THIRTY THREE. I'm getting tired even for a phoenix always rising from the ashes

Trigger warnings: lots of mentions of scars and burn scars

Tatum was scared. Probably the most scared she'd ever been. Almost dying was something she was getting used to but her best friend losing his mind was something she couldn't stand to see. Finn was like a rabid animal with his eyes wide and his breathing shaky. She'd never seen him like this. He always listened to her. But everything she was saying kept going over his head. She was scared of what he would do.

She wasn't a grounder. Nowhere near. But she made a promise to Lexa. A vow to not betray her people. If Tatum was one thing, she was loyal. But her friends were alive and in front of her eyes. It was a game of tug of war and she didn't know which side to land on.

Finn and Murphy whispered amongst themselves while she stayed with the grounders. Her sword was still tightly gripped in her hand. She knew what they were thinking. How could she be on their side? They kidnapped her and now she was protecting them. Even wore her hair like them. She's explain it if they would give her a chance but that didn't seem to be happening.

Dominic still kept his eyes on her. "I'm fiya." She whispered in his language. I'm sorry.

"Yu don lie gon yumi?" He asked her, taking in Trigedaslang. Did you lie to us?

Her eyes became sad. "No. Of course not."

"A man with one eye?" Nyko suddenly shouted when he overheard the boys talking.

Finn raised his gun.

"You saw Delano. A snake, a thief." He told them and slowly stood with his hands raised. "He and his men were cast out. You are his revenge."

Tatum blinked and looked between them, not understanding.

"It makes sense, Finn." Murphy told him. "Okay? We need to go. Now." But Finn still kept his gun raised. "Now, Finn, we need to go. Tatum, come on."

"Guys, hold on—"

Just as Finn turned his back, one of the grounder men jumped out of the pit. "No. No, no, no—"

Tatum screamed when Finn shot at him. "Finn, no!" An uproar started. The villagers started screaming. Her heart quickened uncontrollably, her eyes going wide.

"He was just trying to get away!" Nyko shouted.

Murphy grabbed his arm. "Come on."

Artigas made the next attempt to get away. Everything seemed to slow down. Finn fired his gun again and killed him. Dominic rose to his feet and screamed. "NO!"

"Finn!"

Artigas landed on the ground, his eyes open, and blood poured from his mouth. "What did you do?" Tatum screamed at him while all the grounders started going crazy.

"Finn, Tatum, we need to go!" Murphy shouted at them. "We need to go now!"

Tatum looked at Dominic. "Come with me. Please, come with me!" She begged him.

But the boy was scared. He didn't know what to do.

Finn started killing more of them despite Murphy's shouts for him to stop. Tatum dove into Dominic and wrapped her arms around him in a protective manor. She didn't care if he shot her. She didn't want him to hurt him. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She cried to him.

"He don frag op Ai lukot!" He cried back. He killed my friend!

"Tatum, watch out!" She heard Murphy shout to her.

She closed her eyes tightly and prepared for Finn to shoot her. But she kept her arms wrapped tightly around Dominic, shielding him from the bullets. Her hands pressed tightly to his side.

The bullets stopped. The grounders continued to scream but they were faint. Tatum opened her eyes and saw some of them lying dead in the pit. Her jaw dropped. She kept the boy close to her. "Don't look." She whispered shakily. When she looked forward, her whole world stopped. Like the ground below her could split open and she wouldn't notice. She froze. Bellamy, Clarke, and Octavia stood in the tree line just feet away.

Nyko jumped out of the pit and ran to Artigas. He took him in his arms. Octavia came running and she dropped to her knees. "Artigas." She exhaled with a shaky voice.

Tatum released Dominic very slowly, her eyes still on Bellamy. He followed the girls down the hill, his eyes never leaving hers. She pointed a trembling finger in his direction and then she covered her mouth. He couldn't be real. But oh god, he was real. And that's when she unfolded.

When he got close to her, Bellamy crashed into her and their arms wrapped around each other tightly. Tatum cried and it shook her whole body. Her arms tightened around his neck, her fingers going into his hair, feeling the curls she missed so much. Her knees gave out and they fell to the ground together. "Are you real?" She weeped. "Is this real?"

"It's real. I'm here, Star Girl." His voice trembled and he hugged her so tight, he was sure he'd crush her. But he needed to feel her. If he let go, she'd slip away, and the nightmare would be real. Tears fell down his face. "Oh my god."

Tatum let go of his neck and grabbed his face. She stared at him, crying. "Bell." She weeped and kissed him hard on the lips. It was long, breathless, and what both of them had been longing for. Their bodies were close, molding into each other. She held his face in her hands and felt his tears wet her hands. Her lips trembled while they kissed.

In the heat of her hands, Bellamy thought this is the campfire that mocks the sun. This place will warm me. Care for me. The world will come and go in the tide of a day but here in her hands with my future in her palms. Her name wrapped tightly around his ribs. Her kiss set him aflame, his bones rattling and his teeth shaking. I was born for you.

When she pulled away, Tatum continued to cry. "I thought you were dead. I thought I'd never see you again." She put her fingers back in his hair.

He stared into her divine blue eyes, and he was drifting to sea. "I've been looking for you. I never gave up hope." He told her and cupped her face with his own hands.

She pulled him in again, hugging him tight and she put her face into his neck. Bellamy hugged her just as tight and he never wanted to let go. Until he started looking around. He saw bodies lying on the ground, grounds crying and trying to get away, others crouched over their dead loved ones. Then he turned his head and saw Finn holding a gun. Clarke stared at him like she couldn't believe it.

His grip on her loosened and she looked at him, wondering why he let go. Tatum followed his eyes and she was brought back to reality. That Finn just killed a village of people. Dominic was crying over Artigas. Octavia was still on her knees as Nyko held the boy close. Tatum crouched down to him. "It's okay. It's okay." She whispered and put her hands on the boy's shoulders.

Octavia finally looked at her. "Tate." She trembled and the two girls embraced. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know—"

"It's okay. Don't apologize. I'm okay." Tatum interrupted and placed her hand on the back of her head. "I'm just so glad you got away."

"He's gone, Tate." She cried on her shoulder. "Lincoln's gone."

She squeezed her eyes shut and hugged her tightly.

"We have to go." They heard Murphy say. "We have to go, now."

"We can't just leave them like this." Octavia uttered and she pulled out of the hug, her eyes now red with tears.

"If we stay here, we'll be dead next." Bellamy spoke that time.

Clarke was still in shock. Finn couldn't stop looking at her. She was trembling. He finally found her.

Tatum and Octavia looked at each other. Only they knew. Only they knew. "Hey," she said to Dominic and pulled him toward her. She grabbed his face, his teary green eyes looking into hers. "Come with me. Kom op kom Ai en ill kep in Yu klir." She spoke his language. Come with me and I'll keep you safe.

The others watched the interaction. Dominic was frightened. His eyes were wide with fear. He looked at her, and then to Finn, and he looked even more scared. He shook his head. "Nou." No.

Her eyes filled with tears again. She released him and he went back to looking at his dead best friend. Her jaw trembled.

Bellamy put his hand on her shoulder. "We have to go, Tate." He softly said.

Octavia helped pull her up. Tatum looked at Finn and she shook her head with disappointment. To keep from crying again, she turned away and followed Clarke and Bellamy to the way out. She grabbed the blonde and wrapped her arm around her. "Hi, blondie." She shakily said.

Clarke laughed with tears in her eyes. "Hey, Adler. Long time no see."

She laid her head against hers. "I'm sorry." She whispered with a heartbroken cry, knowing how she was feeling in the moment. She felt her nod but she didn't response, because Clarke was still shocked by what she'd just seen.

When they got to Camp Jaha, Tatum was surprised by all the people that were still alive. Everyone from the Ark and then some. And then she found Raven who was walking again. She was filled with so many emotions that she didn't know how to feel in the exact moment. Everyone she loved was alive and they were together again, but that didn't stop her from feeling so guilty.

Bellamy took her to where he was sleeping. When they were alone, they broke down again. "You still don't feel real." She whispered against his neck, her arms wrapped tightly around him.

"I promise I'm real." He whispered back and kissed her cheek with force. He inhaled deeply. "I'm so sorry. I tried to get to you that night but—"

"Hey," she interrupted him and looked him in the eyes. "Don't apologize for that. There's nothing you could have done. I found you. We're together again. That's all that matters."

Bellamy sniffled. "Yeah." He cupped her face again, his hands brushing against her skin. "I love you so much."

"I love you." She pressed her lips to his. She never wanted to stop kissing him. But she needed to shower. She was scared to see what she looked like.

He gave her a pair of clothes. "Are you okay?" He asked barely above a whisper.

"I'm okay." She lied. But she faked a smile for his sake.

When she walked into the bathroom, she saw her reflection in the mirror. Her black hair was still up but it was frizzy and tangled. Her skin was lathered in dirt and grime and dried blood. Cuts on her face that made her unrecognizable to herself. Her eyes remained the same. Bright blue. That's all she recognized.

She pulled the long sleeved shirt she was wearing over her head. She eyed her body. She was covered in so many scars, some old and some new. The small faded scars on her arms from Riley were now almost invisible from the large stitched wounds. They were everywhere. Tatum turned around and she covered her mouth, tears immediately filling her eyes.

Red scaled scars painted her back and it went from her shoulder blade to the middle of her back. The scars from the cougar attack were still visible and the newly stitched scar from Lexa was on display. She cried to herself.

There was a knock at the door. "Tate, I brought you a—" Bellamy paused when he walked in, a towel in his right hand, and he saw her scars on her. Saw her crying to herself while she looked at them. His heart filled with misery. "Tatum—"

She cried again and it was loud. "You don't have to say it. I know." She wrapped her arms around herself.

"Hey." He walked into the bathroom and put the towel on the counter. He stood behind her and put his hands on her shoulder. "Babe—"

"Pretty soon this is all I'll be. A bunch of scars. Reminders. I won't even be a person."

"Don't say that."

She turned around and faced him, tears falling from her eyes. "It's true, Bellamy. I'm ugly, okay? These just prove it."

Bellamy cupped his face as she cried more. "Do you know why I love you? Why I fell in love with you?" He asked her. She hiccuped. "You may be stubborn but you're loyal. You love your friends and you'd do anything to protect them. You didn't even know Octavia and yet you risked your life for her. You never treated her like the girl under the floor. She's just a person to you. You're powerful with your words. You know how to get shit done—"

She laughed through her cries.

He wiped her tears. "—You always know what to say to calm somebody down, even someone like me who's always angry. And you never give up. You love with your whole heart, Tatum, and that's the most beautiful thing about you." He looked at the scars on her body. "These prove how hard you've fought to survive. I love you because through all the hard times, you've never given up. Because no matter how many times the world tries to break you, you come back stronger. You're like a phoenix. Be proud of that, Tatum. I'm proud of you."

Tatum's cries stilled but there was still tears. She stared into his eyes while taking deep breaths. "I love you." She uttered.

He kissed her while holding her face. Her hands pressed sharing his back and pushed him closer to her. It was her favorite place to be, in his arms. Where she felt the safest. With Bellamy, she didn't get hurt. She didn't have to risk dying. And she didn't have to be strong. He let her be vulnerable. With every life she lived, and all those she'd live next, she was his in every life.

"I want a better body. I want better skin." "You look so pretty. Pretty like the wind." Come on, you can't tell me that doesn't fit them perfectly.

Look at my parents: