@ cryden_astraea || tired of being afraid

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fear must love me that much to think that it always stays by my side; it never left me even in my brightest life. maybe being afraid is already part of my existence, that it's always there for me. should i blame myself for being afraid? because even if i don't want to feel it, it will always appear in me. i am always asking: how can i stand by myself if you're always there? i don't need you; what i need is my self. . . should i blame you for this?

perhaps i'm the one who doesn't want to let go. i am the one who can't move forward and start to forget my fear. i know i'm trying, aren't i? but why do i feel it's not enough to throw all my fear, what i'm afraid of in this world? i can't move; it seems like all my attempts are not enough. i don't want this; i already suffer a lot. can we stop now?

laying down. tired of being afraid
of everything, bright in the eyes
are slowly fading. my mind is in
chaos, starting to overthink the
thing that is out of my hands.

laying down. staring blankly at
the ceiling, tears start flowing.
eyes are wanting to close as
my nails scratch my skin.
let me end my own suffering.

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