quiet. Times like these I enjoyed him the most, he was quiet and so very beautiful, he looked like a normal human. He looked pure, untouched and care-free. In which I knew he was none of those things, our boundaries have been crossed countless times. Times like these, when my lover is asleep as he is and I'm left here contemplating even the littlest of things, it makes me wonder. Makes me wonder what it would be like if I could turn back time, make him fall in love with me the right way. If i could just go back in time and restart our relationship, renewing it and treating him right. The unseen scars I have left on this beautiful creature are countless, wherein I can never forgive myself for. No matter how many apologies I can give, the amount of "I forgive you's" i hear, I can never take back the time we have poisoned. The point in our relationship where it was challenging, where I treated him no differently than I did when we were young . The hope I had shattered in his heart, because I knew he believed things would get better if I loved him back. I can never take back the years I have abused him, while he stood idly by, loving me from afar. I know I have left a permanent mark on his heart, one that I can't repair. I know I am not the man he deserves, despite how many times he tells me I am. If I could restart it all, I would, he deserves so much better than he received. He deserves a man who loved him from the beginning, someone who didnt hurt him more than he already was. If I could make him fall in love with me all over again the right way, I would