SEVEN.   I wake up screaming from dreaming

trigger warnings: mentions of abuse, sexual assault, and miscarriage

      Tatum wondered all the time why she stayed with Riley for so long. She was fourteen when they met. Her dad had just died. He was older than her, charming and good looking. He liked her. She fell for him quickly, ignoring the questionable things her friends had to say about it. They were in love. Everything was perfect. She should've listened to Raven when she told her that boy ain't no good.

She was fifteen when the first event occurred. She'd just gotten back from stealing rations with Jasper and Monty. She had pockets full of food. Riley was waiting for her on the couch. "Hey, babe, where've you been?"

"Oh, I was just with Jasper and Monty." She answered in a sing song tone. She smirked. "The boys and I hit the jackpot.

Riley spotted all the rations on the bed. "You took all of these?"

"Well, technically, Jasper's the one who snuck us in but I had a hand in helping." She told him while swinging her arms side to side.

At the time, Riley was seventeen. He didn't think it was funny. "How can you think this is okay?"

She laughed. "It's only a little bit,  Riley."

"Who cares? What do you think's gonna happen when you get caught?" He stepped closer to her.

She stepped back. "I'm not going to get caught."

"Those people are going to get you in trouble."

"Those people?" She repeated. "You mean my best friends?"

"I mean the low lives who corrupt my girlfriend into committing crimes." He spoke harshly, his eyes blazing.

"They don't corrupt me to do anything, Riley. It's just harmless fun." 

Riley paused for a second. His fingers curled around each other, something he did when he started to get mad. "I don't want you hanging out with them anymore."

Tatum didn't move. She waited for him to say something else, thinking he was kidding. Then, she laughed. "That's really funny."

"You think i'm joking? I don't want you seeing them anymore, Tate." He insisted and his voice grew louder.

She stopped laughing and shook her head. "You don't get to decide that."

"I'm your boyfriend."

"Yeah, my boyfriend. Not my father." 

"Well, he's not here so—"

He cut off his words and her jaw slacked open. He knew better than to talk about her parents. Her dad died from an incurable sickness. Her mom died when she was born. Her father was all she had until he finally passed. She was all alone. This boy ain't no good, Tatum, Raven's words played in her head. "I can't believe you just said that."

She turned around to leave but Riley quickly grabbed her arm. "Wait, Tatum, I'm sorry."

"Get off of me!" She seethed and tore her arm out of his grasp. She shoved him back.

She was fifteen the first time he put his hands on her. Tatum wishes she could say it was the last time. But it only got worse. But she loved him. Her devotion fed his violence. It wasn't until she was sixteen that she finally broke. A violent man can push an innocent girl into murder.

Tatum woke up from her sleep when she heard a scream. She remembered that she was still in the cave with Bellamy and Charlotte. Her jacket was thrown over her. Bellamy shot up from his sleep and they realized the screams were coming from Charlotte. "No!" She was yelling in her sleep.

Bellamy got up before she could. He crouched down and shook the girl awake. "Charlotte, wake up."

She jolted and woke up with a loud gasp. She got scared until she realized it was Bellamy in front of her. "I'm sorry." She said quietly with guilt.

Tatum stayed quiet and listened to their conversation. She was lying on her side because she couldn't sleep on her back and her head rested on her arm.

"Does it happen often?" Bellamy asked with a soft voice.

Charlotte nodded silently.

"What are you scared of?" He asked again but didn't wait for an answer. "You know what? It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what you do about it."

The way he talked to her and how he explained it made Tatum think he did this a lot with Octavia.

"But, I'm asleep."

"Fears are fears. Slay your demons when you're awake, they won't be there to get you when you sleep. We all have fears. Even the strongest of us," Bellamy explained, his eyes drifting to the girl in the corner.

"Yeah, but, how?" Asked Charlotte.

Tatum listened attentively but tried not to show she was listening. "You can't afford to be weak. Down here, weakness is death. Fear is death. Let me see that knife I gave you."

Charlotte slowly pulled the knife from her pocket and gave it to him.

"Now, when you feel afraid, you hold tight to that knife and say "screw you, i'm not afraid." He insisted deeply.

She took the knife back. "Screw you, i'm not afraid." She repeated weakly.

"Try again."

"Screw you, i'm not afraid!" Charlotte repeated again.  This time, her voice was more determined.

Bellamy grew a smile. "Slay your demons, kid. Then you'll be able to sleep."

Charlotte went back to sleep and he crawled his way back to his spot. Bellamy saw that Tatum's eyes were open, and that she'd been listening. He smiled shyly.

"That was really sweet." She spoke, her voice light.

He shrugged. "Octavia used to get nightmares. I was always the one to calm her down."

It was almost pitch black in the cave but even she could make out his features — dark curls, dark eyes, long eyelashes, sharp jawline. She barely knew Bellamy Blake at all. But he loved his sister. He would die for her. Kill for her. Tatum would die for the people she loved. That was something they had in common. "I met Riley a few months after my dad died. I was fourteen,"

At her explanation, Bellamy frowned in the dark. "Tatum, you don't have to talk about it."

"I'm tired of being afraid to tell people. I've been keeping it in for years." She whispered.

He became silent.

"He was older than me. Charming. He always knew exactly what to say. I thought that's what I needed at the time. But I was so young. I didn't know what was gonna happen until it did. And when it did, God, I really wish I had been smarter."

"Did he hurt you?" Asked Bellamy, the same question Charlotte asked.

She nodded to herself. "He had really bad anger issues. I always tried not to set them off. But then he'd accuse me of cheating on him with Jasper or Monty or Finn. Even Murphy." She scoffed a laugh. "The first time he hit me, I was fifteen. I didn't know what to expect. I just kept telling myself not to make him mad again because I loved him. I thought the first time was going to be the last time, I really did, but I was wrong. It escalated to so much worse. I never told anyone."

"Nobody?" Bellamy questioned.

She didn't realize she was crying until she blinked and felt that her cheeks were wet. "He always told me to stop hanging with them but I would die for those boys. They're my family. But he never understood that. He always blamed me for the fights. He'd hit me then apologize. I'd always have to—" the word stuck on her tongue like deadly nightshade. She wanted to spit it out.

Bellamy understood. He was so young when he discovered how his mom knew when the guards would check their room and how she knew to keep Octavia hidden. She did what she had to do to keep them alive. He wish he understood then.

"I was just a kid. He was my boyfriend. How could it be wrong if he was my boyfriend—?"

"I'm really sorry, Tatum." He whispered with a broken voice.

There was only one person she told this to. And that's just because she had no choice. "It kept going until I was, like, sixteen. But then I started getting sick. So I went to Abby Griffin to make sure nothing was wrong." She slipped out another laugh and wiped her wet face. "I didn't know I was pregnant until I visited her."

Bellamy was shocked. "Oh." Was all he could say. It didn't feel real when he heard it. She was only seventeen. Octavia's age. He couldn't imagine either of them having a baby so young.

"I wanted to get an abortion. I was sixteen. I didn't want my first child to be with him. So I made Abby swear not to tell anybody." She whispered, growing scared at the memory. "But the more days that passed, the more I start thinking about him, and I just couldn't do it. I wanted to have him so bad. I wanted to have something of my own." Her hand brushed against her stomach. "The night Riley and I got into a fight, I was going to tell him. But. . ." She swallowed harshly. "God, it was horrible. It's kind of blurry, but—" she remembers everything. "He hit me and. . . let's just say it was really bad. But I lost the baby. I was only ten weeks."

"Is that why you have all those scars?" Bellamy asked, remembering the first time he saw the scars on her arms.

"Yeah. They're always jagged little reminders." She said to herself. "I didn't mean to kill him, Bellamy. I just wanted it to stop—"

"You don't have to explain it to me." He interrupted her. "I'd kill the son of a bitch too."

"I've never told anyone."

"It's not your fault."

"I wanted to die in that cell—"

"You don't have to be scared anymore, Tatum—"

"You can't tell anyone." She whispered, her eyes widening with fear. "You're the only person who knows. I-I can't have people knowing. Please."

"I won't tell a soul." Bellamy whispered back.

When the morning came, Tatum woke up and she didn't feel that weight on her shoulders she always felt. It was always hard for her to breathe. But she finally told her secret. She felt safe enough to let it all out. With Bellamy Blake of all people. She woke Charlotte up while he check outside to see if the fog was gone.

"It's all clear!" Bellamy shouted at them from outside the cave.

Tatum carefully put her jacket back on, groaning at the pain in her back, and she and Charlotte climbed out of the cave. She stood in front of Bellamy, almost shy, and she smiled at him. "I'm sorry if I overshared last night."

"You didn't. I'm glad you told me." He told her. "How do you feel?"

She smiled again. "Light as a feather."

The corner of his mouth curled up. They began searching for Jones and Atom. "Anyone out here? Jones?" Bellamy called out, his voice echoing.

"We're here!"

Jones appeared through the trees and Bellamy sighed in relief. "Lost you in the stew. Where'd you go?"

"Made it to a cave down there. The hell was that?"

"I don't know. Where's Atom?"

"We thought he was with you?" Jones replied.

Him and Tatum glanced at each other. "Alright, split up," he ordered. "He's gotta be here somewhere. Tatum?" He directed to the girl.

"Yeah, i'm coming." She answered and followed him through the woods, looking for the lost boy.  Charlotte's loud scream rippled through the trees. "Charlotte!" Tatum shouted and ran to the direction of her voice. "Charlotte!"

They found her standing by a tree and the young girl rushed Tatum's side, hugging her waist. They looked down at what she was looking at and Tatum gasped in horror. Bellamy appeared behind her. Below them was Atom, only his face was covered in blisters and blood from the fog. "Son of a bitch, Atom." He whispered.

Tatum held Charlotte tightly and they watched him bend down to his level. Atom struggled to get his words out. "K-Ki-Kill me." He choked out in pain.

Bellamy turned around and looked at the remaining party. "You guys go back to camp. Tatum, you and Charlotte go." He ordered.

She shook her head. "No, i'm not leaving you." She declared and looked down at Charlotte. "Charlotte, go back to camp and i'll come find you when I get back."  She instructed.

Charlotte listened to her and sprinted off back to camp with the others. Tatum shuffled her feet over to Bellamy, who was crouched next to Atom with a knife in his hand. His hands began to tremble and she frowned. He wasn't a killer. He's never killed anyone before and Atom was his friend. Tatum rested her hand on his shoulder.

Clarke appeared in the woods and saw Bellamy and Tatum with Atom. "I heard the screams." She quickly said and ran to their sides.

"Charlotte found him," Bellamy started. "We sent her back to camp."

"Please." Atom breathed in agonizing pain. "P-Please Bellamy, I c-c-can't breath."

He gripped the knife in his hand but he couldn't do it. He stared down at Atom with tears in his velvet eyes. Clarke could see his somber expression and shook her head. "Okay, i'm going to help you, alright?" She said to the dying man. She took the knife from Bellamy and got on her knees by his head. She started humming to him to calm him down. Tatum squeezed Bellamy's shoulders and his hand squeezed one of hers.

Clarke slid the knife through Atom's neck and quickly withdrew it. He took one final breath before his body went stiff, and he passed on. The three of them stood there in silence, eyeing him sadly. "Let's go back to camp." Bellamy insisted and stood from the ground, her hand falling from his shoulder.

They walked silently back to camp. It was nightfall by the time they arrived. Clarke and Tatum started walking to the drop ship to check on Jasper. They were immediately met by Octavia. "It's about time, they're gonna kill Jasper. Did you get the medicine?" She frequently asked.

"Yeah, I got it," Clarke stuttered. "Come on. Let's go talk."

But Octavia wanted to know what was going on. She pushed past Clarke and tried making her way toward Bellamy but Tatum stopped her. "Via, hold on a second." She intervened.

"What's going on, Tate?"

Bellamy saw her trying to hold the girl back. "Octavia, just stay there. Please, stay back." He begged his sister.

But the younger Blake ignored his words and arrived forward only to be blocked by him. "Stop!" She almost shouted.

Tatum watched him give up and Octavia broke from his grasp. She watched nervously as the girl lifted the sheet, revealing Atom's lifeless body. "Atom. . ." She said with a broken voice.

"There was nothing I could do—"

Octavia raised her hand, silencing her brother. "Don't." She snapped.

"O, please," Bellamy pleaded.

"Don't!" She looked back at the dead boy and her voice broke into a whisper, "Atom."

Tatum stepped and gently took her by the shoulders. "Come on, Via." She said quietly. Her blue eyes met with Bellamy's and he nodded her way. She sent him a gentle smile and led Octavia to the drop ship. "I'm sorry, Octavia. I'm so sorry."

Bellamy watched her comfort his sister. He turned to Murphy. "Lost anyone here?" He asked.

"No." Murphy answered simply.

"Jasper?"

"Still breathing. Barely." He grunted. "I tried to take him out but your psycho little sister—"

He was cut off by Bellamy shoving him. "My what? My what?" He repeated darkly.

"Your little sister." Murphy backtracked as he gripped the front of his shirt.

"Yeah, that's right. My little sister." Poison dropped from his tongue and he let him go. "Got anything else you want to say about her?" He basically threatened.

Murphy knew better than to cross him so he just shook his head. "Nothing, sorry."  He said timidly.

As Bellamy went to turn around, he heard him mutter to himself, "Jesus, you spend the night with a murderer and see what happens." It lit a fire under him. He turned back around. "What did you say?"

Murphy scoffed. "Really? Her too? Why are you suddenly defending her?"

Bellamy got closer to him. "You don't anything about her—"

"I've known her since I was five. I know that she murdered someone. Her boyfriend, of all people."

He glared at him. "You don't know jack shit about her situation. Don't say anything about my sister and don't say anything about Tatum. Got it?" He snapped again and fire blazed in his eyes.

Murphy clicked his jaw angrily but just sighed. "Yeah, okay. Whatever."

He backed up and motioned to Atom's body. "Get him out of here." He instructed.

From inside the drop ship, Tatum lead Octavia to the second floor where Jasper was. She sat down and put his head on her lap, brushing back his hair. Tatum smiled sadly as she watched. "I'm sorry, Via. Bellamy didn't have a choice."

"Guess we're gonna have to get used to people dying down here, aren't we?" She insisted and looked down at Jasper. "But not you. You hear me? You're not allowed to die." She whispered.

Tatum grabbed his limp hand. "No, he's not."

When Clarke was finished brewing the medicine for Jasper, she titled his head back and poured some into his mouth. Tatum, Monty, Finn, and Octavia sat around the lamp, sharing a drink that Finn found when he got caught in the acid fog. Monty drank some first and coughed as he swallowed it. "Smooth. That's disgusting," he grimaced and handed it to Tatum.

The girl drank it quickly and her face scrunched up in disgust. "Jesus, next time let's not rely on Finn to bring back beverages."

Octavia chuckled and took it from her, taking a swig.  "Disgusting. I love it." She said with a smile.

"Can I, uh. . . get a hit of that?"

They immediately crowded around him. "Jasper?" Tatum gasped. She handed him a cup of water.

Finn held his head up while he drank. "Welcome back,  buddy." He said with a large smile.

"Was that a dream or did I get speared?" The boy asked, still disoriented.

Clarke gasped when she arrived back in the drop ship and saw that he was awake. "You'll have a very impressive scar to prove it." She told him.

"My saviors." Jasper responded with a smile. He turned his head to see Tatum's eyes filling with tears.  "Hey Tater Tot, no crying. You're too pretty to cry."  He said with a weak smile.

"God, you're such as asshole." She breathed out and pressed her lips to his hand.

"I love you too."

"Thank you for not dying," said Clarke. "I don't think we could've taken that today."

"I'll try not to die tomorrow too, if that's cool," he said with another grin and his eyes landed on Octavia. "Oh, hello!"

The group of teens laughed and Octavia smiled genuinely. "You're gonna be just fine."