NINE.   rip the stitches

trigger warnings: mentions of attempt suicide

      Tatum could still remember her first kiss with John Murphy. It was an innocent thing. Then at twelve years old surrounded by their friends, playing Truth or Dare, which happened to be Jasper's idea.

Monty dared him to run around the station in his underwear. They thought it was the funniest thing they'd ever seen. Especially the scolding he got from the adults. "Not cool dude." The twelve year old grumbled when he came back to the circle.

"Oh, come on, that was hilarious!" Laughed Monty, his shoulders shaking up and down.

"Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Can we move on." Jasper looked around the circle for someone to pick on. His eyes landed on Tatum and he smirked. "Tater, truth or dare?"

Twelve year old Tatum tapped her chin. "Hmmm. . . Dare."

"Oh, this should be good." Finn declared. His hair was still long even when he was a kid.

Jasper thought of a dare. He knew Tatum like the back of his hand. She never turned down a dare. His eyes shifted to a young John Murphy, his legs pulled up to his chest. He always noticed how he'd stare at Tatum when she wasn't looking. Or how she'd smile at him when she was. Jasper smirked. "Tatum, I dare you to kiss Murphy."

The group of twelve years old froze. Monty bursted out laughing while Finn was in shock. Raven and Tatum looked at each other before she casted Jasper a glare. "Really, Jasper?"

He only shrugged. "It's a dare."

Murphy was visibly shaking. Tatum looked his way. "We don't have to if you don't want to." She insisted with a soft voice.

He shook his head. "No, it's um—it's okay. It's just a dare." He stammered nervously.

They waited to see what Tatum would do. She rolled her eyes and crawled over to sit by Murphy, feel awkward, while he was still shaking. She sat in front of him. "Are you sure?" She asked.

"Are you?" He squeaked out.

She shrugged with a tiny smile and Murphy thought she was so pretty. "Sure, why not?"

Their first kiss was at twelve. Another came after that. And then they turned thirteen and there was another. But like she said, it was an innocent thing. Tatum never had a boyfriend before, or a crush, and neither had Murphy — but they always remained friends. It never went any father than a few stolen kisses.

Tatum knew things about John that some didn't. Like how his father stole medicine to keep his son from dying because he was sick. He was just a kid. His mother was a drunk who payed him no attention. All he had was his dad, until he was floated. Then his mom started taking her anger out on him.

His mother loved him the way a dog shows its love: canines and claws. Murphy slept on the Adler's couch a lot of the time.

Tatum loved Murphy. She really did. Then she began dating Riley and they started arguing more and more everyday until Murphy acted like their friendship was nonexistent. And that hurt her a lot.

Tatum tapped Bellamy's cheeks repeatedly, trying to wake him up. "Bellamy, can you hear me?" Blood still trickled from her mouth. "Bellamy? Come on, wake up."

"Tate!" Octavia dropped to her knees by her unconscious brother. Her eyes went wide. "Is he okay?"

She didn't answer right away. Tatum leaned down and pressed her ear to his chest. She heard a light pounding and sighed with relief. "He's okay, Via. He might have a concussion but he'll live."

"Tatum, your mouth's bleeding."

Her hand brushed against her bleeding lip. "I know. Murphy packs a good punch. Little bitch." She hissed to herself. She looked over her shoulder at the woods. "We can't leave them out there alone."

"I'm sure they're okay. Finn and Clarke can take care of Murphy." Said Octavia.

"Yeah, but what about the other goons with him? I know Murphy. He'll do anything to get what he wants even if he has to hurt someone. I need to go out there."

"I can't let you go alone—"

Bellamy groaned and the girls instantly looked down. He shifted slightly on the rough ground and his eyes opened in slits. The first thing he saw was a pair of blue eyes staring above him. "Hey, Star Girl." He said and coughed.

Tatum released a breath. "Hey there, Freckles."

"What the hell happened?"

"Murphy hit you over the head with a piece of wood."

Upon staring at her, his eyebrows scrunched. "What happened to your mouth?" He asked, seeing her bleeding lip.

Again, Tatum wiped the blood away. Her mouth hurt like a bitch but she paid no attention to it. "Murphy as well."

"I'm gonna kill him." He declared and tried sitting up.

They quickly helped him. "Easy there tough guy," said Octavia.

"Where is he?"

"He and a group of his boys are searching the woods for Charlotte. She's with Clarke and Finn."  Tatum replied and helped him clean the grass off of his clothes

A look of determination washed over his face. "Well,  what are we waiting for? Let's go."

She shook her head. "Bell, your head's bleeding. You may have a concussion—"

"I'm fine, Tate. Charlotte's more important right now." He ignored her words. He began walking towards the woods and paused, turning his head and looked at her over his shoulder. "You coming?"

Tatum hesitated. She looked over at Octavia. She received a small nod. She sighed. "Yeah, i'm coming."

The two of them made their way into the woods. It was starting to get dark which would make their journey slightly harder. Tatum made sure to stash a knife in her jacket pocket. Bellamy walked beside her. It was silent between them a minute, until he grew a smirk. "Were you concerned about me back there, Star Girl?"

She rolled her eyes. "So what if I was?"

"I don't know.  It's fun seeing you get worked up."

Tatum rolled her eyes. "Gosh, even with a head injury, you're still annoying."

Bellamy chuckled. "Don't act like you don't like it."

She said nothing. Her stomach twisted once again. Tatum liked the way he teased her and the way he called her Star Girl. She liked the way he smiled at her and how protective he was over his people. His integrity, his loyalty, his confidence, she liked it all. But it also made her nervous.

Bellamy noticed her silence and smiled again. "You're not denying it." He continued to tease.

"I'm gonna hit you on the head this time." 

He let out a laugh. "There we go. Who needs affection when you have blind hatred?"

Tatum couldn't help but grin. She was glad it was dark. "Whatever, Blake."

They continued walking around. She kept her eyes open for any movement and her ears clear for any sound. The deeper they got into the woods, the more nervous she began to feel. "What's going to happen if he gets to her?" She asked, her voice small.

"He won't. I won't let him." Bellamy declared.

"She's only twelve. She's a child."

He looked at her again. "I know. But don't worry, we'll find her first."

Tatum swallowed a lump in her throat. Bellamy noticed the discomfort. "Is there a reason you're so attached to her?" He wondered.

Her pace slowed down slightly but her eyes still studied in front of her. A frown settled on her lips. "I didn't understand at first, but, I was a scared kid at one point. I did what I did so that he wouldn't hurt me anymore."

Bellamy studied the side of her face. Even when the sun was down and the sky dark, she was pretty. More than pretty, actually. She was beautiful. She looked his way and her blue eyes shined bright, the kind of eyes you can't help but get lost in.

Tatum spotted something in the dark behind him. "Bell, what's that?" She whispered and pointed behind him.

He turned around and narrowed his eyebrows. The figure she saw moved again and this time, they caught sight of dirty blonde hair in a messy braid.  "Charlotte?" He whisper yelled.

The two of them sprinted in her direction. Tatum felt relaxed knowing they got to her first. Bellamy wrapped his arms around her and it caused her to squeal. He shushed her quickly. "Charlotte, why are you alone? Where's Clarke and Finn?" Tatum asked frequently and her eyes were filled with worry.

"Charlotte! You can't hide forever!" Murphy shouted from a distance. "Don't worry, we won't hurt you." He taunted and she could tell he was smirking.

She nudged Bellamy. "We have to go."

He took Charlotte by her arm and tried dragging her away but she jerked away from him. "Let me go!" She shouted at him.

"We're trying to help you." Bellamy huffed. 

"I'm not your sister and I'm not Tatum!"

"Charlotte, please—"

"And I'm not your baby!"

Tatum froze and her face dropped. She realized Charlotte had heard her conversation with Bellamy that night in the cave. "Just stop trying to help me! I'm over here!" She shouted to Murphy.

Bellamy quickly grabbed her again. "Are you trying to get us all killed?" He hissed.

"Just go, okay. I'm the one they want."

Tatum still didn't speak. The words Charlotte said to her were a stab in the heart. She was beginning to look at her like a friend, a sister, her child if she ever had one. The young girl took her feelings and stomped on them. 

Charlotte attempted to get away again but Bellamy picked her up quickly in attempt to stop her. "Murphy, i'm over here!" She yelled again.

They ran and hid behind a large tree. The older ones crouched down and he covered Charlotte's mouth.

"Come on out, Charlotte! Come on out!" The heard Murphy.

They continue to run through the dark forest to as far from him as possible. They made a beeline through the trees, swatting at multiple branches until they came to a clearing, immediately meeting with the edge of a cliff. Bellamy held his arm out quickly to hold the girls back. "Damn it." He breathed out as they stare at the deep and dark bottomless mountain.

Murphy appeared at the clearing with his goons.  "Bellamy! Tatum! You can't fight all of us. Give her up." He jeered.

Bellamy stepped forward. "Maybe not, but I guarantee i'll take a few of you with me." He threatened.

Tatum grabbed a hold of Charlotte and held her close.

"Bellamy, stop!" Clarke suddenly shouted and she and Finn emerge from the treeline.

She could feel Charlotte trying to walk to Murphy to give herself but she stopped her. "Charlotte, no." She said sharply.

Bellamy takes her place and guarded Charlotte. Tatum slowly walked towards Murphy. "Murphy, please, this has gone too far. We can talk about this. Just leave her alone." She beseeched.

A sinister grin appeared on his face and he quickly grabbed her, twirling her to where her back was against him and he held his knife to her throat. Tatum gripped his arm and struggled in his hold.

"No!" Both Clarke and Finn shouted.

"Murphy, let her go, now!" Bellamy threatened loudly and fire blazed in his eyes.

"Sorry about this, Tate." Murphy hissed in her ear.

"Let her go!"

"I will slit her throat!"

Tatum started to shake and she gripped him arm tighter. Her breathing staggered.

"No, please! Please don't hurt her!" Charlotte begged.

"Don't hurt her?" Murphy repeated. The knife pressed deeper against her throat and her eyes filled with tears. Okay, i'll make you a deal. You come with me right now, i'll let her go." He tried to negotiate.

"Charlotte, no!" Tatum shrugged to shout.

Bellamy held Charlotte back desperately. "No, no, I have to!" The girl cried and fought against his grip.

He glared at Murphy again. "Murphy, this is not happening."

"I can't let any of you get hurt anymore," Charlotte cried. "Not because of me. Not after what I did."

Tatum's heart dropped to her stomach and she let out a terrifying scream but she couldn't hear anything. There was no sound. Her head felt like it was underwater. Like someone was holding her head under. When Riley held her hostage under the bathtub. When he killed their child. A piece of her soul was destroyed and watching as Charlotte jumped off the mountain made her want to follow her. "Charlotte!" Her piercing scream rippled through everyone's ears.

She moved forward and it caused Murphy's knife to scrape her throat, tearing the skin but she paid no attention. She fell to her knees by the edge of cliff. She didn't see Charlotte. All there was was pitch black darkness and her world collapsed. "No." She sobbed.

Steam came out of Bellamy's ears and his face turned bright red. He marched up to Murphy and punched him square in the face. They fell to the ground and he repeatedly punched the lights out of him.

"Bellamy, stop! You'll kill him!" Clarke screamed and tried pulling the man off of him.

"Get off me! He deserves to die!" Bellamy shouted.

"No," she declared. "Tatum's right. We don't
decide who lives and dies. Not down here."

"So help me god, if you say the people have a right to
decide—"

"No. I was wrong before, okay? You were right and so was Tate," Clarke continued. "Sometimes it's dangerous to tell people the truth. But if we're gonna survive down here, we can't just live by whatever the hell we want. We need rules."

Bellamy stared at her with discouragement. "And who makes those rules, huh? You?"

"From now on, we make the rules, okay? You, me, and Tatum."

"What then? We just take him back and pretend like it
never happened?"

Clarke shook her head. She looked behind Bellamy at a beaten down Murphy. "We banish him." She spat.

He stared at her for a minute before stalking over to Murphy and grabbing him roughly. "Get up." He demanded. "If I ever catch you near camp, we'll be back here. Understand?" He didn't wait for an answer and threw the boy back into the ground. He looked at the goons. "As for the four of you, you can come back and follow me, or go off with him to die. Your choice."

Finn, who was standing on the side taking everything in, looked over and saw Tatum almost walk off the edge of the cliff. "Tatum, no!" He shouted and sprinted over to her, taking her by the waist and dragging her back onto the ground.

"No!" She objected. It gained Bellamy and Clarke's attention. "Please!" She sobbed into Finn's arms. "Please, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to go through it again."

Nobody but Bellamy understood what she meant. He quickly went over and dropped to his knees in front of her. "Tate. Tatum, look at me, please."

She choked on her sobs. "I can't do this again, Bellamy. I can't go through this again."

Clarke stood behind him and covered her mouth with both hands in misery.

"I know, Tate, I know," he said gently. His velvet eyes were full of sorrow. "I'm sorry. But you're so strong, Tatum. Stronger than all of us. Don't let this affect you. We'll help you get through it, I promise." He reassured her.

Finn tightened his grip on her, his own heart dropping, because it was rare that Tatum showed her vulnerability. He'd seen her struggle her whole life. She was his best friend. Even if he didn't know everything, her of all people didn't deserve to feel hopeless.

Tatum exhaled shaky breaths and she kinda went limb. She leaned her head down and continued to cry.