"I" and two more words followed

Did she just say that!?

Why did she just say that!?

This is definitely not what I wanted to hear.

What made her say that!?

Did I hear it right?

PS: She said I am sorry'

"I am sorry?" I made a statement and a question out of her own words

"I am sorry" she repeated

Before I could clarify things my phone buzzed

"Just a minute" I said picking up my phone with the left hand while my right hand held hers securely

Abhi the caller ID said. My turn to be sorry now!

"Hi"

"Tujhse ye ummeed nahi thi"

"Maine kya kiya?"

"Tune kya kiya? Ye pooch ke kya nahi kiya. Meri zindagi bhar ki mehnat par pani pher diya tune"

"Aisa kyun bol raha hai Abhi"

"Phir kya bolun tu hi batha mujhe. Tu aaj investors se milne wala tha na. Tu office me kyun nahi tha jab wo aye?"

"Oh shit! Wo log aye the?"

"Aye the ka kya matlab? Tune hi milne keliye haan kiya tha to who ayenge hi na. Tu kahan chala gaya tha unko bulake?"

"Maine bahut der tak wait kiya Abhi. Phir Ishita agayi to mai wahan se chala gaya. Mujhe laga ke wo nahi ayenge"

"Oh to tu Ishita ke sath maze kar raha tha jab meri life yahan saza ban rahi thi. Achhe se dekh li teri yaari. Biwi mili to bachpan ke dost ko bhool gaya. Achha sila diya tune meri dosti ka Raman"

"Aisi baat nahi hai Abhi. I am sorry"

"Tu rehne de Raman. Sab samajh gaya hun mai. Mujhe to laga tha ke tune Simmi keliye mujhe poore dil se accept kiya hai. Par asli baat to ye hai ke tune mujhe maaf hi nahi kiya. Aur aaj tune sabith kar diya ke mai paraya hi hun"

"What nonsense Abhi!? Aisi baatein kyun kar raha hai? Mai aisa kyun sochunga tere bare me. Tu jaanta hai mujhe achhi tarah se"

"Mai bhi yahi samajhta tha ke mai tujhe achhi tarah se janta hun. But unfortunately I was wrong"

"Aise mat bol yaar. Dekh I am really very sorry"

"Tu kyun sorry bol raha hai? Sorry to mujhe hona chahye "

"Please yaar Abhi mujhe aur sharminda mat kar. I am really very sorry. Mai tere investors se baat karunga. Unse maafi mangunga. Jo bhi hua uske liye I am very sorry yaar"

"Ab bas bhi karo Abhi. Aur kitna chidaoge Bhai ko" I heard Simmi's voice behind him

"Sorry boss mujhse aur control nahi hotha" Abhi said and laughed out loud. I heard two more voices of laughing along with him.

"Ye ho kya raha hai?" I asked baffled

"Yaar Raman tera popat banana kitna asaan hai. Tu meri baton me itni asani se agaya" another round of laughter

"Ab bataoge bhi hua kya hai?" I asked sternly

"I am sorry Raman. Koi investor ya client nahi hai. Wo to maine natak kiya tha tujhe office bhejne keliye"

"I am sorry Bhai. Jab tu walk se wapas aya to Ishita mere sath mere kamre me thi. Ye sab hamare plan ka hissa tha" Simmi spike thru the speaker

"I am sorry puttar. Pammi ke yahan aaj koi pooja nahi thi. Maine jhut bola tha tujhse taake tu Ishita se na mile" Maa said

"I am sorry bhai. Thoda bahut saath is plan me maine bhi diya tha" Mihir added

"Oh to ye aap sabki mili bhagat thi? Mujhe ghar aane do phir dekh lunga ek ek ko"

"Hum jante the ke kuch aisa hi honewala hai. Isiliye mai Mummyji, Mihir aur Simmi ko apne sath le jaraha hun. I am sure kal subah tak to tera gussa thanda ho hi jayega" Abhi replied

"Tu ruk saale. Tujhe to mai achhi tarah dekh lunga" I was miffed

"Dekh na hi hai to use dekh jo tere sath hai. Kyunki in sab ke peeche Mastermind to usi ka hai"

"Ishita?" I said looking at her stunned. She mouthed a sorry and I understood the reason for the earlier sorry.

"Tum donon ke aapas ka mamla hai. Aappe hi nipat lo. Hum chale long drive pe" he said and disconnected the call.

Tucking the phone into my pocket I turned my attention towards the Mastermind.

"I am sorry Raman" she said

"Ye sab planning kis liye?" I asked sternly...My turn to play

"Wo mai apko khush karna chahti thi"

"Meri khushi ki itni fikar kyun?"

"Meri wajah se hamari pehli rath barbaad hogayi to mai hamara pehla din apke liye special banana chahti thi. Aap mujhse naraz to nahi ho na?"

"Nahi to. Mai kyun naraz hounga?"

"Kyunki I slept off our wedding night"

"Isme naraz honewali kya baat hai? I know ke tum tired thi and you needed rest. Tumne jaan boojh ke to nahi kiya tha na"

"To aap mujhse naraz nahi the?"
She was stunned as if it was the breaking news.

I found her reaction strange so I casually replied "Nahi to"

"Oh shit! To maine bekar me itni mehnat ki"

"Kya matlab?" I was stunned now.

"Mai kitna guilty feel kar rahi thi is baat ko lekar aur isiliye maine ye sab plan kiya tha"

"To ye sab sirf apna guilt door karne keliye kya tumne?" I was shocked to hear that and was not ready to believe it

"Haan. Agar mai ye sab na karti to ye guilt zindagi bhar mere sath rehta"

Her affirmation broke my heart into zillion pieces.

Of course it was GUILT! You thought that she did all this because she loves you.

Huh...Abhi was right! Tera popat banana bahut asaan hai.

"You are right tumhe itni mehnat karne ki zarurat nahi thi. Ek baar mujhe pooch leti mai bata deta ke mai naraz nahi hun. I am sorry for that" with that my grip on her hand loosened

"Raman I..."

"It's ok Ishita. Tumhe kuch kehne ki zarurat nahi. Mai kuch zyada hi expect karne lag gaya tha. Bhool gaya tha ke mere expectations hamesha disappointment me hi badalte hain" I laughed sarcastically

"Raman aap naraz hogaye"

"Nahi to. Aur agar naraz hun bhi to tumhe mere liye kuch karne ki zarurat nahi hai. Aur haan agli baar tumhe mere liye kuch karne ka dil kare to please guilt ki wajah se mat karna. It's a request" I said untangling our hands and stepping ahead.

Although I spoke softly I realize I was a little harsh.

I might have over-reacted but I don't know why I felt my dreams shatter the moment she said it was all because of her guilt.

I guess it was too early to expect her to reciprocate my feelings.

Love is not something that could be changed like clothes.

Till yesterday she was or probably still is in love with Viren.

How can I expect her to love me back so soon?

It is my fault that I expected too much from her but still it hurts.

It hurts to know that the day she spent with me, the things she did for me, the plans she had for me were all out of guilt.

I could wait all my life for her to love me back but to know that the moments I spent assuming, my happiness mattered to her, only meant payback for her mistake to her, stung deep in my heart.

"Raman" I heard her calling and could clearly hear her hurried footsteps that were approaching me.

I would not be able to continue this walk anymore when it meant nothing to her.

"Let's go back Ishita. I guess we should take the car" I said walking back to the car without looking at her.

Ishita's POV

"Nahi to. Aur agar naraz hun bhi to tumhe mere liye kuch karne ki zarurat nahi hai. Aur haan agli baar tumhe mere liye kuch karne ka dil kare to please guilt ki wajah se mat karna. It's a request"

I stood dumbstruck as he left my hand hanging and walked ahead without sparing a glance at me.

Hurt and pain was visible in his words and demeanor.

To ye sab sirf apna guilt door karne keliye kiya tumne? I asked myself the question he had asked me a while ago.

I was so much into my guilt that I did not realize why I was doing all this.

Why was it important for me to make him happy?

Why did I want our night to be special?

Why did I want to spend the day with him?

Why did I wear his favourite colour?

Why did I want to share the breakfast with him?

Why did I order his favourite food?

Why did I want to walk with him hand in hand?

Was it all just an outcome of guilt?

If it was guilt, then

Would I get annoyed on him for not praising me?

Would I get nervous at his constant staring?

Wouldn't I have backed off when he licked my lips?

Would I have blushed at his naughty questions?

Would I say that I don't love you enough to eat non-veg?

Would I have allowed him to entwine our hands together?

I did not feel an ounce of awkwardness or discomfort in his proximity.

I felt content when I saw him smile.

Now it hurts me to see him in pain.

Why? Is it guilt?

It is not guilt, definitely not guilt!

What is it then? Is it love?

Yes it is! Yes it is! Yes it is!

I love him. I love Raman. I love my husband.

Why did I not realize it before?

First it was my infatuation towards Ajnabi and then my guilt that stopped me from realizing that I was always in love with this man.

I am such a fool that I did not know what I feel for him is nothing but love.

Dil Mera Hain Na Samajh Kitana
Besabar Ye Bewakuf Bada
Chahata Hain Kitana Tujhe
Khud Magar Nahi Jaan Saka

Stop him Ishita! Before he goes away!

"Raman" I called out for him and took quick strides towards him.

He stopped and a smile started forming on my lips but quickly disappeared hearing him say "Let's go back Ishita. I guess we should take the car"

I had hurt him so much that he didn't want to continue this walk with me and didn't even spare a glance at me.

How do I tell him that it hurts me too?

I wish I had access to that white dress somehow which I would wear and he would know that I wanted to make peace.

I know this wish of mine could not be fulfilled.

I just hoped for a miracle that would convey my feelings to him.

Is Dard-E-Dil Ki Sifarish
Ab Kar De Koi Yahaan
Ke Mil Jaaye Ise Wo Barish
Jo Bhiga De Poori Tarah

This day had been so beautiful. I had lost myself completely in him.

Kya huaa asar
Tere saath reh kar naa jaane
Ki hosh mujhe naa raha

If only I had not stopped myself from telling him how much I loved him when he asked me that. If only I had told him that I was his biggest fan.

Lafz mere thhe
Zubaan pe aake ruke
Par ho na sake woh bayaan

Raman My heart called him

Dhadkan tera hi naam jo le

He stopped in his tracks and turned back like he had heard my heartbeat call him

My eyes pleaded him to stop

Aankhein bhi paighaam ye de

His eyes met mine. My lips curved, my heart thudded, my breath raced.I wish he saw the effect he had on me.

Teri nazar ka hi ye asar hai
Mujh pe jo huaa

Didn't he notice the changes in me?

Why are his expressions inscrutable?

My heart cried for someone who could come and help me here.

Is dard-e-dil ki sifaarish
Ab kar de koi yahaan
Ki mill jaaye isey woh baarish
Jo bhiga de poori tarah

A drop rolled down my cheeks.

Another drop kissed my neck.

I wonder why the drops were not warm but cold.

Another drop I felt on my arm.

It was cold too!

Drop! Drop! And some more drops!

They were not tears I recogised!

"Baarish!"

Did I just feel that!?