being lonely's worse than just having friends that don't care

The weekend arrived fairly quickly, with almost every teenager in Hawkins talking about King Steve's back-to-school party. It was one he threw every year, on a weekend when his parents were out of town. It was never an issue, simply because his parents were constantly gone and leaving him to his own devices.

"You think Tyler's going to get blackout drunk and throw up in the pool again?" Tommy asked as he popped a chip in his mouth.

"Ew, hopefully not." Tommy's girlfriend Carol spoke.

"If he does, you're cleaning it up this time." Steve pointed a finger at the boy before returning to prepping for the party.

He didn't do any decorations of any sort, but he did prep for the party by having extra ice, snacks, and of course - alcohol. It was the bare minimum and he knew this, but he also knew that thanks to his reputation - he didn't need to try. All he had to do was provide the alcohol and the place to party, and everyone would show up willingly.

"Why would I do that, exactly?" Tommy asked, his nose scrunching up.

"Because you're always the reason he gets as drunk as he does. And I don't feel like babysitting him again. He's your problem this time," Steve explained, pushing the cooler of alcohol forward.

"Just get your parents to pay for the pool cleaners again," Carol offered. "They did it last time, right?"

"Yeah, sure." Steve smoothly lied. He didn't tell his parents, because even though they hadn't necessarily been around, it didn't mean they wouldn't get angry were they to find out about his shenanigans. Part of him knew that they knew, but he also knew they wouldn't say anything as long as he wouldn't say anything. "But either way, it's extra money we shouldn't have to spend. Keep your friends on a tight leash, yeah?"

Tommy didn't say anything, but with one look from Steve, he sheepishly nodded. It wasn't long before he and Carol were listening to whatever orders Steve threw out, getting ready for what would be the biggest back-to-school party ever.

++

The feeling of the hot water cascading down Natasha's back was soothing. It was much needed, and she found herself sitting on the bathtub floor while she allowed the water to soothe her aching muscles.

She wrapped her arms around her legs and allowed herself to relax, shutting her eyes as the sound of the hot water calmed her.

If Natasha could, she'd live in the water. She liked to think that if she were a mythical creature she'd be a mermaid, as she loved to swim and bathe. Baths, showers, hot tubs, it all soothed her. 

Of course, she wasn't a professional swimmer. Isabella had her beat on that, as she loved to compete in competitive swimming or whatever it was. But it was one thing the two girls had in common - their love of swimming.

The sudden sound of a slightly aggressive knock on the door was heard, causing Natasha to jump back slightly. She blinked a few times to let her eyes grow used to the light again as the pounding grew louder.

"Natasha! You need to hurry it up and get out of there right now," The voice belonged to Edward, her older brother.

She sighed as she moved her next side to side, pulling herself up from the floor. "Okay!" She shouted in return, facing the other way.

"I mean it, Natasha! You're taking far too long!" Edward called out.

"As if you don't take longer," Natasha muttered, shutting the water off. She twisted her hair to get the excess water out before pulling the shower curtain open.

The whole bathroom was fogged from her hot shower, as it usually was any time she took one. She loved to have the water almost scolding, and even though it made her skin beet red it didn't bother her any. She enjoyed the feeling of it, almost making her numb to the problems she dealt with on a daily.

Edward knocked again just as she grabbed her towel, and she groaned. "Jesus Christ, Edward! I'll be out in a damn minute!"

"Watch your language! I wouldn't be rushing you if you didn't decide to spend hours showering and wasting water when other people need to use the bathroom!" Edward argued, earning an eye roll from Natasha.

She just began to dry off quicker, wrapping the large towel around her body. She gathered her stuff from the floor and opened the door, jumping back to see Edward standing on the other side.

"Took you long enough," He told her, rolling his eyes. "I've got somewhere to be and you're going to be the reason I'm late."

"When am I not?" Natasha sarcastically asked, gripping the towel tighter.

Edward jumped to say something but stopped himself. He then noticed the towel wrapped around her body and looked back up at her face, a disgusted look taking over his features. "You really should be decent around here. That's not acceptable."

"You rushed me out of the shower, what did you expect?" Natasha tilted her head to the side.

Edward's eyes narrowed, not liking her response. Natasha was used to this and was prepared to hear the worst from the older boy, but before he could manage to mutter a single word from his lips - footsteps ascended the steps.

Isabella stood with two huge bags, a bright smile on her face as she noticed her best friend. "I've arrived!" She announced, lifting the bags.

Natasha glanced back at Edward, whose jaw tensed. Anything he had planned on saying was no longer going to come out, and she knew this. Edward was only so mean when nobody was around, especially when it came to Isabella or even Sharon. Natasha was safe - for now.

"We'll talk about this later," He muttered as he pushed past her. He walked into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her, causing her to take a few steps forward.

The blonde didn't react as she looked back at her best friend, who held up the bags again. "Time to get ready!" She exclaimed. She didn't wait for Natasha to respond before running to the teenager's room.

Natasha had almost forgotten about the stupid party. She had insisted on not going, but just as insistent on Natasha was - Isabella was even more insistent on going. She did everything in her power and bothered Natasha until she finally agreed, only to regret the decision when she realized that Jonathan wouldn't be joining them.

He was going to be doing something with Will, which Natasha couldn't shame him for. They had just as good of a brotherly relationship as Natasha tried to keep with Sharon, so any time with family was very understandable especially when all Will and Jonathan had besides their mom was each other.

By the time Natasha got into her bedroom, Isabella was already digging through her bags. She pulled out different articles of clothing, holding them up to the mirror on the back of the door. She would think about it before deciding against it, throwing it somewhere, and grabbing a different one.

Natasha smiled to herself at how excited her friend was, heading to her dresser. "You'd almost think you're going on a date or something," She commented, pulling a bra and underwear from the top drawer.

"Might as well be!" Isabella exclaimed, not turning to the blonde. "I've been waiting to convince either you or Jonny to attend a party and although it's a little depressing I didn't get to convince both of you, I convinced you of all people. That's hitting gold, honestly."

Natasha rolled her eyes, even though Isabella couldn't see it. She stepped behind her closet door and quickly changed into her underclothes. By the time she got back out from behind the closet door, Isabella was already changing into the outfit she decided on for the night.

"It's going to be very underwhelming. Probably too many people for my liking, as well." Natasha finally responded. She went through her clothes, although didn't take as much time as Isabella did to decide on an outfit.

It was a simple pair of jeans and a T-shirt, covered by her infamous leather jacket she constantly wore. It had a lot of wear and tear on it, but in Natasha's eyes, it made it more characteristic. It gave it life and only made her like the item more.

It wasn't long before the two were finally ready for the party. Natasha was nervous, although she wouldn't admit it. It was simply because she just had an odd feeling, the feeling as if something would go wrong. But she didn't want to freak Isabella out, so she just stayed silent as the two walked in the direction of Steve Harrington's house.

"Has it been happening lately?" Isabella asked after a few minutes of silence. 

Natasha didn't respond at first before shrugging. "Yeah," She finally said. "More than before. But it's more manageable."

"Manageable? It didn't sound very manageable before," Isabella said as she kicked a rock. "You think being around all these people might affect it?"

Natasha side-eyed Isabella as she bit the inside of her lip, debating on what to say. "Doesn't really matter now, does it?" She pointed ahead at the giant house in front of them.

Cars already littered the street, along with loud music and chatter heard from where they stood. People stood outside from what they could see, but voices were also heard coming from the backyard.

"I guess not, sorry I didn't think about it sooner." Isabella responded, "I guess I was just caught up in the excitement of finally getting invited to one of these."

Natasha didn't say anything, simply because she didn't want Isabella to feel bad. She knew she would, so instead she just smiled and motioned in the direction of the giant house.

This was enough for Isabella. She smiled wider before picking up her pace, weaving her way through the cars toward the Harrington residence. Natasha followed silently with her hands in her pockets, making sure to keep her eyes on Isabella at all times. She assumed she would be this way the whole night - keeping Isabella safe while Isabella had the experience she wanted.

Her stomach turned as they entered the house. She continued to get the odd feeling she had from before but didn't let it show as anytime her best friend looked at her she would just send her a reassuring smile. She watched as Isabella greeted others from the school, ignoring the dirty looks they got.

It was obvious they didn't fit in, and Natasha knew this. They didn't belong somewhere like here, but Isabella acted as if she did. She did her best to blend into what most teenagers were like at Hawkins High, even if they very obviously stuck out like a sore thumb.

"Isabella!" A high-pitched voice exclaimed. Natasha glanced over to see a classmate named Carol heading their way, two beers in her hand. "You made it!" She did a kiss to each of Isabella's cheeks, handing her one of the cold drinks in her hand. "I didn't think you'd come."

Natasha's brows furrowed as she watched Isabella greet Carol just as happily. They talked as if they'd been friends forever, which confused the girl since last she knew - Carol didn't like her. Their group didn't like her, Jonathan, or Isabella. They constantly made fun of the trio.

"Oh! I've actually got to show you-" Carol's voice drowned off as she led Isabella away, the other girl not even noticing that Natasha was left behind.

If she hadn't regretted coming before, she definitely did now.

"They bonded over whatever lipgloss Isabella was wearing when they bumped into each other at the salon." Another voice spoke from next to Natasha. She glanced over to see Tommy, Carol's boyfriend. "Carol didn't think you'd actually let Isabella show up."

"Let?" Natasha asked, her nose scrunching up. "What do you mean by that?"

Tommy shrugged, "Exactly how it sounds. Obvious you're the one pulling the reigns in that friendship of yours, yeah?" He then held something up that Natasha quickly noticed to be a beer. "Want one?" He asked, to which she shook her head.

"I don't drink. Thanks." She muttered, "Are you saying that I control Isabella?"

Tommy shrugged, taking a long sip of the beer he was holding. "Just what Carol thinks."

"Well Carol can suck it," Natasha mumbled, walking away from the boy without another word.

She made her way through the sea of people, attempting to find Isabella. She completely regretted giving in - which she'd had an odd feeling she would from the moment that she'd accepted. But once she had told her best friend yes, there was no getting out of it no matter how hard she tried.

It was only when she entered the house full of people that it started. It was very dim at first before growing, turning into a throbbing ache that caused her to stop moving altogether. She put her hand to her head as if it would keep the pain under control and the room began to move only causing her to shut her eyes.

Different voices filled her head. She couldn't seem to make out anything that was being said due to the abundant amount of people surrounding her, people who didn't seem to notice her presence at all.

She needed to find Isabella, and she needed to get out of there. She felt bad because she'd told Isabella she'd be fine, or at least presented it that way - despite knowing that this had been occurring more and more lately. 

'Death'

The word was clear, clearer than any other words that filtered through her head. This only caused her more confusion, because she'd never heard a word so... clearly before.

"Natasha?" A familiar voice asked, "Is everything okay?"

Natasha didn't need to look to see that the voice had belonged to Steve Harrington. She recognized it pretty well, even if it's something she'd never admit to anyone.

"Y-Yeah, I'm just-" She moved to turn toward him, stumbling over her own feet.

Steve was quick to catch her, dropping his drink on one of the counters. He steadied Natasha, a worried look on his face as he led her toward the stairs. "Are- are you okay?" He asked again, "You look like you're going to throw up."

Honestly, she felt like it. But she didn't say anything as she pulled away from him. "I-I need a bathroom," She said. "Where's your bathroom?"

'Death'

The voice spoke again, this time louder than before. Her eyes squeezed shut at the pain that seared through her head, earning a light groan. This had been the worst pain she'd experienced with whatever had been happening to her, and she could only assume it was because of the setting she was in. If she weren't around so many people she'd surely be fine and would be able to manage whatever episode this was.

But she was stuck here, letting Steve Harrington lead her up the stairs to a bathroom like she'd requested.

"I-I need Isa-" She stopped, the throbbing growing as she attempted to speak. 

"Shh, it's okay." Steve hushed, opening a bathroom door. Just as he got the door open Natasha flew to the toilet, emptying the contents of her stomach in the toilet.

Steve cringed at the sound. Despite being grossed out he moved forward, pulling her blonde curls back and out of her face to prevent her from throwing up on them. He used his free arm to cover his nose, avoiding looking in the direction of the toilet. "Jesus, Nat, how much did you drink?" 

Natasha didn't respond at first, her hands gripping the toilet as she retched some more. Nothing came out, and she weakly reached up and flushed the toilet. "I-I didn't," She told him, shaking her head. She leaned back, causing Steve to shyly move away from her. "I didn't drink," She said again. "We just got here like twenty minutes ago."

The throbbing had stopped, and the pain reduced to a minimum. It was enough for Natasha to lean against the wall of the bathroom and calm her breathing. Her mouth tasted disgusting and she felt embarrassed.

She'd just thrown up in front of the most popular boy at Hawkins High. She usually didn't care how she looked to anyone - specifically Steve Harrington - but that didn't mean something like this wouldn't embarrass her.

Steve sighed as he stood from his spot, digging in the cabinet. It wasn't long before he came back with an extra toothbrush, one that was still in the original package. "Here," He offered as he held it out.

Natasha looked at it for a moment before standing up and taking it from him. She thanked him before opening the package, wasting no time in beginning to brush her teeth with the toothpaste in the bathroom. Steve just watched her as she did it, noticing the way tears glistened in her eyes.

"So, you wanna tell me what's wrong then if you're not drunk?" He asked, leaning against the doorframe.

"Not really," She told him.

"Okay," He accepted, nodding. "That's fair, I guess."

Natasha stayed silent as she spit out the rest of the toothpaste. She didn't know what to say as she felt awkward.

"You wouldn't understand," Natasha then told Steve, turning toward him. "Just a headache." She then added, holding the toothbrush in her hands.

"I wouldn't understand what a headache is?" Steve asked, "Are you sure you're not drunk?"

Natasha scoffed, "No, I mean-" She stopped for a second, thinking of her words carefully. "Yeah. It was a headache, but you wouldn't understand what came with it."

"How do you know that?" Steve questioned, standing straight.

"I just do, Steve. It's something you wouldn't understand and I can guarantee that." Natasha responded.

"Try me," Steve challenged. "You wouldn't know until you say-"

Steve didn't get to finish his statement, because the throbbing had returned. Natasha dropped the toothbrush as she pressed her hands to her temple.

"Jesus, Nat, you should really get that-"

He froze in his spot as Natasha looked up at him. Although she wasn't looking at him. Her eyes were wide, the usual dark blue color now a neon-looking blue, one that didn't look natural. It was as if she stared right through him, causing him to be invisible.

"N-Nat?" He softly asked. He hesitantly stepped forward, unsure of what to do. It was only when he pressed a hand to her arm that the neon blue went away, her natural eyes coming back to light.

"D-did you hear that?" She asked him, breathing heavier than usual.

"Hear what?" Steve asked, "You're kind of freaking me out."

Natasha's lip trembled, shaking her head. She heard something - she was sure of it. But Steve hadn't heard what she did, only confusing her more. Why would she hear something so clearly yet nobody else had?

The words repeated over and over in her head again, even as the throbbing went away completely. Even as Steve led her out of the bathroom and into a nearby room to sit her down, and even as he left her alone to go find Isabella. They just repeated in a voice similar to her own - saying a phrase she'd never said in her entire life. They stuck like glue, putting a pit in the bottom of her stomach as she processed everything that happened.

You and your entire family are going to die a painful death and there's nothing you can do about it.

++

Took me a while to write this, hope you enjoyed <3